Twatwaffle Tuesday

mrsdaddario · May 2016

Starting this for primarily selfish reasons!!
Let's hear 'em!

mrsdaddario · May 2016

My TWT: People who think they know everything. As well as people who tell you to "just relax". A friend of 10+ years told me today to just relax, I "want it too bad". She had a son in October, after decades of being told she'd never be able to have children. Now she's the fucking expert on conceiving. Don't get me wrong, I'm entirely happy for her, but it doesn't make her the end all be all of baby making. People who think they know it all is my biggest pet peeve! She's always been that way but today combined with the just relax, it pissed me off. Doesn't anyone know how fucking science works? Okay, I'll just relax and we'll try naturally! Doesn't matter that I don't ovulate at all on my own right?! I'm bound to totes get KU despite no ovulation! She made me out to seem like manically desperate. Sorry I'm not going to sit on my ass until I'm too old to even be able to do fertility treatments because "it might happen naturally". Fuck off. She has zero room to judge.

SnobunnieMel · May 2016

Disclaimer:**** tw ***and probably going to get flamed for being kinda bitchy about this one

i have to call my best friend a giant TWAT WAFFLE today. so she has been there for me like no bodies business through my 2 losses in the last 2 months, but she just got her BFP last week. First month off bc. Without any tracking or temping or effort. (Effing hate those kinds of people) And now she feels the need to give me the play by play on her morning sickness and every little symptoms. Wake up alarm today was her text at 5am about her puking. I love her but I am not in the place to be that sounding board. Especially since our due dates would have been 4 days apart. Which she keeping pointing out. I am happy she preggo but come on!!!!!!!!

picklesplease · May 2016

@mrsdaddario and @SnobunnieMel - To kind of piggy back off the inconsiderate friend thing...my bestie was due last week with her LO. She texted me a picture of the baby at 5:30pm on FRIDAY. She started having contractions on Monday...went in to the hospital on Wednesday...and had the baby on THURSDAY NIGHT!! WTF?! I understand wanting to keep things between you and your H, but they didn't even tell their families. Then she lectured me on how it's different when you have kids, I wouldn't understand. Ouch. She also insulted me when I went over to meet the baby because her husband tried to get me to sit down before he would let me hold the baby...then got upset with me when I got up because I wanted to rock the baby...and then acted surprised that I would know how to hold a baby. I worked in a daycare for years and helped my SIL with my nephew over the summer because I knew more about taking care of babies than she did. I'm trying to be happy for her, but I can't with her right now. Every time I say anything, she lectures me on how I don't know what I'm talking about because I don't have kids. I mean...are you f*cking kidding me?

Lecool · May 2016

@SnobunnieMel I can't believe your friend would go there with you - knowing about your recent losses. I understand that she's excited and wants to share that with you as her best friend, but she should have some sensitivity.

mylove071407 · May 2016

@mrsdaddario , @SnobunnieMel @DoctorDonna..I don't know how to put into words what I am feeling right now. I get that people get excited when they are expecting but if they are aware that you are actively TTC, you would think that they would be a little more sensitive. I wish I could wrap you guys in hugs.

mrsdaddario · May 2016

@DoctorDonna WTF. I will never be THAT mother ugh!!

picklesplease · May 2016

@mrsdaddario- I keep promising the same thing. I keep asking DH to keep me in check when the time comes!

HurricaneAmelia · May 2016

@DoctorDonna , @SnobunnieMel , ugh. That's just awful. I have a friend that just had a baby the other day and has known we've been trying since last fall. She gives me the play by play too. Dude, I don't give two shits about how your lady bits are healing:/

housewifehobbyist · May 2016

Ugh, I'm sorry ladies. I have a friend that is due the same week I would have been and I had to unfollow her on social media because scrolling through Facebook and seeing that ultrasound was like a gut shot. Which might make me a twat waffle.

Also my boss just lamented "Success is like being pregnant, nobody knows how many times you've been fucked to get here". He doesn't know we're TTC so he probably doesn't understand why I laughed so hard at that.

