How do you get time in with your SO?

2winterbabies · May 2016

My relationship is suffering.... On the verge of ending everything mainly because of my PPD but one thing I find that makes me unhappy is not spending time with my DH. I have made it to where we both agree that DS goes to bed at 9:00pm and trying to get DD on a schedule... Which luckily we have achieved just not the desired schedule lol.

When he is not working I would try to cuddle with him but I also like to make it where we communicate our wants and needs. Usually DH and I will watch a movie but I'm sick of watching movies all the time. Any other things you ladies do to bond with your SO when you have time and the kids are asleep?

livins · May 2016

It would probably be harder for you with the later bedtime but my DH and I just figured out that if we eat dinner after LO goes to sleep around 7:30-8 we talk more and are getting more quality time in. Or else we have to do a swap at dinner and that's no fun!

carlyhammond · May 2016

I've asked my mom to watch LO one Tuesday a month ( SO and I both are off only on Tuesdays) and that gives SO and I quality time together.
Other than that, it's really hard for SO and I to do anything worth anything. Even sex is close to non-existing.

maureenmce · May 2016

Ugh, I wish I had an answer! My SO has a crazy work schedule (different every day/week) and most nights he's not home until about 9pm, which is when I need to start getting ready for bed, since LO is sleeping until, best case, 4am, worst case 2am, and then kind of cat napping/being up for the day.

So, I am exhausted and I would love to spend more time with SO, but he is also exhausted because he's been taking the 6am - 8am shift, so I can get some more rest.

So far, on amazingly good nights, when he's actually home before I go to bed, we watch an episode of something on Netflix if we're too tired to talk. If we're not too tired to talk, we chat for a bit and snuggle in bed. This happens maaaaaybe once or twice a week! Luckily, he and I are both big texters and text all throughout the day. If we didn't have that, I think I'd feel much further apart from him, but we are at least bonded in text messaging!

It's something, at least, until she sleeps more.

cali1710 · May 2016

My husband gets home from work around 630/7. Two nights a week ve gets home at 830. We have DD in bed at 7 so we have some time to ourselves at night. This usually means he either doesnt see her or he sees her for half an hour before shes down. But when hes off he hangs with her. We also plan date nights/days. We have gone to a hockey game, for dinner, we have a few baseball games and a concert throughout the summer. We are lucky enough to have our parents close by and who love baby sitting. Try to plan a night ever few weeks or once a month if you can. As for sex.. Ya ours is struggling too. By nighttime I'm just soo tired.

nackie · May 2016

I'm so sorry about your PPD.
For us, DS is usually asleep around 8-8:30. We have dessert together and talk about our day while I pump every night.
Sex is still tough since I'm so exhausted all the time, but if DS has a good night, sometimes well try in the morning after I finish with the 4am feeding since by then it's too late for me to go back to sleep before the alarm goes off. Otherwise we just snuggle together during the night.
My parents also will watch the baby occasionally so we can have some alone time which is nice.

2winterbabies · May 2016

It's so nice to hear everyone has their parents around. We don't have either of our parents to help

cali1710 · May 2016

2winterbabies said:

It's so nice to hear everyone has their parents around. We don't have either of our parents to help

I imagine thats tough!! But don't get too frustrated were all in the same boat. I hard to adjust from having so much time together to nothing. It'll get better with time

I used to work with my husband so it was literally going from being together 24/7 to a few hours a day sometimes none. But we just know it wont be like this forever

SBH041815 · May 2016

Usually very late at night. All three kids are in bed by 9 or 9:30 so we hang out for a couple hours...and just miss out on even more sleep...like I need that! But we need to have that time even more so it is what it is for now.
Lately we've also been going places to get out of the house with baby on his day off; even if it is just something small like picking out a hanging flower basket for our porch. It's still fun.
I don't have a lot of advice. We have found that lots of forgiveness is the key for us. He forgives me when I'm cranky and I forgive him when he is. We also both know this is only a short and passing stage while baby is this small and we try to keep that in mind. That's all I've got!
Hang in there OP!!! Hopefully it improves for you!

kaym6 · May 2016

@2winterbabies we live out of state from all family and friends so we don't have anyone to watch our son if we wanted some time together so we've had to get creative! He usually goes to bed by 7 so I second that we sometimes eat dinner after he goes to bed to have time together. We also take walks a lot when it's nice. We do it when little man is sleepy so he sleeps and we can walk and talk!

nackie · May 2016

2winterbabies said:

