How is everyone doing? Check-in 4/17

AL_TwinCities · April 2016

I'm sorry this didn't get started last week! I am taking a step back from TB - it seems to be better for me emotionally to not spend every day online - so if this thread isn't started, anyone is welcome to kick it off! We all seem to be benefiting from the weekly check-in on this board.

For the new people who joined this board in the last two weeks, we are all so sorry for your losses. This board is proof that you don't have to go through this alone!

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with?

GTKY: what do you love about spring?

AL_TwinCities · April 2016

I am focusing on making changes recommended in the book It Starts with the Egg so when we do get to the RE (we couldn't get an appointment until July) I will hopefully have top notch egg quality! I've been working through the emotions that have come with finding out that I likely have diminished ovarian reserve, and that my losses may have been due to poor egg quality. There are good days and bad days. I'm now 3 months out from my second loss - and my EDD for loss #1 is this week. I could have had a one-year-old

Thankfully we'll be visiting my parents on my EDD so at least I don't have to be at work.

GTKY: everything! The first buds on the trees, when my lilacs bloom, the smells, the warm rain, and especially turning off the heat and opening all the windows!!

Wishilivedinflorida · April 2016

@AL_TwinCities I'm sorry about the upcoming EDD. I haven't myself had testing for DOR, but I think I'm going to look into that book myself. I'm doing all I can to be proactive and "fix" any possible uncovered issues.

I took a week from much posting but I've been lurking. I had a crazy busy 60 hour workweek last week. It was a welcome distraction from thinking about TTCAL-related stuff. Blood clotting panel came back "normal" per the OB nurse voicemail I got this week. I've never felt such mixed emotion...I kind of wanted something to be wrong so I could fix it, but on the other hand I'm happy to hear there is nothing wrong. Going to my family doc next week to check thyroid and if my TSH is good we will have the green light to try again. I did not get MTHFR testing but just decided to start methyl-folate anyway, because, why not?

Ive recently heard three separate stories about women who have had successful pregnancies after two initial losses so I'm feeling more hopeful these days. Still terrified but hopeful.

GTKY: I love finally being able to run outside again and enter races. I'm no athlete by any means but it does my soul so much good to get the fresh air and activity. I also love the smell of fresh-cut grass!

roxgibbons · April 2016

@AL_TwinCities I'm glad took a bit of a break. I'm sorry about your upcoming EDD. Dates, and milestones are such triggers for me too. I should have been almost halfway through my pregnancy by now. It blows my mind sometimes. I'm also reading the same book. It very informative and I've started some of the recommended changes.

@Wishilivedinflorida I'm glad you are getting through your testing- good luck on your TSH test

AFM: I had my hysteroscopy this week and my polyp ended up being two fibroids one larger then expected and growing in an odd way as the RE explained it- it was like the fibroid was hugging my uterus. Both were removed and we will be doing an IUI with my next cycle in May. My RE told me we are free to try this month on our own. I was initially excited about being off the bench, but now that it has settled in, I'm scared about another loss. My emotions are all over the place. I also stopped BCPs the night before my procedure so I'm sure I'm hormonal u out of whack as well which is never helpful.

GTKY: I love the smells of spring and all the beautiful flowers. It reminds me of new beginnings so I'm trying to hold on to that

AandDM2014 · April 2016

Hey ladies, I am new here in the past two weeks so didn't know you guys did this. What a nice idea.

As for how I'm doing: Tuesday and Wednesday were okay as I was basically high on hydrocodone both days (my doc gave me the medication for the pain). When I didn't take any on Thursday I had a bad day. I was pretty emotional about the whole thing. I feel especially angry that my body doesn't work the way it should. I cried for a bit, had my kitty come and comfort me, and then felt better-ish. Since Friday I've felt good, and feel ready to get a move on with a new cycle. I was even able to have a full day of fun yesterday at Disneyland, so that was a big plus.

@AL_TwinCities That is excellent that you're being proactive in getting your egg quality up for your appointment in July. I'm sorry about your EDD coming up. I can imagine that is hard. I luckily no longer remember my EDD from my first miscarriage as I was only about 5 weeks when they caught it. I think it would just be miserable for me. I hope that spending time with your parents during it will make it a little easier.

@Wishilivedinflorida Ugh, I know the feeling of wishing that there was something they could pinpoint as wrong, so they/you could fix it! Hopefully third times the charm for you!!

