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what if....

FutureMrsBairdFutureMrsBaird member
in Blended Families
I'm pregnant with me and my husband's first baby together. I already have 1 sd and 2 ss that live with us full time but spend (most) eow with their mom about 1.5 hours away. Everyone is really excited about the baby. 

I came from a step family myself, which is why I was wondering this particular problem. My bio dad died when I was 5, but before he died he would come get me and my brother a lot (no schedule though, Mostly weekends). The interesting thing is that he would also bring along my little half sister quite frequently, and he never treated her like anything but a daughter herself - Christmas presents, same food, etc. He never forgot her or left her out even though she was another man's child from her 2nd marriage and he had no obligation.

How would you handle a situation where  your ex offered to take the half sibling (or step) when they took their child somewhere, even just home for the weekend? (Remember everyone's answers my be different depending on situations!)

How about if your child asked if they could go with their half/step sibling to your ex's? 





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Re: what if....

  • EverythingsBetterOutsideEverythingsBetterOutside member
    Haha, no. In theory, it sounds like a nice way of being supportive of the kids and their family and I'd be for it if I trusted the person and we had a good relationship. The reality of who BM is, though, means I wouldn't trust her with my child. Aside from the general safety concerns (BM hasn't consistently used a car/booster seat with SS as long as I've known him- since he was 4 at least, shooting guns is a common activity and there's been no safety instructions and questionable supervision, and she uses corporal punishment including "whoopings" with a belt, according to SS), and disagreements with her parenting choices (I don't think that daily ice cream, soda, and a corn dog equal a healthy meal, nor is leaving a child in the waiting room of a hospital all day while you work appropriate child care), she's also constantly telling SS horrible things to attempt to alienate him from his father. Picking up the pieces after visits with her is trying enough with one child, thankyouverymuch. 
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  • blended10blended10 member
    We take my dh's ex's kids (not ours in any way) all the time. They come with us to events, spend the night, have dinner, etc etc. my son is crazy about them. But she's never offered to take my son anywhere. If she did I'd probably say it was fine bc he loves her boys & she's fine, honestly, just not super thoughtful.  Her dh passed away a few years ago & my hubs took it upon himself to be a father figure to them & I love him for it. My ss & sd are adults now so we don't have scheduled visits or whatever. Ds lives away on his own & dd lives with us f/t.  She just finished college (hoping she moves out soon! Teen girls are tough! Lol!) 
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  • mothernorthmothernorth member
    edited May 2016
    It would REALLY depend on the relationship with the other parent(s). If my exH had a child, I would invite the child along to be with it's sister (my DD). Whether exH would go for it, who knows. It really just depends on your relationship, and your views on parenting. If he were to invite my DS (with current FI) along somewhere when he's older, FI and I would possibly allow it. It's mostly about trust. ExH and I aren't  "friends" by any means, but we coparent well are *usually* very civil and have no issues or hostility. Either way, even of that were the case, it isn't something to take out on ANY child, your own OR your ex's, because your child sees a sibling as just that- their sibling. And siblings are special, no matter which "side" they came from :)
    I know that wasn't entirely relevant to your post, but throwing it in anyway.

    Edit: To add and correct grammatical errors
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  • izza2izza2 member
    FutureMrsBaird said:
    How would you handle a situation where  your ex offered to take the half sibling (or step) when they took their child somewhere, even just home for the weekend? (Remember everyone's answers my be different depending on situations!)

    How about if your child asked if they could go with their half/step sibling to your ex's? 

    It's not my ex, but DH's ex -- but; I would not be comfortable with it. I don't like dropping SS off at his bio-mum's for the weekend as it is. She's irresponsible, she does not put her children (let alone anyone else's) first, and she overall is a poor parent. So, in my case, I would not be comfortable with it. I'm uncomfortable with DSS going there, as it is.

    Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
    PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023

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