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September 2015 Moms
katesieminski
member
Husbands who travel for work :/
katesieminski
member
Frustrated and wondering if I'm alone. My husband has been traveling for work a TON the past 7 months (ever since LO was born) and it should be getting easier but it's not. This past week was an emergency travel to Chicago at 5 Am on Tuesday; was supposed to come home Thursday and it was pushed back to Friday instead , came home for an hour and went into the office , not home til 630 and I was at my sisters house 11/2 hrs away for my dad and nieces birthday party which DH chose to opt out of since his week was crazy. I couldn't help but resent him for not coming because even tho I know he had a tough week traveling and taking care of big problems with work , my week as tough with the baby and not getting any kind of break. He is also traveling to Portland this Tuesday- Thursday . I have a vey good baby but I really look forward to when DH come home and I can get some things done that I hadn't been able to with a baby in my arms . I guess I'm just frustrated and wish I had family closer so that I could get that time that I need . I know for sure others have it worse but I just wish it was easier than it is - any one else have a hubby who travels? Any tips on making it easier?
Re: Husbands who travel for work :/
travel a lot and DH deals with our 3 kids. Some things he does to stay sane: 1. Clean minimally 2. Order takeout at least once a week 3. Wear the baby as much as possible to get stuff done 4. Keep weird hours so as to have alone time 5. Run on the treadmill daily. Also, think about how your husband doesn't want to be aware but is sacrificing for your family. That helps me feel less guilty when I'm on the road. Good luck to you!
I know that sounds like broad spectrum advice, but it makes all the difference for me. My husband is a Navy Submariner currently a month and a half into a 6 to 8 month deployment. Obviously, he's gone a lot when he's not deployed as well (65% op tempo on deployment cycles, 85% op tempo for non deployment cycles). So, basically I'm a half time single mother.
Biggest thing that gets me through is two separate lives. When he's in port, we are in family mode. We spend as much time together as possible, we get out and stay active, and my husband spends as much time as possible with our baby and me. When he's out to sea, I keep as busy as possible. Lots of mommy dates, lots of getting out of the house. I make a point to get together often with friends that I don't see when he's in port. We compartmentalize. I have my port mode and my sea mode. It keeps me from missing him too badly.
Through all of that, I keep a rough routine. Breakfast around the same time, for me and baby, play time, morning nap, then we go about our day, and we have a definite bed time routine. The routine keeps me sane.
I don't know if that helps, but it makes the separation a lot easier for me, and I know a lot of other military mamas who find balance and sanity in similar systems.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
Things that worked for me: I had family to help out once a week, is there any way you could get a mother's helper or sitter just for a few hours so you can get some time to yourself? Even now I have a sitter who comes once a week, just having someone else here for 2 or 3 hours is such a relief and gives me another adult to talk to when I don't have to leave the house.
Like PP said, ordering out once a week was huge. I also cooked a lot of sides when I did them so that I could reuse them with meals throughout the week. Honestly, when DH was a baby I just didn't cook much because I found it extra work and a little depressing to just make dinner for myself.
One weird thing that really helped me were books on tape and talk radio. It made me feel less alone if that makes sense. I think the hardest part for me was how lonely I felt all the time so that was a big one.
Remember that even though DH is working hard, he is often doing so on a full nights sleep. His work ends at 6(ish) every day I'm assuming and the rest is all free time for him. There is no reason he can't pick up the slack on the weekends when he is home.
I also have a little reassurance. The weather is getting better, LO is getting older. I think that you will be amazed how much of a difference those things can make. I still find the winters difficult because it is so much more of a pain to get out of the house and I always feel more cramped. The kids get bored and need more entertaining etc. Bring a jumper or a pack n play outside or put a blanket on the grass. Go for long walks (I loved listening to books while I'd walk for hours). Those little changes make a huge difference in my day and LO is often content to just hang out much longer while we are outside.
Its much easier with a second child. With DD1 I felt like you describe. This time I just find a way to do what I want with the kids. I started a home daycare to help bring in more money while I'm on mat leave, in May I'll have up to 4 kids plus my 2. Routine is huge. The kids know what to expect, and the little ones all nap together, while the big ones have quiet time and I prep supper and have tea. I have to sanitize toys, kitchen and bathrooms daily, so I have it built into our evening routine. I get an hour to myself, after the girls go to bed, to just veg, sew or read.
I would love to have a mom network, but I'm a FT grad student right now, so my very limited free waking time has to be dedicated to schoolwork. Reaching out online for support has to do, for now. His family is nearby right now, so when he's not there, my MIL can help out by being an extra pair of hands with the baby while I'm working on school stuff, and staying with him and feeding him his pumped bottles while I'm at class.
I wake up at 6 am to get myself ready for work. LO wakes around 6:30 and has her bottle while I finish getting ready. I get her dressed for school then I make my smoothie and pack our bags for daycare/work. Everything is already ready I just put it in my tote. We are out the door at 7:30 and home for the day by 5:30. At 5:30, we go for a walk or run, and then we have dinner at 6. At 6:30 it's bedtime routine including bath, bottle, story, and song. She is asleep by 7, and I use the next 30-60 minutes to prep for next day, such as packing lunches and making bottles. I then have from 8-10 for myself to relax.
An essential part of this for me is using the weekends for prep. I lay out our outfits, run errands, do the grocery shopping, and cook our meals for the week. Either DH helps me or bonds with LO.
Hope this helps!
DD #1: 8.16.2015
#2 EDD: 1.13.2019