@roxgibbons Hopefully having the hysteroscopy will help fix whatever went wrong last time! I totally get that you're scared of another loss. I'm sure most of us feel that way (I know I do!). Hopefully you'll feel better about it soon!

GTKY: I love being able to open the doors and windows and let the fresh air in! It also means I get to watch/hear the birds that come to feed on my balcony (I feed them so my kitty can watch them, but I also like to watch them).

nmd9168 · April 2016

It has been a little over two weeks since the MMC. I've been keeping busy since I went back to work, but when I get down time, I still get pretty depressed. I go through crying spells. Lately, I've felt really lonely. My husband seems like he's pretty much over it, so we don't talk much about it anymore. He's talking more about trying again. I still haven't stopped bleeding from the D&C and still feel awful most times I'm not working. Also, I know I mentioned this on another post, but my sister told me recently, after a discussion, "Well you don't have 2 kids to worry about..." and I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I keep thinking about what she said and replaying it in my brain. Nope, no kids here. My husband and I are going on vacation at the end of this week. I was really looking to forward to it when we planned it. At the time of planning and making reservations, I was pregnant. Now, I really can't see any of this being fun. I'm uncomfortable all of the time because I have to wear a pad (sorry TMI), and seeing baby stuff makes me depressed. Blegh. I wish I would feel better soon.

GTKY: What I love about spring is BASEBALL SEASON. My husband and I are big fans of the Detroit Tigers and love going to games. I also love the sense of freedom and the possibility of doing things outside again. It's very liberating.

AandDM2014 · April 2016

@nmd9168 I'm sorry that you're still bleeding, and that you sister said that to you. If I were told that by my sister I would have spoken up and said how rude and hurtful it is. I hope you've told her that. I also hope that, despite what you feel now, you can have a fun time on vacation. Spending time with your DH is important right now, especially if you're still feeling a bit sad. I personally didn't see any sad emotions from my DH when we were told about it, or since. I think men just process pregnancy and the things that go with it differently than women do, so they don't have the same attachments as early as we do. I do hope you feel better soon!

kns1988 · April 2016

I'm not doing well. Found out our baby's heart had stopped at 8 weeks on Thursday; I'm 11 weeks pregnant today but waiting for my D&E on Wednesday. Everything makes me cry. I was in church yesterday and the minute the children's choir started singing, I started sobbing and had to run out of the sanctuary. H came and found me. Then I went to a community garden to try to feel better, but there were families and babies everywhere so I had to leave. I couldn't even be in my own bedroom with the windows open because of the kids playing outside. I wasn't like this after the first MC. I'd like to feel like a normal person again.

H is taking it really hard, too. He's been so supportive but he's also just so sad. We feel pretty hopeless right now.

GTKY: I love being able to get outdoors again - hiking, camping, canoeing, climbing... I hope that I can muster up the energy to do some of the things I love soon.

lilylover27 · April 2016

This week has been proving to be challenging. I finally had my follow up on Friday 4/15 for my MC. Well first sitting in the waiting room while this woman talked loudly with her husband about their growing twins made me really upset. Then had to give a urine sample, then I guess based off that they did an ultrasound and then I got to meet with the doctor, all in all took about an hour. Well turns out not everything was taken care of with the Cytotec, my doctor said I am "about 90% there" so I have to follow up again in two weeks and she warned me to expect bleeding again and said if I did not then we will have to discuss options next visit. I am also still turning the test at the doctors positive. I don't know why but this felt like whatever slight healed wound I had was reopened, I literally sobbed after she told me. It also turns out I now have a cyst on my right ovary, which was not their pre or during the pregnancy. She didn't seem concerned about it and just told me if I have any pain to let them know right away, and even offered to prescribe a pain medication. I was just hoping at this visit I would get the "looks all clear" and try again whenever you are ready. I think just knowing it isn't over yet is causing me to be so upset and the fact that it may not be over by next visit either.

GTKY: Definitely the flowers blooming, especially since we have a house and garden now, it is always so amazing to see a bloomed flower that wasn't there the day before!

