Bashed for Breastfeeding

laurapaine2003@yahoo.com · April 2016

My sister in law is visiting. I'm a FTM and EBF. During dinner when I mentioned the trip we are taking to Florida (LO will be 10 1/2 months old) in July she said "then you can switch to formula finally! Or cows milk!" I've always known she had an aversion to breastfeeding (she's made really bad remarks about it in the past). I said "no, I want to breastfeed till she turns one at least" my SIL responded "WHY? Are you afraid she will DIE if you stop sooner? Turn to mush?? Just STOP doing it, it'll be fine. Don't go on vacation and not be able to have fun or drink because you'll be pumping." I said "I don't want to give it up, I actually adore it. I really truly cherish it." She gave me a horribly disgusted look and made it very clear she thinks I'm making a poor decision to CONTINUE breastfeeding. Im also livid my husband didn't stand up and defend our decision with me. I feel breastfeeding is a wonderful gift to my daughter, to me, and I adore the bond. It was ROUGH the first few months but now it's the most natural thing in the world to me and I actually adore nursing and look forward to it so much! I just can't imagine why on earth someone would say these things to a happy nursing mother. I'm shocked. Sorry to vent like this but I was looking for some other mothers who truly adore nursing like I do and may have a word of support they can offer. I need to know there are others who are passionate as hell about it. I feel like I'm all alone on this because of the people I'm surrounded by. I also feel her remarks are really insulting to those who WANT or WISH they could nurse because it isn't possible for every mother who wants to.

J1D · April 2016

I love breastfeeding. I was disappointed to find out I have a super low supply and doubt I'll make it to a year. I wanted to breastfeed until at least one and had hoped to pump my heart out and donate milk and continue giving my baby breastmilk in sippy cups between 1 and 2 years old. Turns out I have dismally low supply though so we supplement, I've never had enough for my baby, let alone to donate and I can tell I'm starting to dry up. But I'm going to keep breastfeeding as long as I can cause I like it and my baby likes it.
Your sil needs a bit of a smack in her nasty mouth.
Try to let her words roll off you though. The only thing that matters is how YOU, your baby and your hubby feel. End of list. And I'm being generous to include your hubby on that list cause really in my mind it just you and your baby who get to have opinions about your breastfeeding relationship.

yellowbean15 · April 2016

Aw that sucks. I'm sorry she said that. I don't understand why she has a problem with your plan, it doesn't affect her at all. That's absolutely silly. I can be pretty sensitive and would have felt hurt and embarrassed by what she said. So I totally get the need to vent about it! I hope you don't feel that way though. It's not silly to have a breastfeeding goal and want to stick to it. It's wonderful that you are willing to do that for your daughter! I don't love breastfeeding but I want to make it to a year and I wouldn't give up on my goal just because it inconvenienced me. Try to brush off her comments. She sounds maybe a little defensive even though she doesn't need to be (I'm assuming she decided not to breastfeed?). It might be coming from her own insecurities so I wouldn't let it bother you too much!

jlemons-2 · April 2016

I love it too. The benefits for my baby and our relationship have been nothin short of magical. I've had a couple people comment on how it's a chore I have to do, and just blankly stare at me when I say I enjoy it. I don't care what they think, ice ever been bothered because I know how great it is.

junebaby20 · April 2016

Just tell her to F off and mind her own business. Until she's a mother, she has 0 opinion

laurapaine2003@yahoo.com · April 2016

She has two kids, never breastfed them because it "grossed" her out - that's fine, I have no opinion on what other mothers decide is best for them and their babies... But her view of breastfeeding in general is alarming to me. It's fine to breastfeed, formula feed, or do both. But why the severely negative attitude towards breastfeeding!? She acts like it's truly a shitty thing to do. I'm baffled.

laurapaine2003@yahoo.com · April 2016

And another thing - even if someone felt this way why would you EVER say that to another mother!?

mrsmctaggart6 · April 2016

I honestly don't like breastfeeding and wish I could just give her bottles and not have to worry about nursing her when we go out but the health benefits for babies who are breastfed till one year are un deniable and I feel it's my duty to give my daughter the best of my abilities, she needs to educate herself before she starts bashing, would formula be terrible? No, I'm sure nothing terrible would happen and formula feeding is fine if that's what works for you, in fact I'm jealous, but there's no reason to bash a mothers choice to do the best she can for her baby, isn't that what we all signed up for? My mother does the same thing to me because I don't go out much but to be honest I'm just as happy having a built in excuse to not drag my poor baby all over high heaven...

