I'm not back to work yet so my hubby does not help with overnights at this point. However he does give me an hour or two of me time once he gets home at night and then I take back over and let him get some alone time in his man cave. Then we head to bed together. It's been tough but we are planning a date night soon to get some alone time. Sounds like your DH needs a reality check that this should be a team effort. Can you schedule something for his day off that you can't take the baby to? That way DH is alone with LO for a few hours and gets a taste? Maybe he just doesn't comprehend how much work LO is? Also, talking to my DH and equating my DD to being my job helped him to see why I needed a break every night.
By all means. go nuts on him. Sounds like he deserves to hear what sleep deprivation can really do to a person. I usually forgive DH the usual 8 hours but if he sleeps hours beyond that, or if he bs's til midnight and has a 'long night', I ream him the next day. I get very little sleep and never wake him with this LO.. Anyone can handle sleeping 7-8 hours solid. No need for him to be a little bitch about it. Whip him into shape. Sorry, this is the life of a parent (tell him that, and if he doesn't believe you, hit him with the 'you knocked ME up, not the other way around')
What @smushi said x1000. My SO works long hours and still wakes up for the 3am feeding. He tried the whole 'long night' sleeping in thing until almost noon...he won't be doing that again, trust me. I understand needing to be rested for work, but that can't mean I'm completely wrecked for the entire day. You didn't create the baby alone so you don't have to parent alone. Life has changed for BOTH of you and he needs to man up and accept it and step up to the plate.
Yeah, with our first I didn't ask him to help during the night either because he was working. Finally I had enough and thought " you know what, this is work too and I have just as much right to sleep as he does " so I started to ask him to help out more. When we discussed having a second child, I told him he would have to help me out more than he did the first time and he agreed. We have three now and we still take turns getting up with the baby and getting our oldest ready for school. I pretty much had to tell him that what I was doing at home was hard on me too and I needed him to step up more.
100% what everyone else said. I'm feeding DD so I don't see a reason for both of us to get up overnight but DH absolutely has to get up early with DD1 and/or DD2 and step up in the morning and during the day to help out. Totally agree that staying up late is not an excuse. You should ABSOLUTELY go to your parents house to nap! #1 he can make his own dinner and #2 if he complains tell him if he were helping you wouldn't need to 'escape' for sleep.
OP I completely feel your pain, for the first month or so I was having the same problem. Mine was slightly different because my husband works nights, so he would sleep from 1pm-10pm and then go to work until 8 the next morning.
When DD was up crying all night and wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't sleep. My husband didn't want to take her between 8am-1pm so that I could get a solid five hours of sleep because he got no relaxing time. We had the argument repeatedly about this because he got nine hours of uninterrupted sleep every day and I had to bargain and plea for five hours in a row. On his days off (no work Saturday or Sunday night) I would ask for him to do the night shift with DD one of those nights so I could sleep at nighttime, he didn't think that was fair either because he worked all week and only got two nights off.
I agree with the rest. He needs to step up his game and put some big boy pants on an start acting like the parent he chose to be when you two decided to have a child. When we had DS four years ago it never was a question whether DH was helping out at night or not, that was a given. Now with two kids it's even more to do. Since I bf I'm doing the feedings, but DH will often burp DD and change diapers when he's home and does so at night too when asked. However, this time around I do more nighttime since DH is responsible for getting DS ready for and bring him to daycare in the mornings aka letting me sleep a little longer (DD is mostly sleeping at this time too). Taking care of a baby is hard work and you actually need to be well rested to do so properly and you definitely deserve some "me time" too.
Another one to second what @smushi said. I had to have 'the talk' with DH also. Im bfeeding so no point him getting up for MOTN feeds but we agreed that from 5am i can wake him up (she sometimes takes an hour or so to settle after she wakes around 4-5am for a feed so if he can resettle her then thats an hour extra i can get) but then he would muck around and not go to bed till midnight! And then i would feel too guilty to wake him up knowing that he only had 5 hours. In the end i told him that he had to start going to bed earlier because i was sick of feeling strung out and guilty
Wow, it really bothers me when I hear men acting like they have it hard and we have it easy staying at home....luckily, my husband has always been the kind to go above and beyond for me and help out around the house even when I was staying home pregnant and didn't need his help. And he's been home alone with our daughter for a good chunk of the day before and knows it's no cake walk. So yeah, I'd plan a day to leave the house when he's off and make him stay home and take care of the baby all day. There have been plenty of occasions where I only WISHED I was at work so I could have a break from the baby. As moms, we don't get to take sick days, or clock in to work and clock out, we don't even get a 30 minute lunch break. There have been plenty of days I didn't eat until she finally went down in the crib. Or realized I'd had to pee for hours and was too busy to notice. Frankly, he should be thanking you just as much, if not more than you thank him for bringing home the bacon. Parenthood is no joke.
Re: Losing my mind. Anyone else?
problem. Mine was slightly different because my husband works nights, so he would sleep from 1pm-10pm and then go to work until 8 the next morning.
When DD was up crying all night and wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't sleep. My husband didn't want to take her between 8am-1pm so that I could get a solid five hours of sleep because he got no relaxing time. We had the argument repeatedly about this because he got nine hours of uninterrupted sleep every day and I had to bargain and plea for five hours in a row. On his days off (no work Saturday or Sunday night) I would ask for him to do the night shift with DD one of those nights so I could sleep at nighttime, he didn't think that was fair either because he worked all week and only got two nights off.
Go to your parents, take a good nap, then make a plan to talk to your husband about his responsibilities as a father.