@AL_TwinCities I am sorry for the upcoming EDD, hopefully since you will be visiting your parents you can keep distracted.
@wishilivedinflorida I am with you on just being outside! I am not "athletic" but I love just walking or sitting outside in the nice weather! Good luck with your test!
@roxgibbons FX for a successful IUI in May or even on your own this month!
@AandDM2014 I am very sorry for your loss. Glad you were able to get out yesterday and enjoy the day!
@nmd9168 I know how you feel, I am still recovering from my MMC. DH does seem to be handling it better but I think he is just being strong and stoic for both of us and he hates when I get sad because he can't help. I still have my crying fits and every Tuesday I wake up knowing what week it would of been. I think it will be a long road but one we will get through. I know it is a difficult time but I hope you can have fun on your vacation next week!
@kns1988 I am very sorry for your losses, I hope this board can give you the support and comfort you need.

AL_TwinCities · April 2016

Big hugs @kns1988. Church is really hard for me - lots of happiness and families and babies and pregnant bellies. Do whatever you need to so you can keep yourself in a good place, or as good as possible. Maybe a weekend with just you and your H to have some R&R? I also might look into a therapist who specializes in pregnancy loss. It is hard when you both need support - no one is there to give it when you both are hurting.

RiverSong15 · April 2016

@AL_TwinCities - I'm so sorry for the rough days and upcoming EDD. Hugs.

@wishilivedinflorida - I'm glad your testing turned out well, although I understand the conflicting emotions.

@roxgibbons - I'm glad your procedure went well and you have the go-ahead physically. I totally understand the fear of trying again, though.

@AandDM2014 - Disneyland sounds like a lot of fun. I'm definitely jealous of that. Isn't the HP world open now?

@nmd9168 - sorry about the insensitive comments. It always sucks. I'd recommend still going on vacation - a change of scenery and some time off feels may help.

@kns1988 - I'm so sorry it was a rough weekend. The waiting phase sucks. Hugs.

@lilylover27 - sorry about the bad doctors visit. Hopefully everything clears out on its own!

RiverSong15 · April 2016

As for me, it's been an up and down week. I finally MCd last Saturday (over a week ago now), so I was grateful for it to be over. The waiting was torture. This MC has been weird though, as everything is very stop/start. Last Tuesday I ended up back at my OBs office for an ultrasound because I was woken up by cramps that were as painful as during the MC. Thankfully, there was no retained tissue or evidence of infection, just a relatively thick lining. Since then I haven't had much cramping, but the bleeding can't make up its mind. I'll spot for a day, and then get a 10 minute episode of bleeding again. Otherwise, H and I went to a wedding this weekend and I took a little too much advantage of the open bar and spent yesterday nursing a hangover and crying about everything. Poor H - I know it sucks for him to see me this way. We finally started telling friends though, which has been mostly helpful.

ETA: GTKY! I love the way everything smells in the spring... Flowers, leaves, earth. It's distinctive. Also, I love that we start to get sunny days more frequently. It's a nice break from the gray.

joyful08 · April 2016

Hey ladies,
i joined this board 3 weeks ago but this is my first check-in post. I was 12weeks when I found out our baby had stopped growing at 9 1/2 weeks. I miscarried naturally two days later. I also had a blighted ovum in November.

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with?
Week #2 was a good week for me. I was feeling much better emotionally. But this week I have been a mess. I'm not really a hormonal person where my mood just change in an instant but this week I have been. I'll be fine one minute and then angry at DH and then crying and then back to being fine. It's a very strange feeling and I can't control it. I feel bad for DH but I'm trying to control it.
The doctor told me to wait 3 months at my follow up before I tried again. Honestly I am furious. I don't want to wait that long. I've read so many things where it's just the doctors opinion weather it's 3 months or 1. She even said that since I was young I had time to wait and if I was older she'd have me start trying immediately. Which just makes me think there really is no reason to wait. Idk I'm conflicted.

GTKY: what do you love about spring?
i love a good breezy day and I love love flowers!!

Spartanrd4 · April 2016

Physically, it's been almost 7 weeks since I miscarried and D&C and today I had my hcg level checked for the final time! It is finally <10. Its sad that I want to celebrate this but the whole thing has been such a long process. I still haven't had AF but per FF based on temping/cm I may of ovulated on Friday (I'm currently on CD46). DH and I aren't TTC but just hoping AF will come soon. Fingers crossed that my cross hairs don't get taken away from me!

As far as emotionally, I am doing okay. Still sad every once in awhile but haven't cried in a very long time. Just trying to look forward at this point. Being at work is harder because of my pregnant co-worker- she had maternity pictures done and she got them back today so she showed them to me. They were really nice and she looked so beautiful, it was hard to not wish it was me as well.

