Any seasoned SAHMs that can give me advice?

leeeahyo · April 2016

So I'm a FTM and became a SAHM. It was a long decision making process for us and I did a lot of brainstorming, pros & cons, advice seeking, and made the best decision for our family. I am beyond blessed to be able to stay home!! But now I'm finding as DS gets older, I get more of these comments that just get under my skin. For example:

"Are you bored yet?"

"I'm glad to see you're getting out now!"

"Do you ever leave him with anyone else?"

"You need to socialize him; he would benefit from daycare." (I live in such a small town we don't even have an established day care..)

"I'd hate to be stuck like you are."

I've been telling myself I'm just being sensitive and to ignore it but it really just gets to me sometimes. Of course it all comes from family members..mostly mine. I feel like I'm always on defense.
Is there a even a nice way to respond? Any advice is greatly appreciated!

BrittnieMariee · April 2016

I'm also a FTM and SAHM. I've basically just been telling people how blessed I feel to be able to stay at home with my baby and that I'm trying to cherish it all while I can. No one needs to know why I do what I do and I'm basically always with LO and I feel that's best for us. I know my ILs feel hurt that I've never let them babysit but I'm not ready. I feel so attached to LO and I'm totally okay with that. Just remember you're doing what you think is best for your family!! That's all that matters.

leeeahyo · April 2016

@BrittnieMariee Thank you! You are so right! And you sound just like me. I'm completely attached and feel perfectly fine being with LO all day every day. He goes to bed early and I get a few hours of me time. He doesn't even take a bottle at this point so its a great excuse for my attachment

momofsweetps · April 2016

It will continue and then when lo gets bigger, they will ask when you are going back to work. I don't people intend to be insensitive, but the comments can be and are so annoying. I don't have any advice because I hear it too, except I have 6 kids and we homeschool. So yeah, I get a lot of insensitive/non helpful comments. I just smile and say I love it and sometimes aren't a walk in the park, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

BrittnieMariee · April 2016

@leeeahyo I can't even count the amount of times I've been told that I'm spoiling him or I'm going to "ruin" him because I'm always with him. Since when is a mother being with her child a detriment?? I am so in love with this kid and I don't want to miss a second! Plus, no one could ever take care of him the way I do. I'm so particular about everything. I'd rather just do it myself and be sure that it's done right! Haha

leeeahyo · April 2016

@BrittnieMariee this is EXACTLY me!!!! I never knew I would be so particular as a mom but I've always been an "I'll do it myself so that it's done right" type of person, haha! That especially applies to caring for my little guy!

booksandcleverness81 · April 2016

People have very short memories. For the majority of human existence the concept of working "outside the home" has been the abnormal way of life for most people. Most families worked their land or land very nearby, and before that they existed in very small social groups where every part of life took place in a small centralized location. Children have never just been dropped off somewhere else for people to watch before, because people didn't have that luxury or the need because they were home all the time. Not that I have a problem with how we've evolved socially, I have a career that I love and my kid will go to day-care when I go back to work, but to act like it's not good for a baby to be with their mother all day is absurd. That's how we evolved, which means it worked for the last 200,000 years. You might remind people of that when they start giving you shit!

mrsmctaggart6 · April 2016

It drives me nuts when people ask me if I can get out or tell me I'm spoiling her, and I know my mil expected me to drop her off all the time (she set up a nursery) but I would have to drive 45 minutes there and then make something up to do... With what money? I'm not working! Why would I want to drive out of my way and drop her off just to get rid of her? Drives me batty! I chose this life because I wanted to be with my baby!

CraftyMommy14 · April 2016

Ugh, I know how you feel! Sorry I don't have any good advice on how to respond. Currently everyone is pressuring me to get my toddler into preschool, but I like having him at home with me and his little sister. People can be so opinionated!!! Every family is different and should do what's right for them; we don't all have to do the same thing!!

vibarra27 · April 2016

Before when i just had DD, way before i got pregnant with my boys one of my aunties told me that instead of being lazy @ home that i should go work. I told her "if my husband wants to take care of me & my husband isn't trippin why are you? Plus I'm not being lazy I'm taking care of my daughter & house. Stop being such a hater." that's about the nastiest thing I've been told. & I've been asked if I'm bored yet & I've said, "no i love being a SAHM they keep me busy & i get to spend every minute watching them grow."

Some people are dumb. & you're gonna hear the dumbest shit. My mom never i mean never had the luxury of staying home because she was a single mother of 4 so of course she had to work. Im 23 my youngest sister will be 11. & she says to me "idk how you do it, i wouldnt be able to be a SAHM." & i told her that she feels that way because she was never able to. Ive worked & went to school for about 2 years & being a working mother, wife, & student is hard. I never bash on anyone because ive been on both sides. But like i said not everyone can so they dont understand or know how it is to be a SAHM. Same with my aunty she had her first kid @ 14 & has been working ever since so she doesnt know what its like.

