Potty Training Resistant 2 yo, due with #2 in 4 weeks!

coco0723 · April 2016

I am due with baby #2 in 4 weeks and I have been unsuccessful at trying to get my 2 y/o little girl potty trained. I had wanted to start much sooner but have pretty much had morning sickness the entire length of my pregnancy and just couldn't get my act together enough to get it done. Mom fail, I know. There have been times where she will sit on the potty and pee, but I pretty much have to lock us both in the bathroom to get that accomplished. She goes to daycare where they have been working with her, but she will usually claim she doesn't have to go and will hold it all in until the point at which she can no longer do so. This concerns me because I don't want her getting a bladder infection. I ask her why she doesn't want to use the potty and she she will sometimes say because she wants to be in a diaper (it's actually a pull-up) like baby brother. I feel like she can go on the potty and knows what she needs to do, she just flat out won't and I feel like forcing the issue is only going to make it worse, especially when big changes are on the horizon a very short while from now. All people keep saying to me is that she should be trained by now, which just makes me feel worse than I do already!

emma+karen · April 2016

We started sending our son to daycare in cloth trainers--thicker than underwear, but not waterproof like a diaper. They didn't make a huge mess all over the floor when he would pee his pants, but he also could feel that he was wet, unlike with a diaper. That helped a lot.

The other thing that really helped was peer pressure. He got the hang of the potty shortly after moving from toddlers to preschool--in toddlers, he was one of the oldest and hardly anyone was potty trained, but in preschool he was the youngest and the only one not potty trained. Maybe ask your daycare if she could spend time in the 3-year-olds room or preschool or whatever they call it so that she can feel the peer pressure factor more. I honestly think that's what worked best for DS.

Oh, and bribing him with cookies didn't hurt, either.

HullGut · April 2016

My pediatrician recommended not doing any major changes in my 2 year old's life 3 months before or 3 months after the birth. We had planned on starting in April but decided to wait until after this baby is born and see how she is doing.

coco0723 · April 2016

Thanks! I have been sending her to daycare with the cloth trainers and several changes of clothes. Some of her classmates are already going on the potty and so I thought that would help move her along, but she always tells the teacher that she doesn't have to go. They don't do treats as a reward at school, just stickers, but on the rare occasion that she does go at home I allow her to have some mini M&Ms. She gets 2 for sitting on the potty and "trying" and she gets 4 is she actually goes, but it doesn't seem to motivate her! Who doesn't love M&Ms? I may have to try something else...

coco0723 · April 2016

I've read that. I've also had some people tell me that she will just do it when she is ready, so I am trying not to push her because I know there are going to be other transitions she will be facing, I just was at least trying to get her warmed up to the idea. Maybe I should just back off for a bit.

clw617 · April 2016

HullGut said:

My pediatrician recommended not doing any major changes in my 2 year old's life 3 months before or 3 months after the birth. We had planned on starting in April but decided to wait until after this baby is born and see how she is doing.

Oops.. I was unaware of this. lol We just moved DS1 (who is almost 3) to his big boy bed and room this weekend. I wanted to try to distance it as much as possible from the new baby, we didn't really talk about how he was moving because his new baby brother will get his old room/crib. We tried to make it about big boy excitement. But I can't help feel like he might resent it (as much as a 2 yo can) and new baby if he makes the connection. Admittedly, the transition is a little rough. He's only been in there two nights and both nights, he has been very whiny about going to sleep in his bed. Oh well.. it's happening.

Anyway, wasn't the point of the post.

We're struggling with getting our almost 3 yo boy to go #2 on the potty. We've tried it all, incentives, sitting him there at his "usual" times, emptying the poop into the potty together, etc. He's just content to go in his underwear. My friends with older children assure me that it will happen and to just keep at it. It's frustrating, I know.

finnybooboo · April 2016

I suggest backing off and letting it be. We also planned that we would be potty trained before #2 came, but it just didn't happen that way. My DD is a few weeks shy of 2.5. She's starting to tell us when she poops, and has SOME interest in sitting on the potty, but not in actually going. At this point, we're not even going to try pushing it until this summer after she's had some time to adjust to the new brother. There would be a great possibility of her back-tracking after he came anyway, which might be even more frustrating then if we just waited a little longer. Our current plan is to try having her potty trained by the time she goes back to school at the end of August, and probably starting in the June/July time frame since I'll be home with her all day. I definitely want to check out those cloth trainers that PPs have suggested!

