FFFC*

babymish · April 2016

I'm so sorry @mrsdaddario some people are on another planet! You'd have had to hold me back!

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/xT0BKjXxkvZKe9ryXS/giphy.gif

NamelessAria · April 2016

@mrsdaddario I'm so sorry you had to deal with that today, or any day. Lots of hugs.

I really hate how people in our society seem to think it is OK to fat shame others. Especially when it comes in the form of "innocent" comments like "is it safe to assume you're expecting?" My mother used to do this every time I saw her after I left home. If I gained even just 2 pounds she'd be like "are you pregnant?!" No mom, I just ate too many cookies. Thanks for letting me know you think I'm fat though.

kiki75 · April 2016

@mrsdaddario Girl, you could have gained 50 lbs since you got engaged and it would still be none of that biznitches biznass. WTF is wrong with people?
@lisswastaken Don't worry about the PNVs. They may think that but be too polite to say anything but if they do, just tell them that that's what you take for a multivitamin. I had a doctor actually recommend that when I was 19 because a) they're a super cheap low-level iron supplement (I was a little anemic) b) unplanned pregnancies do happen and if that's the case, it's good to be up on your folic acid ahead of time c) if it's good to be taking a multi anyways, that's just as good an option as any but has the other benefits.

As for the GoFundMe, I think, in that case, it is tacky as hell to set up your own GoFundMe. It would be completely different if, say, they were fundraising in a way that required effort and rewards for backers like carwashes or mowing lawns but to just set up an account and openly ask people for money... Ick. On the other hand, some of my best friends have been stuck with IUI from the start (because they're both women). They're about nine cycles in and their savings for this is running out. I desperately wish there was something significant I could do to help them and I know other friends of theirs would be happy to contribute (these two are some of the best, drop everything when you need them, most amazing friends you could have) but I know they would both be so horrified and embarrassed because they're prideful like that. I wish we could help them.

My FFFC...I've spent the week trying to work through my jealousy of another friend who seems to just have it all just fall into her lap. **TW: BFP, hers** Pregnant (and talks about it just a little more than is sensitive for another friend who is TTC), always skinny without ever working out, insanely nice house, nice new cars, always fashionable, always has her hair done nice (mine is always like I'm trying to do it with two left feet), nice rack, etc. And it's not like she's really obnoxious about it all or anything. It's mostly just me. It's made me crabby and depressed and it's not reasonable or productive.

mylove071407 · April 2016

@mrsdaddario I'm impresssed at your self control to not tell that person off or slap him. I don't know what I would have done. I probably wouldn't have a job right now.

Kenya715 · April 2016

@kiki75 - I know what you mean. I have a friend who is like that too. Or whenever I think about Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds...their lives are just NOT fair! A person should not have it all, like they seem to. But I just tell myself that she must rip the worst farts ever and he, well come on, he is perfect, amiright?!

RatParade · April 2016

Kiki75 said:

@mrsdaddario Girl, you could have gained 50 lbs since you got engaged and it would still be none of that biznitches biznass. WTF is wrong with people?
@lisswastaken Don't worry about the PNVs. They may think that but be too polite to say anything but if they do, just tell them that that's what you take for a multivitamin. I had a doctor actually recommend that when I was 19 because a) they're a super cheap low-level iron supplement (I was a little anemic) b) unplanned pregnancies do happen and if that's the case, it's good to be up on your folic acid ahead of time c) if it's good to be taking a multi anyways, that's just as good an option as any but has the other benefits.

