Twatwaffle Tuesday

MelissaM090 · April 2016

I'm totally starting this bad boy early for my own selfish purposes.

Who's your Twatwaffle today?

MelissaM090 · April 2016

My TW is my boss. I do marketing and such for his restaurant and while I don't have a graphic design education by any stretch of the imagination, I do all his promo stuff (menus, posters, ads, etc) and I think I do a really good job. And the longer I do it, the better I get at it.

We're in the process of doing a new menu and their major food supplier offered to 'do' the new menu for them (probably in exchange for having some more of their product on it). I told him that I was happy to do it, just like I did the last one 2 years ago, but he forged ahead with the supplier. Fine. I was a little put out, but I thought, this is a huge national company, this person designing it is probably a pro, so my ego will be fine if we end up with this really amazing product.

You guys. She sent a proof over at the end of the day yesterday - it's HIDEOUS. It's very obviously a template that she pasted our logo onto the front of, it's all brown, no colour, no personality. This restaurant is a small town staple that's been a part of the main street for over a 100 years and this is the most generic looking menu I've ever seen. I was so upset. My boss hasn't seen it yet and I don't even know what I'm going to say to him today because he doesn't have great taste for design and he's probably going to think this ugly menu is just dandy and it makes me want to cry. I don't know how to approach this because it's probably too late to back out of having them design it and it's going to be my job to sit with her and make sure everything is placed correctly and has the right prices and stuff and I don't even want to be part of this train wreck.

I'm just feeling very frustrated and underappreciated I guess.

HurricaneAmelia · April 2016

DH is the twat waffle and I am so mad at him I feel sick. I checked the mail yesterday and there was a check for him from the Treasury. I thought it was our tax return or something so I opened it and was surprised to find a MUCH larger check from his Thrift Savings Plan (which is like 401K for federal employees). I called him and he told me it was to roll over into an IRA...which sounded fishy because I have never received a check made out to me when I roll over any retirement funds. Well curiosity (and a gut feeling) got the best of me, and I called the number on the check only to find out it was a "Financial Hardship Withdrawal"....subject to huge tax penalties. I called him screaming, totally flipping out. He finally admitted he took it out to pay some things off without telling me.....even though I make more than enough to cover anything he needs. He said he feels bad that I pay for everything and didn't want to ask me for more money. I don't know if I am more pissed off about the lying or the awful financial decision. I just feel like, we are trying to have a f*cking kid and now I can't even trust you to be honest about finances? I don't know what to do, I feel like I have been punched in the gut.

Kenya715 · April 2016

@HurricaneAmelia - Oh sweetie I wish I could hug you. That is a really unfortunate situation and you have some tough talks ahead of you. I don't have any words to wisdom other than don't forget to listen to him, too. You have every right to be as mad as you are, but don't let that stop you from hearing what the real situation could be. You're in my thoughts today and I hope it all smoothes over quickly.

mylove071407 · April 2016

@HurricaneAmelia I would be just as pissed about both. He should have approached you and talked about what he wanted to do. Financial discussions are always hard.

@MelissaM090 I'm sorry that you are feeling underappreciated. I would say that the new menu is so different than ones in the past have been. Maybe ask if you can give honest feedback. Since it's a proof, things can still be changed right?

It's still early in the day for me to have a twat waffle...but I work in mental health so that could easily change.

mrsdaddario · April 2016

@HurricaneAmelia Oh boy. DH definitely crossed a line by doing that. Also, what a typical man for not thinking ahead to his wife checking the mail. Financial decisions should always be a mutual decision, I totally understand why you're upset. And you have every right to be. In a backhand sort of way, it seems like he was trying to do the right thing. At least, in his head it seemed like the right thing. And also in a backhanded way, he probably thought he was putting you first by not "asking for money". I think @Kenya715 is right. You definitely have a tough talk ahead of you, but listening to his reasoning (which he should have good reasoning lol) will hopefully help smooth the situation over. Fx for you lady.

