Meta - Poll & Discussion - Weekly Graduation Thread — The Bump
Trying to Get Pregnant

Meta - Poll & Discussion - Weekly Graduation Thread

TheJeriluTheJerilu
1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
member
edited April 2016 in Trying to Get Pregnant
Heyo!  We've been doing the Graduation thread for a few weeks now, so how have you been feeling so far?

Please discuss in this thread any questions/comments/concerns/tangents relating to the content of the thread.  Are we not asking something you'd like to hear or asking something you think is inapropro?  Share it!

As for the poll, there was some dissent over whether the thread should be open for any comments, which is the status quo.  The way I see it, there are four main options as reflected in the poll.  The results as of Monday morning will determine what is added to the main post for conversation guidelines (unless it's cancelled).  If you'd like to state your defense in the thread discussion, feel free.

Thanks to me being a dummy, I screwed up the formatting in the poll and it wont let me edit.  Here are the responses in full:
  1. Keep as is - thread is open for BFP announcements & any comments.
  2.  Only BFP announcements - thread should only have BFP announcements. Use the "Love It" button to indicate "congrats!", "H&H 9 months!", "I was hoping this was your month!" and other short&sweet notes.  Questions and other messages should be sent to the user in a private message.
  3. Mild restrictions - thread is primarily BFP announcements but does allow for direct questions or lengthy/personalized congrats. Use the "Love It" button to indicate "congrats!", "H&H 9 months!", "I was hoping this was your month!" and other short&sweet notes.  Longer personal notes and questions can be asked in the thread.
  4.  Cancelled - Thread should be discontinued and BFP announcements should go back to TWW.

Meta - Poll & Discussion - Weekly Graduation Thread 111 votes

Keep as is - thread is open for BFP announcements & any comments.
34% 38 votes
Only BFP announcements - thread should only have BFP announcements. Use the "<3 Love It" button in place of "Congrats!", "H&H 9 Months!", "I was hoping this was your month!", and other short and sweet posts. Any comments and/or questions beyond that should be private messages to that user.
15% 17 votes
Mild restrictions - thread is primarily BFP announcements but does allow for direct questions or lengthy/personalized congrats. Use the "<3 Love It" button in place of "Congrats!", "H&H 9 Months!", "I was hoping this was your month!", and other short and sweet posts.
45% 51 votes
Cancelled - Thread should be discontinued and BFP announcements should go back to TWW.
4% 5 votes
BabyFruit Ticker
Me: 28 & Partner: 32 | Married 2014
BFP 7/29 EDD 4/11

Re: Meta - Poll &amp;amp; Discussion - Weekly Graduation Thread

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  • I love having the thread. I'm still getting to know these ladies but honestly I find it very uplifting to see them have their BFP's and it gives me hope. I hope it stays!

    Me: 37
    DH: 36
    Married: 08-25-07
    DS: 11-20-09

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


    Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers

    Name change alert: Formerly Lisswastaken

    CoonMom
  • I think I'm confused. So, people are still posting their bfps on the tww thread? That would maybe change my answer. Because then I could always say congrats on the tww thread if I wanted.

    Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula
    DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer 
    Married: October 8, 2011
    DD1: September 24, 2013
    BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
    DD2: April 16, 2017
    BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
    MrsDho11
  • @mrsstuessy I think there is still a BFP announcement in the TWW, but it's more like "heading over to the recent grad thread!" Or something.  There are no real details like in the grad thread.  I may be wrong though... I've been in WTO since we started the new grad thread lol. 

    picklesplease
  • I think I'm confused. So, people are still posting their bfps on the tww thread? That would maybe change my answer. Because then I could always say congrats on the tww thread if I wanted.
    @mrsstuessy ;
    A big part of the graduation thread was to take the pages of "congrats!" comments out of TWW, since there are some days when that can feel like a kick to the shin when somebody is having a rough go of it.  Like @furbabymom2007 said, it's fine if somebody does a "heading over to the recent grad thread!", but it's also totally okay to just jump from TWW to the graduation thread without comment - both scenarios are seen with moving between TWW and WTO.

