The way we think about our babies - Dads Vs. Moms

MamaKSquared · May 2016

DH is reading a book called The Expectant Father and it had an interesting statement in it that he shared with me. It said that when moms picture their baby, they picture the newborn baby that they will soon meet and when dads picture their baby, they visualize an older child that they can interact with more - throw balls, etc. I had never really thought of this, but it is true in our case. The morning we found out we were pregnant, DH started talking about our first trip to Disney with baby.

Just curious, does anyone else find this to be true in your relationship?

jamiesc58 · May 2016

My dh is constantly talking about his "little fishing buddy". We have 3 other kids and they all love fishing already but he is excited to add another. I am looking forward to everything but definitely think a lot about baby snuggles as they are the best!

charmedlifex3 · May 2016

I don't think so from DH. He's been really into visualizing where the little guy is at RIGHT NOW developmentally, so I would say he pictures him more as a fetus than either a baby or a child. A personified fetus, but still.

kapowfal · May 2016

Lurking from July as I'm due 7/29...

My DH did the same as yours when he found out we were expecting. Couldn't wait to bring baby to Disney, haha. He's always said he doesn't know what to do until babies can walk, talk, interact more, but I can safely say he's selling himself short. He's had our friends' daughter wrapped around his finger since she was born (she's over a year now); he's been the same with his niece/nephews that are 9 and under. He lets me know how baby is developing, size, weight, etc. He reads, researches, and talks to friends with kids for advice.

I've always imagined a tiny, perfect little human all swaddled up, warm, and snuggly.

texasmama2014 · May 2016

In my experience men just aren't that into newborns. DH was great with DD but nothing compared to how he is now!!

emmeline714 · May 2016

my dh is always talking about going for walks and going to the park with our baby and my step son and make all these unforgettable memories, it puts me at aww moments to hear him. I always picture baby girl in my arms and never letting her go.

bananers · May 2016

texasmama2014 said:

In my experience men just aren't that into newborns. DH was great with DD but nothing compared to how he is now!!

Agree. Especially if you're exclusively breastfeeding, those early days are really all about baby and mom. DH would snuggle DS and loved him more than anything in this world, but it's nothing compared to the bond they have now. They are buds. And DH has shown he has way more patience than me when it comes to toddler antics.

Duffgurl · May 2016

For DH it has always been he is excited but can wait to meet our little bundle of joy. DH has always told me he can't picture it until that moment they are here.

Curls919 · May 2016

I've never actually asked DH haha

but i will say that he loved that book. Get your husband The New Father (the follow up book) as well. DH found it super helpful.

Whitmore1027 · May 2016

I can see that being true! My hubby is excited to teach our son music, and watch star wars together. Haha. Although he has already asked if he can bring our son the football game get together at his friends house this fall every Sunday...haha!!

Whitmore1027 · May 2016

Also, my hubby is afraid he will never get to hold the baby. He thinks me breastfeeding means he won't get a change to hold him. Haha. I told him there would be plenty of opportunities. He also agreed that when he is home, he will always change the diapers since I feed the baby. And has said when he gets home from work he will take care of the baby while I take bubble baths. I know these seem like fantasy hopes on how things will go, but I am proud how excited and into it my hubby is!

MamaKSquared · May 2016

bananers said:
And DH has shown he has way more patience than me when it comes to toddler antics.

YES! I'm almost positive DH will have more patience during the terrible twos and beyond!

beenabee · May 2016

DH always talks about how he can't wait to have our baby here and to hold him in his arms and have him fall asleep on his chest so I think he visualizes our baby right where he's at.

Snaps816 · May 2016

That sounds accurate to me. DH has frequently mentioned things like "having a sidekick," taking the kid fishing, teaching him about football, how much fun he'll have going up to his granddad's place in the summers, etc. And my focus has been primarily on the year ahead -- just keeping the baby alive, cleaned, fed, clothed and happy, while also taking care of my needs and DH. Of course I think about long term things, too, but not nearly as much as how I'm going to care for this baby while he's a baby.

Mrsrundell · May 2016

I never really asked but he says he is excited to wrestle, play ball in the house (hah) and coach his sports teams so I'm guessing he's thinking older kid, not baby. I can't wait to snuggle and stare at my baby all day!

Bookhousegirl · May 2016

I don't know about the way he mentally imagines things, but I wil agree that DH has gotten more and more involved with DS as time has gone on. In the beginning, all he could really do was change diapers, but once DS started interacting a bit, everything changed. Now, he and DS are best buds.

AliKay20 · May 2016

Definitely a difference in train of thought. I'll put a newborn onesie on my belly and say, "I can't wait to hold our tiny precious babyyyyy."

he responds with, "I can't wait to see her in a jazz band! She'll play the bass or drums or both!"

although the other day, he read from Dr. Spock's book the importance of skin to skin contact and how carriers can help rather than having your newborn in a stroller or a bassinet all the time. Aw

JournoGrl23 · May 2016

I think I have the brain of a man, then, because I actually always picture my daughter older. I picture being able to talk to her and play with her, etc. Maybe it's because newborns make me nervous and I'm a FTM so I don't know what it'll be like being with a newborn at all. I've only seen a newborn once and it was only for a couple hours when I was 16. I wonder what my DH thinks though.

tmk0325 · May 2016

I'd have to agree with this. We don't know what we are having but if it's girls SO has mentioned a couple times that they will be badass little
girls who know how to hunt and fish. He hasn't really said anything about them as babies!

ballofmeat · May 2016

Come to think of it, DH said he was looking forward to pretend tea parties and dance classes. For some reason when we were looking at photography options he loved this little girl and dad sitting at a children's table playing tea party. He has been insisting that he gets to do the same thing. I think it's kinda cute.

kristynmac · May 2016

DH once saw a dad on TV that was coaching his sons team and had the baby in a carrier on his chest. After watching that he keeps on talking about taking our boys to games and his "mini me," always being with them. DH has never really been around babies so I think that once he got a visual that he could correlate to then he locked onto it.

allishally13 · May 2016

**TW- loss briefly mentioned**

This is definitely true for my dh. He thought kids don't play until they're around 5 years old (what?!), doesn't realize the baby will be taking over the house with his toys and such, and really hasn't interacted with any children younger than 2 years very often. So he focuses on teaching baseball, taking our future kids to Six Flags, and other older kids things!

But I agree @lgem4 , after our loss last September my dh is much more aware of how exciting the newborn phase will be for us. It's truly made him start to realize he's also excited for the newborn phase and helping out as much as possible when the time comes. I was recently diagnosed with gestational diabetes, and the stress of work combined with handling gd got to me pretty badly this week. But dh reminded me how exciting and amazingly happy we will be when I finally get baby boy placed on my chest for the first time

texasmama2014 · May 2016

@lgem4 YES. so much yes to the "you don't babysit your own kids, you raise them." I just had that conversation with DH like 2 days ago. It bugs me when I have a work function or something on a Saturday that DD isn't at, and people ask "oh who's watching her" or anything to do with my DH "babysitting"... He went halfsies on her, and while many dads don't get too involved in everything, he is an extremely competent father. He feeds her healthy things, plays age appropriate games, reads, and manages to clean a little most days.

I could go into a deeper conversation about nurture and nature and parental tendencies, but I'll just say your DH hit it on the nail. He won't be babysitting, unless he is literally babysitting someone else's kid. He will be parenting.

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