How much alone time do you get?

rachswi · April 2016

I'm curious. How much baby-free time do you get? I'm not talking the brief time you get during a shower or nap (because let's face it - you're still on the clock) but I mean how much time do you get when your SO or someone takes your kid(s) so you get a break where you don't have to be the one responsible for your tiny human being?

I realized today that I get 2 hours once a month when I get to leave my son with DH and spend time with my friends. That's it. I know I chose to be a SAHM which means most days I'm the only one taking care of LO but I'm struggling with not getting true free time anymore. I get out of the house plenty and interact a lot with other adults but I pretty much always have LO with me (and he often steals my focus since he's quite the demanding child). I'm planning on sitting down with DH tonight to tell him I need more me-time but I'm curious as to how much time others get. (Or maybe I get more than most and need a kick in the pants to realize I'm lucky to get that time)

kdoak2015 · April 2016

What's alone time? I have been to 2 appointments and 1 date day since she was born. Other than that DH will take her during the day while I'm in the next room or cooking but I've got a total of 5 hours away since she's been born.

edit: I'm ok with it though, not complaining one bit but a few hours a
day would be nice.

helsbels222 · April 2016

I get alone time when I'm at work. Does that count?

MargaretC5 · April 2016

I get alone time at work and after 8 when both kids are in bed, but I go to bed at 9:30 and have to do general household stuff before bed.

Edit....When DS was 6 or 7 months DH started taking him grocery shopping every Sunday morning. I used to love Sunday mornings by myseld, but now I still have the baby while they are at the store.

SJFTCA · April 2016

I've been back at work for five weeks now, so I'm gone from 7:15 until at least 3:50 each day. Two afternoons a week, I head straight to the gym after work, which puts me home around 4:45. Then I have the occasional grocery store run or some type of grooming appt (nails, spray tan, etc.) during the week a few times a month. One (or both) of my parents is w LO in the afternoons, so I have some flexibility; although, I try my best not to take advantage.

On weekends, MH and I split mornings. LO gets up at 7, so one of us gets him up and the other sleeps in. When he goes back down for his first nap, we relieve each other. We try to just switch off on the weekends if one of us wants to do something. It's turkey hunting season, so MH gets his share of that in, which means he makes sure I get to do what I want at some point (usually involves pampering, like a massage, or the gym). I do miss my friends though! I feel like I see no one.

My parents often watch LO one evening on the weekends for MH and I to have some quality time together. To be honest, we are really very lucky, but it's still such a huge adjustment and change. You're totally not being selfish or crazy to want more time to yourself. When you're a SAHM, it's like your job NEVER ends and you rarely leave it, so it's totally understandable to want to have some more "me" time. I would definitely have the discussion w H. So much of the time, men really need us to be direct...he may have absolutely no clue that you're feeling this way!

smnewby · April 2016

My alone time is at work & when LO is asleep. Thats about it. Alone time doesnt equate to "me time" though! As pp mentioned alone time is for showering and housework. I cannot wait for lo to hit 6 months so I can incorporate a daily/evening jog as thats the only "me time" I crave.

kmd91 · April 2016

I have zero me time to be perfectly honest. Even showering and such I have to make sure the baby is dead asleep before I even consider showering. When he naps is the closest it gets, but that's housework time. In the time since my son was born I can tell you all the times I have left him in my husbands care: 45 minutes to grocery shop when he was a week old (he slept the whole time I was gone), 45 minutes for grocery shopping when he was 3 weeks old (he cried as soon as I left and my husband swore I could never leave again), half an hour valentines day when I ran out to get a cheesecake for dessert (I believe baby was asleep), and last week I left for 10 minutes to go to the gas station around the corner (baby was asleep). He will be 5 months old this week and I've been away from him a little over two hours cumulatively in his life.

