Sleep vent...

Re: Sleep vent...

• ElleMF728 member

  May 2016

  How old is he? What are you doing at bedtime? What is his schedule (or sort of schedule)? 
  
  I'm so sorry.  This was literally me a month ago, I felt like I was losing my mind.  Worse, I was turning into a crappy mom to both of my kids because I had no energy to play with them or take them places.  I was turning into this impatient person that I hated because I try so hard to be patient, kind and loving with my family.  We started eating less healthy because I stopped wanting to cook or do anything else besides sleep.  Things are completely different now, I'm happy, my kids are happy, my husband is happy and my life no longer revolves around how DS2 is sleeping (or not sleeping rather).  It does get better but sometimes something as simple as a schedule change can make a huge difference.  2,3,4 was a game changer for us and made everything else so much easier. 

  

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• jwebbbber45678 member

  May 2016

  Do you bed share? We were hit hard with the four month sleep regression. He was up every hour or two for two months. At that point I just slept next to him and pulled a boob out so he could suckle himself back to sleep at his leisure. Unfortunately now he has a sleep association that we'll have to fix and he doesn't like sleeping in his crib now, but bed sharing was the only way for me to get any semblance of sleep. I wake up at 5 am to go to work and I'm pretty much on survival mode doing whatever I can to maximize sleep. We just bought the book no cry sleep solution. We're going to give that a try and hopefully get him sleeping through the night in the crib. Just remember this is temporary. One day you'll be having a beer or glass of wine with this amazing human you created and you'll tease them about how they were a terrible sleeper. This is what my parents do to me because I was a horrible sleeper, but I guess I'm getting my come uppings because my baby always was and still is a terrible sleeper as well. 

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• kmcshane0211 member

  May 2016

  @LoveLee85
  
  After reading lots of your posts over the past 8 months, I feel as though we have very similar babies/experiences. 
  
  I I just want to say that I understand how you feel. I'm a SAHM too, although I work very part time outside the home 8-10 hours/week).
  
  I, too, can count on one hand the amount of weeks my daughter has been a "good" sleeper (I've lowered my standard and now define this as only 1-2 wakes a night and napping "normally" during the day for me means multiple naps longer than 45 minutes each.)
  
  I, too, have asked my husband multiple times (very seriously) why we ever had a child.
  
  Some nights I feel deep anger after settling her to sleep for the nth time and it's only 1 AM. I storm back into my room huffing (like a pouty 5 year old!) into bed and ask my husband to rub my head so I can calm down. Some nights I feel like it will never end. I know it will get better but then get bad again. I cannot imagine doing this for another handful of months let alone a year or more. 
  
   I despise hearing from moms who ask for help when their baby suddenly starts waking again after sleeping 10-12 hours straight through the night for months. Sleep regressions for those of us with not so great sleepers are treacherous. A sleep regression for a really good sleeper looks like typical sleep for us. Being woken up ever 1-2 or even 3 hours night after night is nothing shy of torture. 
  
  I have no sleep solution. I really don't think there is one (providing you're swtting your LO up for success with good timing, routines, etc.) We've altered our schedule (2-3-4), Ive read EVERY blog, EVERY book, watch her cues, etc.. Here's what I've come to realize: she sleeps when she wants to sleep. Some weeks Shes great. Then, something happens for her (developmentally, vaccines, teething) and she just can't sleep as well. I've learned to just accept it and then find support for myself. 
  
  Here's what helps:
  
  -venting whenever I need, my husband knows not to try and "fix" but just to listen; we HAVE to let out the anger/sadness/frustration that comes along with severe sleep deprivation-that energy has to go somewhere
  
  -ask your husband to help you fall back asleep if needed, we give and give-let someone take care of you
  
  -hire a sitter. We don't have money for a sitter. But I don't care. We take money out of savings to hire a sitter so I can get a few hours break during the weekdays. It's worth it.
  
