New to this board, if you'll have me...

Ducks&Cats · April 2016

Hello! I am actually about 15 days from hitting my 12 month mark for ttc, I hope you will take me a little early. Since coming off BCP I have not ovulated once or had a natural cycle once....I ended up getting diagnosed with PCOS. From here on out it is more testing to rule things out, a SA for my partner and the plan is to start Clomid soon.

I joined The Bump ttc community in October and decided it wasn't for me, since then I have tried other internet communities but honestly I find The Bump to be the best moderated and all of the members are highly intelligent with excellent and honest insight. Back in October I was looking for rainbows and unicorns, now I need reality and honesty.

Today is my best friend's due date. We are the same age (32) and this is her first. I hate saying this about myself but it took a long time for me to be happy for her. We live in different states, I visited her a couple months ago and she literally complained the whole visit about hating being pregnant. I sucked down my feelings and found some genuine happiness for her and her husband. Today I find myself going to that dark place again where I feel like everything is unfair and life is bull sh*t.

I have lurked on this board and it seems like a soft place to land. I look forward to getting to know everyone.

ReesaAnne16 · April 2016

Hi @Ducks&Cats I remember you from the TTGP board, and you are welcome here

I know how you feel, it is so hard to find joy for friends who are KU. One of my best friends started trying about the same time we did. Her baby is 3 months old now; AF came the day I went to visit her in the hospital, it was so hard. Things are easier now that the LO is here, and I get to enjoy her presence too. If you're long distance from your friend, that might be more difficult; I had to unfriend a lot of people on facebook so I wasn't tormented with baby photos all the time.

Anyway, all that to say, I now how you feel, and it's an awful feeling.
The good news, is that there are a whole bunch of ladies with PCOS on the BFP hall of fame, so don't despair. You are better off now with a diagnosis and treatment plan. GL to you!

Plainjanie · April 2016

@Ducks&Cats Welcome to the board. Everyone here is nice and extremely comforting and helpful. My bestfriend is on the extreme opposite end of the scale than me and wants nothing to do with getting married or having a baby, so while I don't have to deal with her being pregnant when I'm not...she also can't understand my heartache. It is a difficult situation. I find myself being a horrible person inside...on a regular basis.

I hope your remaining testing gives you some answers so you can at least start heading in the right direction!

meli123k · April 2016

Hi @Ducks&Cats! I've also been bitter and jealous of some of my friends and acquaintances who have gotten pregnant, I don't like feeling this way but I think it is very normal considering what we're going through. Instead of beating myself up for it (which I used to do all the time) I let myself feel the hurt and sadness, and then try to move on and not let myself linger there too long (I have sunk into those dark places too, and I find the longer I stay the harder it is to get up). Of course easier said than done! I'm glad you were able to find happiness for your friend and her husband, and I hope that this board gives you comfort during this difficult journey. Good luck!

Mlight28 · April 2016

Hi @Ducks&Cats , thanks for sharing your story. I agree, this is the best forum with intelligent ladies who won't give you rainbows and unicorns, and it is completely out of love and respect for your feelings.
It's always SO hard to find happiness for others who are already KU, when you are struggling. I have a baby shower to go to in 3 weeks and I am absolutely dreading it. I almost cried buying and wrapping the gift. I know I'll pull it together, but it is HARD. Good for you for finding that happiness for them.
You are welcome here, and I'm hoping for better days ahead for all of us.

ACAC25 · April 2016

Welcome to the board! I hope your stay here is short! I am sorry for the difficulties you have bwen experiencing with your friend. I understand how hard it is when the people who are close to you are pregnant. It is sometimes very difficult to be happy for them and easy for us to feel sad. One of my co-workers is due next month and it's really hard for me to see her sometimes, but I do genuinely feel happy for her. Just know it's ok to be sad and frustrated, but what's important is that you lean on the people around you (in person or online) to help get you through this.

wifeinraleigh28 · April 2016

Welcome to our little corner of the internet! You are welcome here, but I hope you won't need to be here for long. The best thing you could have done was receive your diagnosis, now you can be treated and hopefully that will lead to a quick BFP.

I can add to best friend struggles, in a different way. My best friend is going through a divorce (her second). She's my only friend who knows about our infertility and plans for IVF in the near future, but she can't offer any support and is hardly even available to talk to me about it because of her divorce. Which is understandable, I know. I cannot imagine what she is going through. It's bad timing that we are both going through terrible things.

Hang in there, and I look forward to getting to know you better.

Ducks&Cats · April 2016

Thank you for all of your responses! I look forward to following everyone's stories.

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