WTF that can't wait!

izzetoot · April 2016

Hey mamas, I have a WTF that can't wait till Wednesday... I was up for 2 hours last night fuming about this, Im sure my hormones right now are not helping. Here's the story:

About 5 months ago my LO (who will be 2 in May) got a stomach virus that he couldn't recover from. We all got it for 24hrs but it lingered with him for over a week. He's always been a bit vomit-prone. Spit up a lot as a baby, barfs when he eats sometimes, barfs when he cries intensly, barfs for no reason, etc. The biggest problem we've had stemming from this problem is sleep training. If he cries for more than a few minutes in the middle of the night he'll start vomiting and then we have to change him, the sheets, our clothes. He gets really upset and is wide awake and it takes forever to get him calmed down and back to bed. So when we went to our Pedi about it, he suggested we see a specialist and recommended a Gastro-Intenstinal doctor. So we went and saw her and they ran a bunch of test that were really difficult on both LO and me. They had to strap him down on force a white liquid down his throat while they took x-rays. I couldn't be in the room because we had just found out I was pregnant and I had to watch him screaming through a glass window. Afterwards all the test came back normal and the GI wanted to run more tests but we had had enough and agreed to wait and monitor him. It has gotten a lot better and we are all leaning towards him having a very sensitive gag reflex. (BTW, anyone else have or know of someone who has had a similar situation??)

So fast forward to current day. For the past several months when LO wakes in the middle of the night we have been bringing him into bed with us. He goes down around 9:30PM, wakes between 4-5AM, and then falls back asleep with us until 7:30AM. It is BY FAR the most sleep any of us have gotten since he's been alive. So yesterday, my family got together to celebrate a birthday and I was talking with my mom when she said "I've been thinking about you alot and I have some unsolicited advice because I'm worried about you" She then proceeded to tell me she thought it was unhealthy that we have never sleep trained LO and that when the new baby is here it is going to be even more difficult. (as if this had never crossed my mind) and then started *very condescendingly* giving me the play by play on how to sleep train. I listened to her whole spiel and then said. "I know mom, we've tried this many ways. The problem is with the vomiting. If we let him cry it out, he pukes and then we are all up covered in vomit in the middle of the night" to which she replied "is a few night of not sleeping so you can get him in a proper sleep pattern such a bad thing?" Um... yes! Yes it is! Having him puke his entire dinner hours after he eats for 5-7 days in a row in the middle of the night will not only malnourish him (something we have discussed at length with our Pedi) but put pressure on all of us us being sleep deprived (especially while being pregnant) and be putting this unborn child, myself, my husband, and our sanity/relationship all at risk IS SUCH A BAD THING. Having a child is hard, and I knew it would be. And having a 2nd one will be even more difficult and my DH and I discussed it and still decided to get pregnant. This is a tender topic for DH and I and we are doing the best we can. I wish she would just give unconditional love and support and keep her unsolicited advice to herself...

Anyway, sorry for the novel. Just really needed to get that off my chest. And welcome any advice on how to tell her to leave this one alone.

Alyeena · April 2016

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of that. It must really not be easy already with just your LO but then your mother just has to get involved... Have you tried explaining to her everything the doctor said? Maybe taking her to an appointment so she an hear it from someone else? It sounds to me that she maybe does not completely understand the situation? Maybe she just does not realize just how difficult it is for you.

Sorry I don't really have any good advice to give, I really hope you figure it out and that things get better for you and your family! And I am sure you really are the the best you can already, it's important that you don't doubt that because of you mother, you are the one who has to live this situation, you know how best to handle it.

mommytimesfour · April 2016

I can relate 100%. My son was/is the exact same way with the overly sensitive gag reflex and he was a terrible sleeper up until the age of 2.5. As a baby he spit up, when he started solids he'd gag on something and up it would all come. As a toddler, he'd choke and gag and throw up everywhere, during cold season he'd get congested and throw up, 2 minutes of crying and vomit was everywhere. He woke up every 2 hours (literally) until he was over 2 years old and like you, I couldn't sleep train him or let him cry without having barf to clean up and it just never seemed worth it. I never really slept better the few nights I had him in my bed so he stayed in his and I went through the misery of getting up every couple hours to put him back to sleep until he grew out of it. There were many of days where I thought I was going to lose my mind. He was 2 years 9 months old when DD was born and thankfully about 2 months before she was born he started sleeping through the night randomly. I was SO glad. I had no idea how I'd juggle a newborn and a toddler getting up all night long. I really think it's something they just have to grow out of. Hang in there, I know how extremely tough and frustrating it is. He's now 5 and still is a "puker" but the nice thing is, he can make it to the toilet or tell me when he's going to throw up so I can get him whatever is in reach to catch it in. I keep bags in my car for this reason. As for people giving you unsolicited advice, screw them! Do what keeps you and LO happy and rested and if that's co sleeping then by all means, do it.

