STMs - Life @ 3 months?

kitandcat · April 2016

Hey STMs! Wondering what life was like for you when you had your first and they were about 3 months? My husband has planned this big weekend when the baby will be about 3 months if he delivers close to his EDD

He invited his parents and his three siblings, which includes their 3 spouses and total of 4 kids (2 very young and 2 teenagers). We moved to a new state a little over a year ago and only his mom has been here, so he wanted everyone to come to spend some time with our new LO but also to see where we live. So the plan is to be pretty active doing lots of touristy things, kid friendly activities like the zoo, spending time at our house, etc. Normally I would really be so excited. I get along really well with his family and love seeing them. But the whole idea overwhelms me. I have no idea what it's like to be a new parent, but I feel like 3 months is MAYBE when I would start feeling like "Hey - I can do this!" but with me and LO at home, not entertaining 12 additional people!?!? It makes me feel like hyperventilating every time I think about it. Especially when I think about all the work that goes into getting your house ready to have people over who haven't seen it before and would be taking "the tour" and looking around, etc. It's gotta be spotless!!! He said he "thinks" everyone would be staying in a hotel, because who wants to stay with people who have a three month old, and we only have 2 extra bedrooms anyway, but he also said if someone asked about staying that of course we would say yes. That makes me even more nervous !! AHHH!!

Maybe I am just freaking out because everything right now is so unexpected? Do you think you had a handle on things and could manage 3-4 days of a big family event that you and SO hosted with your 3 month old? Too overwhelming? Not a big deal?! Am I crazy for being crazy?! LOL

lalala2004 · April 2016

FTM and Different situation, but we are going to visit family out of town when LO will be 2 months old. The way I see it: You make it work. It may be stressful, but this parenting thing is on the job training. You can't hide from life forever because it may be hard, you just figure it out. Good luck!

mrstmoose · April 2016

FTM as well but I think you'll be ok. Maybe if you plan out some of the activities ahead of time, you won't feel so overwhelmed? I would also suggest hiring someone to come and clean your house right before they come so it's one less thing you have to worry about. Anything to make your life easier!

katxattack1212 · April 2016

You'll be ok.
Everyone will want to be near baby and probably help out in that respect.

emma+karen · April 2016

I think you'll be okay. At 3 months I was back at work and we were also about to make a cross-country move, so our house was in chaos, but we were fine. You can always back out of certain activities and outings if you're feeling tired or overwhelmed (use the baby or "the doctor said..." as an excuse). Just focus on yourself and the baby and let your family entertain themselves.

ETA: I'd also point out to him that you definitely don't have room for everyone, so maybe agree that if his parents ask they can stay with you, but his siblings should get a heads-up that they definitely need to get a hotel. I already had the "your dad needs to get a hotel" convo with my wife--I wanted NO confusion on that point!

slfezz · April 2016

By the time my previous kids were 3 months old they had gotten on a predictable schedule and were sleeping at least 6 hours straight at night. I was going on all day outings at that point and even took DD2 on a weeklong beach vacation.

Every baby is different but it would be no big deal to me as long as the family knew that nap times were going to be enforced and the house would need to be quiet and if you are BFing that a) boobs would be out or b) make sure you have an off limits space for that time that's comfortable for you.

kbrands7 · April 2016

By 3 months, we had settled into a nice groove. (Just in time to go back to work and screw it all up.) You may not be sleeping very much yet, so be sure to ask for/accept some help, but otherwise it should be fun! We had family stay with us when DS turned 2 months old which felt a tiny bit early to host, but it still went well overall.

finnybooboo · April 2016

Agree with PP's that 3 months was definitely when we settled into more of a predictable routine with eating and napping. I think you'll be just fine, and you can plan what you partake in around LO's schedule.

hellogoodbye2 · April 2016

3 months? Jeez, I forget. My daughter was sleeping pretty well at that point, that's all I remember lol.

BlueJuice · April 2016

I remember specifically a date that was right around 2m with my daughter being when I felt like 'this is new and hard, but I can do it.' Where I felt like we were doing okay and not just flailing through the days and weeks. We also took a vacation at not-quite-6m where I felt like I was on top of it.

What you're planning at 3m sounds pretty okay for me. Understand that you probably won't be up for heavy-duty hosting duties personally (i.e., if there's going to be deep-cleaning of the house or cooking a lot of meals for these guests, your husband should shoulder the bulk of it) so make plans to delegate or eliminate that stuff as much as possible - plan to eat out, to pick up sandwiches and bring them in, whatever. Expect that you will still be breastfeeding (if you're planning to) and that will be a regular, substantial part of your days, and expect that your baby will not be sleeping through the night yet, so you will probably not be interested in super late nights or early mornings. Basically, plan a schedule that is flexible and not too strenuous, and I think you'll be fine.