wamam027 · April 2016

I'm a FTM but have several years of nanny experience and have potty trained anywhere from 35 to 40 children. Like pp have suggested, with it being so close to baby number 2's arrival, now is not the ideal time to potty train. Allow her to go through the initial transitions of becoming an older sibling and sharing the attention in the house; there are A LOT of changes that come with an added sibling, and potty training is a big change and a long process...wait a few months after baby is born and try again. Every single kid is different. What works for one child even within the same family, is 9 times out of 10 not going to work with other children. It's a process of elimination type thing; you've got to identify what type of child you have, what makes her excited and motivated, and start there. Some kids really hate being wet or walking around with poop in their pants so the "underwear" route works, other kids could have pee running down their leg and not have a care in the world. Some kids love the sticker system, where for other kids Popsicles, candy, a small toy work better. With some kids using the "big kid" route works, where they've got their potty and you have your potty and you sit down on your potty every time they sit on there's so they see that "big kids" got potty on the toilet and not in their pants. Sometimes making up stupid songs and dances about going pee or poop work, making going on the toilet a fun experience. Sometimes surrounding your child with children of like age who are potty trained works (they see them using the toilet and that motivates them to start using the toilet as well). It's totally process of elimination and once you decide to start it takes a lot of commitment or you risk some serious regression which causes lots of frustration. You will figure out what works for her and for you and it'll all work out when the time is right.

Bellodomani · April 2016

So my son was doing great at going on the potty around 23-24 months, and then he broke his femur and was in a full leg cast for a month, during which time he couldn't sit on the toilet at all. We tried to get him to do it after the cast was off but he was incredibly resistant, both at home and at daycare. I tried again over Christmas break (27 months) and it was a nightmare- total refusal to even sit clothed on the potty/ poop and pee everywhere when we tried the 3 day boot camp method. This was also just an all-around bad phase for him too.

Sometime in the end of January he seemed to snap out of his constant whining/ screaming/ protesting and I gave it another shot, and this time it totally worked! Nothing different about my approach, he was just in a slightly-less-shitty phase, as toddlers do, and he ended up being fully trained around 29 months. He'll be 32 months when the baby comes and I fully expect some regression, but for the time being he's doing great. I know everyone says no big transitions around when the baby comes, but you might just casually keep an eye out for signs that she is less resistant across the board and give it a shot every few weeks.

JessicaB0627 · April 2016

I definitely wouldn't try forcing it right now. Even if you did make some progress before #2 is born, you would likely end up with a lot of regression. Those are two huge changes! It also seems like maybe she's just not ready yet. I tried pushing potty training around 2 and it always resulted in a battle of wills between me and DD, and getting no where with using the potty. I didn't try for a few months and when we started trying again she was much more willing to cooperate. Also, don't expect to get her fully potty trained in 4 weeks. It's a long process for some kids! It took a couple months for DD to really use the potty and not have accidents at least a few times a day.

I also agree that when she is ready to start training, you'll have to figure out exactly what motivates her. Maybe try a few methods (stickers, just underwear, toys, popsicles, chocolate) and see what she responds to the most. Potty training was a really long, hard, emotional journey for both DD and I. Good luck!

Jenly17 · April 2016

Ugh- I can't stand when the pressures of other people makes us feel inferior as moms. You're doing a great job and you know your child best! If it makes you feel any better, my soon to be 2.5 yo DD is not potty trained whatsoever. She has shown no interest either. I put her on the potty and she just looks at my like- "ok what now?" We just transitioned to a big girl bed, and also got rid of the paci. That's enough transitions for her and I before the baby comes. Try to relax, give yourself a pat on the back for your efforts and maybe revisit after baby #2 arrives.

Bluejay3030 · April 2016

Jenly17 said:

Ugh- I can't stand when the pressures of other people makes us feel inferior as moms. You're doing a great job and you know your child best! If it makes you feel any better, my soon to be 2.5 yo DD is not potty trained whatsoever. She has shown no interest either. I put her on the potty and she just looks at my like- "ok what now?" We just transitioned to a big girl bed, and also got rid of the paci. That's enough transitions for her and I before the baby comes. Try to relax, give yourself a pat on the back for your efforts and maybe revisit after baby #2 arrives.

I second this. DD turned 2 in December, and since then we've also moved to a big girl bed and ditched the paci, and I think that'll have to do for now. I originally wanted to PT as well, but I know based on her attitude toward it that it would be a battle, and I'm sure she would regress after baby was born. I'll probably revisit the idea in the summer sometime.

