STILL not sleeping throughout the night! HELP!

abowman42 · May 2016

7 1/2 months old and LO is still not sleeping throughout the night. We are exclusively breastfeeding and BLW but he will not sleep more than 3-4 hours periods during the night. I've tried sleep training, Ferber method mostly. DH is not a fan of sleep training and continues to let him sleep in our bed, which is okay with me but I want him to sleep in his own crib in his room by himself. He has major separation anxiety and DH is working all day, everyday so LO will not let DH put him down for a nap or bedtime. I need advice. FTM here

Growingapepper · May 2016

FTM here too, my LO is the same age, we also exclusively BF and BLW. Before the 4 month sleep regression she used to sleep through the night sometimes up to 12 hrs straight. After that it's always been a good night if she slept 4 hrs straight. Up until 2 weeks ago I'd nurse her to sleep in our bed, transfer her to the pack n play next to the bed, and then when she would wake in the motn I'd nurse her and myself back to sleep lol never putting her back in the pack n play. Now we are trying to get her to sleep in her crib. Some nights she wants nursed to sleep in her rocking chair, other nights if she's tired enough she'll fall asleep playing in the crib. When she would wake in the motn I'd nurse her back to sleep in the rocking chair and transfer her to the crib and she usually lasts until morning. There were a couple nights where she ended up coming back to bed with us because I didn't feel up to rocking her. But last night was the first night she's slept through the night! It was out of the blue and in not sure if it's here to stay but I think when the time is right it happens. It's really hard waking up and feeding her in the middle of the night every night but really it's not forever. It feels crappy though when everyone else seems to have sleeping down to a science!!!

Growingapepper · May 2016

Also wanted to add, she was waking up more frequently when co sleeping, wether she was in the bed or pack n play. I think being alone in her own room is less disturbing so she sleeps more soundly

Kelliek327 · May 2016

Can you describe your bedtime routine? Does your LO have any sleep crutches or associations (for ex: needs a pacifier, has to be rocked or nursed to sleep, etc.)?

Also, you mentioned you tried Ferber but it didn't work. Just curious if you happened to read the book, and if not, what exactly was the process you followed? I only ask because I had a good friend who did Ferber unsuccessfully without reading the book, but after talking to her, there were several things she was doing that Ferber advised not to do in the book. Once I gave her my copy of the book to read, she attempted it again and it worked for her. Anyway, I know Ferber doesn't work for all babies but I wonder if there may be something that was missed that could help your LO to sleep better?

I've also found that having a consistent schedule during the day and a good bedtime routine helps a lot with LO. I try to be sure he is in bed by the time his sleepy cues (redness or bags around eyes, rubbing eyes, yawning) start. If he is already exhibiting sleepy cues before I have him in bed or almost in bed he gets overtired and it takes longer for him to fall asleep.

ElleMF728 · May 2016

Ferber won't work if you aren't consistent. If DH keeps bringing LO into bed then it makes sense that any sleep training will only be confusing to him. If you want to make a change then you and YH need to get on the same page and stick with a plan. Him bringing LO into bed is essentially sabotaging any progress you may have made.

Agree with PP that we need a little more information. What is LO's schedule? What does bedtime look like in your house? It isn't unusual that a 7 month old would need to eat over night but every 3-4 hours can indicate that something else is going on that is contributing to wakings. Separation anxiety, crawling, teeth can all influence teeth as well which is completely normal.

My advice would be to have a discussion with your husband. Does he participate in MOTN wakes? You've said that he can't do naps or bedtime which makes me think that he doesn't. Honestly, if DH is essentially STTN whether or no LO does every night it isn't surprising that he isn't on board with sleep training (especially Ferber). Where he stands there isn't a problem to being with. That would be my absolute first change. I have a strong dislike when one parent makes a stand on a parenting decision that has little to no affect on them but affects their partner greatly. There is no reason why YH can't participate and do bedtime by himself. I'm sure it will be frustrating but that is kind of the point. His decisions need to start affecting him, not just you.