QueenSunscreen · April 2016

@HurricaneAmelia while I don't have any pertinent advice and find it terrible that he did this behind your back and lied about it, my husband and I went through a bit of a financial rough patch a while back and I can maybe offer some insight into what he may have been thinking.

We had separate finances (my choice because I didn't need him to help me...) and an unequal distribution of wealth and debt. I became resentful over the smallest money matters and would lash out. I was very possessive of what was mine because there was so little left after my bills. Conversely, I'd feel guilty when he paid for something. What helped us was combining finances and having a heart to heart talk - then I realized that I have a partner in all of this. I mean obviously I knew hubster was my life partner, but i needed to physically hear him say it to know that we are a unit financially too. I am much less resentful now and feel much less guilt and anger.

Short story is that it was a really stupid thing to do, but he may have some serious feelings of resentment or inadequacy hiding under it all.

HurricaneAmelia · April 2016

@mrsdaddario ....that's exactly what he says, that he thought he was making the right decision and only did it because he wanted to pay down his credit card so he could contribute more monthly to our bills. I mean I can sort of I understand that thinking, regardless of how incorrect it is. But the fact he then lied to me took this to a whole new level.

@QueenSunscreen ....I think joint finances might be the answer. He has actually been the one pushing back because he says his debt (which is from a previous marriage and short sale), isn't mine and he doesn't want it to affect me. But the fact of the matter is that it affects me every single day. We live in a much smaller house, much farther from work than we could afford without his debt payments. We don't take fancy vacations or buy new clothes. I just want this behind us and maybe I tell him that combining finances so I can better manage our budget is the way to go.

housewifehobbyist · April 2016

@MelissaM090 I also work for a restaurant group (operations now, but I've done hospitality marketing in the past), and hear where you're coming from. As the marketing manager, could you let their designer know that the menu she designed isn't "on brand" for your restaurant and clue her in to what would be? I find menu design to be a very important part of a restaurant's "personality" and if this one isn't speaking to you that is definitely a marketing issue.

@hurricaneamelia I'm sorry, I can see how that would be such a frustrating breach of trust. I think combining finances might be the best solution; as you said, you're feeling the effects of his debt already. Maybe you can find a better balance so you both feel more comfortable.

thj101 · April 2016

@hurricaneamelia I'm so sorry. He should have definitely consulted you before doing something like that. Even just talk to you about wanting to pay down the debt so you all could figure out something TOGETHER... I do think that maybe he was doing it from a good place, but geez... He needed to talk to you first.

My TW Tuesday is DH. He got drunk at a professional networking event we went to last night... No one there could tell, but as soon as we left, he kicked the annoying into overdrive... and I just can't stand it.. Especially when I am on CD1. He didn't sleep all night, kept getting up to pee, groaning, talking in his sleep, the whole 9, so therefore I got no sleep. And I don't function well on no sleep, especially with AF...

I wish he knew better how to pace himself especially when we are at a professional networking event. He's not an alcohol abuser by any means, but it's just kind of like, if it's there, he's taking full advantage. Whereas I have become an expert of knowing when to cut myself off. Especially at professional events, where I don't want to seem inebriated. Plus, the place we were at was a craft beer bar, and I can't drink but maybe 2 of those TOPS because they dehydrate me so quickly and I feel like a** the next day if I've drank too many.

MonaLisaRalphio · April 2016

@HurricaneAmelia I'm so sorry to hear about this. I can sympathize a little because my husband has some financial burdens related to his first marriage (mostly divorce debt and a house that we don't like in a part of town that she wanted to live in), and we are absolutely happier now that our finances are combined. It's really helped us to take a team approach to our financial decision-making. We use a partially-joint setup, so all our bills, groceries, and social events as a couple are paid out of our joint account, but there are so many different ways to make it work. There was a great thread a few weeks ago where lots of people discussed their different methods of budgeting. I think that making a plan for finances can really open the door to talking about the underlying issues and can set you up for future success as a couple, and not just financially.

housewifehobbyist · April 2016

My cat is a TW. My MIL is moving to a smaller house, so she gave us one of her guest bedroom queen mattress sets to use in our guest bedroom. Damn cat won't stop peeing on it, no matter what we use. MIL has two cats and I think she smells them on it. Guess it's going in the roofing dumpster tonight.... so much for trying to save money.