kbfash · April 2016

I just find this so strange when others project their negative opinions onto other mothers, especially when it's something so natural and beneficial. I find nothing wrong with formula feeding and or exclusively pumping. I have been lucky enough to EBF my LO and also love it, the bond and benefits. I have had several people makes comments lately too. She just popped her first 2 teeth and they said eew are you going to keep that up, like she was a hyena? Or do you really went to waste your summer BF? My original goal was 6 mos. and I am now at 7. Try to take the high road and ignore it, it feels like she may want a reaction out of you for some weird competitive reason?

Bailey1823A · April 2016

I feel ya. I love the bond we have since it was tough in the beginning and I wasnt able to bf my first more than 6 weeks. Before this lo was born my mil said so i guess you will formula feed this time since it was so difficult last time and I said no I am going to try again and she was like oh your doing that again. They visited when lo was less than a week old and I kept leaving to feed baby and they were mad about that (her and fil). They live 6 hours away and were here over Easter. Baby was almost 7 months and she has separation anxiety and mil was butt hurt that DD wouldn't go to her right away. She was like are you still breastfeeding? That's why you should switch to formula or give pumped milk so she is more independent and sleeps better (we bedshare and she wakes 2-5 times a night to eat). I said I am going to breastfeed for a year and she was like how are you going to spend time at the beach or pool this summer (we live in a beach town). I said it's not that hard. She was disgusted. I basically told her to stfu or she doesn't have to visit this summer. Who says shit like this? Your sil is the one with the problem. Do what works for you momma and never listen to the negative people!

jenboston22 · April 2016

It sounds like she may have sexualized breasts to the point that she cannot stand them being used any other way? Just my guess. It's sad that she looks down on breastfeeding, especially since breastfeeding is the true biological function of the breast!

I'm still BFing my son and I plan to breastfeed him until I cannot any longer or until he chooses to stop.

leeeahyo · April 2016

So sorry you have to deal with that! I really wish people didn't throw their opinions where they're not needed or asked for. People just don't understand and it's so hard to explain, especially to a close minded person who thinks its "gross." I too have had a friend say that they "bet their kid was glad it didn't have to suck on her boob."

really? I just bit my tongue.
I am a FTM and absolutely love breastfeeding--the benefits and the bond are amazing! My son won't take a bottle at all (I stay at home) which means I don't get many breaks but I'll tell you a secret--I don't want breaks from breastfeeding! He did so well in the beginning and I was extremely lucky the only "issue" I had early on was self doubt and wondering if I was doing it right. Once I let go of trying to control it and let it come naturally, we've been unstoppable ever since haha! I always said I'd like to breastfeed for a year but I can see us going longer which I didn't expect! Try not to let it bring you down and keep on keepin on

LoveLee85 · April 2016

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Why do people care when it doesn't have a single thing to do with them?? Not everyone wants people's opinions on every single aspect of life. I don't like conflict but I would make sure to roll my eyes so hard in front of her every time she says crap like that to me. Or next time just say, "well good thing my breastfeeding has NOTHING to do with you, so your fun won't be ruined!!!!"

dmbfan46835 · April 2016

Your SIL can eat a bag of dicks. She is clearly jealous that she wasn't able to or chose not to do the same. It's only a year. It's not like she's 5 and still on the boob. We are mammals and our bodies are meant to produce food for our babies. I do not understand why people are so against it. I am also going a year but nobody around me has made any negative comments. But then again a lot my friends did the same.

cbolton19 · April 2016

I find it sad when moms don't even try, but to each their own. I would never bash anyone. My guess is that a lot of what she says come from her own insecurities. I totally agree with you, I love breastfeeding. It's such a special bond for us. It was rough in the beginning, and we worked hard to be where we are now. I would just not talk to her about it, and if it comes up just say you have her dietary needs covered. It's really none of her business. You can still enjoy a drink or two on your vacation (and any time!) while you are breastfeeding!

