Heyo! We've been doing the Graduation thread for a few weeks now, so how have you been feeling so far?
Please discuss in this thread any questions/comments/concerns/tangents relating to the content of the thread. Are we not asking something you'd like to hear or asking something you think is inapropro? Share it!
As for the poll, there was some dissent over whether the thread should be open for any comments, which is the status quo. The way I see it, there are four main options as reflected in the poll. The results as of Monday morning will determine what is added to the main post for conversation guidelines (unless it's cancelled). If you'd like to state your defense in the thread discussion, feel free.
Thanks to me being a dummy, I screwed up the formatting in the poll and it wont let me edit. Here are the responses in full:
Keep as is - thread is open for BFP announcements & any comments.
Only BFP announcements - thread should only have BFP announcements. Use the "Love It" button to indicate "congrats!", "H&H 9 months!", "I was hoping this was your month!" and other short&sweet notes. Questions and other messages should be sent to the user in a private message.
Mild restrictions - thread is primarily BFP announcements but does allow for direct questions or lengthy/personalized congrats. Use the "Love It" button to indicate "congrats!", "H&H 9 months!", "I was hoping this was your month!" and other short&sweet notes. Longer personal notes and questions can be asked in the thread.
Cancelled - Thread should be discontinued and BFP announcements should go back to TWW.
Keep as is - thread is open for BFP announcements & any comments.
34%38 votes
Only BFP announcements - thread should only have BFP announcements. Use the "<3 Love It" button in place of "Congrats!", "H&H 9 Months!", "I was hoping this was your month!", and other short and sweet posts. Any comments and/or questions beyond that should be private messages to that user.
15%17 votes
Mild restrictions - thread is primarily BFP announcements but does allow for direct questions or lengthy/personalized congrats. Use the "<3 Love It" button in place of "Congrats!", "H&H 9 Months!", "I was hoping this was your month!", and other short and sweet posts.
45%51 votes
Cancelled - Thread should be discontinued and BFP announcements should go back to TWW.
I really like having this thread. I stopped daily posting because I'm NTNP for a while to de-stress. This thread makes it much easier to check in occasionally and still see who got a BFP. I'm sure there are others who are in similar boats.
I like it how it is. I just think being part of a community is being able to congratulate and be happy for those of us who are successful at getting pregnant. It would be weird to only "like" a post about one of us getting pregnant. I really don't think it is a great hardship to scroll past some comments. Like, let those excited and happy women really enjoy the moment for a few days. Just my 2 cents.
Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer
Married: October 8, 2011
DD1: September 24, 2013 BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016 DD2: April 16, 2017 BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
i really like the thread because I worry about being too present on here in general, so I like being able to offer my congrats. I'm happy to limit myself to just a love-tit if people would prefer though! I enjoy being able to more personally offer congratulations if possible, but can switch that to PM if needed.
Me: 30 DH: 32 ~~ TTC #1: Sep 2015 ~~ BFP: Mar 2016 ~~ Daughter: Nov 2016 TTC #2: April 2018 ~~ BFP: May 2018 ~~ EDD: January 2019
I like the idea of limiting responses to questions because, as we were discussing last week, all of the congrats messages do tend to become impersonal and repetitive. If you feel compelled to congratulate someone (or leave a more meaningful message), I think a private message would be an appropriate way to do that.
I feel like it is a great place for asking questions and getting feedback, thus the specific questions that we ask about the BFP! I don't mind sifting through the congrats! There aren't that many posts as it is, so if i see a bunch I know something happened!
TTC #1 - December 2015 Me:31 H:31 DX: MFI - 1% Morph 12/16 -IVF #1 - Antagonist Protocol w/ Lupron trigger ER - 11 retrieved- 9 mature - 7 fertilized - 3 sent for PGS on day 5 - No normals (1 XXX Embryo - may use in future) 3/17 - IVF #2 - Antagonist Protocol w/ HCG trigger ER- 13 retrieved - 11 mature - 8 fertilized - 2 sent for PGS on day 5 -2 Normal FET #1 - 5/16/17 - BFP! - Beta #1 5/25 - 156 - Beta #2 5/30 - 2562 - Beta #3 6/1 - 5191!
I love having the thread. I'm still getting to know these ladies but honestly I find it very uplifting to see them have their BFP's and it gives me hope. I hope it stays!