*snip*

I totally get that the point of this was to have an excuse for having PNVs in the house, but I just wanted to bring up that the bolded line might not be true. I remember reading that it's not recommended to take a PNV if you're not TTC. Something about the extra iron and folic acid that can be harmful if taken over a long period of time. I don't know if it's proven and I might be totally wrong, but just wanted to throw that out there.

meilay · April 2016

@mrsdaddario that totally sucks! I've had students ask me multiple times over the year and I hope my flash of rage has created that many more people in the world who won't ask such a rude question.
@housewifehobbyist I've been having a similar feeling. I care too much about enjoying life (which means enjoying certain foods when I want them) to lose a significant amount of weight. My only gripe is I gain a lot of weight directly in my stomach and it seriously makes me look pregnant. Like I could do the stereotypical hands cupping belly pose and pass it off. Which I guess a tiny confession is that I've done that frequently in the mirror at home over the last few months.

skiingstark · April 2016

Aurora1973 said:

I agree with @ShadeofGreen816 about Go Fund Me, except for when the expense is something for a funeral, catastrophic illness, etc. Even then, I have a hard time when it's set up by the recipient. Somehow it's more palatable to me if friends or family request help. Then it's people getting together to help someone in need, which is a lovely thing.

It reminds me of my FFFC (which would probably have fit in on UO Thursday as well): I hate when people ask for money for their honeymoon. A Facebook friend, who's wedding I won't be invited to anyway (but still!!) put up a link to ask for funds for specific things they are doing on their honeymoon: $X for river rafting, $X for a dinner cruise, etc. First, if I want to give money to the couple in lieu of a gift, I will put cash or a check in their wedding card. Second, they should book a honeymoon they're ready and willing to pay for. Third, I think it's great they're doing all this fun stuff, but somehow it feels like entitlement to show everyone and then ask them to fund it. Lastly, I just think it's kind of tacky...I can't think of a better word for it. Now I feel like Judgy McJudgerson, but I just can't help it.

On the flip side, I love wedding registries and always want lots of choices. I want to know that what I'm getting the couple is something they want and will use...and don't already have!

I love honeymoon registries. Many people have lived together for years now and have all the things to set up house because they already have been living in a house together. I know I dated my husband for over 5 years. So we had a traditional wedding registry for the people who do not like honeymoon registries, but just a few things were on it because we did not need or want or could fit anymore stuff in our small house. Now experiences, those I think are more meaningful and will last a lifetime unlike another dish or vase. Now there are important rules to follow when doing honeymoon registries like you never put the hotel or planes tickets on there, you should be able to go on it without out it. We just put down experiences like surfing lessons or snorkeling. In the thank you cards I wrote about the the experiences. All of our friends love it, they thought it was cooler buying surf lessons for us then sheets. This sums up my thoughts:

Lecool · April 2016

I'm with @skiingstark, I like honeymoon registries. Everyone I know who has gotten married recently had already been living together for awhile before they were married and didn't really have a need for much around the house stuff that you typically receive as wedding gifts. We were, and we had already purchased a home and had everything we really needed, so the traditional gifts of home stuff weren't really needed. I like the idea of gifting someone with something that they will remember forever, rather than a new toaster. Plus it saves me from going to Macys and hunting down some random household item. I'd much rather give a card and say "have fun doing [activity]!"

Although I will say - I wanted to do a registry like this for our honeymoon (we had a destination wedding + honeymoon), but my H didn't like the idea of asking people to pay for our trip. And a lot of our family were making the trip for our wedding (on their own dime, and it was pretty expensive), so he didn't feel it was right to ask for more from them. So we ended up requesting no gifts so people didn't feel obligated.

britters314 · April 2016

I've never seen anyone I know do a honeymoon registry, but I know some people who would normally give cash or a check like to see what you're using it for. I would think it's mostly for family to give to.

kiki75 · April 2016

@RatParade Interesting. I'll have to do some research on that. It was recommended to me by a doctor but maybe that doctor didn't quite believe my history (zero partners) and was more focused on making sure I had the folic acid in case of an unplanned pregnancy. I know that you can OD on iron (it's actually a serious cause of poisoning in children) and folic acid is a fat soluble vitamin so you can get too much of that, too, but the amount in PNVs for either one shouldn't be too much for the average person. But, like I said, I'll have to do some checking around and, as always, people should talk to their doctors about supplements and medications.

felix08 · April 2016

My FFFC is that I was really excited to see @KristoB 's response on the TTGP grad thread.

