Community› The Bump Month Clubs› September 2015 Moms
September 2015 Moms
New Discussion

Trouble in Nanny Paradise

myfingerhurtsmyfingerhurts member
in September 2015 Moms
So, ugh.

We are very fortunate to have a nanny-share that fell into our laps. My friend's mom moved in with her to watch her son, and offered to watch our son as well. She has a background in childhood education, is very affordable and does an amazing job. We absolutely love her and try to make sure she knows how much we appreciate her. 

The problem is that my friend is super inconsiderate of our time. For example, over Christmas she gave us a two-day notice that they were all going to go back to visit relatives for two weeks bc flights were super cheap. I ended up having to stay at home from work to watch him, bc it was too short of notice to find a sitter. And then yesterday she casually mentions that they might go up north for six weeks this summer, but you know, they haven't really decided yet. Her mom would go with them.

I'm so incredibly annoyed and I'm not sure what to do. I would hate to lose our nanny, bc we absolutely adore her, but at the same time this can't keep happening. My friend is also pregnant with #2 right now and I'm worried about what is going to happen when the new baby comes. I try to talk about it, but she is so nonchalant about the whole thing, it drives me crazy. 

I know these are things I need to talk to her about, but I'm just so conflicted on how to handle. I need an outside perspective from someone who isn't emotionally involved. 
Report Reply to Post

Re: Trouble in Nanny Paradise

  • bnwillia3bnwillia3 member
    Do you pay the sitter? If so, I would just speak directly to her. Let her know that you absolutely love her watching your child and ask about her plans this summer to see if you need to start seeking a backup nanny to help when she is gone. I would treat it as 100% independent of your friendship with her daughter. Every sitter might get sick and miss work or go out of town every once in a while, I would just emphasize the need for as much notice as possible and definitely start looking for a backup plan for the future. 
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • myfingerhurtsmyfingerhurts member
    We do pay her (substantially, but not as much as if we hired our own nanny), but she lives with my friend. There is unfortunately no way to speak with her directly without having my friend involved. I would need to speak with them both at the same time.
    Report Reply
  • mel0601mel0601 member
    I'd be up front and direct ( I hate being left to wonder!!!!!) and say "look I need to know if your all going away as I'll have to find a new nanny. And also will you all be going away regularly as I would like to find a nanny that travels less, for consistency for my child. I love the help and your mum as a sitter but I'm definitely thinking of the long term." Also would bring up the concerns about baby #2
    good luck! 
    Report Reply
  • ZebraStripeZebraStripe member
    klhelder said:
    We do pay her (substantially, but not as much as if we hired our own nanny), but she lives with my friend. There is unfortunately no way to speak with her directly without having my friend involved. I would need to speak with them both at the same time.
    Regardless of the living situation, Why do you need to involve your friend when you speak to her mother? Your paying her, not your friend. Because money is involved it's turned into a busines. 
    your nanny can work things out with her daughter if there's an issue that needs to be dealt with such as holidays. It should also be your nanny who's informing you of holidays or other availability issues, not your friend. 
    Report Reply
  • aw8611aw8611 member
    I agree with PP - since money is involved you should not feel that you can't talk to her alone/directly. Let the nanny know you need to speak with her privately, you can meet up at a coffee shop if that will take some of the pressure off of your friend lurking around too. 
    Report Reply
  • myfingerhurtsmyfingerhurts member
    @ZebraStripe & @aw8611 I know it sounds weird, but I think it would do more damage than good if I didn't involve my friend. Part of it is cultural (South American), there is no way my friend wouldn't know everything we spoke about. My friend sort of brokered the entire deal and set everything up.

    I think I just need to sit them down after work one day as nice as possible ask them what the plans are and see if they can give me an answer by X date. 
    Report Reply
  • CaboBride2015CaboBride2015 member
    You might have to talk to them at the same time but I certainly wouldn't ONLY go through your friend, I would have her mom present. Let them know that you expect notice on when they will be gone by X date and if they can't do that you will need to look for alternate care. Sounds like a sticky situation and this is why I generally avoid informal business  relationships with friends. 

    Honestly, I'd just start looking for a new nanny now because when baby #2 comes you're probably going to get the shaft.
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"