Maternity Leave for Women w/o Kids

F47 · May 2016

Have you guys seen this article?

https://nypost.com/2016/04/28/i-want-all-the-perks-of-maternity-leave-without-having-any-kids/

I can try (and fail) to see where this woman is coming from. I have made the occasional snide comment about wishing I had the amount of breaks during the workday as a smoker. But, come on, this lady is misguided (to put it way too nicely). This quote, for instance:

"It seemed that parenthood was the only path that provided a modicum of flexibility. There’s something about saying “I need to go pick up my child” as a reason to leave the office on time that has far more gravitas than, say, “My best friend just got ghosted by her OkCupid date and needs a margarita” — but both sides are valid."

Discuss.

ibabyloveb87 · May 2016

This article annoyed me!!

I used to say the same thing about smoking because every one of my old coworkers smoked and I didn't, but the difference was that they actually were sitting around chatting.

When you're on maternity leave you are recovering from a very intense experience and learning to take care of a brand new life. I've not had maternity leave yet, but it's no picnic.

Also, this woman took a year and a half? Who gets that? At least in America.

F47 · May 2016

Oh, yes, this entire article is misguided. I guess what I meant is I understand her desire for time off, but maternity leave is NOT a time for "self reflection." Come on. Unless you're reflecting on loss of sleep, poop on your clothes, the trials of breastfeeding, etc. Something that she should understand, even without having kids.

And, also, meeting your friend for a margarita is not the same as needing to pick up your child from day care because it's about to close and you get fined $1 per minute. Andplusalso, you don't want your child to be the last one there wondering where Mommy is. Oh, and because said child needs to eat dinner.

kmalls · May 2016

I mean...maternity leave is NOT the same thing as having smoke breaks. Not even close. There is nothing even remotely similar to being on a "break" when you're caring for a newborn. It's not even comparing apples and oranges, it's like apples and freaking machine guns.

The flexibility issue is laughable. Parents leave to pick up their children from daycare because said daycare will start charging an exhorbitant rate the SECOND you are late picking up your child (even beyond the obscene rate they charge to begin with). And you know your company won't be picking up the late fee if you choose to stay at your job just a few minutes longer in the day.

Ugh. I have like 2.5 million other comments to make, but this article makes me sick.

MRSCORKER · May 2016

This author is so, so confused. She has ZERO idea what maternity leave actually is. What she wants is a sabbatical or a vacation, both of which are the exact opposite of maternity leave. If she needs a better work/life balance, then she needs to make that a priority and quit whining. If your job does not allow for that balance and you need it, then you need a new job. Just because, after an 8 hour work day, a parent can say "I need to leave to pick up my kid" doesn't mean a non-parent can't say "I need to leave because I've put in my full-time hours and I have a life". I totally get needing a better work/life balance but having kids does not create that balance, it forces you to find a balance and going on maternity leave is not a time for self-reflection. It's 3 months (if you're lucky, NOT a year and half) of ZERO reflection because you're too busy keeping your brand new human alive and trying to keep yourself alive in the process. This woman needs to grow up and get a clue.

Edited for grammar. I type too fast when I'm pissed.

mrskratt · May 2016

Oh, FFS. This makes me ragey.
Maternity leave is not a vacation. I was actually running back to work when mine was over with DD-- never being able to eat, drinking cold coffee, living on 2 hours of broken sleep and the only "adult" conversations I had was with my dogs. Bringing a new baby into this world flips yours upside down. It's an adjustment period and it isn't easy.

mrskratt · May 2016

"as I watched my friends take their real maternity leaves, I saw that spending three months detached from their desks made them much more sure of themselves. One friend made the decision to leave her corporate career to create her own business; another decided to switch industries. From the outside, it seemed like those few weeks of them shifting their focus to something other than their jobs gave them a whole new lens through which to see their lives."

More than likely, they were making career shifts for the sake of their family. For more flexibility, less hours, maybe even to work from home to take care of their kid. It more than likely wasn't because of "self reflection."

F47 · May 2016

@kmalis To clarify, I wasn't comparing smoke breaks to maternity leave. I was comparing the silly feeling of envy I have felt towards coworkers who take 7 breaks during the day to smoke and have a chat, with the envy she feels of her coworkers taking maternity leave. Ya know, to care for a tiny human they just pushed out of their bodies (or had actual surgery to remove).