doodleoodle · April 2016

@rachswi I did what you're doing for a long time, although my LO is really hard to take anywhere by myself. It's good that you're at least getting out. I hope that you did speak with your DH. I used to think that I had to be Supermom and any time DH took the baby I had to catch up on laundry or dust or whatever while listening for the baby. I had only left her a couple of times for the first 4 months of her life, and those times were very short. I was so burnt out. I spoke with DH and he became a lot better about spending time with LO so I can take a break. He hangs out with her once a week so that I can get out. Sometimes I have coffee with a friend or sometimes I just go grocery shopping. He also was good about spending time with her before work... Until recently. I finally woke him up in the morning yesterday and told him I'd been going several days without any kind of break whatsoever and just handed her to him. I then walked past the sink full of dishes, to the basement, plopped down on the couch and watched trash tv. It. Was. Amazing.

slatta2013 · April 2016

I've only left LO once, DH has been pushing me to start looking for a job again so I left Wyatt for less than two hours last month to apply for a job and run to the pharmacy. I'm beginning to resent DH for his lack of desire to help. I haven't slept in 3 days due to this damn sleep regression and he has literally never gotten up with LO. It's making me stabby!

MoRay05 · April 2016

I'm a SAHM with a three year old and LO. The only alone I get is a shower or going to a doctors appointment. I know you said showers don't count but I'll take what I can get! I'm finally get my hair done on Saturday so I'm really excited to have some me time!!! It doesn't happen very often with two kiddos.

jkloeppel · April 2016

On weekends I get as much as I want. During the week, DH wakes up 30 min early so that I can get in a shower, start a load of laundry, or pump. Basically no alone time M-F.

MercyC1130 · April 2016

Same here with the 'alone time is not me time'.
Last week though was the absolute first time ever that my mom watched LO and I napped for an hour.
Granted, I woke up in a panic. Lol.

I've taken to staying up really late though and get some time then. Bittersweet. Tired but alone. Lol

nycmommy13 · April 2016

My LO has started sleeping through the night, so my husband and I can have us time for a half hour after we get dishes done but before going to bed. As for "me" time, I don't want too much of it since I'm a working mom and miss seeing my baby. My husband is willing to watch the baby for an hour on Saturday mornings if/when I choose to have me times and then I take the baby with me to church on Sundays while my husband stays home (he doesn't have the same religion) so he gets an hour of him time. Other than that, we take care of the baby as a team.

Also, if the "you" time you need is something you can do while your LO plays, try putting him in a jumperoo and turning on some music for him so he can have some unguided play while you read a book or do what you want to do.

GoogleMD · April 2016

I go do a girls day 2 Saturdays a month, i am gone for a couple hours each time.

I work 50+hrs a week so I like to spend most of my time on the evenings and weekends with him. That being said if i had him full time i woukd and think yiu shoukd absolutely have at least 1 to 2 hrs a week if possible.

snowflake143 · April 2016

I left LO to see the star wars movie opening weekend, and I've left him with DH for about an hour while I went to an emergency chiropractor appt. which I was almost in tears for because my neck was so jacked up. That's it. 3 hours of his life. And LO doesn't go to bed until about 10:30- 11pm so no nighttime alone either. I'm almost as big of a wreck as my house.

wimamaof2 · April 2016

I am a SAHM too...well, still deciding. DH left the decision up to me.
Anyways, I consider shower time as me time. I also go out once or twice a week to run errands or coffee with friends and sometimes, I go in our basement and watch tv or just relax on the recliner. I get about 1 to 3 hours out of the house time a week. I take a long shower once LO is asleep (husband is at home) to unwind.
LO's nap times range from 15 min to 2 hours (depends on the day). So, I try to get as much done during his naps.

laswett · April 2016

I make nap time, me time. I do housework and such, but I work full time (as a teacher, so still 8 hours of kid stuff) and do 95% of baby related things each day. Including all night feedings 7 days a week. I also make dinner every night. SO knows he may not say a word about the condition of the house. I do what needs to be done, but I'm taking an hour while baby sleeps to do something that makes me happy every day.

doodleoodle · April 2016

GoogleMD said:

I go do a girls day 2 Saturdays a month, i am gone for a couple hours each time.