GTKY: what do you love about spring? Flowers of course! I love gardening and this past weekend I finally got to do some much needed yard work. My body is sore 2 days later but felt really good to be outside and put my hands in the dirt again.

Wishilivedinflorida · April 2016

Thanks for all the well wishes for thyroid testing from @roxgibbons @lilylover27 and others. Turns out they did check thyroid studies with my other labs and TSH and antibodies are completely normal. Everything is normal....I guess we try again.

@AandDM2014 Disneyland sounds like so much fun right now. Glad you got out and had a good time.

@nmd9168 I totally can relate to DH not being on the same emotional page. We encountered this as well and we are just now talking about it and processing it in the context of our relationship. I recommend keeping the lines of communication open. You'll get there. It's hard when you have the physical part to deal with also. *hugs*

@kns1988 and @AL_TwinCities I also can relate to triggers at church. Literally everything makes me sob...baptisms, babies, songs, sermons, you name it. We actually took a week off from church and it helped me a lot this week. Our church videos the sermons to watch later. I think I'll be up for it more next week.

@lilylover27 I'm sorry about the never ending MC. Hopefully you won't have too much more bleeding and no pain from the cyst. Im so sorry you have to deal with all of that.

@RiverSong15 I too hit the hangover jackpot yesterday and I only had one glass of wine at the wedding I attended. It's so sad. Any alcohol is a recipe for next day migraine guaranteed. Hope you're feeling better.

@joyful08 It seems there is a lot of variety about recommendations for waiting. Can you ask again for clarity? A lot of providers recommend a waiting time for emotional reasons and not physical. For me part of my emotional healing involves trying again, but everyone is different.

@Spartanrd4 FX for AF soon! Waiting is the worst.

Sorry if I missed anyone! Happy Monday to all! (I hate Mondays!)

MrsDramaK · April 2016

This weekend was really tough. My SIL had baby #3 six days before I miscarried, which I decided not to tell her because I didn't want to take away from their happy time (DH's parents and my parents were the only ones we told we were pregnant). In Judaism when you have a girl there is a whole service introducing her to the community, which was Saturday. They called 4 generations of our family up in front of the congregation and gave some speeches that were beautifully spoken, but emotionally were very difficult for me to hear. I had to leave the room as soon as they stopped speaking so no one would see me upset.

We spent the rest of the day with my nieces and nephew. Honestly, as sad as I am about my miscarriage, nothing cheers me up quite like my 5 year old nephew and 3 year old niece (they are such characters), but there was a sad moment when my Mom and I were upstairs changing the baby and I commented that I really liked my SIL's changing table and my mom said "We'll get you one just like it." Which was hard cause obviously at the moment I don't need it.

GTKY: I like spring time clothes. Light layers and sundresses and cute strappy sandals. I am all about springtime wardrobe.

bluebutterflies · April 2016

Hi i am new to board. I have. worked how to tag anyway. But thinking of you all. I in limbo. Found out yesterday baby stopped at 7 weeks i should have been 9 weeks. 2nd MC in row. Last time i was quite accepting and was natural so i grieved as i bled. This time i am actually angry but know i have to process more. Also no bleesing so looks like i have to take pills. Trying to 'get ready'as i feel physically fine right now. Husband is also away so want to wait till his return to start.
It is not spring here as S hemisphere. But Autumn- either way feel like change autumn is clearing the air , of summer getting ready for winter.

lilylover27 · April 2016

Needed to vent because I made my second follow up appointment with my OB since the Cytotec didn't take care of it all and they want to see if the rest will go on its own. Well my OB was only available 5/6 at 11:45, which means I would either be really late to work or have to leave and come back and that office is a little over a half an hour away from my job. Called again this morning and she does have an opening at the office by my job but not until 5/12. I took the 5/12 one by my job because I would only have to leave like an hour early with the appointment time I was given. I understand doctors are busy but this wait is killing me, I just want this to be done so I can put it behind me and start looking forward to trying again. Anyone else have problems with their doctors availability or is it just me? I mean when I was spotting I was put in for the very next day so emergencies I get they take care of it, but it seem for follow ups they are like eh whatever doesn't matter.

