Just sad

WhitSawyer21 · April 2016

So... any TTC out there that is just sad. My husband and I got married this past Nov.21st and we have been TTC since. I was 5 days late this past cycle and for a split second I truly thought I was pregnant. I headed off to work after taking a PT that showed 2 faint lines then disappeared to nothing... then an hour after work began I started. I have never really got upset until today. I am just sad and feel like it's never going to happen. Anyone out there just sad? I am 30 (turning 31 on Sunday) and I am afraid it's not going to happen.

MollyandD · April 2016

You're very young to say it's not going to happen. It takes some people longer than others. That doesn't mean you won't become pregnant ever.

ETA: I've got friends and family that have taken up to a year to conceive, and others that got pregnant in the first month of trying. Everyone has different luck and a different body.

houseofsetters · April 2016

I'm sorry you are sad. I have my moments also, as most of us do! Know that it can take a healthy couple a year to get pregnant, so you are nowhere near that.

You might want to consider BBT to avoid this kind of stress in the future (thinking your period is late when you likely just ovulated late)!

Feel free to join in on the WTO and TWW threads here, that's the place where you can rant/rave daily, and is a way to give and receive support in this community.

HopingForOneAgain · April 2016

TTC sucks for a lot of people. I am just starting the journey this time around, but I have dealt with infertility in the past, so I get it.

Just try to remind yourself of these things: first, that even healthy couples can take a year to conceive without having any issues, so you have no reason to worry at this point; second, that you are young and have plenty of time to figure things out if there ARE any issues; and third...okay I don't have a third. But I feel for you.

Megzb510 · April 2016

Sorry you are having a rough TTC day. I recommend temping if you aren't already. I second previous posters advice on joining our daily threads. Thats where we post our frustrations about ttc and give/receive support.

mylove071407 · April 2016

I'm sorry you are having a rough day. I wouldn't give up hope. It takes the average couple with no fertility issues a year to conceive. I would start charting if you aren't already.

kiki75 · April 2016

To be clear, I'm not aiming to diminish how you're feeling today. We all get down now and then about the process but really, five months of trying is not long at all. I know it feels long (and it sounds like you're feeling old...you're not), but it's just a process. Go ahead and wallow today. Tomorrow is a new day!

NamelessAria · April 2016

I think everyone here can relate to how you're feeling. It's unfortunately very common to have rough TTC days where you just feel sad, frustrated and defeated.

Like the others have said you're still well within the time frame it takes a normal, healthy couple to conceive. The odds are very much in your favor that you'll get pregnant and have a baby. I know being told that "it'll happen eventually!" isn't really much help on hard days. I know what it is like to want a baby now and not eventually.

I'm going to 100% agree with the previous posters who suggested you start temping. The last cycle I wasn't temping I was "late" with nothing but BFNs. I was absolutely going insane wondering what the heck was going on. Did I ovulate at all? If I did, when did I? Was I actually late? When should I expect my period? It was horrible. After that debacle I decided that it was totally worth it to spend a minute to two temping each morning. And it has been a huge sanity saver. Now on the cycles where I ovulate later than normal I know I ovulated later than normal and I'm not going crazy wondering what is going on when I'm "late" because I know I'm not really late yet. I tend to ovulate anytime from CD14- CD36 with around CD20 being the most common. Temping has been invaluable. I have no plans at all of ever going back to not temping while TTC. Ever. I cannot recommend it enough.

**TW: losses mentioned. Stop reading here if this topic may trigger you**

I'm also sad. I've been TTC since January 2015. I've been temping, charting, using OPKs, and all that jazz since August 2015. So far I've had one early MC at 6w4d and 2 chemical pregnancies. My family talks all the time about how my niece is the only grandchild my parents will ever have. And hearing people say that is just soul crushing. I just came back from visiting my family (they live halfway across the country so usually when I visit I stay for a week or two) and when I got home I was am emotional, weepy mess for a couple of days. I've been having a really, really hard time handling it all. And so I totally get feeling sad. Lots of hugs. Hang in there. It's hard. And TTC definitely comes with days where you just feel sad, frustrated and defeated. But you know what? The odds are in our favor that we'll get our take home baby. And that baby will never have to wonder if he/she was wanted or an accident/mistake. And when we have that tiny little person in our arms we'll know all the sadness, frustration and pain was worth it.

Edit: fixed some typing errors.

CoonMom · April 2016

I can totally relate. I've been trying since January 2015. It took until November 2015 to get KU. Sadly it ended in a MC at 6 weeks. Last month hit me the hardest. I would get my rainbow baby before I turn 30 in January, it would be safe to tell people around Mother's Day, I would be due around my MC date, I could go on. What was the worst was I was truly 3 days late. I tempted and confirmed Ovulation CD15. My longest LP was 14 days. I had sore boobs, no cramps, and all the signs I had with my pregnancy except negative tests. What they say is true...you are regular until you're not.

