first miscarriage

mszobota · April 2016

While this has been a devastating experience, I'm grateful for the support of this community. At my 8 week ultrasound, we found out the baby had not grew since what would have been a 5 week pregnancy. My OB wanted to wait a week to confirm no growth which was the worst week of my life. At 9 weeks, a missed miscarriage was confirmed. I decided to go the misoprostol route and it did not work at all. Finally, at 10 weeks, I went in for a D&C that went as well as possible (had not bled at all and the baby had passed 5 weeks earlier). We've asked for the tissue to be tested for chromosomal issues. This is also my first pregnancy.

I feel like I'm finally able to move on from the physical part of this. The emotional part is another story. I just realized that the chromosomal testing will tell us gender if we want that information. I am so split on this because I was at peace not knowing. I feel like knowing will bust open wounds much much more. But if we have this info, how can I not find out knowing we had this at our fingertips? Have any of you been through this?

BrightenMySky · April 2016

I am sorry for your loss. We had testing after our loss. It was our first, but we wanted the testing to have more information, and we did find out the reason for our loss, which was helpful. My OB told me the sex without warning/asking if I wanted to know, which I did not appreciate (it was one of many less than compassionate experiences I had with them, and I am no longer going to them). I think ultimately I would have wanted to know, just with some advanced warning or time to prepare. It definitely made it feel more real all over again right when I found out, but ultimately I am glad we found out and I don't think it has really made me feel worse in the long run. *hugs*

kmkremp7 · April 2016

@mszobotaMy husband and I found out at our 20 week ultrasound that our baby had lost it's heartbeat at 18 weeks. I had a D&E ( similar to a D&C but was asleep and takes a bit longer since baby is bigger) which we sent out to test the tissues to find some sort of answers. We told the surgeon and my OB that we did NOT want to know the gender-figured it would be salt in the wound and not help us with our grieving process. She said that this was completely acceptable, they would run the tests but we would remind them to not tell us the gender when going over the result. We figured this would help us in our healing process. I know it's not right for everyone, but it's right for us. Hope you find some closure and peace in your decision xoxo

fiorip · April 2016

First, I'm so sorry you're going through this, having been through it 3 times I can without a doubt say it's the hardest thing. With my last two losses I was 21.6 and 17 weeks so I already knew they where boys, doctors recommended genetic testing and biopsy and finding out that they were completely perfect and healthy little boys was really hard, it meant that my body was the problem. My body had rejected my babies, the babies I so desperately wanted. I take it one day at a time, some days are better than others, specially when someone else around me announces their pregnancy, seeing the whole process, the baby showers, the pregnancy photos and knowing I will never get that, I'll never be the glowing, happy pregnant woman and it's hard. As hard as it still is to accept, it also gave me answers and it has made me stronger and prepared me, it doesn't make me lose hope and I will keep trying over and over. I hope you can find peace and get answers, hugs.

Hopefulmommy1980 · April 2016

I am sorry for you loss

CRJones1978 · April 2016

My heart breaks for all you. I hope you find peace and comfort soon.

joyful08 · April 2016

I am so very sorry for your loss. We lost our baby at 12 weeks (stopped growing at 9.5 weeks). We didn't do any testing. I was okay with this since it was our first baby lost. (I had a blighted ovum in November). I thought I was okay with not knowing the sex. It's been a month since we lost it but the more time goes on the more I want to know what the sex is. I know it will change nothing but I so want to be able to say "my son" or "my daughter" when talking about it. Ultimately it's your decision of course but I just wanted you to know how much I wish I could have that information. I am so sorry for your loss.

mszobota · May 2016

Thank you to everyone for your stories. I am so so so deeply saddened to hear of all of your experiences. It is completely heart wrenching in every way. I ended up having complications from my D&C and I had contractions and a lot of bleeding. I also just found out I'm RH - which will prove to be an interesting factor moving forward.

We decided to find out the gender once we have the testing back. We really went back and forth and I can imagine and relate to not wanting to know. We selected names for this baby and I'd really like to give this baby a name. It may or may not help us with our grieving process.

Holding all of you and your babies in my heart.

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