Spartanrd4 · April 2016

@lilylover27 I think it depends on how many doctors are in the OB practice- when I went to my first follow up appointment after my D&C I couldn't get into my regular OB (I have a feeling she is one of the more popular OBs because she is always booked up) so I went and saw another in the practice but obviously wanted to see her. Thankfully I will be able to see her next month when I go for my annual exam so will talk to her about everything that has happened as well because I trust her opinion the most (I miscarried 1 week before I was scheduled to have my first prenatal appointment with her so I never even saw her when I was pregnant). Maybe this is a busy time for them...seems like everyone is KU these days but me

CRJones1978 · April 2016

I just learned yesterday there was no progress. I am 7w1d. Seems odd to say. Now I'm just waiting for everything to start. It hurts to even say the word. This will be my 3rd miscarriage. My RE says that IVF would not be an option. I can get pregnant with IUI. My problem is that I can't sustain a pregnancy. I have adenomyosis and I'm 38 so it could be a combination of things. He told me to keep trying. It's hard to keep positive when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and die.

Cubslove12 · April 2016

After finding out the genetic results this week, I have been doing better. I found a huge sense of relief knowing that there was a reason for my miscarriage. Even though we found out that what we had is not hereditary our doctor is still sending us to a genetic counselor. I'm anxious to find out what they say. I'm not thrilled that we have to wait to try again till we see the counselor.

I LOVE everything about spring except the not able to breathe part....

MrsDepo · April 2016

Hi, I'm new here, and sorry I haven't made an intro post or anything, I'm still trying to accept this is happening. A week ago today we found out that our baby stopped growing and was measuring at 6+1 when it was measuring 6+4 the week before. An appointment on Friday confirmed that there was no heartbeat and a pool of blood in the uterus seemed to indicate to the RE that I would pass the baby naturally within the week. Today I would be 8+2 based on trigger date and I had a little spotting a few days ago when I stopped taking progesterone but now it's gone.

I just want this to be over. I think I could feel a little better if I wasn't still pregnant. I'm not myself at work anymore or at home. This is just really hard, and it's unfair to have both infertility and loss. I had all kinds of plans for fun things to do this summer if our last cycle ended in a BFN, and now that I can do them again I find I really don't want to.

Hopefully as more time passes I can participate more here and join your support system.

GTKY: I like sitting in the sun and getting the first freckles of the year. Preferably with a cold hard cider and baseball on the radio

lilylover27 · April 2016

@Spartanrd4 yea the ones I see have three locations that the doctors rotate throughout but they have like I think 5-6 doctors. Just sucks to have to wait, like since I am just sitting here waiting it is always always on my mind. Especially since I thought I was done after taking the Cytotec.

RiverSong15 · April 2016

@lilylover27, I'm so sorry about the delay in scheduling. Could they get you in with a nurse or a midwife for retained tissue? That's what my practice does since the OBs book up a month ahead.

@CRJones1968 and @MrsDepo, I'm so sorry for your losses and that you find yourselves here. I hope you find comfort and support on this board.

@Cubslove12, I'm glad you found closure in the genetic testing.

I need to vent this morning... We just got a letter from my insurance company last night. They aren't covering anything from the specialized ultrasound place. The first bill will be $350 and my OB had me go there twice. So on top of dealing with recurrent loss, we have to either fork over $700 for the pleasure of seeing a blighted ovum in high definition twice , or go through the appeal process with my insurance. I effing hate my insurance company - they are worthless. I'm so stressed about finances and how we're going to be able to afford RPL testing since my insurance covers zip, zero, and zilch related to IF (not even testing). It shouldn't be this hard to have a baby.

On top of that, I found out last night that my MIL told my BIL about our MCs, after we specifically asked her not to tell anyone. She flat out denied it to H, even after he confronted her about overhearing her conversation on the phone. To top it off, H didn't tell me about it because he didn't want to upset me - I heard about it from an offhand comment our friend made at the wedding this weekend. She says she didn't tell anyone else, but I'm skeptical. I logged onto Facebook yesterday to see if I had any messages from random members of H's family and that was just a horrible horrible idea. So many pregnancy announcements and baby photos.

lilylover27 · April 2016

@riversong15 they told me it is best to follow up with the doctor who initially saw me since they have been there since the beginning. The OB wanted me to wait another couple of weeks to see if I pass the left over tissue on my own. It just sucks for the waiting and not I have to wait till 5/12, I am hoping I start to pass it on my own otherwise it will be even longer. Honestly I was kind of surprised they wanted to see if I passed the retained tissue on my own.

Spartanrd4 · April 2016

I'm so sorry @riversong15, insurance does suck for sure. I'm also sorry about your MIL...some people can't keep their mouth shut sometimes!

