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Name drama *updated*

emma+karenemma+karen member
edited April 2016 in May 2016 Moms

So after at least 10 weeks of thinking we were settled on Samuel Eli as our name, my wife springs on me last night that she's not 100% sold on it and wants to use Ballard as the middle name.  It was her grandfather's last name before he changed it to join the Army underage during WWI. 

1.  I don't appreciate having this sprung on me out of nowhere at 36 weeks.  She didn't say a word until last night.

2.  I don't like the sound of Ballard. 

3.  Eli is my family name choice; Samuel was just a name we both liked and agreed on.  So she says she wants the baby to have "something from her family" but I have to drop the name that comes from my family?  Her dad already treats me like little more than an incubator for his grandchildren.

4.  She picked Theodore for our first son, after her other grandfather.  I hated it, but let her have it.  It's grown on me, and Teddy totally suits him, but still.  I want the choice that I'm 100% on board with for this baby.

I told her I'd agree to Ballard only if we go with David, my dad's name, as the first name.  She's already told me she doesn't like the name David as a first name, she wants something that can be shortened to a nickname.  

I mostly just wanted to vent, though I'm not at all sure how we're going to resolve this.  It's so frustrating to have her spring this on me with a month left.  And if anyone wants to try to convince me to like the name Ballard, feel free.  Sigh.

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Re: Name drama *updated*

  • lionstigersbearslionstigersbears member
    Totally understand where you are coming from. It can be a comfort to settle on a name, so changing that up so late sounds stressful! It sounds like you've compromised before and are looking for your wife to compromise this time which is likely a conversation for a calm, planned chat not in the moment of this surprise change. For what it's worth, Ballard sounds just fine to me, but all I think of is Jake Ballard from Scandal! What about Eli Ballard? Elliot/Elias/Elijah would make it meet the requirement of a first name having a nickname. I hope you figure it out soon so the stress can end! 
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  • lalala2004lalala2004 member
    I totally get your frustration. Plus David totally has a nickname.... Dave. I also would not be sold on Ballard. It makes me think of Mallard which makes me think of a duck, not a little boy!
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  • erikaja6erikaja6 member
    Just curious...was your first son's middle name connected to your family? Does your first son have your last name? I am trying to figure out why she is so focused on making sure her family is represented. It seems as though when naming both your first son and second son, you have been willing to compromise, but she has not. That is not fair. 
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  • MercielMerciel member
    I don't have any advice, I just wanted to offer sympathies and agree with PP's that it sounds like you're giving up all the concessions here and that's not really fair.
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  • emma+karenemma+karen member
    Our first son's middle name is Perry, which is from my family.  More than that, though, I think the main reason she is so focused on making sure her family is represented is because of the lack of biological connection.  Which shouldn't matter, but it's clearly an issue for her.  Her brother has also said similar things when he and his wife talk about the possibility of adopting--"I always thought when I had kids they'd be mine," things like that.  For whatever reason, it's a hard thing for her to get over.  So I have tried to do certain things that make her more comfortable (like being willing to have my ILs around way more than I'd prefer).  But this is particularly frustrating because I thought we were agreed, and now she's turning it around on me.

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  • emma+karenemma+karen member
    Oh, and I should add that our kids' last names are hyphenated, and hers is first, so inevitably it gets shortened to just hers and mine gets left off.

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  • proudparent2bproudparent2b member
    Sounds pretty typical to me! DH is holding me to the name we talked about four years ago, long before we seriously thought about having a kid. It bugs me a bit because I'd love to have part of DS's name reflect his grandfather who passed away since then. At the same point, I understand where he's coming from, so I'm okay with it.

    However, I will expect a bit more veto power on our next kid's name.

    Just sounds like you two need to set some time aside to discuss and figure out where each of you are coming from.
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  • gamommyx3gamommyx3 member
    I think if you can't agree to compromise on using both David & Ballard then you should take both off the table. It's not fair for her to have the name she wants that you dont like & not agree to use the name you want that she doesnt like.
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  • balamamabalamama member
    ugh sorry @emma+karen that is so aggravating. I'd stick to my guns if I were you and maybe try to compromise by doing what PPs have suggested (I like Eli Ballard and David (Dave) Ballard).
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  • LadySamLadyLadySamLady member
    Why not wait until you meet him to make the decision final? It might be easier for both of you to compromise while you're basking in his glory than it is right now during the final countdown.
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  • mcb2016mcb2016 member
    I wouldn't want to give in this time. Hope you can figure it out in the least stressful way possible! 


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  • CharissadeatsCharissadeats member
    Can't you ladies give him two middle names? Samuel David Ballard is very powerful once put together. I obviously have no idea what your surnames are, and do realise that he already has two, so it's bound to be a mouth-full - but as far as names go?

    Need to mention that two middle names is not uncommon in some cultures here, but might be that side, so if I am way off point, please excuse my ignorance :) 
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  • VS2016VS2016 member
    @emma+karen this would put me in a panic! So sorry you are going through this. Finding the perfect name is so much work because you know that child will have it forever!  In my opinion, since she got a family name with the first one, it is your turn! But, that may be how it will turn out.  I hope you can work it out and quick since you are so close to your due date! Hugs!! 
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  • mrstmoosemrstmoose member
    I can understand your frustration, especially since you compromised on your first child's name. I also like the name Eli Ballard. But it sounds like you guys really need to sit down and talk this out.
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  • cortney626cortney626 member
    I agree you should sit down and discuss this. Sounds like you compromised and I would think your wife should. Hopefully you can come to an agreement that you're both happy with. I'm partial to David as it's my dad's name and he goes by Dave a lot also. 
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  • emma+karenemma+karen member

    @cortney626 My dad also goes by Dave--in fact, my mom is the only person I've ever heard call him David.  (My grandmother might've, but she died when I was only four.) 

