How is everyone doing? Check-in 5/9

rainbowturtles · May 2016

For the new people who joined this board in the last two weeks, we are all so sorry for your losses. This board is proof that you don't have to go through this alone!

I'd like to give us all love and hugs for making it through Mother's Day

We are all mothers

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with?

GTKY: Where is your most favorite place to be? (Doesn't have to be a travel location, can be as simple as in your bed lol)

2fitBees · May 2016

My favorite place to be.... I have two.

- On my patio with all of my plants, hot tea in hand. A sunny day, watching the trees sway in the breeze.

- In my bed, right after waking up, but right before DH wakes up

rainbowturtles · May 2016

As for me, I'm doing okay. DH was great yesterday, for the most part, and overall I think things are going really well and I'm feeling better about having to wait four months to TTC....as in, I'm feeling more like "four months? Okay, I can do that", instead of "FOUR MONTHS??!! OMG NOO I WANT TO START NOWWWWWW" lol Although, I think we all know that can change on a dime lol

GTKY: my favorite place to be I think is by the ocean in Tofino but also spooning with DH while surrounded by our three dogs lol

Spartanrd4 · May 2016

I survived yesterday and today my co worker who has been there for me a lot during my miscarriage had her baby today. Both are happy and healthy. Looking at pictures of her makes me very hopeful that it will be me one day...I have to stay positive. I haven't spoken to my other co-worker yet since she announced and I got upset. Its so awkward between us now and I don't know if it will get better...even if I do get pregnant again I won't ever forget how bad she made me feel.

My favorite place is snuggling on my couch with DH and my cat or laying in my hammock in the backyard.

Sugargirl1019 · May 2016

I had an appt today and decided on a D&C for Wednesday. My OB was so nice, she doesn't work on Wednesdays (scheduling things) but she put me down anyway since it's best for my schedule as a nurse. She's really wonderful. I told her I want to keep my insulin pump on in surgery and she was cool with that.

I told my sister that baby didn't have a heartbeat and was set for Wednesday. She cried and is going to come visit on Thursday and we are going to go paint and drink wine together. (She lives out of town for school so I don't see her too frequently.)

I'm doing better overall. DH got really sad and felt that it all finally sunk in and was texting me that he just wanted to be with me instead of at work.

rainbowturtles · May 2016

@Spartanrd4 and that's totally valid for you to never be okay with how that woman hurt you. I have never forgiven a former best friend who did something similar to me. He and I lamented over previous losses, I basically miscarried at his house (my first mc 10yrs ago), and we even talked about having a child together as friends at one point. Then I had to find out on Facebook that he and his fairly new gf were pregnant. He wasn't even understanding or apologetic when I confronted him in shock. It was awful. And to this day there are certain people I can be happy and excited for and others I'm incredibly jealous or bitter towards. I think it just happens

nmd9168 · May 2016

Mother's Day was rough. MIL did not help with her side comments of "must be nice" every time she asked about my young niece and nephew. My mom suggested therapy for me. Thats also not easy to hear, although I have been considering it. I have a vacation (staycation) coming up starting next Tuesday. It will definitely be so nice to have some relaxation time. I have never done this before, but I think I may go to a spa. I feel like I've earned it.

My favorite place in the world is Comerica park, where the Detroit Tigers play. I feel so relaxed, happy and comfortable any time I'm there. I love keeping score while I'm there

Spartanrd4 · May 2016

@nmd9168....I like seeing the Tigers play too, but lately with the way they have been playing may give me more stress! Going to game this summer in July, maybe they will be playing better by then!

lilylover27 · May 2016

Doing ok over here, Mother's Day was a little rough at first but I had a good cry and DH comforted me and then kept me occupied the rest of the day. He really has been such a rock for me and I can never thank him enough. I have another follow up appt on Thursday since my last one showed retained tissue. I am hoping I get good news this time and that everything passed because last time it was like a knife reopening the wound. I am slightly freaking out about when we should try again, DH thinks we should wait a couple of weeks after we get the all clear, whenever that will be. I am of course a worrier and this whole Zika thing is making me think if we should wait until after summer. We have a wedding in Florida at the end of July and I know the only cases have been traveling from outside the country but I remembered reading that it may come to the southern US by summer which of course we will be in southern Florida. I already plan to talk it over with my OB on Thursday if I get the good news that everything is done, if not then there is no point.

GTKY: My favorite place is either on my front porch on a slightly warm day with a tea/coffee and reading a book or those lazy weekend mornings when DH and I stay in bed for a little and watch tv and he always wakes me up with a fresh cup of coffee

@nmd9168 I am sorry your MIL was not more sensitive. I think people don't understand that while they may be moving on we may not be. I hope your vacation gives you time to relax and you should definitely treat yourself to a spa day.