Also, the one time I bought gifts off a honeymoon registry (gondola ride in Venice and tapas in Spain), the couple didn't even end up going on the honeymoon. So, anyway, that's my only story about that.

HLD3194 · April 2016

I thought I would make it thru the weekend without seeing a pregnancy announced but nope, seems like I can't go 2 days without someone posting their announcement...I just knew I shouldn't have logged in to Facebook

redheeler · April 2016

crazypt2285 said:

I thought I would make it thru the weekend without seeing a pregnancy announced but nope, seems like I can't go 2 days without someone posting their announcement...I just knew I shouldn't have logged in to Facebook

I know the feeling, saw one on a parenting page I'm apart of last night, although I knew that she had been struggling with PCOS and had, had a loss along the way, it still hurt to see that damned pee stick.

BigBadWolf12 · April 2016

meilay said:

@mrsdaddario that totally sucks! I've had students ask me multiple times over the year and I hope my flash of rage has created that many more people in the world who won't ask such a rude question.
@housewifehobbyist I've been having a similar feeling. I care too much about enjoying life (which means enjoying certain foods when I want them) to lose a significant amount of weight. My only gripe is I gain a lot of weight directly in my stomach and it seriously makes me look pregnant. Like I could do the stereotypical hands cupping belly pose and pass it off. Which I guess a tiny confession is that I've done that frequently in the mirror at home over the last few months.

I'm glad I'm not the only one!

NamelessAria · April 2016

@meilay and @Buthayna Y'all are not alone. I tend to have really bad bloating every TWW and before I go to bed at night I look quite pregnant. I've definitely occasionally made some of the stereotypical pregnancy bump poses in the bathroom mirror when no one is looking. Half is sorta wishful thinking like "....someday..." and the other half is "ugh I'm ridiculously bloated and I need to lose some freaking weight. That's it I'm working out tomorrow."

Liss_37 · April 2016

Thanks so much @kiki75 I appreciate your response. I'll definitely do that if they mention it!

Marley629 · April 2016

mrsdaddario said:

My FFFC is that I just cried in the bathroom at work because a customer asked me if it was safe to assume I was expecting....

::stuck in quote box:: Smh that's terrible..I'm sorry that happened to you ..I don't get people who feel the need to say things like this. It's happened to me 4 times since December...most recently last week when someone in IT dept at work said "when are you due..it's any day now right?..." It was in front of other people too - I was mixed btw upset and furious - I said "nope. Not pregnant thanks though" and walked away and said thanks for the reminder under my breath. I called FI and cried when I got back to my office.

BigBadWolf12 · April 2016

Marley629 said:

mrsdaddario said:

My FFFC is that I just cried in the bathroom at work because a customer asked me if it was safe to assume I was expecting....

::stuck in quote box:: Smh that's terrible..I'm sorry that happened to you ..I don't get people who feel the need to say things like this. It's happened to me 4 times since December...most recently last week when someone in IT dept at work said "when are you due..it's any day now right?..." It was in front of other people too - I was mixed btw upset and furious - I said "nope. Not pregnant thanks though" and walked away and said thanks for the reminder under my breath. I called FI and cried when I got back to my office.

These stories are so horrible! I can't believe people actually say these things IRL! I thought this only happened in movies

That sucks....if only we could come up with a comeback that would make them realize how idiotic they are...but people who say that in the first place are probably missing a shame-gland anyways

virginiaham · April 2016

britters314 said:

I've never seen anyone I know do a honeymoon registry, but I know some people who would normally give cash or a check like to see what you're using it for. I would think it's mostly for family to give to.

@britters314 I always like to send thank you notes with what we used/plan to use $ for and this just reminded me: A sweet friend of MIL's sent us wedding $, and we ended up using ALL of it for breakfast at a restaurant downstairs at our hotel. It wasn't even that good, nor worth the amount we paid for.

It took me an hour to draft that letter. "We blew it on..." Nope. "We had to use it all..." Nope. I ended up saying we used it for a nice meal on our wedding weekend.

That's all she needs to know.

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