Pregnancy after Loss of Family Members

Glitter · April 2016

This is my third pregnancy, my first two ended in miscarriage and im now 7w1d with this baby. Im hoping and praying that this baby makes it.

I lost my mom 3 years ago, one of my grandmothers 2 years ago, and the other last year. It is so scary and hard having no female figures to talk to. I keep thinking about the future, baby shower, delivery, coming home, and our futures. I always pictured my mother being here with me during this, my grandmothers being here. Im having a difficult time wishing they were here to help me through this.

Anyone else lost close family or friends? Do you have others for support? How are you coping with their loss during pregnancy?

Kacie209 · April 2016

*hugs to you*

My grandma (dad's mom) passed away about 3.5 years ago, and it still hurts thinking about it. I think back to my wedding 1.5 years ago, and how she would have loved to have been there. She would have wanted some sort of involvement, ha. The same with having a great grandchild. I was her oldest grandchild, and this would have meant so much to her. She spoiled us grandkids (6 total), and I can't imagine how much she would have spoiled this baby!

My mom's parents are both still alive, and I am hoping they make it to see the birth and meet the baby... which will be their 4th great grandchild by December; their next one is due in July/August. My Grandma just turned 90 in December, and my Grandpa will be 93 in July. He's currently going through cancer treatment and hates it. Losing either of them will really hit me hard if it happens during the next 8ish months.

jptrumptone · April 2016

I lost my mother a 2.5 years ago. I always imagined that my first pregnancy would be really hard after she died, but so far I'm doing surprisingly well. (Of course, I'm tearing up as I type this!) I actually talked to her a lot about what her pregnancy was like before she died so I have that to hold on to. I also have a few good friends who just had kids that I can lean on for help and support. And 2 of my SILs have kids and they are giving me advice too. For me, i'm actually more bothered by how far I live from both our families, but we are already planning for who is coming when to help out. I fear that the time after by baby is born will be the hardest.

Hang in there! If you have a close friend with kids, you might spill the beans to them and ask for their support. I know its not what you envisioned, but sometime a friend close in age who just had a baby may even provide better support. Also, lean on your dad and MIL if you can. I'm lucking enough to have both a MIL and a Step-MIL who are amazingly supportive, maybe your MIL can share the joy with you, maybe not the way your Mother would but you might be surprised. And if you and your MIL aren't close yet (and don't hate each other), this might be a good bonding opportunity.

Glitter · April 2016

@Kacie209Thanks for the support and sharing your own losses. Losing a grandparent is just as hard so im glad that many people still have them to share their lil ones with. That is great you have them to be with you and I know they will love to see their great grand baby.

@jptrumptone Thank you. It is never easy losing a parent. I was very close with my mom and grandmas. I think its wonderful you have those memories from her to hold on to. Its also nice for you to have others to lean on and share things with. It is hard to have a lot of distance between family but i think you planning will help a lot. I will most likely be leaning on my MIL for support. We are not super close but i see her a lot and chat often, im sure this will bring us closer and i hope she is wanting that.

Thanks for the support, i appreciate it so much.

CMarie9980 · April 2016

Glitter,
Thank you for this post. I lost my mother November 2014..hasn't been 2 years yet. It was the hardest think I have ever been been through :-( I also had two miscarriages. One 5 years ago, the second March 2...right before this bfp. I too have thought about how much my momma wanted to be a grandma and about having a shower without her. I remind myself that she is with me...and with my unborn child. I am due on December 7th...my mother's birthday is December 13 and I can't shake the feeling I will go on her birthday. Hehe...anyways, I take comfort in knowing she would have wanted me to experience being a mother.

phoenix870509 · April 2016

All my grandparents are gone. My mom's mom passed 7 years ago July, and she and I were very close. After she died a lot of things I didn't know about her came up, some bad stuff, so I'm kinda torn now. I'm just glad there will be no drama. She and my mother did not speak for the last 5 years of her life, entirely her choice. My dad's mom passed 4 years ago this October. She had COPD and it completely changed her in the end, so I miss who she was before the COPD. It's hard not having them around, because I know they would be so excited. My husband's step grandmother doesn't live too far away so we are hoping she sticks around long enough so baby will have some good memories with her.

dmontgo · April 2016

My Nonnie passed when I was younger, but I miss her a lot. Out of my grandparents she was the only one to care about me and wanted to know me. She was a lot of fun. I wish my DH could have met her, and I wish baby could meet her.

I haven't lost my mom to death, but I have lost her to mental illness. She's not the same mom I had while growing up, if that makes sense. I at least can ask her questions, but I wish she was the person she was. My friend knows about my mom and stepped up to throw a shower and such when that time comes because my mom wouldn't be able to handle it. I love my mom but it's definitely a struggle.

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