@sugargirl1019 I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have a good support system which is important during this time. I am wishing you a fast recovery from the procedure and hopefully you can put the physical part behind you soon.

CRJones1978 · May 2016

Hello! Surprisingly this is week 2 of the event. Now it just feels like a light period; however, last night my cramps kept me up all night long. I'm at work on only 2 hours of sleep...and that's not 2 straight hours.

All in all I feel good. I'm ready for my body to get back to "normal" so we can try again. Funny. As much pain as I was in I was convinced I didn't want to do this ever again and here I am chomping at the bit to get it going.

I hope you ladies are doing well. *hugs*

rainbowturtles · May 2016

@CRJones1978 that's the funny thing with pain and I think it's sort of a purposeful evolutionary mechanism. During my last miscarriage I remember thinking I don't ever want to go through this again. But now I'm also just desperately wanting to try again and also, awful as it sounds, trying to also mentally prepare myself that it could very well happen again but telling myself I'm strong and can get through it. You are so strong. We all are. And I'm so sorry you're at work on so little sleep and while going through this

Knottie69717311 · May 2016

I'm doing okay. Mother's Day was rough. My mom was out of town. I didn't see my in-laws. My SIL is due two weeks before I was due. My other SIL is due with her rainbow baby on 6 weeks. My bestfriend just had a baby and my other one is finding out her baby's gender this week. It's just been rough.
However, my bleeding finally stopped since my D&C, which was 3 weeks ago. When I went for my 12 week ultrasound, my baby was measuring at 9 weeks. Few days later I ended up in the ER....blood levels dropped and no heartbeat detected. My first pregnancy.
I wish I was at my favorite place-MYRTLE BEACH!

RiverSong15 · May 2016

I'm doing OK this week. I had my follow up appointment with my OB yesterday, and she's willing to have me jump into most of the testing right away. I was expecting her to stick to the 3-loss threshold, so I was a little surprised she was willing to jump into all this after two losses. I'm pretty sure I at least want to do the basic bloodwork, and I'm leaning toward the HSG to rule out anatomical issues. I'm on the fence about karyotyping, as I've heard it's the most expensive. I think that will depend on cost, and maybe what we find from the other tests. It's just a bit overwhelming. 6 months ago we were excitedly jumping into the TTC process for the first time, and I never thought we'd end up here, being poked and prodded like a pin cushion and reeling from 2 MCs.

My rant for the week are my OBs nurses. They regularly forget to put stuff on my bloodwork. The ONE set of tests I absolutely wanted was DOR. Thank God I checked my lab slips before walking out of the office, because they had left off LH and AMH tests! Just goes to show how important it is to be educated about medical tests and to advocate for yourself. If I hadn't checked, I would have had to wait an extra month to add those, as DOR tests can only be done on CD3.

ETA: my favorite place is cuddled up with DH. It's my only happy place these days. Otherwise, I'd go with Maui. I keep recalling that vacation whenever I'm stressed and need to relax.

rainbowturtles · May 2016

@RiverSong15 so sorry for your losses but glad your docs are willing to test now. The three loss rule is so cruel

And also want to say good for you for advocating for yourself medically! I always encourage people to do this. I have chronic illnesses that are worse due to doctor's missing things and the amount of mistakes I've caught in the past four years of seeing specialist after specialist is insane. Don't be afraid to advocate and question!

Taggarab · May 2016

Mothers Day itself wasn't so hard for me, but for some reason it is hitting me today. I think it might be because yesterday was our anniversary so DH and I watched our wedding video. It was hard to see my grandparents as well as an aunt who have since passed so I think it put everything to the front of my mind. I guess this is just showing me how much more I need to deal with.

My my favorite place to be in on the back of a horse, which I rarely get to do these days, but I feel so at peace when I am riding.

Much love to all you ladies and the many faces loss can take.

Sugargirl1019 · May 2016

I just had my d&c today, which went great. No pain, no heavy drugs either. But I'm totally mourning the fact that I have to wait 6 weeks before DH and I can have sex again.. Like... What..... I can't go 3 days as it is. Boo.

rainbowturtles · May 2016

@Sugargirl1019 glad the d&c went well but sorry about the wait you've been given, that's so hard

nmd9168 · May 2016

@Spartanrd4 They finally got a win last night!

blacknightsky · May 2016

I'm in my brother's wedding this weekend, and I'm really jervous about holding it together. I'm really happy for him so I hope I can remember that while suppressing all the disappointment and heartache I've dealt with in the last 3 weeks. Not to mention, I had to go buy a new dress this past weekend because I've put on so much weight and it's not coming off, so that's really frustrating.

