Mom's boyfriend- Am I wrong?

cmac827 · April 2016

My mom started dating a new guy 6-7 months ago. She lives 800 miles away and I haven't met this guy yet. He apparently wanted to come with her next weekend for my shower, but she told him it was a girls only event. Now she says he's coming for a few days of the days she is here when she comes up after the baby is born. I've never met this guy and just want my mom and my husband here. I'm not crazy for not wanting to meet and have him stay at my house right after I deliver, right? I told my husband and he said no way is he coming. I feel like this isn't the time to for us to meet him. I'm not really sure how I'm going to tell her no, as she doesn't take no too easily.

MsBeachNJ · April 2016

I don't think you're wrong at all for not wanting a stranger staying in your house when you bring your newborn home for the first time and are adjusting to how to care for yourself and a new baby. I would address the situation immediately and put a stop to that expectation. If he wants to come, they can stay in a hotel.

DeePaddy24 · April 2016

MsBeachNJ said:

I don't think you're wrong at all for not wanting a stranger staying in your house when you bring your newborn home for the first time and are adjusting to how to care for yourself and a new baby. I would address the situation immediately and put a stop to that expectation. If he wants to come, they can stay in a hotel.

^wss. I wouldn't be okay with that at all, either!

gauge1234 · April 2016

You are not wrong at all!

that would be a no go for me. There is no need to have anyone you are not comfortable with around. End of story.

ashleygray89 · April 2016

Oh hell no! Being in this big of a transition bringing a baby home and being a complete mess yourself, it's definitely not the time to have strangers around...I don't want anyone I'm not close to seeing Me or being in my house after giving birth! You definitely have to address it asap and if he has to come he would be staying in a hotel!hopefully mom will understand where your coming from! Keep us updated on what happens

fishwife799 · April 2016

MsBeachNJ said:

I don't think you're wrong at all for not wanting a stranger staying in your house when you bring your newborn home for the first time and are adjusting to how to care for yourself and a new baby. I would address the situation immediately and put a stop to that expectation. If he wants to come, they can stay in a hotel.

Exactly this

chesterdoodle · April 2016

Hell no! This isnt the right time to meet the boyfriend. Its about your baby and your family. Your mom is there to help. Her boyfriend will be a distraction. Just be honest with her, i cant imagine she wouldnt get it. She understood about your shower.

HBamama2B · April 2016

That's a solid no.

chiiandhideki · April 2016

HBamama2B said:

That's a solid no.

This right here. Don't worry if she "doesn't take no easily". Remember, you are the one who pushed a baby weighing between 6-9 pounds out of your vag. You make the rules. Have your H back you up! Other people do not get to dictate when they will come to you or who they will bring or how long they will be at YOUR house. You decide all of that.

violetmarie61516 · April 2016

Completely agree with OP. There is no way I would want to be meeting someone new and having them experience all the firsts with your newborn. If she insists, he can get a hotel and see you for an hour!

HeartLikeMine3 · April 2016

Nope, nope nope. I would just be honest and tell her your going to be trying to heal from birth and learning to be a mommy just not a good time to meet a stranger and have him there at your house. Tell her maybe when the baby is a couple months old you can try to meet her or have them both back to visit the baby. Also tell her how you just need some time with her alone to make her feel better. GL

GinnyJ2012 · April 2016

Nope, I wouldn't be OK with it at all. This is my third and I wouldn't want to meet someone new after giving birth.

TheHauntedHauswife · April 2016

Im in agreement with everyone else, this is a definite no. I realize its going to be awkward for you but you need to make it clear now that that isnt going to work for you. You can cite reasons such as.... Working on breastfeeding and wanting to feel comfortable doing that with the help of your mom and husband if needed without having a man you don't even know seeing you topless or you having to get up and go to a different room (especially if you end up with a c-section, i cant imagine up and down that often being fun). Also wanting to feel comfortable talking about and dealing your vaginal bleeding situation and being able to ask your mother to go grab you some pads or something out of the freezer to help with it. Things of that nature are pretty damn good reasons if you feel like "stranger in your house'' isn't enough of a reason. I know SHE wants him there, but SHE isnt going to be giving birth, and she already had her baby and what she wanted during that time.

CopperLane · April 2016

I wouldn't even be ok with him staying in a hotel and stopping in to meet you guys! The first weeks after having a baby should be excluded to only those you feel comfortable around. You don't know if you'll be dealing with PPD, which will up the stress of having visitors, especially one you don't know.

Im sure your mom will understand! As excited as she is for you to meet him, she'll get why you want to push off the visit for a while.

I'm sorry you have to worry about this. I've already had to push off people wanting to visit asap after baby is born and it sucks.

btorgers · April 2016

I totally understand why you wouldn't want him there and I think your feelings are completely justified. I would tell your mom maybe later this summer he can come but you want private time with your family and don't want to have your first meeting with him being right after delivery. I was exhausted and didn't want to be entertaining even my family(not my mom but more extended family) after my first, so it is completely reasonable to not want to do this with a new guy she is dating.

cmac827 · April 2016

Thank you everyone. I don't even want him staying at a hotel and coming to my house for an hour. This is the 3rd guy my husband will have met in the past 4 years. Just a couple days before she brought this up I had just told my husband I don't want my daughter to meet every guy she dates. I'll let you guys know her response after I tell her no.

mar101483 · April 2016

That's a hard no! No negotiations, No staying at a hotel and coming to visit. This is special time for you and your family and this guy isn't a part of it. She can go a few days without seeing him. I believe this is your first, you will want her, not him and tell her that

Mom's boyfriend- Am I wrong?

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