Side note: sorry for making people feel ragey with this. I was going to take it to Facebook, but I just had to come somewhere full of people who would share my frustration.

kmalls · May 2016

@F47 yup I get it, I saw your earlier clarification after I had already posted!

kmalls · May 2016

Also, Scary Mommy has a GREAT rebuttal to this article. I'd post a link but I'm mobile and lazy.

k2k2tog · May 2016

I feel like I'm stuck in an echo chamber. I have yet to talk to anyone about this article who doesn't think this woman is confused. So, how did she become so confused and how on earth did she get her book published? Where are the people who would agree with her?

mrskratt · May 2016

@kmalls I had to find it and I died laughing.
https://www.scarymommy.com/meghann-foye-meternity-leave/

MRSCORKER · May 2016

"What did you gals reflect on during the first weeks and months of your child’s life? A few things that came to mind for me were: Exactly how little sleep can I get and still be able to drive a car and remember not to leave the stove on? How much blood can I lose from my vagina and remain alive? How many times can I sob over my pre-pregnancy jeans that might never fit again while staring at my National Geographic-style, milk-leaking, bloody-nippled, gorilla boobs in the mirror without punching said mirror?"

Image: https://cdn1.theodysseyonline.com/files/2015/10/12/635802146803300557564137600_laughing.gif

lindzsers · May 2016

Omg @mrskratt that response made my day.

Pupatella · May 2016

Ugh ugh ugh. Maternity leave is NOT a vacation. And maternity leave isn't about the Mom taking some time off. It's about learning to be a Mom, and caring for her child 24/7.

Maybe what this chick needs is to take a "meternity" leave to volunteer in a day care center for a couple months. After which she can see how at peace she feels with herself and her time away from work.

Although, from the sounds of her article, there is no way I would want her around my child....

gavzillaxo · May 2016

https://yackler.ca/want-maternity-leave-without-kids-ok-heres-go/

I love this article in response.

CaptainPhasma · May 2016

Honestly I think companies should have more generous family leave for all employees. I feel this article just aims to divide people when everyone should be able to schedule at least 6 weeks off paid as needed. My husband's company only grants 2 weeks for family medical leave and mine isn't much better, and plenty of companies offer no paid leave at all.

We're scrambling to combine vacation time, sick days, and calculating how long we can afford to take unpaid time off, meanwhile both our companies have CEOS and executive staff that could retire tomorrow and still afford trust funds for 10 grandkids.

I say let the childless join the fight for more paid time off, the more the merrier! Just don't let your gut reaction about what people "deserve" let you forget how unfair the system already is for new parents.

MRSCORKER · May 2016

@CaptainPhasma I totally agree with you and I think most reactions to this aren't because people feel like she doesn't "deserve" PTO. My negative reaction to this was because, instead of writing an article about what you noted above, she decided to basically call maternity leave a baby vacation and whined about how it wasn't fair that she doesn't get one because she chose not to have kids. Extended PTO, sabbiticals, and paid family leave should absolutely be available, her misguided approach to the argument is what has people feeling ragey.

NoraAurora · May 2016

So...before I had kids, between work and school I was doing 40-80 hour weeks. I kept this pace up for probably almost ten years. I remember empathizing with an article I read about a woman saying that she once fantasized about getting an injury that was serious enough that it was a legit excuse to be off work for like 3-6 months, but not serious enough to actually kill her. I think the example she gave was "getting both legs run over by a car." And I could *totally* feel that.

Around this same time, I had some friends having babies, and becoming SAHMs. I thought that it looked like the most amazing, easy thing in the world. I mean, everyone has babies and there's plenty of dummies out there = how hard could it be?

Then while in school, I took a part time nannying job and discovered that childminding is simultaneously the hardest and most boring job ever (I instinctively knew that it seemed boring to me because it was someone else's kids though, and that mine would be super interesting and amazing...lol).

I think she had to make a sort of outrageous statement (that non-parents deserve "maternity leaves") because it would get some press and help her sell a book. As they say, "any press is good press."

I think the real message she's trying to get out there is actually a woman issue, and therefore important (IMO). We get paid less than men for the same jobs. It's harder for us (often) to get a prestigious position, to get accepted to that good school or program, to get the raise or promotion than it would be if we were men. It's just a fact. So therefore, after years of busting our asses and getting where we want to be, we now have to be slaves to our jobs and work twice as hard to just keep what we've got. Then we become exhausted and fantasize about getting our legs broken for a freaking break.

Agree with @CaptainPhasma that leave needs to improve in the US. There needs to be more options so that people don't burn out and leave. It's far more expensive to vet & train new employees than it is to just treat the ones you've got well.