wilcoxev · April 2016

I agree. She sounds jealous. Most educated people know the benefits of breastfeeding. You are doing the right thing. I would probably go all mama bear on her ass. It's our jobs as mom's to do the best we can for our kids. Keep being awesome!

jlawson23 · April 2016

https://mom.me/baby/30120-7-things-breastfeeding-moms-hate-hear/

Maybe print this out and hand it to her next time you see her!? I'm sorry you're having to do deal with this. If there is one thing that drives me crazy now that I'm a mother... It's the sudden opinions about my life and how I do things. Drives me insane. I am breastfeeding my daughter and I'm constantly being asked when I'm going to wean.... It's annoying. I don't ask when "you're" going to change your diet, so don't ask me about mine or my daughter's. That's how I feel anyways!

ForeverEverAfter · April 2016

I love breastfeeding! With DD1 I lived in an area with low BFing rates, and got some odd comments. Thankfully our mothers and sisters all BF, so we never got ignorant remarks from the people closest to us. I'm sorry you have to deal with that!

I BF DD1 til she self weaned at 26mo. It was easy and natural, and the last 6 months was only at bedtime. Now I'm working from home, so I hope to BF this LO til at least 2. I just donated BM for the first time last week. DH told me it was weird and he didn't like it, but said it was my choice. I don't get the mindset that you can give a baby formula based on milk from any old cow, but a human baby getting human milk is weird.

cmommy13 · April 2016

I think people often lash our from a place of insecurity. She might have secrets wanted to breastfeed but couldn't or was afraid to fail. Perhaps she regrets not breastfeeding. Regardless, she may be jealous of the bond you have with LO because of it. She never should have said those things to you. I'm sorry people are so rude. Try to just brush it off, I know easier said than done.

rachelkawesome · April 2016

I love nursing, and the longer I do it the more bonded I feel to my baby. It sounds like not many women in your family or circle breastfeed and you aren't getting support from them - well good for you for sticking with it! Don't listen to your SIL and good luck with the rest of her visit.

BrandiLaw87 · April 2016

Umm wtf? As PP's have said, why do people feel the need to be so hateful about things that don't concern them. I would NEVER talk to someone like that about any of their life choices. And why do people act like you can't have a good time or "enjoy the summer" because you BF? I don't know about you all but BFing or not, I'm not going to be on a patio getting shitfaced since I have these responsibilities called kids. There are tons of fun things to do in the spring/summer that don't involve booze and don't matter if you BF or not.
All that said, this LO is EBF. Sometimes I love it and sometimes not so much. But I'm proud I have made is this far and my goal is a year.

bnwillia3 · April 2016

UGH. (Warning, I'm seriously mad this happened to you and am going unfiltered...) F THAT B! She can shut her mouth and go far, far away. Aside from the MANY benefits of breastfeeding and the recommendations from the WHO and AAP, it is YOUR BODY, YOUR BABY, YOUR BUSINESS.

You are amazing and wonderful. She is a jerk face busybody who should do some research or shut her mouth.

LaurenNewph · April 2016

As a formula feeding mom I find her statements to be awful! What she said is basically the equivalent of a breastfeeding mother saying to a formula feeding mother "why don't you just breastfeed!" And quite honestly what you said @cbolton19 is sort of bashing and sort of just as bad as what her SIL said to her!

LoveLee85 · April 2016

I agree with all pp. Im not going to get into formula vs bfing because that's not even the issue. The issue is she needs to butt out on something that DOESN'T INVOLVE HER AT ALL.

ABombard12 · April 2016

I absolutely am IN LOVE with breastfeeding also. I am hoping to make it to at least a year and then maybe after that use my frozen supply to give it to my LO in a sippy cup maybe mixed with cows milk who knows. I just know the amount of nutrients he gets from it makes me feel good. I love the bond we have because of it and yes pumping stinks but its worth it and with a hands free bra not much of an pain in the butt. My LO didn't nurse one night to sleep (because he had solids a little close to bedtime) and I was a wreck! I was so sad and kept thinking all night OH no hes weaning

My DH has already said we are going to have an issue when he does wean.. I will be a mess. DH loves it as well (im guessing the free has something to do with it ha) but he, as well as his family is so supportive of it. My family on the otherhand has made some comments about me being nuts and its so much work why am I doing it to myself, etc. They haven't gotten mean like the comments I am reading here but they cut close. I honestly just tell them well hey im obsessed and love it and he loves it and until he wants to stop he will get it.

kmcshane0211 · April 2016

This person sounds very aggressive and rude. When someone acts this way (over any matter) I've learned to discredit and externalize anything they put on my lap. She's in your space and you didn't ask her to be there. Ignore.