  -remind yourself of your values. Why is it that you won't allow your baby to CIO? For me, it would be easier to let her cry until she falls asleep. If gladly pop a pair of headphones in and sleep the night away. But I've decided that isn't what's best for her. I choose to tend to her nighttime needs, even as demanding as she is. (This helps me feel as though I have some control back)
  
  -a doctor's visit: I'm making a visit to the doctor next week. I've become lethargic during the day. I want to be sure I'm doing "okay" (whatever that means when you're severely sleep deprived) and that my thyroid isn't acting up.
  
  All in all, just take care of yourself. And let go of that guilt for your feelings. The frustration is directed at the situation, not your child. You're human. 

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• yellowbean15 member

  May 2016

  Ugh I'm sorry. I'm with you. My son is a good napper but has been a terrible night sleeper since the beginning. He's slept through the night (8hours) exactly twice...the nights after his first 2 vaccines. Otherwise he's been up at least 2 times every night of his life, and those are good night's tat are celebrated around here. I also thought we we're gaining some ground around 5 months, then around 6 months all hell broke loose. He has been up 6-10 times per night every single night for the 6 weeks and this isn't even the worst stretch of sleep we've ever had. 3 months was a legit nightmare. I also feel like he needs to be shush/patted all night long in order to stay asleep. He also suddenly lost the ability to fall asleep on his own (which we are working on again) so I assume this is all seperation anxiety related but I don't know how to get passed it.
  
  I feel like I have tried everything I've read on the Internet and this site and still can't help him. Though I haven't tried the 2-3-4 schedule, thanks @ElleMF728. My house is falling apart, my to do list is 8 miles long, I never have the energy to cook anymore so we have been eating like crap and spending too much money on take out, I haven't been exercising, I'm just floating through our days and I hate it. Honestly, I feel like a bad mom. How come everyone else can figure out how to help their baby sleep at night and I can't do that for DS? He wakes up upset and screaming and is obviously not getting enough sleep. I have put so much time and energy and stress into helping him sleep and I have made absolutely no headway. It's incredibly discouraging. And so is the thought that he will be a crappy sleeper forever. My MIL swears that my DH didn't sleep through the night without getting out of bed at least once until he was 8! wtf?! I can't deal with that. Like, I'm physically not capable. There just has to be a way I can help DS and I haven't figured it out yet. But I don't know what to try. I'm so lost. I've honestly thought about taking him to the doctor to see if there is an underlying medical issue that could be preventing him from sleeping/waking him up constantly but I know it's just something I'm doing wrong that I haven't figured out yet. 
  
  I'm sorry, this turned into a long rant post as well but I just wanted to commiserate. Misery loves company, right? I really feel for and am sorry you're feeling this way. I hope our LO's turn a corner here soon. Sending big hugs your way! 

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• LoveLee85 member

  May 2016

  Yes! Already being out of patience by Noon is such a horrible feeling. I just get really quiet. No singing, no happy smiles, I'm just so drained. Then, that makes me feel horrible. I tried 2,3,4 but when it takes me hours to get him to nap it doesn't work. He only took one crappy nap two days in a row and it's so awful. I also think he's overtired. He has two bottoms teeth. Maybe it's more teeth?! It all started Friday evening for bedtime. Bedtime hasn't ever changed. I follow his sleepy cues then: bath, lotion, bottle snuggles. 
  
  We bed share. He sleeps in a Moses basket between us. He has a crazy nose run for three days now....using so many boogie wipes!!! He isn't pulling at his ears at all but a friend said maybe it's an ear infection? Doesn't seem to be to me. I gave Tylenol around the clock yesterday, every 7 hours, and he did better last night! BUT I don't feel comfortable doing that for long periods of time?! Just a few days. But then what happens after the few days? I'll be putting him down for a nap soon on the 2,3,4...so we shall see how many hours it takes for me to put him down for a nap. **hangs head in defeat**

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• yellowbean15 member

  May 2016

  @kmcshane0211 Yes to the frustration is towards the situation and not LO. Thank you for pointing that out. My husband gets upset when I vent my frustration or anger because he thinks I'm mad at LO. No, I'm exhausted and stressed and feel like I'm failing at the one job I have. My frustration is towards me more the anything! I can't vent about it in my own home even now. 