As for today, I'm pretty sure another co worker is KU. Not confirmed but I've had my suspicions the last couple weeks. I knew she started trying a couple months after me so figured it was just a matter of time. I'm going to the gym tonight and work out my frustrations.

AandDM2014 · April 2016

@lilylover27 I'm sorry that things haven't gone your way. Hopefully by the time you go back you'll be in the clear and given the go-ahead!

@RiverSong15 Yes, HP world is now open at Universal Studios. I haven't gone yet, and hadn't plan to go because of being pregnant, but now that I am no longer I've been thinking about going before we get to try again. Good on you for having some fun, even if you had to pay the price with a hangover. Okay, just read your post from this morning: I know your pain. My insurance covers nothing related to infertility. In the last 2 years, we've spent over $32,000 trying and failing to get pregnant, not to mention the nearly $14,000 DHs parents spent for us to do IVF. I KNOW YOUR PAIN. Life is super crappy. And if I were you, I would think about avoiding telling your MIL sensitive info in the future.

@MrsDepo I totally get where you're coming from with it being unfair to have both infertility and then a loss. That is what I am dealing with at the moment. I personally feel a lot of anger about it, and don't know how to feel better about it all.

I'm doing okay today. It's been a week since my D&C. I've had just a few moments of sadness and anger, and talking to DH about how all I want is a fucking baby and I can't have one and that it pisses me off. I also found out that my fertility clinic called me at like 6:15 when I was taking out the trash, and didn't leave a message. I thought they all went home at 5, so wasn't expecting to hear from them that late. Hopefully they'll call back tomorrow morning and we can discuss our next steps.

So I know this might be weird, but I'm a curious person by nature: while I was pregnant I had basically no desire to have sex with DH (we usually do it 5-6 times a week but were down to like once or twice a week), but after we got home from the D&C I totally wanted to have sex with him, and have wanted to every day since (though we aren't allowed until next Tuesday). Anyone else experience that?

AL_TwinCities · April 2016

Big hugs @mrsdepo. Waiting to miscarry was like being put through the emotional wringer for me - the knowledge that I was carrying my baby still, but she was no longer alive, was just heartbreaking. I hope you don't have to be in limbo much longer.

RiverSong15 · April 2016

Thanks @Spartanrd4 and @AandDM2014. At this point, if we do ever manage to carry to term, MIL will be lucky if she finds out about the pregnancy before we send birth announcements.... I felt forced to tell her this time because she was staying with us when we were in limbo and going for ultrasounds every week.

Hopietaylor91 · April 2016

How am I doing this week. Well it depends on the day and the hour of the day. I'm new, we had a D&C Friday I would have been 9 weeks yesterday but found out at 7 weeks that the baby had stopped growing at 6+4 which was confirmed with a second u/s at 7+6. Emotionally I think I'm starting to do better. DH and I tend to switch off on who is completely broken and who is doing pretty good. I finally started spotting Monday night which was the first bleeding I have had this entire time. Yesterday I started passing huge painful clots. No one told me about the clots. Everyone always talks about the bleeding and the cramps but not the clots. Those have been really hard for me to deal with for some reason. Am i alone in the awful clots? Now i just need to figure out what our plan is. I have a Beta on Friday to check my levels and then our follow up with the RE is next friday. Hope fully we will be able to get some clarity on what our infertility journey looks now. I don't even really know what to do with myself. Conception and then the baby our the only things I've thought about for so long and now my brain doesn't know how to work! ugh! I'm also super ready to get the chromosonal screening results back. I'm so thankful our RE isn't making us wait to have multiple m/c before he would test.

GTKY: what do you love about spring? I'm in Texas so i just love that its not 100+ degrees for a little bit!

virginiaham · April 2016

Late posting, but I needed to just lurk this week.

@al_twincities I'm so sorry for the upcoming EDD. It's special, and hurtful. *hugs* I'm looking into that book as well and I have my first ever lilac bush here outside our bedroom window. It's in bloom and smells heavenly.

@mrsdepo, @kns1988, @bluebutterflies, @CRJones1978 I'm so sorry you're going through this. The limbo and waiting for physical closure was the hardest for me. I hope the limbo is over for you soon. (Same, @lilylover27!!)