I also have to agree however that the author is super misguided thinking that her parent friends had some kind of epiphany regarding re-prioritizing their careers during their reflective, spa-like maternity leaves. Obvi they changed jobs to better suit their new family lives.

TLDR: Author making outlandish claim to sell books. Leave is abysmal in the US for everyone, parent and non-parent alike. Anyone who even knows anyone who ever had a child should be smart enough to realize that maternity leave is not a spa day.

mommym234 · May 2016

Just WOW! I agree that it is most likely a publicity hook to sell her book, but what a great way to alienate around half of your audience. I loved the response from scarymom, and the yackler response was fantastic. But I just can't believe the depth of self-absorption this lady has got to have if this is her actual opinion.

queen_frostine · May 2016

I do agree with the part that people without children should not be expected to pick up the slack for those with families. It would be wrong to say "well, you don't have kids, so you can stay later / pick up an extra shift / take on another project." I think one way that we need to work with dealing with better leave situations for family needs is to make sure that the slack can be divided without giving extra work to other people. I feel terrible that I have to get subs to take half of the semester for all of my classes, even though they'll get paid for it. It would have been nice if I could take the whole semester off or if they had someone whose main job was just to sub in for others when needed.

TurtleMomma · May 2016

That article just pissed me off.

strickland8052 · May 2016

I just don't get it when people say stuff like "it isn't fair that non-parents don't get maternity leave." At most jobs, everyone has the same benefits: vacation time, sick leave, personal time, bereavement leave, jury duty leave, and ..... unpaid FMLA. FMLA covers many medical issues, not just birth. If a non-parent were to have surgery, they would get time too. Heck, I think you can even get FMLA for taking care of an elderly parent. Saying your mad about someone getting maternity leave is IMO the same as being mad about someone getting time off because they had a heart attack, had jury duty, or had to go to a funeral. Yes, childbirth is happy and the others are sad, but they are all legit reasons to miss work that EVERYONE is entitled to.

Also, while we at on the topic of legit reasons to miss work, "my friend had a breakup" is not a legit reason for anyone. That doesn't mean non-parents don't have legit reasons: "I had a pipe burst in my home," "I have to take my sick dog to the vet," "my car had a flat tire, so I'm going to be a little late" - all totally acceptable reasons.

Blonde1817 · May 2016

I disagree with basically everything in this article, and I love the scary mommy rebuttal! Everyone else has already commented on my complaints. The one thing that she doesn't really mention that I think she should be more focused on is the concept of (real) work/life balance for everyone. I don't think that anyone should ever feel obligated to work frequent overtime or stay late every night. In my mind, 6pm is freaking late! How is that leaving early?! It is unfair for everyone when the company culture burns people out by expecting them to be at that office a million hours a week. No one is going to function well under those conditions, and it may just make you crazy enough to fantasize about something like maternity leave or getting sick/injured to take time off. Many companies are so stingy with benefits that even though they technically offer great PTO, people are pressured to never use it. There is no reason why we as a culture should just pretend that people don't have lives outside of work, it's ridiculous!

mrszoess · May 2016

I work for cps and I always had to work late via underhanded "well she had to get her kids" comments. once I was told I can do a certain task because I was "childless and free". while I agree that people without children should not pick up slack and children shouldn't be an excuse, I don't agree that maternity leave is a "vacation".

depineta · May 2016

So apparently this is.....happening. https://nypost.com/2016/05/02/pet-owners-deserve-family-leave-too/

MRSCORKER · May 2016

depineta said:

So apparently this is.....happening. https://nypost.com/2016/05/02/pet-owners-deserve-family-leave-too/

Oh for fucks sake.

emmaaa · May 2016

I agree with you PPs.

On another side of what pissed me off so much is the fact that I am not getting a free 8 weeks off. I'm using accrued sick and vacation time to take my maternity leave and get fully paid. A lot of people I know use short term disability leave that they pay for themselves and only get 60% of their pay (pre tax).

So while I got ragey at the sheer fact she thinks maternity leave is the equivalent to a vacation, I was more pissed that she assumed every mother or father that take maternity/paternity leave is doing so for free. I mean technically, I could use my 8 weeks of time that I saved for the past 3 years whenever I wanted. I could have also used that time throughout the years like a lot of my coworkers do but instead I saved it and didn't take long vacations so that I could have a fully paid maternity leave.

ibabyloveb87 · May 2016

@emmaaa I am right there with you on maternity leave time. I have been hoarding my sick and vacation time so I can get 9 weeks. I'm still thinking I will take a couple more under disability to make it to 12 weeks. It sucks, but I haven't been at our company long enough to have a ton of vacation to use.