    Anyway, yes, I know we need to talk more about it.  This thread has been helpful for processing what I want and where I'm willing to compromise, so thanks, everyone!

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  • TinaThoTinaTho member
    Sorry this is happening for you. Has something happened recently for her family that is causing the change
    of heart? I recently just had my last living grandparent pass and it made me nostalgic to the point that I'm changing our LO's middle name to Beatrice (my grandmother) from Elise (his family name) after months of commiting to Elise. And he let me have it, I think due to the recent trauma. So I guess I'm on the opposite side. But if he were upset with me, I'd likely have backed down on it. Since it is a joint decision.

    That being said, this is our first and not planned to be our last... So I can't say I didn't agree that we'd use Elise if we have another girl. 

    Hope it all works out. Eli is a nice name. Any way you could compromise and use something that isn't a family name so no one "wins"? Or perhaps use both? My sister couldn't decide on her first and ended up giving him two middle names. It's a bit much and quite a mouthful but it kept the peace in their home.
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  • kitandcatkitandcat member
    emma+karen said:

    I will probably suggest two middle names if she really wants to go with Ballard.  But I expect she'll shoot that down because of the hyphenated last name.  It is a big mouthful--our last names don't exactly go well together, and it's a LONG hyphenated name, but since neither of us wanted to take the other's name, hyphenating for the kids was the only fair option. 

    I'm thinking that I will tell her I'm willing to compromise on Eli Ballard.  I'm not crazy about it, but it's the middle name, it won't get used much.

    I really like the name Eli Ballard! I like the idea of you not having to change it at the last minute at all LOL... But Eli Ballard really has a nice ring to it! :-) 
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  • kitandcatkitandcat member
    TinaTho said:
    Sorry this is happening for you. Has something happened recently for her family that is causing the change
    of heart? I recently just had my last living grandparent pass and it made me nostalgic to the point that I'm changing our LO's middle name to Beatrice (my grandmother) from Elise (his family name) after months of commiting to Elise. And he let me have it, I think due to the recent trauma. So I guess I'm on the opposite side. But if he were upset with me, I'd likely have backed down on it. Since it is a joint decision.

    That being said, this is our first and not planned to be our last... So I can't say I didn't agree that we'd use Elise if we have another girl. 

    Hope it all works out. Eli is a nice name. Any way you could compromise and use something that isn't a family name so no one "wins"? Or perhaps use both? My sister couldn't decide on her first and ended up giving him two middle names. It's a bit much and quite a mouthful but it kept the peace in their home.
    I think going with a name with no family connection is a great suggestion, too! DH and I considered some family names for first and middle, but we both couldn't agree on anything so we went with a name that no one has, and it made the conversation a lot easier and light hearted and fun!
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  • doozer1345doozer1345 member
    Totally understand what you're going through. DH essentially came up with DD1's name (I do love it). He wants McKenzie June but we would call her June. June is the name I picked out and he picked out McKenzie. He wanted it for DD1 but I vetoed it. McKenzie is the name of his beloved dog in college that ran away.....Yes. Needless to say we are NOT agreeing on a name. I want June Elizabeth since my aunt who passed (and I was very close with) was named Elizabeth (bonus his mom's middle name is Lizabeth). He's been telling everyone DD2's name is McKenzie June and all of his friends from college keep asking: Isn't that the name of your old dog??

    UGH... I say since first time around was more her choice this time around should be more yours. However, I'm in the same argument boat so I know it's easier said than done.
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  • peregrinefalconxperegrinefalconx member
    [lurking from June] I like the OP's idea for a name. I love Eli and would love to be able to use that name someday.

    I understand her need for greater connection, using a donor; however, this may be something she needs to speak about with a counselor (or both of you should go), as it's bleeding out over your relationship. There's no shame in seeking additional help (I have).
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  • okcountrygirlokcountrygirl member
    This would definitely be a hard thing to deal with last minute. I like the suggestions of those who have said Eli Ballard or David Ballard. They both sound great to me. Maybe y'all can sit down and talk about how she might not be as hip on David or Eli as middle name, but since you're not very on Ballard, it would be a very fair compromise for you both. My son's name is going to be Elias (Eli) Lincoln. Elias was hubs choice and Lincoln was mine so we figured the fairest way to do it was to just use both. Good luck and hope it all works out!
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  • wsgjmw1wsgjmw1 member
    Aquinna82 said:
    I think if you can't agree to compromise on using both David & Ballard then you should take both off the table. It's not fair for her to have the name she wants that you dont like & not agree to use the name you want that she doesnt like.
    This . 
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  • vinerievinerie member
    Slightly OT, @emma+Karen but we are also hyphenating and my name will be first and I've always suspected if he shortens it, he'll just go with the second part of his last name (my partner's name). So who knows!
    Me: 38; DH: 41
    DS: Born 5-17-16 

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  • PYLWhammyPYLWhammy member
    I'm glad you were able to compromise, and Eli is a great name!
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  • TinaThoTinaTho member
    Eli Ballard is a great name!
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  • littlebb22littlebb22 member
    missnc77 said:
    FWIW - I think Eli Ballard sounds like a great name. Reminds me of something from a Mark Twain novel.
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  • dshannahdshannah member
    Eli Ballard is also E. B. :)  Like E.B. White!

    Awesome name!
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