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• LoveLee85 member

  May 2016

  @kmcshane0211 thank you for all of that. I hate that you are in the same boat, I'm sorry. When my LO was (for those few short amazing weeks) sleeping 12 hours. He only woke up once to eat, then right back to bed with no issues. When he would wake once, I was happy! I skipped over to the kitchen to make his bottle and sang to him, blah blah. I couldn't believe I finally had a baby that slept!! Well, that was very short lived. It's so frustrating when zero sleep is being had.
  Other moms I know just look at me like I'm doing something wrong, which is very frustrating when the routine hasn't changed. Then they get on their high horse explaining their routine in a super smug voice and look on their face. It always crack me up when they suggest 'tips'. For example 'Be sure to burp baby after bottle'.....umm who doesn't do that?! Then I say,  'I have been doing those from day one and none of them have helped'. They are like WHATTTT, and can't believe it. LOL I'm not a moron, people. Ugh. It's just frustrating all around. I think they mean well but it always seems so insulting. Probably because I'm so sleep deprived!!! 

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• kmcshane0211 member

  May 2016

  @LoveLee85 Exactly. I stopped venting to many people because I get a list of patronizing "tips". I had a soapbox moment on the Bump before when I shared my opinio of those smug moms who seem to derive satisfaction from their children's accomplishments (physical milestones, etc.), sleep included. Beyond the obvious healthy habits that we're ALL working to instill most people aren't doing much more than riding the tails of their natural born good sleeper. Sorry, I'm sure I'm sounding negative and catty. It just bugs me!!!
  
  Want to know what gets me through it? I read and hear time and time again that alert babies (some of the poorest sleepers) are usually some of the brightest individuals. I'm going to kee telling myself that. I need SOMETHING to get me through it!

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• ElleMF728 member

  May 2016

  @kmcshane0211 You don't sound catty.  You sound tired lol.  I tend to agree about the natural born sleeper mom thing to be honest.  It doesn't go away, it just changes.  When you have a toddler it will be the same comments, just about how their children eat anything and everything and "have you tried doing this to get your picky toddler to try x,y or z?" The most important thing that I've learned from having DS2 is that my parenting accounts for only a small portion of their personality.  They are who they are and we love them for it.  Sometimes you get lucky with a baby who STTN by 12 weeks, sometimes you end up with an (almost) 3 year old who ends up having little to no interest in peeing in the potty (thanks, DS1!).  
  
  However, there are some people who genuinely want to help because they've been there before.  That doesn't mean they will be able to, it doesn't even mean their advice will be relevant to your situation but they aren't ill-intentioned, though I'm sure you know that.  I think most people, myself included, just feel the need to say something, and telling the mother of a 9 month old who wakes 4+ times a night that "it gets better" tends to make her look at you like you've grown a third head. 
  
  *Stuck in a quote box*
  

  

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• amp61470 member

  May 2016

  I like your soap box . I tend not to comment on sleep threads because I have a natural born sleeper. He has been that way since we brought him home. I couldn't give advice if I wanted to. but I know the Moms you are referring to and there are some I'd love to put duct tape or gorilla glue on their mouths to shut them up. I have the perfect baby, he amuses himself, he is a good eater and an awesome sleeper. However, that's his personality and not because of anything I've done. 

  Missed Miscarriage 3/27 D&C 3/29/2012

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• Kelliek327 member

  May 2016

  I know some of you aren't a fan of CIO but there are several non-CIO sleep training methods out there that might be worth exploring if you haven't already.  There is a great group on Facebook called Respectful Sleep Training/Learning where you can find information and learn about all methods of sleep training and ask questions.  
  
  I was once where you are, and did not want to sleep train but in the end found it to be the right choice for me and my baby.  I felt like it was healthier for all involved to sleep train than to have a baby who never slept and was always getting sick.  My feelings of frustration and desperation were not healthy for me or my family either.  Definitely do what you think is best for your family, but I recommend looking into the non-CIO methods if you haven't already!  
  
