Feeling like a bad parent — The Bump
Babies: 6 - 9 Months

Feeling like a bad parent

sarahlynn42sarahlynn42 member
edited March 2016 in Babies: 6 - 9 Months
Hello everyone, I'm choosing to write this message because I don't feel like I have anyone else to talk to. My eight month old baby has always struggled with sleep. He woke up 4-6 times a night all the way until he was six months old. Not to mention the number of hours it would take to put him back to sleep. In January, I began the CIO method. One where I would check on him and sooth him, but not pick him up. This helped get him to sleep quickly between feedings but he still woke up a lot. Then, I tried weening him off the feedings by only letting him eat after atleast three hours of sleep. This helped him minimize his feedings to three sometimes twofeedings a night. Then, last week he started waking early and crying for a long period. My old methods no longer worked. 

I am am at a loss. Is it suppose to be this complicated? It wasn't for my sister, mom, and mother in law. My husband has told me twice that I created this issue. He partially said this because he doesn't feel I listen to others. I agreed I was a bit stubborn to try CIO but I did eventually give in and it did work. I feel like crappy mom and I'm pretty sure he would agree. Or am I being over emotional? Does anyone else struggle or feel like a bad mother? 

Re: Feeling like a bad parent

  • I forgot to mention how my husband and I work opposite schedules so it's just me with the baby most of the time. This has been extremely hard on our marriage. 
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  • Ugh, it bothers me when I hear when a husband doesn't have a mom's back!! I was against CIO too until I realized no one was getting any sleep and it was getting worse and worse when everything I had read said it should be getting better. I ended up sleep training at 7 months and it was the best thing we ever did. Try to be consistent with the letting him cry and then checking on him. Also, slightly increasing the intervals of when you go into check can help. Do the checks make him cry more? The Ferber book really helped us if you havent already read it.

    Also...since it's only been happening for a week, your LO may just be going through a growth spurt. There is a big one around 9 months although it can range from between 8-10 months. Hopefully this just passes and he goes back to sleeping ok.

  • You're doing a great job with your baby. Babies are really tough and I think CIO is harder on mom than them. 

    I was reading just the other day that there is another big sleep regression somewhere between 8 and 10 months. Everything that I've read is that you just keep doing what you've been doing and hang in there. Eventually it gets better again. My friend keeps reminding me that sleep is a journey, not a destination. It helps me keep it in perspective. 
  • Yesterday my husband got home from work and I handed him the baby. Then I said, "he's your problem now!" and walked off! I think all of us probably feel like bad mothers at some time or another but taking care of a baby is not easy!

    I did the CIO method myself. My friend basically told me she thought it was horrible and I was cruel for doing it, but now my baby sleeps much better than hers! (Mine still sleeps well but his awake time is a nightmare right now.)

    I just keep telling myself that it doesn't last forever and I will make it through this!
    Knottie1442268460
  • I feed LO a good size meal before he goes down at 7:30 ish. Purée mixed with Cereal and 4-6 ounces of formula. He sleeps straight through til 6:30-7 am. You might try bigger feedings to get him to sleep longer. 
    Missed Miscarriage 3/27 D&C 3/29/2012
  • edited May 2016
    I co-sleep and don't have any issues. Babies are also SUPPOSED TO wake up multiple time during sleep. They are developing their sleep cycles, need to feed often, and need comfort. I am not for the CIO method. I too have had horrible days, weeks, nights etc. But I am aware that it is difficult for the first couple of years. It is also nearly impossible to put baby on your schedule. They have very different needs during these months. I have a happy sleeper because he is right next to me, my boob is available for comfort/food when he needs it, and he sleeps long stretches without waking up. Granted, like someone mentioned previously, a baby's sleep patterns will change often. 
    You are a good mom because you care, but maybe take a breather, or share night duties with your husband so you don't feel like you are the only one stressed from this. Every baby is different. You cannot expect yours to be just like your mom's, sister's, friend, etc. 

    nano1
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