    Right now we're still in a "getting the kinks sorted out" phase, so nobody is going to get flamed for accidentally congratulating in TWW.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Me: 28 & Partner: 32 | Married 2014
    BFP 7/29 EDD 4/11
    AliciaGoosepicklespleasemrsdaddario
  • @AliciaGoose ;I 100% agree with you. That is what I was trying to say before but you actually were able to get the words right. It just seems weird after everything we go through together, all the emotions and the crazy ups and downs, to just like a post and that is it.

    Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula
    DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer 
    Married: October 8, 2011
    DD1: September 24, 2013
    BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
    DD2: April 16, 2017
    BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
    virginiahamAliciaGoosewhiska
  • @NamelessAria - <<hugs>>  I think everyone has had those days where they had to step away from bumping. 

    I still like the idea of a separate thread for BFP cuz when I'm deep in the midst of 35+ day WTO spurt I will admit I get too frustrated to check TWW. Then I was realizing cool regulars had gotten their BFP and I had no idea. I don't mind the idea of questions or sincere happy sentiments. I sort of feel like everyone repeating H&H 9 months and congrats gets repetitive but i see how people may want to express their happy wishes how they please 
    Me: 33 DH: 31
    DS: 5 years old
    TTC #2 since August 2015
    July 2016: Testing cycle with 100 mg Clomid = BFN
    August 2016: 50 mg Clomid + IUI = BFN
    October 2016: IVF#1 - 13 retrieved / 12 mature /  9 fertilized / 2 blasts
    November 2016: FET#1 = chemical
    January 2017: FET#2 = chemical
    March 2017: IVF#2 - 18 retrieved / 18 mature / 16 fertilized / 5 blasts
    April 24, 2017: FET#3 - BFN
    May 24, 2017: FET#4 - BFP! - Beta #1 151 - Beta #2 503 - Due date 2/9/18
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    NamelessAriapicklespleasekiki75
  • So here's a discussion point(s), now with a real world example:

    Should we spend time "correcting" people that are not contributing members in the Graduation thread?

    If so, should there be a defined example of a contributing member (which seems to be nebulous at this time)?
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Me: 28 & Partner: 32 | Married 2014
    BFP 7/29 EDD 4/11
    britters314NamelessAria
  • @TheJerilu I'm not sure how much good it would do to correct them. I mean I guess if one of them had a loss (which hopefully wouldn't be the case) then they'd know not to post another BFP till they've become known as contributing members. But the people who don't contribute and don't really even lurk aren't going to see us correcting people and think "best not post my BFP since it is apparently frowned upon with me not being a contributing member." 

    I feel like that while our rules are totally valid, and shared across most TTC communities with a higher number long long term TTC ladies, the newer, noncontributing members will never see it that way. They'll most likely just see us as being the mean girl clique who has to bash on anyone not in the clique, especially when they're ladies who haven't tried for long and honestly cannot possibly understand how hard it is to see BFPs when you're struggling with IF/loss/TTTC.

    I don't think it would hurt to define "contrubuting member." That would at least stop some of the drive-bys. Not most probably but at least the ones where the ladies did take the time to read the rules and then just assumed they were contributing members because "I was active here 3 years ago when we tried for #1!" or "but I was so active over on TheKnot for a long time!" or "I've posted a lot the last week!" or whatever else.
    Me: 28 Husband: 31
    TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
    Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017  ❤️

    Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
    BabyFruit Ticker


    MonaLisaRalphiomrsdaddarioReesaAnne16
  • It might be difficult to define a contributing member, but maybe say you need to have been trying and participating regularly for at least X number of cycles. I would vote X = 3-4, but I'd like to hear what others think.
    Me: 27   H: 26
    Foster Care process
    Licensed: June 2017
    FS 1 placed with us: January 2018
    FS 2 placed with us: March 2019
  • babymishbabymish
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited April 2016
    TheJerilu said:
    So here's a discussion point(s), now with a real world example:

    Should we spend time "correcting" people that are not contributing members in the Graduation thread?