I go for long periods of time when I'm fine, and then all of a sudden I just burst into tears. I'm resigned to the idea that it's just going to be like that for a while. I'm really dreading the next few weeks when other people who are due around my due date start announcing their pregnancies.

GTKY: my favorite place is the beach at dusk, when everyone else has gone home and it's nice and peaceful.

katiegeminimoon · May 2016

I'm doing alright this week. I am overly emotional/bitchy because it's the week before AF. We are TTA until next month and I am not a patient person. I am terrified to try again because this miscarriage was so so hard. I can't imagine I will be able to enjoy much of any future pregnancy because I will be so scared/worried something will happen.

GTKY: Where is your most favorite place to be? Cheesy: Anywhere with DH Non-Cheesy: on or near water. I especially love boating in Tennessee where my dad has an awesome boat and vacation house.

lilylover27 · May 2016

Just wanted to share my update. Went back for my second follow up yesterday, first follow up post MC showed retained tissue, and everything came back good. The pregnancy test came back negative, so HCG levels low, and the cyst I developed from the MC shrunk to 1/3 the size. I was recommended to wait 2 menstrual cycles before TTC again. I am just glad that after almost 7 weeks since my MC I can finally put the physical part behind me. Just wanted to share my update in case any other ladies are waiting in limbo like I was for 5 weeks.

citygirl17 · May 2016

Well I ovulated two weeks after and got my first period exactly one month to the day of my M/C (miscarried 4/5, got my period 5/5). So pretty much the best case scenario (I had this anxiety that my cycle would take a long time to get back on track). Assuming my cycle is completely normal again and follows the same pattern as it did before my M/C, I will actually ovulate exactly on or around my birthday (next week!) Is this a sign to try again now? I'm excited to just move on and try again but I still have a lot of fear and reservations too. It doesn't help that a friend of mine just miscarried too =(. I've waited the recommended one cycle so I'm clear to try again any time now. It's just such an emotional decision.

GTNY: The beach. Cape Cod, Puerto Rico, Hawaii. Where there is an ocean, I'm happy

rainbowturtles · May 2016

@citygirl17 I'm glad your cycle is back to normal, and it is a hard decision that only you and your SO can make

do what feels right

As for me, I'm coming to vent. We've talked about how grief can sneak up on us. DH came home yesterday and told me his little sister is pregnant again

He has three sisters with 12 kids between them and now a 13th on the way and I'm still waiting to have 1. I broke down immediately. DH knew it would be hard for me and was comforting. What's worse is we are visiting his parents and family next weekend and I was already stressed about this trip. Now all I can think about is how I wanted to be pregnant this trip and "should" be and its just going to be so hard

Sugargirl1019 · May 2016

@rainbowturtles Hugs to you. I'm so sorry. Thinking about you as your visit gets closer.

schmoopie1-2 · May 2016

It's been 9 days since I began miscarrying and just when I feel like I'm getting back to normal, the littlest thing will set me off.

I bought a bunch of new baby girl outfits for a friend that I've been avoiding packaging and shipping. Well, now I decided I REALLY didn't want to do it and told DH to get a gift card or something so I wouldn't have to bother...

When I brought the stuff back to the store, I only had the gift receipt. I wanted the $$ put back on my debit but she explained since it was a gift, I had to get store credit. I tried telling her it wasn't a gift, I BOUGHT the gift. Then she says, "How old's the baby?" (which I thought was weird) but I answered, "2 months..." STILL NOT GETTING IT she goes, "Wow, you look great, all out and about after 8 weeks."

I just walked out of there so sad and now the whole day has gone downhill. I hate being like this.

dubcompanion · May 2016

What the heck? She didn't seem like she was really listening to you; that's why she didn't get it. Terrible customer service for being that way. It's one thing if it's a receipt issue that she can't put the purchase back on your card, but if she's not even listening to you.. ugh. So sorry ::hugs::

rainbowturtles · May 2016

@Sugargirl1019 Thanks so much. DH actually canceled the trip due to poor weather so at least I get to avoid that a bit longer. But it means trying to figure out what to do with the kitchen renos. I'm currently stuck in the car in traffic after an ikea visit and DH isn't interested in stopping for food until we get home. I'm nearing the end of my cycle so everything just seems more stressful and emotional and being hungry does NOT help lol

@schmoopie1 what an awful experience, so sorry

How is everyone doing? Check-in 5/9

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