I dont really have any advice on how to respond to people. we're all different, when i told my aunty what i told her i said it in a nice tone but she knew i meant business & to fuck off. Its up to you how you feel like responding. You can say some truth with some kindness. I think if its the same person who keeps telling you the same things over & over you will explode. Just remember though, you're always gonna hear stupid comments & sometimes its best just to walk away. Good luck!

jasmineluke · April 2016

Anyone who says those comments is just jealous. I'm a full time working mother and I think what you guys are doing is great. For me working just works and also because I have to. I tell myself "it's nice to get dressed up and go to work " but at the same time I miss my baby like crazy and I know there are moments I will never get back. So being from the other side of things I bet u those people are jealous!
You do what u have to do ! Ur a mother and ur bonding with ur baby. There is nothing wrong with that!

jennahkross · April 2016

I'm not sure how long you are planning on staying home, but if you are going back to work eventually you can say. "I have the rest of my life to work, so I am enjoying my time now!"

leeeahyo · April 2016

Thank you all for the responses! It was nice to just get it off my chest to you all because it's seriously been building up.

I never knew how hard of a decision it would be to work vs staying at home. I had a job I loved with an amazing boss and coworkers and have family that was more than happy to keep DS (even at no charge but we would have insisted paying). I knew I wanted to do what would make me a better parent and staying at home just felt right! I'm so very lucky to have such a hardworking husband who gave me the opportunity to choose what I wanted to do and I don't take that for granted! I honestly don't know if I'll go back to work or not. My old boss has said he would take me back in a heartbeat if I ever decided to return--again very lucky! We just live day to day and soak up the sweet (and sometimes not so sweet) moments! I just need to learn to let the comments go in one ear and out the other!

LoveLee85 · April 2016

SAHM and FTM here. On my side there are lots of SAHM's. There are none besides me on my DH big side of the family!!! I get asked and told weird comments all the time by them. The plan was always for me to stay home. Yes, I have a 4 year college degree. They can't get past that fact.
"Why did you even go to school?!"
"Are you looking for work yet?!"
Those are two of the most annoying questions. I hate to say it but nobody in his family has good jobs or went to college so they could never afford to stay home. My DH has a great job, and we cut back on tons of stuff to save, also. We are doing great financially. I'm pretty sure they all view me as a free loader and taking advantage of their son, so odd. Do they realize how expensive daycare is?! And if we can afford for me to stay home, how the hell does that make me a free loader?! My SIL has a few and can't stay home. I know they wish she could, but they just can't afford it. I do plan on working someday, but not right now!!

ETA: I'm very sensitive to not say anything that might offend the working moms in the family, my SIL who wants to bad to stay home. Just wish they all gave me the same respect.

chelseajeanene · April 2016

People who make these comments must not like their children. That's the only thing I can come up with for why they'd make such insensitive comments. Being able to stay home is such a rare thing now and not many people get the chance to. Just cherish it and let the haters hate

ForeverEverAfter · April 2016

Haters gonna hate! If they have kids, they're either jealous or truly fulfilled by their work. If they don't have kids they just don't understand how much work it is to be a SAHM. I had 10mo at home with DD1, and was ready to go back to work. I love my job, and had worked years to get a permanent full time position in my department of choice (ER). But it wasn't like before. I was sleep deprived, had issues with child care, and felt completely unbalanced (doing a crappy job at work, too tired to be present at home). This time I decided at 6mo to be a WAHM, and now have a registered home daycare. I'm loving it! My house has never been cleaner, I'm able to make all our food (even bake bread and treats) and sorting socks is thrilling for preschoolers

so I even get a little help keeping house.

Initially, DH had encouraged me to babysit while on mat leave (1 yr with partial pay) to help with bills (I was the higher earner). Once I realized I enjoyed it, and could bring home almost the same money, I ran with it. He is so supportive now, because we really needed a more stable home for the girls. 2 FT shiftworkers meant that we ate a lot of frozen pizza or fast food, DD1 had no structure, and we never had clean clothes or a house we could bring friends to. Friends have made comments that I'm "so lucky to be able to stay home" and I want to smack them. They probably think I sit in my pjs on the couch while the kids watch Netflix...

natback · April 2016

I wish I could be a SAHM. don't even give them the time of day, they're being rude even if they don't know it. You are doing the most important job ever and you are the best one for your baby, there is no way a day care could ever do what you do. Don't waste your time thinking about them!!

mill1020 · May 2016

People are just kind of stupid. And unfortunately, some have a little bit of an agenda, which is trying to feel better about themselves by putting others down.
I agree w/ natback; don't give it another thought. Or just smile and sarcastically say, "yes, I'm a kept woman" or whatever comes to mind.

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