While I was out of town mobile bumping I kept thinking "ugh I wish there was a weekly thread! It's so hard to look through all the pages of each day of the TWW thread I've missed to figure out who all got their BFP over the last 2 weeks." Turns out there was a weekly thread and I was just overlooking it. If only I had known.
I like having the weekly thread. It makes it way easier to find out who all got their BFP if you miss a couple of days of bumping. The only thing that perhaps I'd change is the number of individual congratulation messages each person receives. It's like "I got my BFP!" and then 2 pages of "congratulations!" Not to mention when I've been absent a couple of days I feel like a jerk when I realize literally everyone wished whoever it was a H&H 9 months or said congrats but me. But then I feel weird resurrecting a zombie thread to add my comment. Love titting is just easier. No zombie threads involved. But I'll be happy with whatever the community decides to do.
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
There are really good points both ways as far as comments go.
Here's what I propose: What if the verbiage on the opening post is just modified to say that you don't need to feel like you're a jerk if you don't comment, a love tit will totally suffice, but if you have a specific question, a connection with the person or it's someone who has really had a tough time, go on ahead and comment. If you feel like commenting at that point would create a zombie, unless it's a question that might benefit the group, just send a PM.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
My opinion- I really love the thread. Period. There are days I skip posting because I am so busy, but I always want to know about BFP. I do hate seeing a bunch of "congrats." Because there are so many and I think there is a BFP, and then there isn't. Or I assume the new ones are more congrats and then it turns out it was a real one and I missed it. I don't think we should close it down, I just hate the congrats. Though I do think to benefit the community, we should still keep it open to questions. After all, we are all here waiting for one thing, so it would be silly to restrict questions that might help us move on to the BMB together. The congrats can go on the TWW board or a PM
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
I think I'm confused. So, people are still posting their bfps on the tww thread? That would maybe change my answer. Because then I could always say congrats on the tww thread if I wanted.
Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer
Married: October 8, 2011
DD1: September 24, 2013 BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016 DD2: April 16, 2017 BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
@mrsstuessy I think there is still a BFP announcement in the TWW, but it's more like "heading over to the recent grad thread!" Or something. There are no real details like in the grad thread. I may be wrong though... I've been in WTO since we started the new grad thread lol.
I think I'm confused. So, people are still posting their bfps on the tww thread? That would maybe change my answer. Because then I could always say congrats on the tww thread if I wanted.
@mrsstuessy A big part of the graduation thread was to take the pages of "congrats!" comments out of TWW, since there are some days when that can feel like a kick to the shin when somebody is having a rough go of it. Like @furbabymom2007 said, it's fine if somebody does a "heading over to the recent grad thread!", but it's also totally okay to just jump from TWW to the graduation thread without comment - both scenarios are seen with moving between TWW and WTO.
Right now we're still in a "getting the kinks sorted out" phase, so nobody is going to get flamed for accidentally congratulating in TWW.
I personally think the congrats are annoying, however being that the thread was created to eliminate the congrats from TWW, and to organize so people don't have to comb through the TWW daily, I think congrats should be allowed. It doesn't feel like enough to send our grads off with love tits alone! We want to share our excitement for them. So coming from someone who finds them annoying, I'm willing to live with them because I think it's still important!
@AliciaGoose I think you make a good point that it does seem a bit strange to send our grads off with only a love tit. Especially those who have been active in the community for a long time and are beloved by all. I don't want this to sound like there are people I'm not happy for but, if I'm being honest, there are some people I'd be a little more happy for than others. No offense to anyone. But some of the ladies here I've just bonded with better and/or I've known longer. Or maybe I just identify with their struggle a little better or something. But whatever the reason there are definitely some ladies I'd feel very strange about sending off to their BMB with only a love tit.
That being said, I'm bumping a little less this month and I know I'm missing a lot of stuff. So I don't want anyone who doesn't get a love tit/congratz from me to feel like I wasn't excited for them. It has just been a rough couple of months for me and I feel like I need to scale back my bumping a little this month for mental health reasons.
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
@AliciaGooseI 100% agree with you. That is what I was trying to say before but you actually were able to get the words right. It just seems weird after everything we go through together, all the emotions and the crazy ups and downs, to just like a post and that is it.
Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer
Married: October 8, 2011
DD1: September 24, 2013 BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016 DD2: April 16, 2017 BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
@NamelessAria - <<hugs>> I think everyone has had those days where they had to step away from bumping.
I still like the idea of a separate thread for BFP cuz when I'm deep in the midst of 35+ day WTO spurt I will admit I get too frustrated to check TWW. Then I was realizing cool regulars had gotten their BFP and I had no idea. I don't mind the idea of questions or sincere happy sentiments. I sort of feel like everyone repeating H&H 9 months and congrats gets repetitive but i see how people may want to express their happy wishes how they please
Me: 33 DH: 31 DS: 5 years old TTC #2 since August 2015 July 2016: Testing cycle with 100 mg Clomid = BFN August 2016: 50 mg Clomid + IUI = BFN October 2016: IVF#1 - 13 retrieved / 12 mature / 9 fertilized / 2 blasts November 2016: FET#1 = chemical January 2017: FET#2 = chemical March 2017: IVF#2 - 18 retrieved / 18 mature / 16 fertilized / 5 blasts
April 24, 2017: FET#3 - BFN May 24, 2017: FET#4 - BFP! - Beta #1 151 - Beta #2 503 - Due date 2/9/18
On hard TTC days this thread is amazing. Going into the daily TWW on a hard day and seeing a BFP is hard sometimes. I like being able to check and see who got BFPs knowing that's what I'm walking into, as opposed to possibly seeing it in the TWW.
@TheJerilu I'm not sure how much good it would do to correct them. I mean I guess if one of them had a loss (which hopefully wouldn't be the case) then they'd know not to post another BFP till they've become known as contributing members. But the people who don't contribute and don't really even lurk aren't going to see us correcting people and think "best not post my BFP since it is apparently frowned upon with me not being a contributing member."
I feel like that while our rules are totally valid, and shared across most TTC communities with a higher number long long term TTC ladies, the newer, noncontributing members will never see it that way. They'll most likely just see us as being the mean girl clique who has to bash on anyone not in the clique, especially when they're ladies who haven't tried for long and honestly cannot possibly understand how hard it is to see BFPs when you're struggling with IF/loss/TTTC.
I don't think it would hurt to define "contrubuting member." That would at least stop some of the drive-bys. Not most probably but at least the ones where the ladies did take the time to read the rules and then just assumed they were contributing members because "I was active here 3 years ago when we tried for #1!" or "but I was so active over on TheKnot for a long time!" or "I've posted a lot the last week!" or whatever else.
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
It might be difficult to define a contributing member, but maybe say you need to have been trying and participating regularly for at least X number of cycles. I would vote X = 3-4, but I'd like to hear what others think.
So here's a discussion point(s), now with a real world example:
Should we spend time "correcting" people that are not contributing members in the Graduation thread?
If so, should there be a defined example of a contributing member (which seems to be nebulous at this time)?
I'm not sure if putting a defined example of time participating = contributing member would work? Maybe it would? I'm not sure. Something like this goes on the individual.
There are some people who are able to be empathetic to the bulk of the board - who have been trying for some time to get their BFP. If within 2 weeks of the person joining the board they are pregnant, they may decide it inappropriate to share their good news and graciously move onto their BMB.
Others will get carried away with their own excitement and forget to think of the board as a whole and whether their announcement is really appropriate here.
Should they choose to make an announcement, they can be opening themselves up to long standing members "correcting" them, and as this is an internet forum - they are free to do that, and likely will do that if they felt upset about a post.
I really like having this thread so that BFPs are 1) Easy to see 2) Separate from TWW, so can be avoided on hard TTC days.
I'm okay with it being open to discussion. I think that if you just want to say a quick congrats, a love tit is all that's necessary. If you have a question, I think it should be okay to ask. That way it can still be a place to ask questions/get advice but it isn't clogged up with the congrats messages.
Me: 28 | DH: 31 Together since 2006 | Married May 2015 TTC #1 since November 2015 BFP 5/17/16 | EDD 1/27/17 | Born 2/4/17
So here's a discussion point(s), now with a real world example:
Should we spend time "correcting" people that are not contributing members in the Graduation thread?
If so, should there be a defined example of a contributing member (which seems to be nebulous at this time)?
But how long would someone have to be here to be a considered a "contributing" member? ETA: I get not wanting drive bys but saying that no one can post unless you are contributing member makes it feel like it's a private board.