Justsojazzy · May 2016

@DoctorDonna , @SnobunnieMel , @mrsdaddario , I'm sorry you are all dealing with insensitive comments. I had lunch with a friend last week who has been really distant since she had kids, and she told me that she will have more time for me after I have a baby because then we will be "mom friends". Awesome? I may just have to pass on that.

* Edited because half of my post disappeared

KristoKekerooni · May 2016

My husband for sure is the TW
So my husband and I have two banks accounts that we share. One is for bills, etc. the other is basically just so we can deposit cash since our first account is USAA and there isn't a branch. So I go to buy a friend a baby gift since she delivered today and I tell my husband. He said, "no don't use that account I transferred the money out of it" So I logged in to double check and it's overdrafted! I see that he bought something for $90 after he had transferred. So I ask about it and he tells me it was for my birthday on Thursday. Well it's from proflowers and I'm thinking, surely this idiot didn't order me a $90 bouquet because, sorry, that's stupid. So I log into his email and check and it's one of those stupid bath baskets that have soap and stuff. Seriously, you can buy that for $25 at walmart! And he spent $90! we don't even have a tub!! Just a shower! I had outlined everything I wanted New shoes, a drill for my DIY projects since mine is old, a few books that have come out, a few movies I wanted to see, charms for my Pandora bracelet, etc. He had a huge list so it could still be a surprise! Like, I am so angry that he bought almost a hundred bucks worth of soap. We are trying to save money for IVF/adoption and he spends $100 on soap.

MamaMunn · May 2016

So the hospital I work at plays a little lullaby over the loudspeakers every time a baby is born. It's usually super cute and makes everyone smile. You guys there were 6 babies born during my shift yesterday. Every time they played that stupid song it was like a kick in my empty uterus!

That damn lullaby is my TW today.

whiska · May 2016

@mrsdaddario , @SnobunnieMel ; @DoctorDonna... Okay, I was thisclose to punching my screen after reading these three posts in a row. What is wrong with these women????? (your twatwaffle friends, not you guys!)

Sorry you have to deal with them! ETA It breaks my heart that these were close friends you should be able to trust and who should be able to read you. Just, wut?

My DH is a bit of a TW. I'm having serious post-vacation depression today so I called him to try and talk it out. He was mostly supportive but you know how some douchenozzles try and blame women's anger on pms or hormones? Well, he made a comment about how he wishes it was sunny and not so gray and cloudy because the sadness probably wouldn't be hitting me so hard. He's not exactly wrong, but come on, dude? The sun? The sun is going to make me fertile, get me into med school, and make me stop hating this job???? I wish it was that simple!

leekat14 · May 2016

mrsdaddario said:

My TWT: People who think they know everything. As well as people who tell you to "just relax". A friend of 10+ years told me today to just relax, I "want it too bad". She had a son in October, after decades of being told she'd never be able to have children. Now she's the fucking expert on conceiving. Don't get me wrong, I'm entirely happy for her, but it doesn't make her the end all be all of baby making. People who think they know it all is my biggest pet peeve! She's always been that way but today combined with the just relax, it pissed me off. Doesn't anyone know how fucking science works? Okay, I'll just relax and we'll try naturally! Doesn't matter that I don't ovulate at all on my own right?! I'm bound to totes get KU despite no ovulation! She made me out to seem like manically desperate. Sorry I'm not going to sit on my ass until I'm too old to even be able to do fertility treatments because "it might happen naturally". Fuck off. She has zero room to judge.

Amen sister!

leekat14 · May 2016

Trying out a gif while mobile bumping but I feel like everyone I encounter today is a twat waffle!

housewifehobbyist · May 2016

Oh my, I have a new one. Our Director of Operations, senior to everyone but ownership, just blew up when someone casually asked if he was getting something nice for his wife for mother's day. Now we all know about their sex life and separate bedrooms and that he threatened her with divorce. All I could say was "that sounds very frustrating." Have some self control!

