IVF and Work: How did you handle?

emgem819 · May 2016

Hi ladies,
I've told my supervisor that I'm going through IVF and so I'll need to take some time off for the ER day procedure and possibly other days if necessary. I haven't told any of my other coworkers. I'm only on day 4 of stims, but already experiencing side effects at work that make it hard to concentrate and function like normal. I don't have a strenuous physical demanding job--I work in a large building with 3 floors and it's an open environment: everyone is in cubbies, no offices. How did you all handle this during IVF treatments? I don't want to tell everyone about IVF but I feel like people can tell I'm not my usual happy self and they might catch on. I'm thinking of asking my Supervisor if I could work from home a few extra days this week (we're already allowed one day/week to work from home) but I'm worried this won't look good for my work ethic since she prefers us to be in the office. Does any one have advice?
Thanks!
-Emily

dragonfaerie · May 2016

@emgem819 That's a tough situation.. it's so hard when you don't want to tell everyone your business. Since your supervisor knows, she would probably be okay with you working from home a bit more. You are still working, so it should not reflect on your work ethic. Otherwise, maybe, if anyone asks, you could just say you've got some family issues that are on your mind, but that everything is okay. It's even kind of true! Best of luck!

Tulips29 · May 2016

I hope your boss is understanding enough and allows you to work from home when needed. As long as you reassure her that you work will still get done, hopefully she will allow it. I haven't told anyone at work, but I have a similar environment as you do. My boss doesn't know anything and I simply told him I have a medical procedure when I had my ER and needed to take that day off. He didn't question it and I assured him I'm fine. I'm also allowed to work from home once a week, so I worked from home the day after my ER. When I came in to work after that, my boss clearly saw I was in a lot of pain and even pointed out that I looked like I'm uncomfortable. I was, and just told him I'm still in pain from my procedure, but I should be fine in a few days. Luckily he didn't push on this further. I am taking the afternoon off for my transfer, so I simply told him I have a doctor's appointment and left it at that. I have had days where I've been feeling super lazy and unproductive, which I tend to blame on all the medication, so unfortunately don't have much advice here. I tend to work a lot at night when I go home, or during the weekends when needed, so as long as my work gets done my boss won't question anything. Hope everything works out for you!

babylonghorn16 · May 2016

Looks like we all have similar situations!

I have been going to a lot of doctor's appointments lately, so I just pulled my supervisor aside and told her that I'd be in and out of some doc appointments in the near future. She was concerned more than anything, but I told her it was nothing life threatening. She did mention, however, that I was one of her "sickest" employees... then kinda corrected herself by saying I go to the doctor the most. Not sure what to think about that comment. Think she might be onto me... or at least thinks I'm already pregnant. But I don't feel comfortable with divulging that kind of information with anyone at work.

I wouldn't worry about how people perceive you for the next month or so. Hopefully your journey will end happily, and you'll be back to yourself, albeit a liiittle different with a baby on the way!!!

emgem819 · May 2016

Thank you @Tulips29 and @dragonfaerie for your thoughtful input into things! @dragonfaerie I like the "Family issues" line, that will likely help, although I'd be worried they'd probe deeper (I'm generally very open about my family life) You're both right...I think I will ask to work from home a few days or at least give my boss the heads up that I might need to if the symptoms continue (not sure if adding meds will make things worse). @Tulips29 my super lazy and unproductive day was definitely today and I do really think it's the meds catching up with me, along with the fact my dh's snoring is keeping me up at night! I can be productive more at home if I'm more comfortable, so I think going with that reasoning is my best bet. Thank you both for taking the time to respond!

emgem819 · May 2016

Thanks @babylonghorn16 glad to hear you're in a similar boat! I've found that I guess it depends on how open we have been in the past. My supervisor was previously not my supervisor and a good friend, so she knew about my struggles with infertility and already knew this might be an option for me. That's funny that she said you were "sickest" of all employees...she probably didn't really mean much by it, I wouldn't take it to mean anything more than probably you have to go to dr. appointments a lot. If she suspects it, that's fine, but you don't have to tell anything you're not comfortable with. She can suspect all she wants! you're right about trying to not worry about what people think about me for the next month or so especially...I'm going to take your advice and just do my best right now and hope for a happy ending when it's all over:)

Monica54321 · May 2016

I'm in a different boat. I've told my boss that I'm undergoing treatment for infertility, but I'm also a boss myself, so I'm facing what/how much to tell my team about my absences. I don't want them to worry that I'm sick and about the stability of my leadership on the team. My department has 10 managers, and in addition to my boss, I've told the other 2 female managers about our IF. They both have young children & one is currently pregnant with her 2nd IVF baby, so they're both very supportive & frequently check in with me to see how I'm doing.

Drove2u · May 2016

I told my boss from the beginning because of all of my doc appts for IUI at first. I did six iuis and would work from home each time I had an appt. I work in NYC every day so it's a two hour commute each way. Going to docs in morning and then trying to catch a train for work just seemed too stressful. Then I did Ivf and had way more doc appts then IUI. So I just took off for ER and transfer and have been doing early morning appts and then catching a train to work each day. So my boss and people at work don't think I'm staying at home all the time. It was a bit stressful but I got my bfp.

Tulips29 · May 2016

@Drove2u I'm in NYC too. Do you mind sharing what clinic you're with? You can send me a message if you'd like as well.

Drove2u · May 2016

@tulips29 send me a Dm. I'm not sure how to start one. Hahaa

lilmissslp · May 2016

@Drove2u I have taken a long break from the board but will be starting IVF this summer so I decided to check in. I remember you from the IUI posts. I'm so happy to hear you got your bfp!

ale9687 · May 2016

@Drove2u I live in NJ but work in the city, I'm halfway to the city by the time my clinic even opens. I luckily work from home every wed and fri so I try and finagle appointments on those two days or weekends.

cricci05 · May 2016

I definitely recommend telling your manager. I was in the same dilemma and was planning on trying to do everything in secret and pray my absences are minimal. I am a RN and work in a busy setting. I decided to tell my manager in case I seemed off and it was a huge weight off my shoulder. She has been so supportive and they have been able to to be so flexible with my schedule and how much I can handle if I feel ill. Luckily, so far I have felt really well. I am on day 5 of stimulation. It's my first IVF so I'm not sure what each day will bring but it's great to know I have support at work.

Sapreenamaree · May 2016

I know exactly what you are going thru. DH and I have been on this journey since May of 2014, and I got a new job in Feb. 2015! At the new office, it's really small and only one co-worker knew that I was undergoing tests at my OBGYN's office for fertility. In January of this year I got OHSS from clomid! and my OBGYN referred me to an RE. The RE diagnosed my hydrosalpinx and put me in for surgery. By April, I was having to come clean to the owners of the agency. It was difficult, because they married late in life, and also had undergone treatment for infertility and were never successful. I expected them to be understanding, and they were, but you also get the vibe that since no one else in the office has children, you shouldn't either. It's very difficult. But, I just let them know this was our decision and we would be going forward with it. Right now, I'm still in recovery from my surgery and once we finish our three unmonitored cycles, if that doesn't work we go straight to IVF. Which I'm worried about having to postpone until 2017 due to not having the time off/available... It's an emotional rollercoaster on so many different levels! Ultimately, you will make the decision(s) and share with who you feel are the right people.

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