ETA: I had a gut feeling that something was "wrong"/a reason why it was taking so long. In late August I had a gallstone attack that send me to surgery to remove it early October. They discovered and removed endo. Two months later I got KU. I'm not suggesting there is something wrong, just suggesting investigating family history. It may or may not help. My sister has/had endo and got KU on her first try.

Trust me, I know this journey sucks. Keep your head up and have a little faith. Feel free to PM me if you want to vent/talk.

MrsFL2015 · April 2016

If you've been trying since November, I would not get discouraged. There is only a 20% chance of conceiving during any given cycle. That's very low! So, this process does take time. Are you charting/tempting? Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility? If not, I suggest you start ASAP! It's going to change your thinking about TTC. I just started reading and I had a huge "aha" moment. There are people who are lucky enough to get pregnant while NTNP (I'm not sure if that's your current method) but for others it does take precise planning/charting, etc.

Stay positive and good luck!

izza2 · April 2016

Kiki75 said:

To be clear, I'm not aiming to diminish how you're feeling today. We all get down now and then about the process but really, five months of trying is not long at all. I know it feels long (and it sounds like you're feeling old...you're not), but it's just a process. Go ahead and wallow today. Tomorrow is a new day!

^^ This.
I get it, everyone who's ever TTC for more than one cycle gets it. TTC is an emotional journey and it can be a rough one for too many couples.
However - you need to keep in mind that it can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive. You're at 5 months, barely even halfway to the year mark. You're 30; you are not by any means "old".

I highly suggest two things:
First: try taking your BBT to track your ovulation. Without it, you're on a roller coaster every month of wondering when to expect AF, and even if you have regular cycles, you can ovulate late and you're wondering when you actually ovulated. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But, it can be a great resource for tracking your cycles accurately.
Second: participate in the daily threads; WTO, TWW, and other randoms. They're where we tend to stick rants and raves and general complaints during the TTC process. They're also an excellent way of getting to know the community.

Good luck.

Kay6519 · April 2016

I'm sorry you are having a sad day. TTC for 5 months is not very long though. You are well within the year normal couples take to conceive.

PepperAT · April 2016

We all have these days and I am sorry that you are feeling down today, hopefully tomorrow is better. I would suggest to join us in the TWW / WTO discussions. It can be a great distraction and we do our best to support each other. I definitely agree with @izza2 Temping has made all the difference and takes away the guess work.

I definitely wouldn't create all whole new discussion for this and I know that it feels like it now, but you have not been trying for that long.

To anyone who is feeling down...puppies!

katesmama0706 · April 2016

DH's cousin once told me I wasn't allowed to be sad because she had it harder. Made me so mad. Girl. Be sad if you're sad. Don't fight it, but remember everyone has good and bad TTC days. Good luck and hugs!

WhitSawyer21 · April 2016

Wow! Thank you ladies... SO MUCH! How do I tempt? I have an app on my phone to chart my menstrual cycle and the high fertile days. I also just bought a ovulation 1 month kit. One month (2 MONTHS ago) on my journey I had a clear blue digital "Positive" result then 3 "negative" results to follow. So... its been an emotional roller coaster.

MelissaM090 · April 2016

Hi @WhitSawyer21 - read 'Taking Care of Your Fertility' by Toni Weschler as soon as you can. It's life changing in this process. And there's tons of period / ovulation tracker apps out there but the one overwhelmingly favoured here is Fertility Friend. There's tons of information about temping and charting in the app, and it will support what you're learning in TCOYF.

PepperAT · April 2016

Fertility Friend is definitely the favored app of choice around here. Once you download the app, there is a very detailed tutorial available to get you started with temping.

Also, with many apps, if you are not entering additional information it is predicting your "high fertile days" based on a standard 28-29 day cycle and probably suggesting O is on day 14, which is not always true. You may be missing your FW all together! It is always worth a try.

mrsdee15 · April 2016

I second all the suggestions you've gotten. I get it, we all get it. We all have bad TTC days. I, just like you, am 30, about to turn 31 in a few weeks, and have been trying for 5 cycles. Honestly, temping and tracking OPKs/CM/CP, plus board participation here has really made a difference. It makes me feel in control, and like there are others going through the same thing. You should join in!

ETF words.

nwshay · April 2016

I hear ya @WhitSawyer21
**TW loss mentioned**

I am on month 7 and I've had a chemical pregnancy and a loss at 8 weeks and was benched for 2 months. Its been a crazy, dragged out experience and some days I am so sad and I dont even want to try anymore. BUT there are other days where DH and I take advantage of not being pregnant, or having LOs and we go out, we have a hot date night, and a non stressful night together. Its a long, difficult process, but it can also be rewarding, interesting, and a lot of fun. Like a cpl of PPs have said, when your sad, be sad! Eat some ice cream, watch some trash TV and feel bad for yourself. Believe me, some times you just need to. But, jump right back into it. Read some books, and some articles, educate your husband and get him interested too, and have fun!

Maydar · April 2016

Oh my gosh yes, I've had those sad days. I've just started crying a few times because of it, with no specific trigger.

