It all started this weekend when my sister and her kids came by to see my husband and I. I was watching my husband hold my 4 month old nephew. He was wonderful with him, making him smile and then eventually the cute little guy fell asleep on my husband. I had to act like I needed to use the bathroom so I could bawl my eyes out for a few. It was adorable, but I felt really really sad. Sad that my husband isn't going to have a sweet baby to hold this year. Sad that our Christmas (our most favorite holiday) will be very empty once again, just opening our presents. Sad that it will be mother's day soon, and I won't be getting a cute card or gift, like my sister always gets. I wanted so badly to have a little one, to watch my husband be the wonderful daddy I know that he will be. I feel like I have let him down. I know that he would never say it, but it was my body that decided that it couldn't sustain this baby and keep it alive. Then, on my way home from vacation I saw a billboard showing a picture with an ultrasound, 8 weeks gestation. I burst into tears the whole 3 hour drive home. Now, I saw my friend announce that she and her husband are pregnant. I got on pinterest after, and saw all of the baby stuff being pinned. I feel horrible. I don't know what to do, at this point. I just want to be a mommy and I don't want my husband to feel like I'm the one to blame (even though I know he would never admit it.) Sorry for venting. It's hard to talk about this to anyone in person.
Me: 28 DH: 29
TTC: March 2015
Confirmed MMC: 3-31-16
TTCAL: May 2016
IUI: 5/13/17-Femara and Trigger, POAS 5/27/17 BFP 5/27/17