picklesplease · April 2016

@HurricaneAmelia - I'm so sorry that happened! I agree with people, like @Kenya75, who said to make sure you listen to him, too. DH and I went through something like this before we got married. He was behind on his mortgage by three months and the bank was threatening to take his house away. He also left one job and went to a different one, and his old job gave him his retirement check, which he proceeded to use to pay off a bunch of bills, without realizing that he would have to pay taxes on it. He ended up having to arrange a payment plan with the IRS, which we just finished paying off a few months ago AND I had to take money out of my savings to pay his mortgage for him. We had to come up with an action plan soon, so definitely don't forget to listen. Hugs to you, friend!

My TW is for one of my co-workers. His ex-wife is a massive TWATWAFFLE! She is super BSC. She had the kids this weekend and was supposed to return the kids to him Sunday, well she decided that wasn't long enough. So when he drove a few hours to the small town in Iowa where she had them, she refused to let them leave with him. When he called the police, they were DEFENDING this bitch, saying, "Well, she's their mother." He had to give up and come back to Omaha. He was torn up abut it all day yesterday and had to leave early because he couldn't focus on work. Then, she told their kids to ask him why he used to abuse them, when it was HER that used to abuse the kids, emotionally and physically. She also gave them notes to give to their therapist, because she messed them up so bad, they have to go to therapy. They were torn up about it (all three of them are under 10) and were upset that they had to lie to their dad about it. He is taking some time off from work so that he can take them to extra therapy appointments, so they can give the notes to the therapist, because they were so upset and didn't want to break the trust of their mom, but didn't want to lie to their dad too. He's bending over backwards and loves his kids unconditionally. As a future mother, I could not imagine doing something like this to my kids. It hurts my heart to see a friend and his children go through this. She's just adding fuel to the fire and he's going to do anything he can to show the judge that she's causing irreparable damage to these children. Ugh...I want to bitch slap this woman!

virginiaham · April 2016

@HurricaneAmelia it sounds like the biggest trust breach was him lying to you. Maybe talk about that first, ask him where that was coming from and why he felt like he couldn't come to you. Definitely talk about the financial piece because it's likely totally intertwined with that, but definitely have a heart-to-heart about the relationship piece and broken trust. I'm so sorry, I hope you are able to work through this together and listen to one another.

virginiaham · April 2016

My whining rant: my TW is H's work schedule. I am so proud of him and understand why he has to be away. I get it, I was active duty asking to deploy. I loved on wives whose husbands were gone most of the year. Others have it much worse with much more separation time and much more dangerous jobs. But I just got so disheartened this weekend thinking about spending almost half of the next two years alone. Dating and our 1st year of marriage we were living in different parts of the world. I just feel like we've paid our dues for awhile and it's not fair. And also, I really hate how this rant sounds. I just miss him.

QueenSunscreen · April 2016

@virginiaham

mrsstuessy · April 2016

@DoctorDonna Ugh, that is horrible. I used to work in supervised visitation. And those were the people I dealt with all day long. I was pregnant with DD while I had that job and there were a couple days that I just got in my car to come home and had to cry for a few minutes. It really required a lot of separation so I didn't take all that home every day. It doesn't make it any better, but people get desperate when their kids are getting taken away and do totally bsc stuff that they normally might not do. Totally NOT defending this woman. But, sometimes thinking that made me feel just a tiny bit better.

picklesplease · April 2016

@mrsstuessy - She was BSC before they got divorced. It's part of the reason he received full custody. She was abusive and horrible to her children. I'm surprised she could even get any visitation since they have proof she damages these kids whenever she spends any time with them.

Kenya715 · April 2016

I don't have a TW today but just want you all to know that you are heard and someone cares! Sorry to read all of these stories. A lot of them sound really tough...

Also, I think TWATWAFFLE is one of the funniest words I've ever heard.

mrsstuessy · April 2016

@DoctorDonna yeah, I figured. That is usually the case. People suck. Ugh!