    If so, should there be a defined example of a contributing member (which seems to be nebulous at this time)?
    I'm not sure if putting a defined example of time participating = contributing member would work? Maybe it would? I'm not sure. Something like this goes on the individual.

    There are some people who are able to be empathetic to the bulk of the board - who have been trying for some time to get their BFP. If within 2 weeks of the person joining the board they are pregnant, they may decide it inappropriate to share their good news and graciously move onto their BMB.

    Others will get carried away with their own excitement and forget to think of the board as a whole and whether their announcement is really appropriate here.

    Should they choose to make an announcement, they can be opening themselves up to long standing members "correcting" them, and as this is an internet forum - they are free to do that, and likely will do that if they felt upset about a post. 

    Me: 32 Him: 29 Live : London, UK
    TTC #1 since October 2015
    IVF Fresh Nov 16 = BFN
    IVF FET Jan 17 = BFP
    EDD: Oct 4th 2017
    TEAM: PINK!!
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
    BabyFetus Ticker
    NamelessAriahouseofsettersMonaLisaRalphioMrsDho11
  • I really like having this thread so that BFPs are 1) Easy to see 2) Separate from TWW, so can be avoided on hard TTC days. 

    I'm okay with it being open to discussion. I think that if you just want to say a quick congrats, a love tit is all that's necessary. If you have a question, I think it should be okay to ask. That way it can still be a place to ask questions/get advice but it isn't clogged up with the congrats messages.

    Me: 28 | DH: 31
    Together since 2006 | Married May 2015
    TTC #1 since November 2015
    BFP 5/17/16 | EDD 1/27/17 | Born 2/4/17

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • mylove071407mylove071407
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited April 2016
    TheJerilu said:
    So here's a discussion point(s), now with a real world example:

    Should we spend time "correcting" people that are not contributing members in the Graduation thread?

    If so, should there be a defined example of a contributing member (which seems to be nebulous at this time)?
    But how long would someone have to be here to be a considered a "contributing" member?   ETA: I get not wanting drive bys but saying that no one can post unless you are contributing member makes it feel like it's a private board.  



    Me: 32 DH: 31
    Married:  July 14, 2007
    TTC #1:  January 2008
    Surprise BFP:  November 2009
    DD Born: July 10, 2010
    TTC #2:  April 2016
    CP:  September 2016
    Chart Stalk Me




  • @MonaLisaRalphio  I didn't think I was.  



    Me: 32 DH: 31
    Married:  July 14, 2007
    TTC #1:  January 2008
    Surprise BFP:  November 2009
    DD Born: July 10, 2010
    TTC #2:  April 2016
    CP:  September 2016
    Chart Stalk Me




  • TheJerilu said:
    So here's a discussion point(s), now with a real world example:

    Should we spend time "correcting" people that are not contributing members in the Graduation thread?

    If so, should there be a defined example of a contributing member (which seems to be nebulous at this time)?
    But how long would someone have to be here to be a considered a "contributing" member?   ETA: I get not wanting drive bys but saying that no one can post unless you are contributing member makes it feel like it's a private board.  
    I don't think the statement was that only contributing members can post on the board (in general). I think it was only contributing members should be announcing their BFP.

    But in reality we can't tell people what they can and can't do down to the finest detail. We can only have a few board rules outlined. Decisions they make from there on are down to their own understanding of what they should or shouldn't do, or whether they care.



    Me: 32 Him: 29 Live : London, UK
    TTC #1 since October 2015
    IVF Fresh Nov 16 = BFN
    IVF FET Jan 17 = BFP
    EDD: Oct 4th 2017
    TEAM: PINK!!
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
    BabyFetus Ticker
    LecoolMrsDho11
  • @mylove071407 I mean, you're new (or, I suppose, re-new), but you seem pretty committed to becoming part of the community.  Being new is not a bad thing!  We were all new!  But it's weird when a new kid rolls in here and tells us they're KU after just a few days of hanging out with us.