I work 50+hrs a week so I like to spend most of my time on the evenings and weekends with him. That being said if i had him full time i woukd and think yiu shoukd absolutely have at least 1 to 2 hrs a week if possible.

I wish I could love this twice. SAHM doesn't equal martyr.

rachswi · April 2016

Thanks ladies. DH helps around the house so much so I do tend to let things slip during the day (for example - we've agreed that while I'm nursing him at bedtime, he has to do the dishes from the day since he can't help while Zeke is eating).

i do enjoy those quiet times while Zeke is napping but since naps are such a fight and he only ever naps for 45 minutes at a time, I usually end up trying to "recuperate" from the exhaustion that nap time fights bring. I know part of my craziness yesterday was that I had literally tried for over an hour to get Zeke down for his first nap and then he woke up after 30 minutes so I was just wrecked and starting off my day really poorly. Most days I feel like nap times are enough of a break but when nap time comes so difficultly, I start to dream of escape lol.

VexedMommy · April 2016

Out of curiosity, when he's that tired, do you ever lay him down awake? I've started trying that with Bridget at bedtime and it's worked really well. She makes noises to herself and does some fussing, but she usually falls asleep before she starts crying. I go in and pick her up if she's crying.

rachswi · April 2016

VexedMommy said:

Out of curiosity, when he's that tired, do you ever lay him down awake? I've started trying that with Bridget at bedtime and it's worked really well. She makes noises to herself and does some fussing, but she usually falls asleep before she starts crying. I go in and pick her up if she's crying.

Yeah I have. He gets to screaming like he's been abandoned within less than a minute. When he's exhausted he turns into a big cuddler and gets even more upset when I put him down.

cdepperschmidt · April 2016

On weekends DH takes DS and I run errands for 2-3 hours. I also get alone time on Friday morning because DH does daycare drop off so I get ready for work in peace. I don't consider work to be alone then because I'm a teacher.

Ceridwen77 · April 2016

This thread reminded me that I need to schedule a massage.

AmoLovesAud · April 2016

Nothing. Nada. I get 30 minutes to shower once a week. That's it. I used to get an hour on Tuesdays for Tai Chi class, but I was sleeping so little for awhile that I didn't trust myself to drive to class, and now I've missed so many lessons that I'm too behind to go back. I had 1 hour last month to go to therapy, but when my therapist said LO was allowed to come along, she goes with me now, though she's pretty distracting. I'd rather go alone but this way I don't have to consult DH's schedule to make appointments.

If LO is being insanely difficult to get to bed, and isn't comfort nursing through it, AND DH isn't busy, he'll take her so I can get a head start on sleep. They're the only times I've gotten more than 4 hours in a row of sleep, lately.

chein1 · April 2016

cdepperschmidt said:

On weekends DH takes DS and I run errands for 2-3 hours. I also get alone time on Friday morning because DH does daycare drop off so I get ready for work in peace. I don't consider work to be alone then because I'm a teacher.

This. I have 30 needy first graders then come home to LO and my 2 year old. I'd hardly call work "adult" time or "me" time lol!

My "me" time is Thursday's at 8 for Grey's Anatomy. I'm left alone for an hour. Then weekends I just naturally wake-up at my weekday alarm time so I get up, drink my coffee hot, watch whatever I want, stare at my phone. I'm a much better mom when I start my day quietly and by myself. Days where I decide to sleep until my girls wake up always backfire. Not worth the extra hour of sleep for me.

ColoradoHiker · April 2016

I've spent almost all of the past five no the with DS, due to mat leave/ losing my job. I start a new one on Monday. I've been very honest with DH about when I'm struggling with DS and need a break. I took one evening, after a particularly trying week, and went to the movies alone.