My brother and his wife brought their 2+m baby on a Disney vacation with our whole extended family (I think there were 12 of us total, including the baby), and they took breaks whenever they needed to, which meant they didn't do -quite- as much as the rest of us. Sometimes my SIL would skip a ride in favor of a nursing break, or they would disappear to change diapers while we were shopping, or whatever, but we still all had a great time. The nice thing about traveling in a group like that is that there is always someone around who is happy to hold the baby so that mom and dad can have a bit of a break, too. And a 3m baby is still tremendously portable and sleeps quite a lot, so invest in a decent baby carrier and have fun!

mello13 · April 2016

Right around 3 months you hit the Glory Days! It's pretty much my favorite time for babies. LO should have an eating and sleeping schedule you can anticipate to some degree, they are awake more and doing cute things (coo's and smiles and such) but still small enough (and not eating solids) that they are easily portable and can do outings with the family.

With regard to your specific situation, I agree with some things PP's have mentioned, including talking to DH about expectations. Perhaps have him let the grandparents know that if they would like to stay at your place they are welcome, but the siblings and cousins will need to get a hotel. Also, since it is your DH that is planning this whole endeavor, let him know you will absolutely expect him to clean and ready the place for the family to arrive. And be clear that if you or the baby are getting too overwhelmed with the activities, number of people trying to hold the baby, etc, that you can and will bow out of certain outings/take baby to a private quiet room/call it a night whenever you feel it's needed, and that this will happen without guilt, or pouting, or any of that family stuff that sometimes occurs.

Overall though, I'd say it should be a good time for you and your husbands family. It's also a bonus that everyone coming has kids of their own. Whether they are grown or are toddlers, these people have been where you are. And parenting styles change, new information helps us better care for our kids, but that feeling of BEING a parent is something that they will all be able to celebrate and sympathize with.

Jenly17 · April 2016

I get this way too! I don't particularly love people (even family) for an extended period of time at my home. That said-I think you'll be in a nice groove by that point. My DD was sleeping like a champ at 3 mos PP. As many PP's have mentioned, you'll need to have a PSA about nap time, breastfeeding, and whatever else makes your household run smoothly. I'm also totally on board with the siblings getting a hotel room so that your home is not in a state of chaos for you. Maybe you can suggest H and his family to grab lunch or do some fun things during the day so that you an have some peace and quiet, or just nap and do whatever? I would have them visit, but definitely game plan it out with your H, and let him know that depending on how your feeling, the plans may change. GL!

missnc77 · April 2016

I would love to take a vacation the last week of my maternity leave. Not anything over the top obviously, but something fun we can do to get out of town that would be good with a baby. This thread gives me hope.

cortney626 · April 2016

By 3 months, like PPs have mentioned, my daughter was in a routine and sleeping through the night. What you described was definitely manageable. I'd want family to get a hotel though and tell them about your routine, etc. But by 3 months, I was back to work and we had already done a ton of activities/ outings.

JessicaB0627 · April 2016

I agree with PPs. You might even enjoy having so many other people around to hold the baby while you shower or eat a meal. 3 months is a really good age to take out and do things with too. I also agree that your DH should take on some of the responsibility for cleaning and getting things ready for their arrival!

doozer1345 · April 2016

We had my dad and stepmom come into town when DD1 was 6 mos old. They stayed in a hotel (which actually was more of hassle and I had wished they would have stayed with us). We did a lot of outing stuff which was nice bc it forced me out of the house and out of my "nest." Keep in mind that it's family so they'll probably be more than happy to lend a hand and give you some breaks. I had a good experience and was glad for it.

Bellodomani · April 2016

I think PPs have pretty much covered all of the territory- the only thing I was going to emphasize was that it can be really nice if you do start feeling overwhelmed at any point to use the baby as your excuse to take a break. You can always just take baby to your room to nurse/ nap/ pretend to do either of those things while you watch 30 Rock on your iPad. I get along super well with my in-laws too, but even still I occasionally needed those breaks when they visited in the early days. Also, if they do start to drive you crazy, give them a job that suits them, like taking the baby while you shower, or making some meals for you to keep in the freezer for after they leave. My MIL, who is totally amazing and I love her, got a little crazy for like 6 months after the baby came and she just needed to be given a task to channel her crazy, or else she drove everyone else crazy too.

Klittle779 · April 2016

Totally can understand how you feel. It's so overwhelming thinking about life after baby. By 3 months you and SO will feel much more relaxed and a sense of confidence. Just relax and let it happen. Hope this helps. Sounds like something fun to look forward to which is good after 9 months of pregnancy and the first few weeks of newborn life which are draining. You'll have fun

bkjade · April 2016

Agree with PP but especially @doozer1345 about getting out of the "nest". When my daughters were that age it was nice to have some planned activities with family and friends. I rarely wanted to do them once the day came because watching BBC all day sitting on the couch was sooooo comfortable and I am a lazy bum, but always ended up having a great time, bonus for getting breaks to eat without a baby strapped to my body while other people doted over them and getting to talk to other adults (my infants weren't huge conversationalists)

You're going to have a blast!

Also, totes hire someone to clean the house. Worth it.

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