MelissaM090 · May 2016

@mrsdaddario @SnobunnieMel @DoctorDonna

Sorry your friends are TW's. Adding mine along the same lines (but not as bad). My BFF lives far, far away from me, and we have completely different friends and lives. Which makes us great confidantes, because we're not friends with each other's friends and I can tell her anything. She had a long TTC road, then IVF, then a loss, then a successful IVF last August. When she was trying, I did my best to be super supportive, but it was hard, because at that time of my life, DH and I were just barely dating and I knew almost NOTHING about the TTC process. But I listened and I sympathized as best I could through every unsuccessful month and IF treatments and I was so genuinely happy for her when she finally got to have her baby.

Now that I'm in the middle of my TTC-journey... she's supportive.. sort of. I get that having a 8-9 month old baby is busy, and if I have a question for her or give her an update she always responds but I feel like she's kind of... I don't know, skimming over the emotional side of things, which is where I need the support. I just thought she would be an amazing person to have in my corner during this, and I'm disappointed to find out that she's kind of not all that interested. I don't have anyone else in my life I think would understand and that's why I'm so grateful to have found this place.

mylove071407 · May 2016

My TW today is my DH's employer. DH has worked for the same small company for the past 8ish years. There are around 10 employees so DH gets no benefits (no health insurance, 401K, retirement, etc.). However his boss is really flexible. DH travels a lot in the winter due to his job. For the past two years, DH has done the work of 3 people, his boss refusing to hire other people. When his boss does hire people they are freshly out of school with no experience and leave within 6 months for better things. My DH is under appreciated and does not get paid enough to doing 3 jobs at once and be the office "b*tch" because he's been there so long and knows everything...I feel so bad. DH is looking for a new job currently.

kiki75 · May 2016

My TWT: The frigging bus stop brigade in my neighborhood. I always cringe when I realize I left for work at precisely the wrong time. We have one stop for the neighborhood right at the entrance/exit for the neighborhood. The road is wide enough for two cars side by side but just barely. Every time I have to leave when it's bus stop time, there are cars parked all over the place (on nice days, it's not far to walk, and no, this isn't just a stop on their way to work, they're turning around and cruising home and these are totally able people), kids running around in the road and darting out into the road from between cars without even looking up. Isn't the whole point of walking them to the bus stop to keep them safe? One day I only just barely missed hitting a kid who zipped around an SUV that was taller than him and ran into the road just feet in front of me. I only missed him because I drive really slowly through the gauntlet. And his mom just sat there in the car. If that were me, that kid would have heard the thunderclap when I came boiling out to lecture him about looking both ways. Then he would at least have gotten a week of the embarrassment of having to hold my hand from the moment he stepped out of the car until he stepped onto the bus. It's mayhem and they act like they own the entire area and those of us who have to go to work should just...? I actually get glares when I creep through there. There's no other way out of the neighborhood.

@mrsdaddario Wow. That's amazing.
@SnobunnieMel I ain't gonna flame you. While I'm far from the "you have to love every headache, pain, and vomit because you're lucky to be pregnant" crowd, even if you were still in the TTA stage, no one wants to hear a play-by-play of everything about someone else's pregnancy. Especially not at 5 am. That's what her partner is for. I have a friend who is tiptoeing right up to that line and at minimum, it's annoying. As far as pointing out the due dates, that's when she needs to hear the words coming out of her mouth and STFU.
@DoctorDonna It's funny when people complain and blame their friends when their relationships suffer after having kids. I'm sure that that's the case sometimes but for all three of you so far, nope, it's not that friends can't hang with parenthood. It's that they're being jerks. Ugh.

-This does remind me, can we one day have a thread about how to be a good friend a) to friends who are struggling with infertility - regardless of your own family planning status and b) to friends who are also TTC and may be struggling with infertility if/when you do get a BFP? It's hurtful to talk about it too much (and some of it should be pretty obvious) but I would also be hurt if I felt like I was kept out of this major part of a friend's life. Kind of like what @Justsojazzy said but from people who were trying to be kind. I all just want to be sure that I always convey the kindness I feel and not the cliqueishness that might be perceived.