Seriously, don't let other people deter you from what you think is best for your child. I understand the struggle. DD also seems intellectually ready--she knows how it all works, but she is adamant that she doesn't want to use the potty yet. It's frustrating, but I don't think it's a battle worth fighting right now.

saladflambe · April 2016

If it helps (at all) NONE of the 2 year olds in my 2 year old daycare class were potty trained. And the 3 year olds were the ones in the heat of the training.

alijeff2313 · April 2016

We tried quite a few different times before it just happened. Like you, we wanted DD to be potty trained before the new baby came but I now I almost feel like we were pushing her when she wasn't ready. She knew what we were trying to get her to do but just didn't want to do it. All of a sudden one day she did it all by herself. We weren't even trying. We are a complete example of they will do it when they are ready. She was 2 1/2 when she potty trained. It will come!!

gemini2005 · April 2016

alijeff2313 said:

We tried quite a few different times before it just happened. Like you, we wanted DD to be potty trained before the new baby came but I now I almost feel like we were pushing her when she wasn't ready. She knew what we were trying to get her to do but just didn't want to do it. All of a sudden one day she did it all by herself. We weren't even trying. We are a complete example of they will do it when they are ready. She was 2 1/2 when she potty trained. It will come!!

This exactly. They will do it when they are ready- not when you are! We started potty training our dd at 2 1/2 and had minimal success (I tried and backed off a few times). Finally last month, she decided to ditch her diapers. At first she was just holding her pee until I put the nap time/night time diaper on or else she would ask to stand in the bath tub and she would pee in there. I know it sounds crazy but we let her do that for a while and eventually I got her to squat instead of standing. I think it felt funny to her to pee sitting down at first. We thought it was some sort of mental block since she was able to hold her pee for so long so I thought she might be ready physically but not emotionally.
On Easter Sunday, she just started going on the potty to our delight. Now she won't even wear the nap time/night time diapers so I would say she is completely trained and never had any accidents in the process. She will be three in July so I'm glad we got it done now and before the baby comes. GL to you!

SGPhotography · April 2016

My DS is 2.5 and we tried around his 2nd birthday and he was nowhere near ready. Then we moved states recently and his baby brother is coming soon so we aren't even attempting it until he's gotten used to his new home and brother. It's a lot of change for him. Im not worried about it, he will get there eventually. Also the summer will be a better time for him because he can be in just undies and it's a lot easier cleanup than a full outfit. Don't worry now is a crazy time and she will get there!

Bltbear82 · April 2016

DS1 turned 2 a month ago and rather than both of us getting frustrated and also having to deal with the regressions when DS2 arrives I've just been planning to wait. My goal is to start over the summer and see how he does. I'd rather wait a little longer since he's newly 2 and do it once than start and stop multiple times.

camillaandcarson · April 2016

She doesn't sound ready yet and that is totally okay. Making it a big issue for her will not "help"; it will only help make your job that much harder with a new baby coming so very soon. So now is obviously not the time.

My toddler was introduced to potty training, had books about it, picked out their very own potty, sang songs about it, had prizes available, we had introduced the concept often and had undies available but we didn't push, shame, or force. Nothing really happened with it until one day LO decided to use it out of the blue and never looked back. Nothing changed except the toddler's willingness all of the sudden one day.

Sounds like your toddler is also very aware of the potty situation (as in you have introduced the concept and she gets what people want from her), so just wait it out.

I wouldn't worry. Your LO will eventually potty train when ready.

DanandVan · April 2016

Just finished potty training my 3rd. I let my kids potty train on their terms. I set my kids up with what they need to succeed (potty seat, m&m's or stickers for rewards, ask if they'd like to go potty, etc) and then let him/her take the lead. But I've never pushed or forced it. They potty train when they are ready, and I think doing it right before or after a new baby isn't a great idea. I will not be surprised if my little one backslides a bit after her brother is born, it is too be expected.
In my experience, it is EASIER to keep toddlers in diapers than to have them potty trained, esp with a new baby. Picture this: you just start nursing baby when toddler yells "I have to go potty!" or you are buying diapers at Target and the bathroom is WAY on the other side of the store or God forbid you are on the highway with no exits nearby...
It sounds like you are getting pressure from other people, and that is part of the reason you want to potty train; just ignore them!