Me: 32 DH: 31
Married: July 14, 2007 TTC #1: January 2008 Surprise BFP: November 2009
So here's a discussion point(s), now with a real world example:
Should we spend time "correcting" people that are not contributing members in the Graduation thread?
If so, should there be a defined example of a contributing member (which seems to be nebulous at this time)?
But how long would someone have to be here to be a considered a "contributing" member? ETA: I get not wanting drive bys but saying that no one can post unless you are contributing member makes it feel like it's a private board.
I don't think the statement was that only contributing members can post on the board (in general). I think it was only contributing members should be announcing their BFP.
But in reality we can't tell people what they can and can't do down to the finest detail. We can only have a few board rules outlined. Decisions they make from there on are down to their own understanding of what they should or shouldn't do, or whether they care.
So here's a discussion point(s), now with a real world example:
Should we spend time "correcting" people that are not contributing members in the Graduation thread?
If so, should there be a defined example of a contributing member (which seems to be nebulous at this time)?
But how long would someone have to be here to be a considered a "contributing" member? ETA: I get not wanting drive bys but saying that no one can post unless you are contributing member makes it feel like it's a private board.
I get what you're saying. I do. But if someone hasn't been a contributing member and they've mostly lurked or they're still really, really new, then it is essentially a drive-by. Lets be honest: some of the "drive by" BFPs could have been lurkers. It isn't like we'd ever know.
And it isn't like we're saying that they can't go to their BMB unless they contributed here first. We're just saying that because so many ladies here have a tough time seeing BFPs that maybe we should try to limit BFPs to people who were actually active and contributing here. It doesn't make it a private board. Anyone can come and be active and contribute. It isn't really asking much for someone to post in some of the daily threads and such for awhile before waving a BFP in all our faces. It's hard to be happy for someone when you have no idea at all who they are.
ETA: I've been a pretty active, contributing member here since last August or September. I don't remember actually. But it's been awhile. And at this point if I get a BFP that I'm confident enough about it not being a CP to announce it here I'll still feel a twinge of guilty knowing how hard it will be for some of the ladies here to see that BFP announcement that day. I'd previously given some very serious thought to not announcing here at all and just going over to a BMB/PGAL board, but I know I've seen some ladies express some disappointment when regulars here just ghosted.
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
@mylove071407 I mean, you're new (or, I suppose, re-new), but you seem pretty committed to becoming part of the community. Being new is not a bad thing! We were all new! But it's weird when a new kid rolls in here and tells us they're KU after just a few days of hanging out with us.
@mylove071407 I mean, you're new (or, I suppose, re-new), but you seem pretty committed to becoming part of the community. Being new is not a bad thing! We were all new! But it's weird when a new kid rolls in here and tells us they're KU after just a few days of hanging out with us.
This site helped through a lot of bad days (dealing with not ovulating, unpredictable cycles, etc) which is why I am committed. I like the term newish lol. I do realize things have changed and didn't expect to be a "contributing" member Day 1. I've been here a week after being gone for basically 7 years. I don't know anyone. I do think if someone posted a BFP after being a couple days is still a drive by. Trust me knowing my body I won't be posting a BFP in a couple days. If I got a BFP now I would be shocked.
Me: 32 DH: 31
Married: July 14, 2007 TTC #1: January 2008 Surprise BFP: November 2009
On one hand, there are the people who definitely drive by, making their own thread to wave their soggy, steamy BFP in everyone's face to basically say, "I'm pregnant! You're not! Later, losers!"
But, in this one's defense, I think she meant well. She tried to put her post in the right place and I think she did it because she is really grateful to everything she learned by lurking this board. Before I started participating, I felt a little bad about the thought of just being a creeper using everyone for information and then peacing out with not even a thank you. Because even then, I already really appreciated everyone. So I think that she just didn't realize that, around here, sometimes the kindest thing you can do is to just ghost and move along.
We might add a line to the initial post that says, "No, really, if no one will recognize your name, and you don't have some kind of magic silver bullet to offer, it's kindest to just move along," but I think that if we try to define 'contributing member' we're just getting too into the weeds. If we do choose to define it, I think we want to be careful not to turn it into the suffering Olympics.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
In my personal opinion I don't think you can necessarily define a contributing member by how many cycles they have been participating here. If there's a new girl in town who is actively participating on the board for only 2 months before she gets KU I think it would be unfair to say she can't announce her bfp. I understand some of us have been trying and participating a lot longer and sometimes these posts do sting a little since we all wish we could have been that lucky. But every woman deserves her bfp and the time to be excited about it!