beachmama14 · April 2016

Don't feel bad about your decisions mama. You are doing what is best for you child, your family, and your unborn baby. Sleep is so important. I know some people think sleep training is this magical moment, for others it just isn't what is best for their family and that's okay. We never sleep trained my daughter either (16.5 months now). She has never been a great sleeper and what we were already doing was working for us, like it is for you. Just stand your ground and try to not take the criticism to heart. For what it's worth I don't think 2 hours in bed with you in the morning is that big of a deal. It's not all night and he is almost two so not dangerous in my book. She is saying it because she probably genuinely thinks it would help (even though in your situation it probably wouldn't).

izzetoot · April 2016

Thanks ladies. My son is really smart and had developed really well and in some instances quickly for his age. We're not a 'buy the book' type of family and haven't purchased or followed any books about how to raise your child according to "insert professional". I know many people do, and that's 100% ok for their child, but it's just not for us. So far everything has worked out great and I hope and pray this will just kind of work itself out too. I don't know what is going to happen when the new baby is here, and I anticipate many sleepless nights, but somehow something will click and we'll figure it out. Hopefully!!

@JLmama118 it's so comforting to know that someone else has experienced this! Our diagnosis (Dh and I) of the sensitive gag reflex seemed to make the most sense and it sounds identical to your son. If my son just magically starts sleeping through the night I will throw a party!

mommytimesfour · April 2016

@izzetoot he will eventually! I never saw an end in sight and one day when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, it just happened. Fingers crossed that it's soon for you.

RG1 · April 2016

izzetoot said:

Thanks ladies. My son is really smart and had developed really well and in some instances quickly for his age. We're not a 'buy the book' type of family and haven't purchased or followed any books about how to raise your child according to "insert professional". I know many people do, and that's 100% ok for their child, but it's just not for us. So far everything has worked out great and I hope and pray this will just kind of work itself out too. I don't know what is going to happen when the new baby is here, and I anticipate many sleepless nights, but somehow something will click and we'll figure it out. Hopefully!!

@JLmama118 it's so comforting to know that someone else has experienced this! Our diagnosis (Dh and I) of the sensitive gag reflex seemed to make the most sense and it sounds identical to your son. If my son just magically starts sleeping through the night I will throw a party!

I think I accidentally reported this post! I was trying to go "back" in the app and accidentally hit report and then my screen locked so not sure if it happened...I'm so sorry if I did!

RedMar · April 2016

Sorry that you are STILL going through this @izzetoot - hopefully there is end in sight to this problem and you will be able to sleep soundly before the 2nd babe comes. How frustrating

- hang in there and feel free to vent any time!

Sporty1216 · April 2016

I'm sorry for how your mom responded. We have a similar situation. Our son just turned two at the beginning of the month and He hardly ever sleeps through the night. Letting him cry doesn't work. He will either vomit or just keep crying. So, most nights, he ends up in our bed. And then we all sleep great (except for when, like last night, he steals my snoogle!). We also have transitioned him to a twin mattress that is on the floor for now. So, sometimes, I'll go lay down with him until he settles and then go back to bed. Either way, I'm glad to hear that at some point it is likely to "click." I do worry about being up with him and the new baby and never getting any sleep at all! But I also feel firmly that what we are doing is the right thing for our guy and for our family. We've only been questioned once or twice by the grandparents (my IL's) and it did not go over well.

hang in there! Hopefully these kids become star sleepers by September!

Shiva14 · April 2016

I'm so sorry for how your mom responded - I just wanted to voice that co-sleeping is in no way unhealthy and in many countries it's the normal thing to do and is believed to give your kids comfort and safety (not saying they can't also feel safe and comfy sleeping in a crib). Sleep training is a product of modern society.

We don't have the reflux issue, but our routine is the same. LO goes down in his room and moves to ours once he wakes up. We sleep trained to get him to go down in his own room and it was very smooth, but we could never get him to go back down in the middle of the night and that works OK for us. Our new LO will be in a bassinet next to me and we have a king bed, so it doesn't bother me if he still prefers to sleep his last few hours with us after LO arrives. You'll be just fine and you are NOT damaging your son by not sleep training!!!

izzetoot · April 2016

RedMar said:

Sorry that you are STILL going through this @izzetoot - hopefully there is end in sight to this problem and you will be able to sleep soundly before the 2nd babe comes. How frustrating - hang in there and feel free to vent any time!

