Pregnacy pressure and its worth the wait

whitekel83 · May 2016

Hello all,
I wanted to reach out and see if anyone else has been dealing with this sort of snarky comment now that you are pregnant. So, in my family and everywhere around me people always had kids super young and usually unplanned. I am finally pregnant, it was planned because I finally felt I had reached a point where I felt ready. I am not super advanced maternal age, this is my first child and I am getting ready to turn 33. My biological mom has been pressuring me since I was 12 to have a kid, but that's why she is bio-mom and not whom I consider to be my real mom. Since I was 21 everyone has been asking me when I was going to have a child and now that I am finally pregnant, all they can say is I am so happy for you, I almost thought you never were or that you had waited too long. I mean I don't think I am THAT old, I am not in my mid-40's trying to have my first kid (and even if I was... seriously?!?!). I understand people have kids when they are either ready or not, and I am not one to judge anyone on when or IF they decide to have a baby. Some of my friends are "no kids no way" and that is wonderful for them, they know what they want and are doing whats best for them, and its better for them not to have a kid than to think of that kid as a burden. That's just the way I am, but the snarky comments of 'oh, I thought you were waiting too long or not do it.' I feel like screaming that I am not a broodmare, its crazy I know but I wanted to have my education and be in a place that was good for me as well as my baby. My Bio-Mom told me very often and loudly that she didn't want me, but my father made a big deal out of it so she felt like she had to keep me. I NEVER WANTED THAT FOR MY CHILD! I wanted them to know 'you were wanted', and I know some families have an unplanned pregnancy and it turns out to be the best thing that ever happened to them! To which I say, "Rock on! I am glad it worked out well for you!" I just wanted my child's entrance to be when I felt ready. I know most of the "worth the wait" items refer to babies conceived via IVF, but in light of everything that is going on a round me, I want to incorporate into my pregnancy, because to me the wait until I was ready was WORTH IT. It was right for me!

I mean, am I going crazy here?! Thanks for letting me vent!
Kelly

suchaglencoco · May 2016

That sucks, I'm sorry, but get used to it. Most women will get snarky comments all through pregnancy and then throughout parenthood. People think their opinions on things like your uterus matter, and they don't.
This is what you want. This is exactly how you pictured having a baby. If those around you can't celebrate that, screw em and drop em.
I also suggest joining your birth month board to connect with others who are on the same time line as you and may be going through some of the same things.
Good luck. H&H 9.

BecauseBabyIamAPug · May 2016

Welcome to pregnancy and parent hood. Every one will have an opinion. Just learn to smile and walk away.

Also, I got the same crap when I got married. We were engaged for over 2 years and people said I was dragging my feet and would never marry him. They said it was me, not him (ok, that is true). Buy we got married at 23! I wanted to wait since we were so young!

So seriously, just ignore them. It will make your life easier.

leksiL · May 2016

Agree with PP. Sometimes people are successful and their less successful family members or friends will try to take them down a peg. It just makes sense in this day and age to wait to be financially stable before you have children, and to make sure the person that you are having children with is someone you want to stay with forever. 33 is not old at all. I'm 35 and this will be my first baby, I also get some comments, but it's because I told everyone for a long time that kids were not part of the plan. Women these days have kids into their 40s and 50s.

Ignore them. (Whatever you do don't engage with them in a debate as it will just drain you of your energy and be a waste of time).

SnarkasaurusRex · May 2016

I got that a lot. People were expecting us to get pregnant right after DH and I got married. Seriously, everytime I saw anyone in my family there was some sore of "are you pregnant yet?!" comment. When we finally announced I got A LOT of obnoxious "I'm FINALLY going to be a grandparent!!" comments from my mom, both in person and all over social media. Thing is, she didn't know that we were trying to get pregnant for over two years. It sucked. Best thing you can do is ignore it, because, as PPs have said, everyone is going to feel entitled to tell you their opinion now that you're pregnant.

canavara · May 2016

whitekel83 said:

My biological mom has been pressuring me since I was 12 to have a kid, but that's why she is bio-mom and not whom I consider to be my real mom.

I know this might be just be a matter of different cultures and possibly even looking past the point of this message entirely, but putting pressure one someone at age 12 to have a child is insane, especially coming from someone who insists that she didn't want her own child (also a terrible thing to say!). It sounds like you waited until you were at an age where you felt level-headed enough for the responsibility and were ready to take the dive--which is the best situation to be in.

Coming from another person who doesn't really identify with her own mother, so many *hugs*

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