That being said someone who is new, makes 2 posts and then announces is not an active member in my book.
Me: 28 DH: 29 Married: August 2014 TTC #1 Since March 2015 Diagnosed with PCOS March 2016 SA results normal April 2016 3 rounds clomid + trigger + TI = BFN 3 rounds clomid + trigger + IUI = BFN Uterine polyp removed July 2017 Round 1 IVF January 2018
I think most TTC boards/forums tend to count "contributing member" as around 2-3 months. Maybe less if the person is just very active and well-known before then.
I mean if someone pops on and posts in UO Thursday or FFFC every now and then gets a BFP 3 months later that person is less of a contributing member than someone who joined and started posting in WTO/TWW nearly every day for 1 month. Or if someone lurks everyday but only posts once a blue moon to ask a question they could not be seen as a "contributing member" ever, no matter how long they've been here.
I'd agree with whoever said maybe if we decide to go the "contributing member" route that we should make it something more along the lines of "You need to have been posting, not just lurking, for at least 1 month (or, ya know, insert whatever amount of time everyone agrees on) and a majority of members of the community should be able to recognize your name. If you feel like people won't know who you are then we wish you the very best but please move over to your BMB, the PGAL board, the 1st trimester board, etc. and make your announcement there."
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
@MamaMunn I couldn't have put it better myself. It's not really about how long a member has been participating. For me, it's more about whether a person has been a good citizen of the board: is she posting regularly? Is she providing support to other members who are struggling? Is she making an effort to get to know other members via CS, GTKY, and the daily posts? If so, then she's a contributing member no matter how long she's been here.
I will add that I personally think that a member should be participating here for at least one full cycle before calling herself a Grad. If you didn't take the whole class, how can you graduate? You audited, at best.
In any case, posting, say, eleven times (and mostly your own WTO and TWW posts at that) is not contributing. It's killing time and then AWing before you ghost.
Per the poll results, we will have mild restrictions (leaning towards full openness). If you think a user deserves more than just a "Love It" (which now indicates all of the quick "congrats" messages), give them a longer post!
I've also added a blurb regarding what makes a contributing member. Unless they are a total drive-by, please do not engage in correcting users that post in the graduation thread, even if you don't think they are a contributing member.
Re: Meta - Poll &amp; Discussion - Weekly Graduation Thread
DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer
BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
DD2: April 16, 2017
BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
i really like the thread because I worry about being too present on here in general, so I like being able to offer my congrats. I'm happy to limit myself to just a love-tit if people would prefer though! I enjoy being able to more personally offer congratulations if possible, but can switch that to PM if needed.
TTC #2: April 2018 ~~ BFP: May 2018 ~~ EDD: January 2019
Me:31 H:31
DX: MFI - 1% Morph
12/16 -IVF #1 - Antagonist Protocol w/ Lupron trigger
ER - 11 retrieved- 9 mature - 7 fertilized - 3 sent for PGS on day 5 - No normals (1 XXX Embryo - may use in future)
3/17 - IVF #2 - Antagonist Protocol w/ HCG trigger
ER- 13 retrieved - 11 mature - 8 fertilized - 2 sent for PGS on day 5 -2 Normal
FET #1 - 5/16/17 - BFP! - Beta #1 5/25 - 156 - Beta #2 5/30 - 2562 - Beta #3 6/1 - 5191!
Me: 37
DH: 36
Married: 08-25-07
DS: 11-20-09
Name change alert: Formerly Lisswastaken
I like having the weekly thread. It makes it way easier to find out who all got their BFP if you miss a couple of days of bumping. The only thing that perhaps I'd change is the number of individual congratulation messages each person receives. It's like "I got my BFP!" and then 2 pages of "congratulations!" Not to mention when I've been absent a couple of days I feel like a jerk when I realize literally everyone wished whoever it was a H&H 9 months or said congrats but me. But then I feel weird resurrecting a zombie thread to add my comment. Love titting is just easier. No zombie threads involved. But I'll be happy with whatever the community decides to do.