My TW is me I guess. Or maybe Facebook. It seriously must be international announce your pregnancy to the world in annoying "cute" way week. I just unfollowed like 5 people. I am seriously happy for a couple of them. I know one couple has gone through multiple losses this past year. So, I am glad they are finally having a baby. But, I just can't handle it on top of the other 4 people who have announced this week. So, I am a horrible person and am going to eat ALL the carbs and sugar today. And I don't even feel bad about it.

Dilynne · April 2016

My twatwaffle is this migraine I have. It's an optical migraine and it's like a little gnome chillin' behind my eye stabbing away at it like a little bitch gnome. Also, I'm grumpy.

NurseMarie9 · April 2016

edited because my TW sounded really dumb after I read some of your TWs. Sorry for all of the things you're going through.

picklesplease · April 2016

@NurseMarie9 - I hate that Scooter's does that! I did it one time because I was buying gifts for my department. They were pissed when I asked for 5 different $5 cards so that I could give them to other people. They tried to tell me that, since it was on separate cards, and not one card, they couldn't do it. I spoke to the manager and they acquiesced to my request.

NurseMarie9 · April 2016

@DoctorDonna Yeah I just sent them an email when I got home and they called me. Apparently they had some trainees on the cashier today so the trainee pushed the wrong button to give half off instead of $5 off. The manager felt really bad, and they said they'll give me a free drink next time I come in. So I'm glad for that

kiki75 · April 2016

@HurricaneAmelia That is a really hard one. I definitely see where he's coming from where, probably partially because of pride, he doesn't want to burden you with the debts he brought into the marriage. But the thing is that you married him, debts and all. So in case it helps you guys as you figure stuff out, I'll just tell you how we do things and my philosophy. I know lots of people have a better relationship if they keep their money separate and if that works for them, power to 'em. We didn't really ever have a sitdown to talk about how we were going to combine and we didn't create joint accounts but we were on the same page of the fact that we viewed it as a team thing. So eventually, I became the budgeter and financial manager. I'm just more interested, more knowledgeable, and savvier about it. It's just not his thing. He came with a house he bought with an ill-advised (I'd call it nearly criminal but at least shameful to sell it to him) loan...right before the housing bubble burst. We both came with student loans. Since I took over finances and managing the second mortgage (up over 8% interest!), I've nearly eliminated the loan and I estimate I've saved us over $50,000 over what the life of the loan would have been. My philosophy is that we can utilize our money so much better if we view it as a long term team thing. To withdraw money at a large tax penalty to pay down debts so he can 'help' you more, is playing the short game and is more 'every person for him/herself' thing. He needs to let you help him. That's part of being the team. You help that side of finances now so that together you can get ahead for your working years and for a comfortable retirement.

Long story short, I recommend that you view it as a huge mistake that was based in ego and probably bruises from his past, be kind but very clear that this kind of thing is a trust thing. Especially after he panicked and told you the rollover story. To move forward, I really think that your finances would be stronger if he could get over feeling weird about the debt and would join forces with you to make your future stronger. That's what's going to benefit your family the most. Ask if you can return the check and avoid the penalties and avoid taking money from your future. And if you need and data that can help your case, I love bankrate.com for computing loan costs with amortization tables as well as interest earned on savings and everything.

HurricaneAmelia · April 2016

Kiki75 said:

@HurricaneAmelia That is a really hard one. I definitely see where he's coming from where, probably partially because of pride, he doesn't want to burden you with the debts he brought into the marriage. But the thing is that you married him, debts and all. So in case it helps you guys as you figure stuff out, I'll just tell you how we do things and my philosophy. I know lots of people have a better relationship if they keep their money separate and if that works for them, power to 'em. We didn't really ever have a sitdown to talk about how we were going to combine and we didn't create joint accounts but we were on the same page of the fact that we viewed it as a team thing. So eventually, I became the budgeter and financial manager. I'm just more interested, more knowledgeable, and savvier about it. It's just not his thing. He came with a house he bought with an ill-advised (I'd call it nearly criminal but at least shameful to sell it to him) loan...right before the housing bubble burst. We both came with student loans. Since I took over finances and managing the second mortgage (up over 8% interest!), I've nearly eliminated the loan and I estimate I've saved us over $50,000 over what the life of the loan would have been. My philosophy is that we can utilize our money so much better if we view it as a long term team thing. To withdraw money at a large tax penalty to pay down debts so he can 'help' you more, is playing the short game and is more 'every person for him/herself' thing. He needs to let you help him. That's part of being the team. You help that side of finances now so that together you can get ahead for your working years and for a comfortable retirement.

