Baby shower?

Little+Tiny · May 2016

so my sister in-law really wants to throw me a baby shower. And I would love for her to, but the thing is she is moving to Germany later this month so she wants to do it within the next few weeks. It should be okay to have one as soon as you know the sex right? I guess I'm just asking if it would be a good idea. This is my first and I have no idea how showers work.
Also as a side question, why do people usually wait so long to have one? Wouldn't it be more uncomfortable to entertain guests and have a party when you're so pregnant?

shamrocandroll · May 2016

Personally, I would not want one this early. I like to plan and research things, and I've barely begun to scratch the surface of what I want/need for the baby. I'd also want more time between telling my friends and family and asking them to buy me things. I'd also really want to get through all of the 1st and 2nd trimester appointments and screenings first.

LindsayLuLu27 · May 2016

So I mean this is definitely early but it sounds like there's special circumstances so it's understandable. Typically showers aren't until later because if something goes wrong, mom doesn't know the sex, moms usually don't know what items they want until later, etc.

i guess i would ask if you are planning on having multiple showers? Like can this one be for his side of the family or just girlfriends or something where it's a "smaller" shower so she can be included and you have a "big" shower later on? It's a lot to research everything you'll need/want if this is your first.

Ultimately do what works for YOU and not other people!

edit: I can't type today

Little+Tiny · May 2016

Well I don't care so much about gifts. I really just wanted a time for family and friends to get together and have fun. If I do it, then I will probably just have guests bring books instead of cards and I have little business cards with my registry on it so I could just leave those out and if people want them they can take them.
I'm really nervous about even having a shower. I have social anxiety so the thought of throwing a whole party makes me very anxious. I feel like no one will come and if they do, they will be miserable and it makes me want to not have one at all.

I guess I'm looking for reassurance since It's something I want to do, but I also don't want to be doing the wrong thing.

DunkinDecaf · May 2016

TW
I wouldn't want a shower before my anatomy scan. The likelihood is that everything is going to be okay, but I have a couple loved ones
who had tragic anatomy scans so that milestone is a huge one for me. Having already had a shower would make a late loss way harder to cope with for me. This is a personal choice though. Your call.

I don't think not knowing the sex yet matters though. Team green folks still get baby showers, after all!

LindsayLuLu27 · May 2016

I totally understand the social anxiety part... I don't do crowds AT ALL!!! Having games will help a ton!

I think having a "pregnancy celebration" could be super fun! If you call it a shower people might feel like they need the registry before the event as its typical to bring gifts to a shower... I don't know this is definitely a non-traditional approach so I say make it what you want it to be!

Also if you have anxiety issues maybe several smaller events would be less stressful for you? Having everyone at one big event can be really stressful if you have anxiety.

I would just seriosuly go with what makes you comfortable but let people know.

rspalding001 · May 2016

I had one relatively early, around 20 weeks last time. I think people generally hold off until later for the fear of a loss but I think given the circumstances you should have yours early so you can celebrate with your SIL before she moves away. There really is no right or wrong when someone else is asking to throw a party for you to celebrate your pregnancy. No matter how the party comes about you are getting to spend time with people that are happy for you and want to share in your joy. Id do it :-)

msu_gal · May 2016

Are you finding out the gender? Why not just have a gender reveal party? Then it's not as much about gifts and more about just celebrating the baby

doraleigh35 · May 2016

My family is throwing me a shower at 19 weeks. I am from New England and DH is from Ontario. We currently live on the other side of North America from our families. I'll be "home" for a month in May through June. Both of our families are insisting on throwing a shower during that time since it will be their only opportunity to see me during my pregnancy. I am not crazy about how early it will be, but I know how much it means to my Mom and DH's Stepmom. He is an only child and this is the first grandbaby for both sides. My PGAL brain has gone crazy with the "what ifs", but I am trying to think about how generous it is of our families to host such a wonderful celebration. It's likely the only shower I will have unless our friends do something out here. I am registering for gender neutral items since we won't be finding out the sex until I get back and I'm okay with that. You have to do what you feel comfortable with.

Oakleypoozles · May 2016

I honestly don't know WHY people have them in the third trimester but I was schooled with my first that it is not proper etiquette to do them early. I'm really not sure why that is but you kinda battle city hall if you move from the norms on that.

g8rmama_16 · May 2016

You could always just do a scaled down Spinkle and ask for books and diapers.

talkthewholetime · May 2016

I would do a gender reveal if that's your timeline!

shevaCC · May 2016

Honestly I think it's fine. Anyone who's close to you likely knows that your SIL is moving away (or you could tell them) so they should understand.

Little+Tiny · May 2016

I will probably do a gender reveal.

but what is a sprinkle?

comealongponds · May 2016

A sprinkle is kind of a pared down shower. Usually it's done for second pregnancies, but could work in your case, especially if you think someone else may throw you a larger shower later. Gifts would be smaller, like an outfit, diapers or books rather than big ticket stuff from a registry.

Bringmemylongswordho · May 2016

Lurker, potential TW?

Generally, people throw showers for women later in pregnancy because the farther along a pregnancy is the more likely the baby is going to live. Viability begins at 23 weeks with a 20% to 35% chance of survival and jumps all the way to 90% around 26 to 27 weeks. Some cultures don't actually celebrate the baby until it is born, as for much of humanitys existence pregnancy was pretty dangerous for both mom and child.

Basically a combination of superstition and the idea that the grieving process for a baby is easier if you don't have a bunch of items would only have for said baby laying about.

muybueno · May 2016

I think, given the circumstances, you could do a party. I agree w calling it something other than a shower though. Also, will she be back around the holidays? If so, could she host a sip n see? (a term I learned on this board, thankyouverymuch)

Little+Tiny · May 2016

@muybueno Honestly have no idea when I will see her next. We were talking about me, my husband and the baby going to Germany next year though.

Also, don't know what a sip n see is.

whitneyf1 · May 2016

@little+tiny I believe a sip n see is when you have people come over after you have the baby to visit, but more like a party with drinks, hence the sip part. I think it's more common in the South but I could be wrong. I live in the Northeast and have never known anyone who has had a sip n see.

TwandaFTG · May 2016

I had a sip-n-see after my son was born for my mom's friends. It was a sweet little get together with food and a few small gifts for baby. And booze for Mama.

I think the gender reveal party is a great idea. It is sucky that your SIL is moving so far away but I am with the herd that baby showers are a later in pregnancy deal. At least until the a/s. Mine last time was at 34 weeks. I would recommend a couple of weeks before that because I was so huge!

whaat · May 2016

I'm so thankful for this thread because now I know what a sip&see is and I just LOVE it.

msu_gal · May 2016

I've never heard of a sip-n-see but I LOVE this idea! Baby showers just aren't for me. But we could do a holiday sip-n-see! That's such a cute idea. And it makes the baby the center of attention instead of my big belly. Love it.

sweetlyuntied · May 2016

S/o sip-n-sees, the biggest downside is that it's usually held in the first few weeks after the baby was born. A friend of my SIL threw one for her second baby and I remember trying to help her get ready while she was literally in tears. She had a rough delivery, was dealing with PPD, and was terrified about a bunch of people wanting to hold her new baby. Seeing how she was, and remembering how I was in my first few weeks post partum, I would likely refuse a sip-n-see if someone offered to throw me one.

But, for some people they seem to be a great alternative to a baby shower. Just presenting the opposite side of the coin.

jarethinafrock · May 2016

Echoing what PPs have said, at the very earliest, I would wait until after the anatomy scan to make sure that everything is ok.

msu_gal · May 2016

@sweetlyuntied I totally see that, I was thinking like 6 weeks out? My mom will be in town by then, she can do all the cooking. And I want to have my Christmas tree up! Cute baby holiday pictures. I'm gonna cry now. These darn excited tears, my coworkers must think I'm cra cra

shevaCC · May 2016

Re: sip & see, I would consider one in Spring/Summer but would be really hesitant to pass my newborn around in the middle of cold/flu season. Especially since people often come anyway even if they're sick.

DunkinDecaf · May 2016

@shevaCCYeah I'd love to do a sip n see this time (since we won't do a baby shower or gender reveal party) but I'm worried about the flu season thing too. Maybe I'll do a late one when he/she is 6 months old or something as a reception after their baptism.

lilwonder · May 2016

I LOVE the idea of a Sip n See. It's my hope that I can offer this to my MIL, so she doesn't want to invite ALL of her friends to my baby shower. Plus, if I'm up for it and baby is healthy etc., it would be great to combine a Sip n See with a Christmas/Holiday party in early/mid-December.

Little+Tiny · May 2016

So excited to see pictures of babies at holiday parties!

mrsjlang · May 2016

I would be hesitant to have a full on baby shower so early. I might be traditional and/or a littler superstitious, but to me it just feels too early. But everyone is different. I think it's awesome your SIL wants to do something before she's so far away, it's really thoughtful. But since the event is honor of you and the LO, you need to be comfortable with it. If you want to stipulate no gifts, or only certain gifts, that seems fine to me. But having a giant extravagant celebration to me would be too much. Think about what you want and tell her.

(TW) it is silly customary to have the party later in the pregnancy like PP has said due to success rates. The further along you are the better odds of having a healthy baby.

shamrocandroll · May 2016

Bringmemylongswordho said:

Lurker, potential TW?

Generally, people throw showers for women later in pregnancy because the farther along a pregnancy is the more likely the baby is going to live. Viability begins at 23 weeks with a 20% to 35% chance of survival and jumps all the way to 90% around 26 to 27 weeks. Some cultures don't actually celebrate the baby until it is born, as for much of humanitys existence pregnancy was pretty dangerous for both mom and child.

Basically a combination of superstition and the idea that the grieving process for a baby is easier if you don't have a bunch of items would only have for said baby laying about.

TW:

@Bringmemylongswordho I'm not sure where those stats came from, but I really do not believe they are accurate, and I just wanted to point that out, because that could really really scare someone to read that. If I'm reading correctly, you are claiming there is still a 65-80% chance of loss at 23 weeks, which is an extraordinarily high figure. Sorry to play the call-out role here, but just throwing our stats like that when you're talking about such serious topics seems like a bad idea to me.

Little+Tiny · May 2016

Yeah my heart kind of dropped when I read those stats

shevaCC · May 2016

shamrocandroll said:

Bringmemylongswordho said:

Lurker, potential TW?

Generally, people throw showers for women later in pregnancy because the farther along a pregnancy is the more likely the baby is going to live. Viability begins at 23 weeks with a 20% to 35% chance of survival and jumps all the way to 90% around 26 to 27 weeks. Some cultures don't actually celebrate the baby until it is born, as for much of humanitys existence pregnancy was pretty dangerous for both mom and child.

Basically a combination of superstition and the idea that the grieving process for a baby is easier if you don't have a bunch of items would only have for said baby laying about.

TW:

@Bringmemylongswordho I'm not sure where those stats came from, but I really do not believe they are accurate, and I just wanted to point that out, because that could really really scare someone to read that. If I'm reading correctly, you are claiming there is still a 65-80% chance of loss at 23 weeks, which is an extraordinarily high figure. Sorry to play the call-out role here, but just throwing our stats like that when you're talking about such serious topics seems like a bad idea to me.

@shamrocandroll and @Little+Tiny, those look like accurate stats for survival of micro-preemies if baby were to have to be born at 23 weeks. That's a very small percentage of babies whose moms go into early labor that can't be stopped, or baby has to come out for some very serious reason.

When talking about viability, 24 weeks is considered the "threshold" where there's a greater than 50% chance of a preemie surviving outside the womb. That's also when doctors will try as many interventions as possible/necessary to give baby the best chance of survival. Prior to that point, if a woman goes into labor and it can't be stopped doctors often are not willing to try aggressive interventions since the chance of a positive outcome (baby surviving) is so low.

jarethinafrock · May 2016

shamrocandroll said:

Bringmemylongswordho said:

Lurker, potential TW?

Generally, people throw showers for women later in pregnancy because the farther along a pregnancy is the more likely the baby is going to live. Viability begins at 23 weeks with a 20% to 35% chance of survival and jumps all the way to 90% around 26 to 27 weeks. Some cultures don't actually celebrate the baby until it is born, as for much of humanitys existence pregnancy was pretty dangerous for both mom and child.

Basically a combination of superstition and the idea that the grieving process for a baby is easier if you don't have a bunch of items would only have for said baby laying about.

TW:

@Bringmemylongswordho I'm not sure where those stats came from, but I really do not believe they are accurate, and I just wanted to point that out, because that could really really scare someone to read that. If I'm reading correctly, you are claiming there is still a 65-80% chance of loss at 23 weeks, which is an extraordinarily high figure. Sorry to play the call-out role here, but just throwing our stats like that when you're talking about such serious topics seems like a bad idea to me.

@shamrocandroll, I think what @Bringmemylongswordho means is that the chances of survival of a baby born at 23 weeks of gestation are much lower that those for a baby born at 27ish weeks.

muybueno · May 2016

jarethinafrock said:

shamrocandroll said:

Bringmemylongswordho said:

Lurker, potential TW?

Generally, people throw showers for women later in pregnancy because the farther along a pregnancy is the more likely the baby is going to live. Viability begins at 23 weeks with a 20% to 35% chance of survival and jumps all the way to 90% around 26 to 27 weeks. Some cultures don't actually celebrate the baby until it is born, as for much of humanitys existence pregnancy was pretty dangerous for both mom and child.

Basically a combination of superstition and the idea that the grieving process for a baby is easier if you don't have a bunch of items would only have for said baby laying about.

TW:

@Bringmemylongswordho I'm not sure where those stats came from, but I really do not believe they are accurate, and I just wanted to point that out, because that could really really scare someone to read that. If I'm reading correctly, you are claiming there is still a 65-80% chance of loss at 23 weeks, which is an extraordinarily high figure. Sorry to play the call-out role here, but just throwing our stats like that when you're talking about such serious topics seems like a bad idea to me.

@shamrocandroll, I think what @Bringmemylongswordho means is that the chances of survival of a baby born at 23 weeks of gestation are much lower that those for a baby born at 27ish weeks.

Echoing this. Those are the stats for babies BORN at 23 weeks, 26 weeks, etc. Those are not the chances of the baby surviving in the womb at those week markers.

Bringmemylongswordho · May 2016

muybueno said:

jarethinafrock said:

shamrocandroll said:

Bringmemylongswordho said:

Lurker, potential TW?

Generally, people throw showers for women later in pregnancy because the farther along a pregnancy is the more likely the baby is going to live. Viability begins at 23 weeks with a 20% to 35% chance of survival and jumps all the way to 90% around 26 to 27 weeks. Some cultures don't actually celebrate the baby until it is born, as for much of humanitys existence pregnancy was pretty dangerous for both mom and child.

Basically a combination of superstition and the idea that the grieving process for a baby is easier if you don't have a bunch of items would only have for said baby laying about.

TW:

@Bringmemylongswordho I'm not sure where those stats came from, but I really do not believe they are accurate, and I just wanted to point that out, because that could really really scare someone to read that. If I'm reading correctly, you are claiming there is still a 65-80% chance of loss at 23 weeks, which is an extraordinarily high figure. Sorry to play the call-out role here, but just throwing our stats like that when you're talking about such serious topics seems like a bad idea to me.

@shamrocandroll, I think what @Bringmemylongswordho means is that the chances of survival of a baby born at 23 weeks of gestation are much lower that those for a baby born at 27ish weeks.

Echoing this. Those are the stats for babies BORN at 23 weeks, 26 weeks, etc. Those are not the chances of the baby surviving in the womb at those week markers.

This.

Apologies that there was confusion in the stats I posted.

shamrocandroll · May 2016

That makes much more sense! Thank you for clarifying! At my 12 week u/s, my OB was already referring to my pregnancy as "viable" so I saw those stats thrown out there and I was just like "Wait, what!?" Please be careful about clarity when referring to that kind of data!

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