Thanks mama

izzetoot · April 2016

Thanks @Shiva14 we plan to do the same. I have a bassinet that LO was not a fan of that we're going to try first. And then a mamaroo which will sit right next to the bed closest to me so I can pull him into bed, feed, and right back during the night. That was how first LO was for the first 4 months! I am worried though with current LO in bed with us already, he'll wake up and want to see what all the fuss is about and crawl all over us! But we are keeping our guest bedroom and adding a crib (where new baby will sleep until we move in March of next year) so I see many a night with either me and him or DH and LO in there.

Thanks for all the support ladies! It's nuts that we never co-slept until recently and it's been the best sleep for all of us! I vented to my sister about it today and she encouraged me to shrug it off and know she's only trying to help. It's just mind boggling to me the way she was telling me how important sleep training is and how to do it?? Like, I HAVE a 2yr old and you think I've never never thought, heard, read, been advised to do this from friends, doctors, and other moms for the past year?

Kimmy717 · April 2016

Awe, i am so sorry to hear yall are having such a hard time. And sorry your mom isnt being very understanding...some people just dont get it unless theyre thrown into the situation themselves. I bet shed think a lot differently if she was in your shoes every night. Good luck to your family, ill be sending positive vibes.

Cricket Bug · April 2016

I'm sorry you are dealing with that from your mother, but thrilled that you have found a way to sleep! When force-fed advice, my go to line to my grandmother (whether true or not) is always "I appreciate your concern, but we have discussed this at length with LO's doctor, and they fully support and encourage 'xyz'." I found that this response both highlighted that we were aware of whatever she saw as being an issue, and then raised the validity of the solution to a level where someone of authority approved. Do what works for your family and consider it a win.

nativetexan512 · April 2016

izzetoot sorry you are dealing with this. My little brother had a similar problem growing up, and my parents finally figured out he had a strong sense of smell, or was extra sensitive to smell, in addition to a strong gag reflex with different kinds of food textures. He would throw up at meals, in the bathroom, outside if he smelled garbage, dog poop, anything. Eventually he got to where he could control it or at least know to anticipate, but even as an adult he gets sick really easily with smell or slimy/soft foods.

asht · April 2016

Sounds like me to a T. I have a strong gag reflex always have. As a kid when I went to the dentist I always had to be put under cause the dentist didn't like being puked on. Today all I have to do is cough sometimes and I throw up. It sucks but as one ages you start learning tricks to help

sunshinern96 · April 2016

We had the same routine with our 2.5 year old DS for about the past year or more. He doesn't usually throw up from crying but cry it out never would work for him because he is just very stubborn and got incredibly worked up and upset when we tried. So we got in the habit of DH sitting in bed with DS until he fell asleep and then bringing him into bed with us when he cried sometime in the early morning. He would go back to sleep with us until 730.

Just this past month, we started using some positive reinforcement (aka bribery) to see if he would sleep in his bed all night. We would just say if you sleep all night in your bed and don't cry, in the morning you get xyz. It would usually be a couple of donut holes or going to school or Target (places he likes and that we were planning to take him to anyway). It worked like a charm for a couple of weeks. But then, of course, he started waking up again. At that point we knew that he was totally capable of sleeping through the night, so we just got a little strict with him and said no, you need to lay down and go back to sleep. That also worked well for some bizarre reason and now he has been sleeping all night in his own bed for several weeks! DH even put him in bed last night and didn't wait for him to fall asleep and he just put himself to sleep! I think this transition was just a combination of him being ready and us giving him a push in the right direction!! I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone and that one day, your DS will actually sleep through the night in his own bed!

izzetoot · April 2016

@asht thats actually why we thought this could be the problem! DH and his dad have the same problem at the dentist. It was my MIL that put 2 and 2 together. Thats awful! Sorry you have to go through that too!

@sunshinern96 that is really encouraging! I may try that now. I keep thinking he's too young to understand things like bribery

but he surprises me all the time with what he picks up on. Maybe I can bribe him with french fries... lol

sunshinern96 · April 2016

@izzetoot yeah I thought that DS would be too young to be bribed too but he got it! We just explained right before bed what he would get if he stayed in bed all night. You never know what will work with these kids!