ETA: Yes, I may be getting ahead of myself but I worry.

@KristoB Bless his idiot heart. I must be whacked out hormonal because it made me a little misty that he tried and missed the mark so hard. Is there still time to cancel the order?
@MamaMunn What if you start associating that lullaby with all of the gooey parts of birth and not the baby? Like "Eew. That's another huge mess to clean up!"
@housewifehobbyist hahaha. So awkward!
reaction happy parks and recreation excited parks and rec

reaction happy parks and recreation excited parks and rec

@MelissaM090 I'm really sorry that she was happy to take your emotional support and is not reciprocating it now that you need it.
@mylove071407 I was going to say... all of these people who haven't made that emotional investment are bailing because they know they deserve better. Time for your H to go get what he deserves. FX for the job hunt! Has he stayed in touch with any of the people who left? Maybe they have ideas or, if they do similar things, are at least willing to share the basics of their benefits packages (including pay) so he can get a feel for what less experienced people are getting and negotiate from there.

KristoKekerooni · May 2016

@Kiki75 - Haha, he did try, I'll give him credit for that. He called to cancel and it was too late. They did give him a partial refund though. So there's that.

mylove071407 · May 2016

@Kiki75 He doesn't really talk to anyone that has left recently. Generally speaking the people have gone to a school out of town and they move here because they intern where DH works and get hired. DH did call one place tonight that he has been interested in so it's progress. His job now is very specialized so not a lot of places where live do what he does. It's so frustrating.

cabu14 · May 2016

@Doctordonna I think that is my BIGGEST pet-peeves when people say Oooh you will understand when you have kids. Like fuck I will, I know some things now dammit! Give me a little kid-less credit. omg I am going to stop there before I freak out on your behalf. haha

good luck with your friend

eta
@whiska I Hate post-vaca blues

I get them every time, and once it was serious and I was mopey for like a week! good luck and try to get excited for something coming up! easier said than done of course.

MY TwatWaff is my self and my co-worker. I can't even today with it all. just done. Glad to be home snuggling up with my puppy dog. Also my back.. now I have to pass up a wine tour this Saturday because I'm too hurty. Poop.

katesmama0706 · May 2016

I actually thought I might get through today without a twatwaffle. No luck. My TW is my MIL.
*This is full of triggers*
She knows how long it took us to get pregnant last time (although she was a twat then too, following my MC she actually said to me "oh everyone has one of those" shut up.) but she felt it was appropriate to once again remind me that she has 6 children and "try to get pregnant was never in her vocabulary it just happened on accident every time". Oh, well why don't you just slap me right in the face? How lucky for you, but that isn't how it works for us so you can just shut your face before you start spewing assvice.

I mean seriously. Who does that? Oh, and lucky me I get to go spend Saturday celebrating mother's day with her and all her accidental children.

stardust317 · May 2016

Wow is all I have to say about these insensative twits. Sorry you ladies have to deal with these things.

redheeler · May 2016

@katesmama0706
my MIL said some very similar things about my MC "oh I had one of those, you'll get over it" on the day I was told to expect it -.- a week later my SIL found out she was having a girl, DH rang my MIL on speaker to ask how she felt about it, the reply was "I always thought Ash would do better with girls, she can have the girl and you can have the boy and you can both stop with one"
i was gob smacked, like never mind that I'm still going through a MC and I would've loved a girl I needed to hear that we should stop because you have all the grandkids you want now! Gah, sorry, I thought I was over this lol

My TW today is my own chest, just stop being all hurty! Stupid cold, leave me alone!!

katesmama0706 · May 2016

@PartiallyDomesticated I thought I was over the MC comment too until she said the "I'm so freaking fertile sorrynotsorry you're not" crap. She's a brat. Hope you get better soon!

kiki75 · May 2016

@katesmama0706 'assvice'. I love it! Thanks for giving me a new term. It's almost like you have to make an actual effort to be so insensitive. Jeez.

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