Moms with older children- send DS to kindergarten or a second year of preschool?

Karenin · May 2016

My oldest is 4 and will be 5 in July. I'm really torn about whether to send him to kindergarten or back to preK next year and would love input. Here are the relevant facts:

-He did a 2 morning a week preschool when he was 3, and this year he went into a 5 day a week preK that is part of a preK through 8th grade school. It was 3 half days and 2 full days.

-DS is the youngest in the class. He is very tall for his age, he is very smart (potentially "gifted" according to school and pediatrician but I don't think I would quite put him in that category) BUT socially immature.

-He used to be VERY shy. This year he actually made friends and interacts with the other kids, which he did not do at 3. At 3 he would play mostly alone. now, he still parallel plays a lot, but talks to kids, plays tag and games outside with them, etc. It's a huge improvement. I worry that him not staying with his friends would be very hard for him and I don;t want him to have to start over with new kids.

-I worry that if he stays back he will be bored academically. He reads already, so another year of learning letters and numbers is not going to engage him and I think with his immaturity he will be more likely to act up in class.

-I worry that sending him to kindergarten might be too soon, especially since he is socially immature.

-I'm considering a summer day camp to keep him very social and active in hopes of helping him mature over the summer, but also don't know if that is best or if I should give him the summer to be himself.

ALL advice is appreciated!

tmcutter · May 2016

I am really a lurking but I felt I had to respond. Let him go. he will be find I promise. I am sorry but I don't all the terms but my oldest daughter is 5 and is just finishing a regular Pre-K program. I was decided about sending to public school for Pre-K or leaving her at daycare. She was fine. Your son has made friends so let him go to the next grade with those friends. He is matured socially already and he will continue to do that.

Becky012016 · May 2016

Best case scenario: he thrives in kindergarten next fall. Worst case scenario (which isn't bad at all IMO): he has to retake kindergarten for a second year. If he has friends and is potentially gifted, then by all means let him advance. I would send him to the summer camp mainly because it sounds like fun but also to get the social interaction that may help him mature.

ashleyandjody · May 2016

I'm a FTM but my younger brother was born at the end of August and my parents really wished they would of held him back another year. He was not ready for school, and he ended up hating school because of it. On the other hand, one of my best friends in high school had a birthday late July and she was one of the youngest and she thrived in school. It sounds like your DS is ready academically wise and I think a day camp would be a great idea! It all depends if he's ready academically, socially, and mentally (prepared to be the youngest, maybe smallest boy, etc.).

mrsnc · May 2016

I am an early childhood teacher and based on what you said, I would recommend sending him. It sounds like your concern about kindergarten is his social maturity. From what you say it sounds like his play falls in the developmentally appropriate range. Cooperative games on the playground are the first steps for shy children and he has already made progress, chances are he will continue to progress. Summer activities are never a bad idea either!

Monilee1017 · May 2016

My kids go to one be the best public schools in our state and the school psychologist says never leave a child behind unless you have talked to the school about it. Also our school tests all children to see if they need help or are gifted before school starts so they can assist the kid in whatever way possible. Also schools are more fluid then they were when we were kids. Children are consintantly coming in and out of the class to met their potential. I don't know where you live but I would talk to the school about it.

fishee333 · May 2016

If you haven't already, ask your son's current teacher - she knows your son better than all of us and knows what would be expected of him at school next year. From what you said though, I advise sending him on. I'm a child therapist and have seen how hard it is on kids to stay behind. Sounds like he already has friends in his class and would be happiest moving on with them. You could also find other support for his social development like friend/social groups or counseling.

teachmegs817 · May 2016

mrsnc said:

I am an early childhood teacher and based on what you said, I would recommend sending him. It sounds like your concern about kindergarten is his social maturity. From what you say it sounds like his play falls in the developmentally appropriate range. Cooperative games on the playground are the first steps for shy children and he has already made progress, chances are he will continue to progress. Summer activities are never a bad idea either!

This. If he is academically ready, I'd send him. In regards to the social maturity, if it's something you're still concerned with as he enters Kindergarten, I'd just keep that in the ear of his teacher and let him/her know that it's something you're concerned with and to keep you involved with any issues that may arise.

l4rk · May 2016

My stepson is socially immature though he's a lot older (12.5). He is also quite smart and gets along really well with younger kids but has a hard time with people his age and older. I wasn't around when he was young but I have given this sooo much thought and think he didn't get enough group/team socialization with kids similar in age during those crucial development years. Kids learn from other kids. For that reason, I would not hold your son back from that opportunity, and would also supplement his education with a friendship-based group like Scouts and some sort of ongoing team sport.

JandJ62914 · May 2016

Kindergarten teacher here. I would send him. I've been teaching kindergarten going on five years and in my experience, waiting a year is usually more worthwhile it if the child isn't ready academically. If he is reading I would send him. Kids tend to mature a lot in kindergarten and being able to socialize with his peers will be beneficial. There will likely be some strong peer role models to facilitate his social and emotional growth. In the meantime anything you can do to give him opportunities to interact with kids his age is great!

Hope this helps!

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