It's so nice to hear everyone has their parents around. We don't have either of our parents to help

Do you have any friends that might be willing to come give the two of you an hour or two off? If not, walks when the baby is sleepy like kaym6 suggested are a good idea.

tfrangul · May 2016

We don't have any friends or family to help either. We both work full time and he has a stupid shitty schedule and has been working 7 days a week. Every bit of the house work falls on me and so does taking care of the kids. Being in a relationship is hard and having a newborn is hard. But I love this man so I work my ass off to make it work.(I'm not saying you are not trying by any means) I don't care how exhausted I am we have sex every.single. day. Yesterday 3 times. He was off a little earlier than normal so he mowed and me and the kids were outside with him. We just try and do what we can together. We actually split up for a few weeks after I had the baby so I get it. I also suffer from, adhd, bipolar disorder, ppd/ppa and am currently not on any meds so again I feel for you mama. Hang in there and it will all work out!

l4rk · May 2016

We spend time together by running errands together. Especially on the weekends there's a lot to do, and we enjoy doing it all together. We did this even before we had a baby though!

jodiedrich18 · May 2016

We do errands together on the weekend and talk a lot doing this since I feel much more chatty with more energy on the weekends, and little pieces of talking in the evening depending on each of our moods. We each took one day off work together recently to go hiking and relax at home for the day, after I had dropped LO off for daycare for the day. This was a nice treat. I definitely feel a little more distance and we've only had sex twice since I was cleared 2 months ago....this part of our relationship needs attention, but I'm honestly too tired during the week between work and being the main person handling everything for LO. If I have free time at night, I'd rather be catching some sleep especially since LO has been way worse at sleeping these past 2.5 weeks. He will come sit and cuddle with me in bed a couple times a week while I fall asleep and he is nearby and we talk while I'm laying down. It's difficult to find time...small pockets are the best I can hope for, rather than pre-baby days of doing whatever, whenever with an abundance of just couple time.

ashleyandjody · May 2016

DH and I do a lot of our communicating through the day via text. It's nice to get a text message that says how much he misses me and DD and I know he also likes it when I send him pictures of us throughout the day. When he comes home around 5 DD is usually getting ready for a nap, so once she falls asleep that's when we have sex. If we don't have sex in the evening and wait until bed then we are both too tired. We also go on walks and run errands together, and we snuggle and whisper while laying in bed before falling asleep (DD is in her bassinet next to our bed, so we have to be quiet).

Edited for spelling

cyanope · May 2016

Yeah, this is a struggle for us too. It also doesn't help that DH just started the police academy this month, so he comes home every day exhausted and defeated. Getting screamed at and doing PT all day don't help a person stay chipper, that's for sure! We just both know that this is but a short time in our lives and marriage. We're committed to each other, and so we adjust. I pick up his slack, and he picks up mine. We still try to make time for each other. We eat dinner together every night, watch a show (if we're not too exhausted), and cuddle. That's about it. We've been on a couple of dates since LO was born, which also helps us to reconnect.

teachmegs817 · May 2016

Now that DS is almost 5 months old and into a decent routine, DH and I feel comfortable leaving him for 4-5 hours and getting out of the house for a date night. We went once last month and have said we would try and do it at least once a month. Him and I just had a huge heated debate last weekend on spending time with one another and him being around more to help with the baby after work days and a long work week. On top of his 40+ an hour work schedule and mine, he wants to spend 3-4 nights a week at his body shop doing work. Sometimes 2 of those days are on Sat. and Sun. I had to seriously put my foot down about it last week.

We try and have dinner together every night that he is home though. Even if it's just 20 minute before LO gets fussy and needs someone to come play with or entertain him. We also go to bed at the same time every night too. We talk for 10-15 minutes with one another and it's some good cuddling time too.

ChrissyD1203 · May 2016

@2winterbabies our family and friends live out of state too. We both work as well. It's tough. We go for a family walk with baby when he gets home from work for an hour-- I know we both look forward to that. We taking turns eating dinner / holding baby and we run all our errands together (with baby) on the weekend. No real alone time except after baby goes to bed if it's one of the rare nights that I don't have to get back on the computer and work after she's asleep. I think things will get easier as baby gets older (and for us, when she moves into her own room at 5 months).

Ebiejay · May 2016

DS is usually asleep for the night between 6-7pm, so DH and I cook and eat together and either watch Netflix or game together. Before we sleep we always share a crossword puzzle. We text back and forth throughout the day too so we have plenty of communication.

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