  Also, as ElleMF728 mentioned, I've found that a really good schedule and bedtime routine helps.  The goal is to have baby in bed by the time their sleepy cues would typically start.  If they are already doing sleepy cues, they may be overtired by the time you put them down.  Good luck mama, hope things get better for you!

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• FatPony member

  May 2016

  Everybody - EVERYBODY - at some point, questions/regrets their decision to have a baby. We've all been there, so don't beat yourself up about it. 
  
  I don't have any sleep advice. My kid is a good sleeper. But I don't have my head up my ass thinking I'm the best mom in the world bc he sleeps well. It's all him, he's a great baby - I'm just a normal mom. 
  
  I know it's super unhelpful, but I wish you luck figuring out a sleep solution for your LO. Any chance someone else could watch her for a 4 hour stretch so could at least get a rest? 

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• laurapaine2003@yahoo.com member

  May 2016

  You sound so much like I used to it is scary. LO woke every 2-3 hours from birth to 6 1/2 months and often it was every hour. I became a broken person. Seriously, until someone has been sleep deprived that consistently for that long of a period, they won't understand. I work full time and finally had to take EMERGENCY LEAVE from work for 5 weeks because i couldn't do it anymore. Humans cannot function on that little sleep for that long. I resented everyone and was close to being homicidal towards DH. Finally, I said enough is enough, I can't do this anymore, and we sleep trained. Three nights of sleep training and since that time LO sleeps 11-12 straight hours a night. I feel like a human again, I have my life back. Those 6 1/2 months are like a blur now. It seriously fucked me up, it was THAT bad. I had previously refused to do the Ferber Method... Then got so worn down I cracked... And it was the greatest thing I could have ever done. 

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• kmcshane0211 member

  May 2016

  @yellowbean15 I hear you! The thing is--there might not be anything you can do...that any of us can do outside having a good feeding/napping schedule, routine, watching cues, ensuring LO is healthy, etc. 
  
  Sometimes I just surrender!
  
  
  
  

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• ElleMF728 member

  May 2016

  laurapaine2003@yahoo.com said:

  You sound so much like I used to it is scary. LO woke every 2-3 hours from birth to 6 1/2 months and often it was every hour. I became a broken person. Seriously, until someone has been sleep deprived that consistently for that long of a period, they won't understand. I work full time and finally had to take EMERGENCY LEAVE from work for 5 weeks because i couldn't do it anymore. Humans cannot function on that little sleep for that long. I resented everyone and was close to being homicidal towards DH. Finally, I said enough is enough, I can't do this anymore, and we sleep trained. Three nights of sleep training and since that time LO sleeps 11-12 straight hours a night. I feel like a human again, I have my life back. Those 6 1/2 months are like a blur now. It seriously fucked me up, it was THAT bad. I had previously refused to do the Ferber Method... Then got so worn down I cracked... And it was the greatest thing I could have ever done. 
  
  I feel like we are the same person although I'll admit it sounds like LO may have given you an even tougher time.  I remember actually yelling at DS1 to "Go to Sleep" and laying him in his crib after one of his marathon wake up periods overnight.  I sat outside his door crying because he was 8 months old and sleep was only getting worse and more frustrating not less.  
  
  He was supposed to be my good sleeper! He was such a good napper, he was at least decent from the start but where as DS1 started out as a complete sleep nightmare he consistently improved (with the obvious backslides for milestones, sickness and teeth).  DS2 started out okay but I feel like we were just stuck for months with no light at the end of the tunnel.  
  
  We ended up using Ferber this time around and it was a good match for us.  DS2 adjusted easily and without much fuss at all.  I am much more patient MOTN because I know that he is genuinely hungry or something is wrong if he gets upset.  He also falls back asleep after his MOTN feed which wasn't the case before.  It was a step in the right direction for us. 

  

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