I definitely suggest getting into temping and knowing exactly when you're fertile - it will likely help you get pregnant, and even if it doesn't, it gives you that satisfaction of knowing you did everything you could each cycle. I'm in a position where we are very unlikely to conceive naturally right now but it's still technically possible, so I'm gonna chart everything I can and have sex on all the right days, to make the most of that tiny percent of a chance.

Liss_37 · April 2016

totally with you there. I've had many sad days along this journey. In May 2014 I miscarried and then my husband got sick and we could not TTC until he was well again. So we began again in November 2015. It's been a long hard journey that has seen its share of tears, but that's okay. We have our sad days and then we pick ourselves up and we go on. This place is a wonderful forum for support, and I hope you'll stick with us along your journey. it truly does help a ton.

picklesplease · April 2016

This has been me lately:

Image: https://rack.3.mshcdn.com/media/ZgkyMDEzLzA3LzE4Lzc1L0RyLldoby41Mjg5ZC5naWYKcAl0aHVtYgkxMjAweDk2MDA-/571ec44d/6da/Dr.-Who.gif

We've all been there. I'm also 30, and I turn 31 in a few months (July). I thought I wouldn't have any problems getting KTFU, but here I am, 8 months later, being diagnosed with PCOS. We all have bad days...I'm currently having a bad month. However, the thing that makes this whole process so much easier for me has been the wonderful ladies on this board. Their support has meant so much. I get lots of support and advice when I need it, but I also get a dose of reality when I'm wallowing too much. I cannot recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility enough and charting your cycles. It's also important to jump on the daily threads and participate; the better we can get to "know" you, the more precise our advice can be.

ladystinson · April 2016

@WhitSawyer21 as pp's have mentioned, temping is a huge help with the craziness. Walmart carried basal body temperature thermometers and of course theres always the internet. I got my mabis on amazon for around 7 bucks. My wake up schedule is somewhat erratic in terms of when I need to get up but you need to temp at the same time every day (right when waking up, before you get up/drink/talk/etc) and after at least 3 consecutive hours of sleep, so I figured the earliest I would need to get up on a regular basis and thats when I temp, even on weekends. Then when I'm done (takes about a minute or so) I just go back to sleep if I dont need to be up. Personally, I record my temp right then in the fertility friend app, but most of the BBT thermometers have a memory for the last temp taken so when you turn it on it will show for a second. I know some ladies take theirs, pass back out until they need to get up and then turn it on and record

I also completely get being sad, I'll be 30 in June and we're on month 6 (in the TWW right now) some days just suck and you get in a funk. I can sit there and quote statistics and afirmations to myself and it wone make a difference, but then other days I'm all rawr! lets do this! even if its CD1 after convincing myself that I was pregnant. Its very emotional and slightly draining. Try to relax and take care of yourself for a bit (mani, pedi, gym, whatever makes you feel better) tomorrow is another day, and it will be a better one.
Hugs

ladystinson · April 2016

For everyone having doubts and feeling down

Here's a tiny potato

Image: https://www.funniestmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Funniest_Memes_i-am-a-tiny-potato-and-i-belive-in-you_14996.jpeg

tcolechia · April 2016

@whitsawyer21 I can definitely relate to how you are feeling. I have been trying for 2 1/2 years now and I feel down and question if it will ever happen as well. But try to stay positive during this difficult time.

KarliQ88 · April 2016

Ok that great sperm race on you tube is kind of funny and entertaining! Love it.

meilay · April 2016

@ladystinson I had that potato as my phone screensaver for months when I was going through a tough time! It's so incredibly cute.

Knottie1440628507 · April 2016

My husband and I have been trying to have baby number two for over a year now. This month I absolutely thought I finally got pregnant and was super convinced it finally happened but today I got my Bfn . I am so sad, I do think it will happen again.

MaraChanda · April 2016

Hang in there! Give yourself time to grieve and work with the disappointment but get right back up again... everything that is meant to be takes time. Every cycle can be filled with enough ups and downs to discourage you, but try to inure yourself. Build up your 'armor' and don't be dragged down for too long by each disappointment. **I found that after 4 years of multiple losses, fertility treatments and great sadness- its important to try and bounce back! Also, Strawberry (pick your favorite!) Haagen-Daz is really good:)

WhitSawyer21 · April 2016

Thank you... Thank you ladies! I feel much better today and let myself go last night and cry it all out. I am excited to start using my ovulation kit. Is there any truth into putting a pillow under your butt and your legs in the air after sex?

picklesplease · April 2016

@WhitSawyer21 - I recommend you start participating in the daily threads. That question is perfect for the WTO thread.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · April 2016

WhitSawyer21 said:

Thank you... Thank you ladies! I feel much better today and let myself go last night and cry it all out. I am excited to start using my ovulation kit. Is there any truth into putting a pillow under your butt and your legs in the air after sex?

Sorry you were feeling down but glad you're feeling better today. As to the bolded, please don't do that. There is no truth to that. Sperm are fast and get where they need to within seconds. All you are going to get by doing that is a higher risk of a UTI. It's really not necessary.

Just sad

Re: Just sad

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