slfezz · April 2016

I agree PP, the key is to wait until your toddler is ready and although 2 is "supposed" to be the age it can be later. DD1 was almost 3 when we got fully trained because she wasn't mentally ready. After trying and stopping several different times, what finally worked was we allowed her to decorate the toilet lid with stickers as a reward (she was the only one using that toilet)

DD2 is going to be a completely different story for us. She is mentally ready now at 23 months and has been going in a little potty every now and then for over a month but isn't fully ready physically. For her, we are just letting her determine when she wants to sit on the potty, praise her when she does, and am not worrying about it if she decides not to for a week or more.

avidkeo · April 2016

DD is 2 on the 22nd. We had started potty training, in that we have a potty and we just let her go bottom free over summer (in NZ). She knows what the potty is, and how to use it but is about 50/50 as to when she does. Some days she uses it every time, other days she completely ignores it.

Not stressing at all, I figure she has the basics now and will do it when shes ready.

NB817 · April 2016

I agree your DD isn't ready and that's okay! People need to stfu who are telling you she should be trained by now. 2 is young IMO.

My DD wasn't trained until she was two and 8 months. It took 3 days and I think it was so successful because she was older. Also a HUGE factor was that I was prepared with what to do and what to expect. There's a fabulous Ebook called potty training in one week by Gina Ford. It's an easy read and gave you step by step of what to do by each day and how to start to get your child ready. Read it. It's great.

hellogoodbye2 · April 2016

We tried potty training our daughter last month and it was unsuccessful (she's 2.5). We thought she was ready, but she's a stubborn one!

Not sure when we will try again, but we aren't putting any pressure on her. We are still talking about it a lot, but no plans to start again. She is going to preschool in September so she needs to be potty trained by then (she will just have turned 3). Hopefully after the baby is born and we have a chance to settle in our new "routine" we will start again in the summer.

kbrands7 · April 2016

DS is fairly consistent with #1 on the potty while he's awake, but is resistant to sitting for #2 yet. He just turned two, so I'm not pushing it. He has taken the lead on #1, so we just went with it. I imagine that once he starts showing interest in sitting to go potty (he stands to pee) then we'll work on the other part of the training. I agree with PP though that two is on the younger side, and especially if you have a stubborn little one, pushing hard one way isn't going to make much of a difference (except to maybe makes things harder on yourself).She needs to be ready to own the process herself.

snowhite12 · April 2016

Lurking from June...

We are in the process of potty training our 2.5 year old DD. I would say shes about 50% there. She will frequently go at daycare, but it took her weeks to actually go at home. She usually has to sit on the potty for 10 minutes and shes only been able to stay dry 1 time at night since our process began about a month ago. We don't use any incentives, just act really excited when she does actually go.

One thing I noticed with our DD, if you tell her we are going to the potty now, she absolutely will not go, she either tells us she has to go or we see her holding herself/crossing her legs. In the beginning, she would hold it for hours on end and I almost gave up.
She still has about 2 accidents a day, and I put her in a pull up at night but I believe she is slowly getting the hang of it.

Bellodomani · April 2016

hellogoodbye2 said:

We tried potty training our daughter last month and it was unsuccessful (she's 2.5). We thought she was ready, but she's a stubborn one!

Not sure when we will try again, but we aren't putting any pressure on her. We are still talking about it a lot, but no plans to start again. She is going to preschool in September so she needs to be potty trained by then (she will just have turned 3). Hopefully after the baby is born and we have a chance to settle in our new "routine" we will start again in the summer.

Having taught preschool for many years, I have the distinct impression that at least 20% of the families each year send their 3 year olds to school even though they're not officially fully there with potty training. There are always a ton of accidents in the first two weeks but they see their peers going and they catch on pretty quick. If she has the basics down (being able to pull her pants up & down, going on the potty at least occasionally), I would send her anyway. Expect to do a bunch of laundry the first few weeks and possibly feel like your teacher is slightly annoyed, and I bet it will totally click for her.

doozer1345 · April 2016

DD has pee down pat. We are struggling so bad with poop. She knows what to do, we've read the books, and have done incentives. She started getting crafty with poop meaning she would go a tiny bit, get her treat, and promptly full on poop her pants. We've had to start taking toys away now or if it's close to bed or nap time just send her straight to bed after getting cleaned up. Now she's holding her poop until we put a pull up on her before she goes to sleep. I don't know why this is so hard!!! I heard the regress with a new sibling so this should be fun.

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Potty Training Resistant 2 yo, due with #2 in 4 weeks!

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