MRSCORKER · May 2016

@emmaaa Good point! Maternity leave is in no way "free" time off. I too am scarping together all of my PTO plus short term and might even have to take a few weeks of FMLA at no pay plus out of pocket costs to cover our insurance for that time just to get to 12 weeks. If I don't use FMLA, I'll have to go back after 9 weeks which makes me want to cry and it actually pretty good compared to what some mom's get. The whole systems is messed up! I understand the underlying commentary the author was going for but her approach is completely misguided.

kathleenkat · May 2016

I don't even qualify for FMLA, so I may get at most, 8 weeks, if it's "complicated." If I need longer, I don't get job protection. It's unpaid leave, and if I don't return to work, I don't qualify for unemployment.

What the author fails to realize is that maternity leave is no walk in the park, especially in the US where it is unpaid, and short. We are not accruing vacation and sick leave; in fact, we are required to use it all up in many cases. So while we may get a couple stressful weeks off after childbirth, the author gets to accrue more time off overall in the long run, and maybe someday take a 5 month long paid vacation while the rest of us can't, having been disadvantaged by the system.

PrimRoseMama · May 2016

Yeah this lady is ridiculous. She gets vacation time and most likely paid time off. Maternity leave is not a vacation and if anyone thinks it is then they are full of crap.

Mintz1982 · May 2016

We get a year in canada it was just changes to 18 months recently. I took the year with my son went back to work 3 days before his 1st birthday. My daughter I'm still stuck at home because of her issues(social angziety and she is gifted so she does not function in public settings plus she has hearing problem from narrow canels) and I hate it now I don't get maternity leave with this one. So my husband's going to work 2 jobs so I can stay home with this one. The past 3 years were not a joy for me I was in and out of doctors she has had ear surgery twice, has been in occupational therapy, speech therapy, and has a whole team of drs. We questioned asburgers and autism. I have been threw hell and back for so long to work full time and use my degree. This lady thinks mat leave is a cup of tea and what ever else she should spend 3 years worrying about someone everyday.

MRSCORKER · May 2016

Mintz1982 said:

We get a year in canada it was just changes to 18 months recently. I took the year with my son went back to work 3 days before his 1st birthday. My daughter I'm still stuck at home because of her issues(social angziety and she is gifted so she does not function in public settings plus she has hearing problem from narrow canels) and I hate it now I don't get maternity leave with this one. So my husband's going to work 2 jobs so I can stay home with this one. The past 3 years were not a joy for me I was in and out of doctors she has had ear surgery twice, has been in occupational therapy, speech therapy, and has a whole team of drs. We questioned asburgers and autism. I have been threw hell and back for so long to work full time and use my degree. This lady thinks mat leave is a cup of tea and what ever else she should spend 3 years worrying about someone everyday.

So sorry for your struggles but she's a lucky little girl to have a mama like you to make sure she gets the best care and father like your husband who will do whatever it takes! Hugs mama!

Mintz1982 · May 2016

MRSCORKER said:

Mintz1982 said:

We get a year in canada it was just changes to 18 months recently. I took the year with my son went back to work 3 days before his 1st birthday. My daughter I'm still stuck at home because of her issues(social angziety and she is gifted so she does not function in public settings plus she has hearing problem from narrow canels) and I hate it now I don't get maternity leave with this one. So my husband's going to work 2 jobs so I can stay home with this one. The past 3 years were not a joy for me I was in and out of doctors she has had ear surgery twice, has been in occupational therapy, speech therapy, and has a whole team of drs. We questioned asburgers and autism. I have been threw hell and back for so long to work full time and use my degree. This lady thinks mat leave is a cup of tea and what ever else she should spend 3 years worrying about someone everyday.

So sorry for your struggles but she's a lucky little girl to have a mama like you to make sure she gets the best care and father like your husband who will do whatever it takes! Hugs mama!

Thanks we try very hard for all our kids

Want a personalized experience?

Maternity Leave for Women w/o Kids

Re: Maternity Leave for Women w/o Kids

Fell in love: Dec 2005 // Married: Feb 9, 2013

Little Miss Rosalie Harper--Born Jan 9th, 2014

Fell in love: Dec 2005 // Married: Feb 9, 2013

Little Miss Rosalie Harper--Born Jan 9th, 2014

Fell in love: Dec 2005 // Married: Feb 9, 2013

Little Miss Rosalie Harper--Born Jan 9th, 2014

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards