Standing up to Doctor

felicity5156 · May 2016

Hi everyone!

I'm a long time reader, first time poster. I just wanted some tips/weigh in on standing up to my fertility doctor. A little background, I was diagnosed with PCOS at 18 when my mom brought me to the doctor to inquire on why my periods haven't started. I was fully developed every other way except for my cycle. I haved had the ups and downs of regulating my cycle since then, the weight issues, hirsutism, acne, etc.

Fast forward to 2014, my family doctor had the background and since I had been charting since Feb 2014 with no ovulation we were referred to the fertility clinic by summer of 2014. I went through all the tests and once again confirmed PCOS is causing my infertility. The doctor reccommended lifestyle changes for me to lose weight, and stop smoking and see if it helps. Now I've been up and down my entire adult life and I knew even losing 10% would most likely not do anything, but I told her I would. Now in my late 20's losing weight is not easy. I did end up losing almost 10% and was excited to tell the fertility doctor. She came back with, well we won't be doing treatment until I lose more. I was angry, but I tried and also kicked the butts! Weight didn't budge that time so our next visit I told her we want the meds please. She reluctantly gave them to us and I am currently on 7DPO crossing my fingers for a positive.

We have a follow up on the 5th and I was just informed on my last U/S and B/W appt that the doctor has our file marked as "Non-active treatment" I asked what that means and they wouldn't elaborate. They're being really funny with our file.

On our appt on the 5th I need to stand up to her. I feel she is shaming me for not being in a proper weight, all the while my friend with the EXACT SAME diagnosis, amount of weight, and issues was able to be put through treatment and has two beautiful children. She did have a different doctor though. I wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this and how they dealt with it? Can I demand a new doctor? Or is she in her rights to deny me a family?? I am so discouraged by her!

Thanks all!

MMD1986 · May 2016

Is there another doctor in your area you could try?

felicity5156 · May 2016

I'd have to see. There is only one fertility clinic in my city so there are others in the office my current Doctor is at so I am not sure if it's "allowed" since they are all in the same office..

LizzieJ13 · May 2016

That is a tough situation, @felicity5156. I also have PCOS and have been advised to lose weight (and I would like to lose 30lbs); however, I haven't lost any and it has not impacted my treatment plan. Since you have an appointment on the 5th, could you calmly lay out your concerns, putting them in writing so you don't forget or get flustered, and then go from there? It may become clear after an honest conversation that you need to switch doctors, or it may be that something is getting lost in translation between you and the doctor.

My doctor also recommended a nutritionist for me. Just a thought, I wonder if your doctor might consider treating you further/more aggressively if you're also seeing a nutritionist?

BTW, congrats on being in the 2WW, I hope it works out for you this cycle!

felicity5156 · May 2016

Writing it down is a good idea! I will do that for sure. She never recommended a nutritionist or gave any tips guidance. I have literally been a Google Monster this entire time trying to figure this all out! She mentioned maybe starting metformin if my blood sugar was an issue, but then retracted the option and won't do testing as of our last face to face with her.

I will draft up what I want to say and see how is works out.

Monica54321 · May 2016

I was in the same boat - PCOS with documented difficulty losing weight under doctors supervision. Both my OB & my PCP told me they were unwilling to prescribe any medicine to increase my fertility because of my weight. Through my own research, I discovered that one of the criteria for being treated at the only fertility clinic on this side of the state, was that you had to have a 'normal' weight. That's what lead me to bariatric surgery... and although my weight is 'normal' now and I have regular cycles, we've been diagnosed with "unexplained infertility" and are still have not conceived. I don't have any advice for you, but I can tell you, having been on both sides of the weight fence now, doctors definitely treat you differently when you're overweight.

Sweets2005 · May 2016

This is the way I see it, SHE works for YOU. If you don't like her, stop paying her! Tell her that if she isn't willing to move forward now, that you need to know because you need to find a doctor that can work with you. The biggest advice I have is to take someone with you. Tell your DH that if he sees you floundering, that he can step up and say it for you. I know it's hard, I'm the same way. I completely clam up but it is so much easier if DH knows ahead of time what I want to convey and he has no problem standing up to anyone. He also helps me out with pushy sales people lol. Good luck and stay strong!

BrightenMySky · May 2016

felicity5156 said:

I'd have to see. There is only one fertility clinic in my city so there are others in the office my current Doctor is at so I am not sure if it's "allowed" since they are all in the same office..

I would make an appointment with one of the other doctors in the practice and see what you think. Just call the receptionist and make a new appointment, you don't owe anyone an explanation aside from "I'd like to meet this other doctor." Can you ask around to see if you can get a specific recommendation? And then if you like the new doctor better, switch all your appointments to her/him. I would not burn any bridges with your current doctor, just because if it's like my practice, they may fill in for each other to cover vacations, weekends, holidays, etc., and I think it would add unnecessary stress for you if you felt you weren't on at least ok terms. Just say you are looking to find someone you click with better and leave it at that if asked about the switch.

I am sorry you are not getting the care you deserve right now and hope things get better. I think the suggestion to see a nutritionist is good--maybe you can find someone who has professional interest/expertise in PCOS. An RE may not be particularly knowledgeable about diet and weight loss, and how frustrating to be given this sort of half-advice like it sounds like you have been getting from your current doc. GL!

mtpbadger · May 2016

I agree with @sweets2005 that your doctor works for YOU! My DH usually is the one who has to handle any confrontation and did so when I wasn't happy with my assigned nurse at my clinic as she was only making me more stressed out. I also agree that maybe having a meeting with your Dr to discuss what you expect out of your treatment and get some specific answers as to why they refuse to move forward. If you can't come to an agreement just say that you would like another opinion - that is your RIGHT. Good luck!

wifeinraleigh28 · May 2016

It seems like some doctors care about weight and others will treat you regardless. So just because your current doctor is giving you a hard time doesn't mean that another doctor will. The other posters here had some pretty good advice. I hope you can find another doctor who will treat you!

roxgibbons · May 2016

I am so sorry! As if going through infertility isn't hard enough. I think it makes sense to encourage patients to be healthy but everyone has different body types and diagnoses. But to flat out refuse to treat is just crazy especially for PCOS. I don't have it but I've been told it's very hard to lose weight when you have PCOS. At my clinic one of the RE's is very focused on weight and I even read a complaint about her online from a patient stating that she made weight a huge issue and was essentially fat-shaming her. She apparently went on to conceive at another clinic. I'm glad you are going to stand up to her- you deserve to be get proper treatment and understanding of your situation. I hope it all works out

Tulips29 · May 2016

I can so relate to this. I was diagnosed with PCOS since I was about 15 and only had 1 cycle when my mom took me to the doctor. I was told it would be tough for me to conceive, but not impossible. My regular OB would constantly tell me I needed to lose weight, so I lost around 40 lbs. She then told me it's still not good enough. I was annoyed with her and guess what, my cycles didn't resume and I still had PCOS. When I went to my first RE last year, he told me right away I needed to lose weight but they proceeded with 3 IUI's anyway, which didn't work. I even took metformin for a few months. My current RE didn't bring this up as an issue. He mentioned that it may help me down the road with fertility treatments, but said he would treat me anyway and he has seen success in women with my issues/weight/PCOS. He right away told me I had to to IVF, vs my other RE who told me IUI's would work for me and then if not, I'd have to get surgery. I knew in my gut I had to get a second opinion and I'm glad I did. Point is, you have to be comfortable with your doctor. If she's refusing treatment, request to see another doctor who can help you. You can to be your own advocate during this process. It's already stressful enough, and having a doctor who won't help make this process smoother doesn't do you any good. I would definitely speak to the doctor when you go back on the 5th. Good luck!

ADRIANAC1982 · May 2016

@Felicity86 not sure if someone mentioned this, but def talk to someone at your clinic. I know at FCI here in Illinois there are multiple doctors, and I have heard that sometimes people switch for various reasons, so I assume that there is no issue or that they cannot stop you from seeing someone else. Hell, I work in a law office and if someone wants to switch mid-case, we allow it here as well! I think ultimately they would just want you to feel comfortable with the person you are seeing.

Want a personalized experience?

Standing up to Doctor

Re: Standing up to Doctor

Choose Another Board

Search Boards