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
Here's what I propose: What if the verbiage on the opening post is just modified to say that you don't need to feel like you're a jerk if you don't comment, a love tit will totally suffice, but if you have a specific question, a connection with the person or it's someone who has really had a tough time, go on ahead and comment. If you feel like commenting at that point would create a zombie, unless it's a question that might benefit the group, just send a PM.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
I really love the thread. Period. There are days I skip posting because I am so busy, but I always want to know about BFP. I do hate seeing a bunch of "congrats." Because there are so many and I think there is a BFP, and then there isn't. Or I assume the new ones are more congrats and then it turns out it was a real one and I missed it. I don't think we should close it down, I just hate the congrats. Though I do think to benefit the community, we should still keep it open to questions. After all, we are all here waiting for one thing, so it would be silly to restrict questions that might help us move on to the BMB together. The congrats can go on the TWW board or a PM
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer
BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
DD2: April 16, 2017
BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
A big part of the graduation thread was to take the pages of "congrats!" comments out of TWW, since there are some days when that can feel like a kick to the shin when somebody is having a rough go of it. Like @furbabymom2007 said, it's fine if somebody does a "heading over to the recent grad thread!", but it's also totally okay to just jump from TWW to the graduation thread without comment - both scenarios are seen with moving between TWW and WTO.
Right now we're still in a "getting the kinks sorted out" phase, so nobody is going to get flamed for accidentally congratulating in TWW.
Me: 28 & Partner: 32 | Married 2014
BFP 7/29 EDD 4/11
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
That being said, I'm bumping a little less this month and I know I'm missing a lot of stuff. So I don't want anyone who doesn't get a love tit/congratz from me to feel like I wasn't excited for them. It has just been a rough couple of months for me and I feel like I need to scale back my bumping a little this month for mental health reasons.
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer
BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
DD2: April 16, 2017
BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
I still like the idea of a separate thread for BFP cuz when I'm deep in the midst of 35+ day WTO spurt I will admit I get too frustrated to check TWW. Then I was realizing cool regulars had gotten their BFP and I had no idea. I don't mind the idea of questions or sincere happy sentiments. I sort of feel like everyone repeating H&H 9 months and congrats gets repetitive but i see how people may want to express their happy wishes how they please
DS: 5 years old
TTC #2 since August 2015
July 2016: Testing cycle with 100 mg Clomid = BFN
August 2016: 50 mg Clomid + IUI = BFN
October 2016: IVF#1 - 13 retrieved / 12 mature / 9 fertilized / 2 blasts
November 2016: FET#1 = chemical
January 2017: FET#2 = chemical
March 2017: IVF#2 - 18 retrieved / 18 mature / 16 fertilized / 5 blasts
May 24, 2017: FET#4 - BFP! - Beta #1 151 - Beta #2 503 - Due date 2/9/18
Should we spend time "correcting" people that are not contributing members in the Graduation thread?
If so, should there be a defined example of a contributing member (which seems to be nebulous at this time)?
Me: 28 & Partner: 32 | Married 2014
BFP 7/29 EDD 4/11
I feel like that while our rules are totally valid, and shared across most TTC communities with a higher number long long term TTC ladies, the newer, noncontributing members will never see it that way. They'll most likely just see us as being the mean girl clique who has to bash on anyone not in the clique, especially when they're ladies who haven't tried for long and honestly cannot possibly understand how hard it is to see BFPs when you're struggling with IF/loss/TTTC.
I don't think it would hurt to define "contrubuting member." That would at least stop some of the drive-bys. Not most probably but at least the ones where the ladies did take the time to read the rules and then just assumed they were contributing members because "I was active here 3 years ago when we tried for #1!" or "but I was so active over on TheKnot for a long time!" or "I've posted a lot the last week!" or whatever else.
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
There are some people who are able to be empathetic to the bulk of the board - who have been trying for some time to get their BFP. If within 2 weeks of the person joining the board they are pregnant, they may decide it inappropriate to share their good news and graciously move onto their BMB.
Others will get carried away with their own excitement and forget to think of the board as a whole and whether their announcement is really appropriate here.
Should they choose to make an announcement, they can be opening themselves up to long standing members "correcting" them, and as this is an internet forum - they are free to do that, and likely will do that if they felt upset about a post.
TEAM: PINK!!