ETA: Does your DS fall asleep in his own bed or does he fall asleep in your bed and then you transfer him? When we got DS's bed several months ago, we started having him fall asleep in his own bed with one of us sitting in bed with him. We figured it would be good to at least get him used to falling asleep in his own bed instead of our bed. It did end up being a good first step! Just something else I was thinking about...

izzetoot · April 2016

Right now he falls asleep being rocked in the glider in his room with a bottle. Which is also problematic bc sometimes it can take 30-45 mins to get him asleep enough to move him to his crib. But once he's asleep in his crib he'll stay that way for several hours. He naps this way too. We've never been able to put him in the crib awake and let him put himself to sleep.

mhilpisch10 · April 2016

Didn't get a chance to read all the comments but we did the same thing for sleeping with our oldest and we didn't even have to deal with the puking. I find absolutely nothing wrong with having your toddler sleep in bed with you for a few hours!
We have eventually been able to rock him for a few minutes when he wakes once In The middle of the night and put him back in his crib. Actually he only lets my husband rock him in the middle of the night. But anyways. If he is going to sleep in his bed at night I think that is a huge accomplishment and good thing to keep up. You are doing great! And are not alone.

izzetoot · April 2016

@mhilpisch10 Thanks mama! My DH had been getting up with him every night and rocking him back to sleep but it became too much for him to do it on his own after the 2nd or 3rd time 5-6 days in a row. When my MS started I found a huge correlation between sleep and how much I puked the next day. So he insisted I stay in bed instead of taking turns like we did before I got pregnant. We were a very puke-y family there for a few weeks! So that's why we gave up and just let him sleep with us. It is so comforting to know that we're not alone with still having an almost 2yr old still struggling with a sleep routine.

sunshinern96 · April 2016

@izzetoot I think it will work itself out! When are you thinking about making the transition from crib to bed for him? Whenever you do that, I think if you guys can transition to just sitting in bed with him until he falls asleep, he will learn to fall asleep in his own bed without the rocking too. We actually got DS a big boy bed before he was even 2 just because he decided that he hated his crib and was basically sleeping with us all night every night, which we just didn't want to do because he is a crazy sleeper and was keeping us up! He liked the bed from the start, though it did take up to an hour at first for him to fall asleep with us in there. And then he would wake up at like 4 and come in bed with us.

But now for the past 3 nights, DH has stuck him in his bed and said goodnight and he has put himself to sleep and slept all night! If he ever wakes up now, it's usually around 4 am and I just tell him to lay back down and he puts himself back to sleep. I think it's just going to be a gradual transition for you guys like it was for us! But it will happen eventually!

jordycakes · April 2016

Please don't take this the wrong way but...
I had the exact problem with mY DD. She has a very sensitive gag reflux and will puke at the drop of a hat. When she was 18 months old I found out I was pregnant again. At that point i was rocking her to sleep every night and out of fear of vomiting I would bring her in my bed when she would wake up in the middle of the night. If I even tried to let her cry she would puke. I decided to bite the bullet and deal with the vomit and it only took 4 nights. She is 5 now and never went back. I understand it's so exhausting to deal with this but it will be so much worse when you have your next baby. I wish you luck because it's hard to worry about them puking all the time and being tired and pregnant and being upset about your mom.
Like I said please don't take this the wrong way, it's only my own experience.

izzetoot · April 2016

@jordycakes No worries, not taken the wrong way at all! Happy it worked out for you! We're hesitant to give it a go again bc the last time he was vomiting for several days in a row our Pedi & GI were throwing around scary phrases like 'failure to thrive" He's already on the small side, 23 months and barely 24 lbs. And it also seems like when he does throw up, he remember or realizes how easy it is and it will happen again during the day randomly and it becomes difficult to get him to consume enough daily solid foods. Im hoping he will grow out of that soon or perhaps we will try to get him to STTN while we have the newborn. Lord knows we'll be up!

Flowr4246 · April 2016

I've always viewed co-sleeping during hours when a lot of the world has to be up anyway (pretty much any time after 5AM) as a treat anyway. It sounds to me like you've got a good rhythm down with your LO sleeping the biggest part of the night in his own bed. So I really don't see the harm in him enjoying some QT with you guys in his bed during the pre-dawn hours. Your Mom is being a typical grandparent; their way is always better.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Closer to when #2 is ready to arrive I might start trying to wean him down to less and less time in the mornings in your bed, but I wouldn't sweat it. Is still in a crib? If not, you could always lay in his room when he wakes in the morning. That might be broken sleep for you, but it's still preferable to no sleep at all.

And once the new baby is here, if he still needs the extra co-sleep attention, I'm going to suggest that you have your DH step up and take the older LO for those jaunts so you can focus on the baby. You'll get through it!

WTF that can't wait!

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