    ________________________________________________________


    Started TTC #1 November 2015
    BFP 6/10/2016 - EDD 2/22/2017


    Pregnancy Ticker
    NamelessAriapicklespleasecabu14AliciaGoose
  • @mylove071407 I mean, you're new (or, I suppose, re-new), but you seem pretty committed to becoming part of the community.  Being new is not a bad thing!  We were all new!  But it's weird when a new kid rolls in here and tells us they're KU after just a few days of hanging out with us.
    This site helped through a lot of bad days (dealing with not ovulating, unpredictable cycles, etc) which is why I am committed.  I like the term newish lol.  I do realize things have changed and didn't expect to be a "contributing" member Day 1.  I've been here a week after being gone for basically 7 years.  I don't know anyone.  
    I do think if someone posted a BFP after being a couple days is still a drive by.   Trust me knowing my body I won't be posting a BFP in a couple days.   If I got a BFP now I would be shocked.  



    Me: 32 DH: 31
    Married:  July 14, 2007
    TTC #1:  January 2008
    Surprise BFP:  November 2009
    DD Born: July 10, 2010
    TTC #2:  April 2016
    CP:  September 2016
    Chart Stalk Me




  • In my personal opinion I don't think you can necessarily define a contributing member by how many cycles they have been participating here. If there's a new girl in town who is actively participating on the board for only 2 months before she gets KU I think it would be unfair to say she can't announce her bfp.  I understand some of us have been trying and participating a lot longer and sometimes these posts do sting a little since we all wish we could have been that lucky. But every woman deserves her bfp and the time to be excited about it!

    That being said someone who is new, makes 2 posts and then announces is not an active member in my book. 

    Me: 28 DH: 29
    Married: August 2014
    TTC #1 Since March 2015
    Diagnosed with PCOS March 2016
    SA results normal April 2016
    3 rounds clomid + trigger + TI = BFN
    3 rounds clomid + trigger + IUI = BFN
    Uterine polyp removed July 2017
    Round 1 IVF January 2018




    AliciaGooseTheJerilukiki75hunnybunny17
  • I think most TTC boards/forums tend to count "contributing member" as around 2-3 months. Maybe less if the person is just very active and well-known before then. 

    I mean if someone pops on and posts in UO Thursday or FFFC every now and then gets a BFP 3 months later that person is less of a contributing member than someone who joined and started posting in WTO/TWW nearly every day for 1 month. Or if someone lurks everyday but only posts once a blue moon to ask a question they could not be seen as a "contributing member" ever, no matter how long they've been here.

    I'd agree with whoever said maybe if we decide to go the "contributing member" route that we should make it something more along the lines of "You need to have been posting, not just lurking, for at least 1 month (or, ya know, insert whatever amount of time everyone agrees on) and a majority of members of the community should be able to recognize your name. If you feel like people won't know who you are then we wish you the very best but please move over to your BMB, the PGAL board, the 1st trimester board, etc. and make your announcement there."
    Me: 28 Husband: 31
    TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
    Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017  ❤️

    Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
    BabyFruit Ticker


    SienaCkiki75
  • Per the poll results, we will have mild restrictions (leaning towards full openness).  If you think a user deserves more than just a "Love It" (which now indicates all of the quick "congrats" messages), give them a longer post!

    I've also added a blurb regarding what makes a contributing member.  Unless they are a total drive-by, please do not engage in correcting users that post in the graduation thread, even if you don't think they are a contributing member.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Me: 28 & Partner: 32 | Married 2014
    BFP 7/29 EDD 4/11
    NamelessAriacanavara
  • @TheJerilu the new wording looks really good!

    ________________________________________________________


    Started TTC #1 November 2015
    BFP 6/10/2016 - EDD 2/22/2017


    Pregnancy Ticker
    AliciaGooseTheJeriluSienaC
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