I'm okay with it being open to discussion. I think that if you just want to say a quick congrats, a love tit is all that's necessary. If you have a question, I think it should be okay to ask. That way it can still be a place to ask questions/get advice but it isn't clogged up with the congrats messages.
Me: 28 | DH: 31
Together since 2006 | Married May 2015
TTC #1 since November 2015
BFP 5/17/16 | EDD 1/27/17 | Born 2/4/17
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #1: January 2008
Surprise BFP: November 2009
CP: September 2016
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #1: January 2008
Surprise BFP: November 2009
CP: September 2016
But in reality we can't tell people what they can and can't do down to the finest detail. We can only have a few board rules outlined. Decisions they make from there on are down to their own understanding of what they should or shouldn't do, or whether they care.
TEAM: PINK!!
And it isn't like we're saying that they can't go to their BMB unless they contributed here first. We're just saying that because so many ladies here have a tough time seeing BFPs that maybe we should try to limit BFPs to people who were actually active and contributing here. It doesn't make it a private board. Anyone can come and be active and contribute. It isn't really asking much for someone to post in some of the daily threads and such for awhile before waving a BFP in all our faces. It's hard to be happy for someone when you have no idea at all who they are.
ETA: I've been a pretty active, contributing member here since last August or September. I don't remember actually. But it's been awhile. And at this point if I get a BFP that I'm confident enough about it not being a CP to announce it here I'll still feel a twinge of guilty knowing how hard it will be for some of the ladies here to see that BFP announcement that day. I'd previously given some very serious thought to not announcing here at all and just going over to a BMB/PGAL board, but I know I've seen some ladies express some disappointment when regulars here just ghosted.
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
I do think if someone posted a BFP after being a couple days is still a drive by. Trust me knowing my body I won't be posting a BFP in a couple days. If I got a BFP now I would be shocked.
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #1: January 2008
Surprise BFP: November 2009
CP: September 2016
But, in this one's defense, I think she meant well. She tried to put her post in the right place and I think she did it because she is really grateful to everything she learned by lurking this board. Before I started participating, I felt a little bad about the thought of just being a creeper using everyone for information and then peacing out with not even a thank you. Because even then, I already really appreciated everyone. So I think that she just didn't realize that, around here, sometimes the kindest thing you can do is to just ghost and move along.
We might add a line to the initial post that says, "No, really, if no one will recognize your name, and you don't have some kind of magic silver bullet to offer, it's kindest to just move along," but I think that if we try to define 'contributing member' we're just getting too into the weeds. If we do choose to define it, I think we want to be careful not to turn it into the suffering Olympics.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
That being said someone who is new, makes 2 posts and then announces is not an active member in my book.
Me: 28 DH: 29
Married: August 2014
TTC #1 Since March 2015
Diagnosed with PCOS March 2016
SA results normal April 2016
3 rounds clomid + trigger + TI = BFN
3 rounds clomid + trigger + IUI = BFN
Uterine polyp removed July 2017
Round 1 IVF January 2018
I mean if someone pops on and posts in UO Thursday or FFFC every now and then gets a BFP 3 months later that person is less of a contributing member than someone who joined and started posting in WTO/TWW nearly every day for 1 month. Or if someone lurks everyday but only posts once a blue moon to ask a question they could not be seen as a "contributing member" ever, no matter how long they've been here.
I'd agree with whoever said maybe if we decide to go the "contributing member" route that we should make it something more along the lines of "You need to have been posting, not just lurking, for at least 1 month (or, ya know, insert whatever amount of time everyone agrees on) and a majority of members of the community should be able to recognize your name. If you feel like people won't know who you are then we wish you the very best but please move over to your BMB, the PGAL board, the 1st trimester board, etc. and make your announcement there."
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
I will add that I personally think that a member should be participating here for at least one full cycle before calling herself a Grad. If you didn't take the whole class, how can you graduate? You audited, at best.
In any case, posting, say, eleven times (and mostly your own WTO and TWW posts at that) is not contributing. It's killing time and then AWing before you ghost.
I've also added a blurb regarding what makes a contributing member. Unless they are a total drive-by, please do not engage in correcting users that post in the graduation thread, even if you don't think they are a contributing member.
Me: 28 & Partner: 32 | Married 2014
BFP 7/29 EDD 4/11