If he still feels the same then at least he has a full understanding of the situation. If not, then you might end up on the same page regarding LO's sleep. If nothing else, the extra help will allow you to get a little more rest in order to deal with night wakings. If you absolutely can't get on the same page, don't use Ferber. It won't work and will only be frustrating for all of you.

tlc11934 · May 2016

What's more important to you? Training or sleep? DD wasn't staying in her crib through the night and I can't go to work sleep deprived so I gave up and brought her in bed with us. She sleeps through the night in bed. To me, sleep was more important.

missliz53 · May 2016

I think it's really important the your DH learns to put lo down at night and naps when he's home. Even if it's hard on them both at first. It helps take some of the pressure of the separation anxiety off of you, it will help your DH be a more confident dad, and you need some baby free time to recharge. Plus at some point you are going to want to or need to be away from your lo and your lo and DH need to be comfortable with it being just the two of them. I have so many friends whose young children have absolute melt downs every time mom leaves and they are alone with Dad. And Dad has no idea what to do. This is why I am adamant about DH doing his share of baby care when he's home. I'm a SAHM and we ff so when he's home, he does all the feeding/diaper changes/ naps/ bedtimes and he helps with middle of the night wakings on weekends. I go to dance 1 day a week and out to see my horse 1 day a week and I run errands. So even though we are dealing with major separation anxiety, she's fine 30 sec after I'm out of sight because she's with daddy and he knows what to do.

As as for sleep training, you both have to be on board and totally committed or it's not fair to lo. If your DH isn't happy about CIO, check out the no cry sleep solution.

thinkpink101 · May 2016

My LO is 8.5 months and wakes up hungry twice between 8:30pm and 5:30am. No amount of shushing/patting will settle him down, he needs to eat. We BF and he tends to eat smaller more frequent meals. I have a feeling he'll be waking until he's mostly on solids.

19katee2 · May 2016

i'm in the same boat as @thinkpink101 My son slept through the night up until about 4 months and has been like this since. Teething, leaps, growth spurts, major sep anxiety have all been factors.

abowman42 · May 2016

DH and I are both college students and he works almost full time as well so he isn't home very much to help. Whenever he is home and I need a break, he ends up telling me that he needs help and thinks LO doesn't like him. We have a normal bed time routine. Around 7 I'll give him a bath, read a book, and he will sleep in his crib until he wakes up hungry so DH will bring him into our bed for the rest of the night. I've tried talking to him about being more involved in the parenting decisions, but for the most part, he is not physically there. It's okay with me that he sleeps in our bed (sleep is more important to me than training), but he still wakes up several times to eat in MOTN.

wannabeamongoose · May 2016

@19katee2 Same here. We got so spoiled when he was sleeping so early on. Now it's like clockwork with wakings around 12:30 and 3 every single night. At least its not just us - normalizes it a bit.

anamvicc · May 2016

Glad I'm not alone. No kidding I was working so hard and having LO fall asleep on her own and finally we were making progress ; I went out and DS had to handle her that night and ofcourse he never did the bedtime routine because in his words I was there and didn't need to, she ended up in our bed and ever since then it's been hell! Literally!

wilcoxev · May 2016

Glad to hear it's not just us. My LO will have nights that he sleeps through the nights but usually he wakes up several times a night and comes to bed with us. I know he can self soothe and he falls asleep on his own so I'm not sure what his deal is. He will sleep well for a few nights and then there's a change and we are back to square one. Currently he popped 2 bottom teeth and started crawling this week. I would much rather comfort nurse him in the night than give him Tylenol. Some day we will get a full nights rest!

yellow1daisy · May 2016

wilcoxev said:

Glad to hear it's not just us. My LO will have nights that he sleeps through the nights but usually he wakes up several times a night and comes to bed with us. I know he can self soothe and he falls asleep on his own so I'm not sure what his deal is. He will sleep well for a few nights and then there's a change and we are back to square one. Currently he popped 2 bottom teeth and started crawling this week. I would much rather comfort nurse him in the night than give him Tylenol. Some day we will get a full nights rest!

This is my daughter too. Though there's been maybe 2 nights since she was born where she slept 12 hours through otherwise up at least once a night. Usually twice. Sometimes more. She's 9 months now!

Lately it's been harder to get her back into bed too. Wide awake at 2 am last night. Plus she has no teeth at all yet so I really have no idea why the change. I don't bring her into our bed because I'd never be able to sleep with her next to me (I move around a lot in my sleep). So I'm usually up with her however long it takes to get her back into her crib. I comfort nurse and I'm kind of just rolling with it. I know it won't last forever. I try to relax and enjoy it even when I'm tired as can be lol.

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