Long story short, I recommend that you view it as a huge mistake that was based in ego and probably bruises from his past, be kind but very clear that this kind of thing is a trust thing. Especially after he panicked and told you the rollover story. To move forward, I really think that your finances would be stronger if he could get over feeling weird about the debt and would join forces with you to make your future stronger. That's what's going to benefit your family the most. Ask if you can return the check and avoid the penalties and avoid taking money from your future. And if you need and data that can help your case, I love bankrate.com for computing loan costs with amortization tables as well as interest earned on savings and everything.

This is very good advice and basically what my dad told me. DH is really embarrassed I talked to him about it, but I needed the advice of someone I trust and I feel always has my best interest in mind. He also tends to be a bit more level headed and objective than me:)

HurricaneAmelia · April 2016

I just wanted to leave a quick thank you for everyone's support today. To say it's been helpful and reassuring is a huge understatement. I feel so lucky to be a part of this community.

MrsBinPA · April 2016

Having to wear pads for the next several days is my TW! They just add insult to injury! I feel like a scab.

KristoKekerooni · April 2016

TW (besides those damn bitches yesterday)
It's official. I have a friend on Facebook who has married, been pregnant, delivered, and gotten pregnant again... all in the time I have been TTC.

Image: https://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/10/you-cant-be-serious-GIF.gif?gs=a

PepperAT · April 2016

I spent way too much time googling the meaning and origin of Twatwaffle. That shit is funny.

I have nothing really going on today, after readying all of yours, I can't even begin to complain.

@virginiaham I have so much respect for you! You are definitely a strong women than me. I can't even begin to imagine how that would feel.

@HurricaneAmelia Yikes. The ladies here have given such great advice. Talking this out is your best bet. You are allowed to feel upset and I hope you guys can come to a good compromise. Finances are such a sensitive subject.

@housewifehobbyist That is awful! Cats are very stubborn, unique creatures.

@thj101 I feel for ya girl. My H does that sometimes too and it is so annoying, it's like they see alcohol and they act like they act like a teenager!

allysondunn2 · April 2016

@virginiaham It would be extremely hard to spend that much time apart. Kudos to you and your DH for making it work!
My TW is my boss. We do in office procedures at 7 am on Tuesdays and today he didn't show up until 7:45! I was there at 6:45 am and the patient was there at 7. I called him at 7:30 to find out wth was going on and he said "he forgot". Really? Ugh so annoying!

mylove071407 · April 2016

@MommyForTheFirstTime

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/2z/c39znpo8ty64.gif

To all those girls that have had a rough day @MommyForTheFirstTime , @MrsBinPA, @HurricaneAmelia , @DoctorDonna. I had a pretty good day. None of my clients were absolutely horrible today so it was a low key day for me.

On the other hand, the DH is getting on my nerves. Last night, I randomly threw up (no idea why) and felt absolutely horrible after. He immediately thinks that I'm pregnant. Then today I told him I still felt icky and he said the same thing....I wanted to punch him in the face.

MelissaM090 · April 2016

Hugs to anyone having a legitimate reason to complain today, versus my bratty whine-fest. My day didn't even end up being as bad as I anticipated.

MrsBinPA · April 2016

I have another TW. They treated or lawn for weeds & fertilized this morning. We had no forewarning. This means no puppies on the lawn for 48hrs. FML. We are spoiled being able to just let them out. It rained since the application so I may just let them potty in the yard supervised to make sure they aren't licking or eating anything.

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