I am 3 weeks out from my loss at 6+2 and back into TTC per my midwife's recommendation. My hcg last week was 40, this week 12.5, and she wants one more draw next week, which honestly I want to refuse. I'm doing ok most days, but being back in her office post-loss was really hard, as was going back to the bible study where I literally got the phone call. I feel like I can hold it together talking/thinking about it to myself and people who already know, but I can't hold it together with strangers I haven't yet acknowledged the loss or cried with, if that makes any sense. I'm in prime new-girl-friend-making season right now and I'm just longing for all of my familiar faces.

I had an impromptu consult with an acupuncturist yesterday who recommended that I do a few manual lymphatic drainage massages, followed by a few rounds of acupuncture and maybe reflexology massage. My body is healing, but I definitely feel like I could use some extra help.

GTKY: All manner of being outside on the warm days and it not being an inconvenience or seriously uncomfortable and so you just linger...outside...

AandDM2014 · April 2016

I finally hear from my RE yesterday. If I don't start a period on my own by 5/13 (which is highly unlikely as when I had my ectopic I didn't get one for 12 weeks before I called them) I'm to call and get period inducing meds. I should then be able to start whatever FET protocol he wants to do this cycle, probably 2-3 weeks of birth control then cycle suppressing injections with estrogen pills. I'm glad he isn't going to make me wait until my second period post D&C, as that could easily take 6-8 additional weeks.

I hope everyone is feeling just a bit better on this lovely spring Friday!

Tink112011 · April 2016

Hi All, I have never done a formal intro, but I know that these posts can help those lurking, so I want to contribute.

I'm doing ok regarding coping with the loss, but I'm having a hard time waiting for my body to return to normal. My MMC was found at my first OB appointment at almost 10 weeks. It was a blighted ovum that never progressed past 6 weeks. I decided to take cytotec to get things moving (it felt better to have some control over the situation). My OB and I thought that the cytotec worked, but I bled for 3 weeks straight. Then I had some awful cramping and crazy bleeding, then finally passed the sac. So now I'm at 3.5 weeks of steady bleeding and it's getting very depressing. I know that I'll feel better once the bleeding stops and I don't have the constant reminder about my loss.

Hugs to everyone! Hope you have a great weekend!

Spartanrd4 · April 2016

Just read this article today...don't know if anyone watches Million Dollar Listing NYC on Bravo but one of the men on the show Fredrik wrote this very moving article that brought me to tears on his feelings after him and his husband lost their twins last year.

https://www.bravotv.com/million-dollar-listing-new-york/season-5/blogs/fredrik-eklund/fredrik-eklund-it-hit-me-so-hard-i

MrsBinPA · April 2016

Hi Ladies,

Looks like I am joining this group again. Had another RE follow-up today and there was almost no growth since last week which was already measuring almost a week behind. I go back Sunday to confirm then D&E for genetic testing on Monday.

This is is my third consecutive loss where development stopped in week 6 with a HB seen. It's really sad but so far this time hurts less than the last one. I just knew this one wasn't going to be any different. Things haven't been "normal" from the onset. All my RPL tests have come back normal but my other losses didn't have genetic testing so hopefully there will be some data to help future plans. I know there is no guarantee.

At this point I just want to get the procedure behind me and start healing & planning for what next.

GTKY: Relaxing on the deck & grilling. More hours of daylight.

Wishilivedinflorida · April 2016

Oh no @MrsBinPA I'm so sorry to see you here. I'm so sorry this has happened to you again. I am in the exact same boat as you but with two losses so far (hb stops and growth stops mid 6th week, RPL labs are all normal). It's definitely an awful place to be and I can't imagine enduring a third loss. I hope you get through these next days with minimal physical pain and that you hopefully gain some insight from genetic testing. Hopefully your RE can come up with an action plan for you.

Spartanrd4 · April 2016

So sorry for your losses @MrsBinPA

virginiaham · April 2016

@MrsBinPA I'm so sorry.

AandDM2014 · April 2016

@MrsBinPA Yikes! I am so sorry this is happening to you. I totally get you on the wanting to get the procedure done and healing done so you can start trying again. I was ready to start trying again just a few days after my D&C, and wanted that to be done as quickly as possible. Luckily my insurance was able to get me in just 4 days after our first no heartbeat ultrasound. I pushed to get it done as quickly as possible because I just wanted it to be over. I hope that your D&E isn't too bad!! And that you get some answers from genetic testing.

RiverSong15 · April 2016

@MrsBinPA, I'm so so sorry for your losses. Hugs and good thoughts headed your way!

How is everyone doing? Check-in 4/17

Re: How is everyone doing? Check-in 4/17

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