TabulaRasa25 · April 2016

I'm very pleased with my decision to breastfeed, and am glad that I've been able to do it for six months and counting. It's had its stressful times (including getting the hang of it early on when we had a sleepy newborn who had a hard time gaining, then going back to school two weeks post-partum and getting into the pumping groove to make bottles for when I'm at class), sometimes I feel like it's Groundhog Day (ah, son, we meet again...same room, same chair, same boob...what day is it, again?), and sometimes (when I'm super busy), I feel like my body is not my own in a way that can be frustrating. I find pumping to be a drag, and the low estrogen is a pain, both literally and figuratively.

Despite all that, I love our bond, I take pride in caring for his needs that way, and I cherish our time together doing something special. I love that it's nutritionally perfect for him. I've had nothing but support from loved ones (and if anybody has negative opinions, they've def. kept them to themselves), and although I don't know the stats on how common breastfeeding is, here, I've breastfed in public about a zillion times, and never once received a negative reaction. I get people who don't or can't breastfeed, but I don't get the militant negativity toward it. Just because you didn't do it, that doesn't mean it's gross.

wannabeamongoose · April 2016

What a nasty lady. Her attitude and response clearly says more about her than it does about you. I live in an area with high BF rates and have never gotten so much as a side eye for nursing in public. Even my family, who live in a low BF area and all formula fed their babies, have been super supportive of my choice (they haven't said anything when I nurse in front of them, and even explained to their little ones how the way my baby eats is different than how they ate but that it's still natural and ok). The only person who's said anything about my choice is MIL, who made a few comments about how I'm obviously not going to continue once the teeth come. During the first couple months, when we were really struggling and I was in a lot of pain, she would say things like "Oh, this is nothing. Just wait until he gets teeth. You'll definitely need to switch to formula then, so you might as well just do it now." It pissed me off that she was diminishing my feelings at the time, but I think she was trying to be supportive of my struggle in her own weird way. She still comments on the teeth thing (I don't quite get it because hubby nursed until he was 2), but she's sweet about it so I just blow her off. My goal is to go as long as baby wants and I don't care if people think I'm a weirdo for nursing my older baby. I like the relationship, and for now so does he, so everyone else can all piss off.

booksandcleverness81 · April 2016

Ugh, I also have a sister in law who didn't breastfeed even once because it was "gross." She is an exceptionally uneducated and immature person, and probably holds the same kinds of views. I absolutely adore bfing and plan to do it at least a year, probably longer. We will be seeing my brother and SIL for the first time in June- at my grandma's house by the beach actually, and I don't plan on hiding away to feed him so if she doesn't like it she will just have to deal. And if she even tries that bs with me I will freak the fuck out.
I'm sorry she felt like she could speak to you that way. Next time you should let her know that her opinions on the matter are not appreciated so she should keep them to herself. Or just stop being an ignorant b, that works too...

ABombard12 · April 2016

Well this past weekend was a new one... "So don't you feel awkward now that he's getting so old.. I mean he is a boy and he's seeing your boobs and on your boobs???" --- hmmm my response... "Don't you feel awkward asking me such a private question? and No I do not feel awkward, that is what they are there for to provide him with the nutrients he needs maybe he will learn to respect them as he gets older and we will be done breastfeeding when we are ready. But thanks for your concern."

booksandcleverness81 · April 2016

Is she aware that our species is called a "mammal" for a reason? Because we feed our young from the mammary system, it is literally our defining feature. If babies were meant to wean at this age they would develop fully functioning guts and a full set of teeth by now but oh, wait, they aren't even close are they? That's because evolutionarily they are still supposed to be breastfed/ffed. Also, she really thinks they have some concept of breasts as a sexual characteristic at this age? What is wrong with this woman?!

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