Long story short, starting next week I'll have work and gym time sans baby. My in-laws are moving here to be daycare for DS, and they encourage DH and I to go out on dates a lot when they're here, so I'd say we also have an evening alone once or twice a month.

angiesbump · April 2016

I've been away from my daughter once since she born. I went to see a movie with a friend. That's it.

kwaldy · April 2016

Oh, you know, none. Maybe the 2 minutes it takes from daycare to work, and the same in reverse. And work is not alone time... haha

SJFTCA · April 2016

I'm with you on work not being alone time. I also teach, so I'm rarely alone during the work day. I do teach high school though, so that whole 29 minutes I get for lunch is a nice time to spend w my group of teacher friends.

I'm not sure how some of you ladies are staying sane. I feel like my life could not revolve more around LO, but I still have/make time for myself and for MH. I realize that MH and I are blessed with having both of our families close, and with LO being the first and only grandchild, he's a hot commodity. But even if you have to pay someone or get your husband to pitch in more, please get out and do something for yourself! You deserve it!

Jtk13 · April 2016

Tonight I got 15 minutes to take a bath! I even drank a beer and had half a chocolate bar while I was in there! Woohoo I'm a new woman!

lyankowi · April 2016

Single mom here with a EBF baby. Every other weekend I have DD1 and baby. I have gone to a movie, gone for a quick shopping trip, a bridal shower, and MIL demended both kids for ex birthday so I let her have them for 2 hours. April is pretty busy but I have a me day planned in May my mother will have her all day.

brittanylee618 · April 2016

Does this answer your question

bellie1223 · April 2016

Work time is basically my "me time," I do get a shower in every night, after i put the baby to bed, but I'm always so preoccupied with the million other things I need to get done that I rarely enjoy it anymore

My husband owns his own business and works from home so he takes care of our daughter when I'm at work, then when I get home I take over so he can get stuff done. I really really really appreciate the fact that it's hard to be here alone with a baby for so long. But I'm gone for like 7 hours a day, then I'm the go to person for the other 17 hours, plus dishes, laundry, cooking dinner, etc.

I feel like I probably need to say something about what i perceive to be a disparity in our responsibilities before I get bitter...

rmortinsen · April 2016

Ohhh never. When I go to work if that counts. Really bothers me DH has all the time he wants. It's like his life hasn't changed one bit. He's out riding four wheelers as we speak and is going away all next weekend to ride again while I stay home once again. I tried talking to him about it and he just shrugged me off and told me I'm being "dramatic" real nice. I'm slightly frustrated at this point with him if you can't tell. I love being with my kids don't get me wrong but a break every so often would be amazing, just to do something for myself.

doodleoodle · April 2016

rmortinsen said:

Ohhh never. When I go to work if that counts. Really bothers me DH has all the time he wants. It's like his life hasn't changed one bit. He's out riding four wheelers as we speak and is going away all next weekend to ride again while I stay home once again. I tried talking to him about it and he just shrugged me off and told me I'm being "dramatic" real nice. I'm slightly frustrated at this point with him if you can't tell. I love being with my kids don't get me wrong but a break every so often would be amazing, just to do something for myself.

I'm assuming he didn't talk to you about next weekend before planning it? I would tell him you're going away the weekend after. And then go. I bet after a weekend alone with the baby he will be more understanding of your need for alone time.

rmortinsen · April 2016

Nope he just planned it and assumed I would be willing to camp (in Michigan) with a five month old. It's way to cold at night at this time of year for a baby but he didn't think of that of course. Now that he planned it and invited all of his buddies he's "obligated" to go. I like to do the four wheeling thing too but I'm certain I will be left behind a lot because we have a baby now. I may just have to plan a trip the weekend after, that's a good idea!

LauraK33 · April 2016

Never...I have the twins plus two others. We moved across country for family and I'd never leave them with someone I don't know...so 24/7 togetherness...but I'm strangely good with that!

rachswi · April 2016

PocoHR · April 2016

I wasn't really getting alone time, until I decided to occasionally hire a babysitter and give myself some. Best money I've ever spent. I hired someone to come to my house and just watch him while I did other things, I looked at stuff on my computer, I went to get my hair cut... all baby free, it was great. I highly recommend it.

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