- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
1st Trimester
createlove
member
Stressed, depressed, minimal support system
createlove
member
I am introducing myself with this post and also venting a bit so please forgive me if I am breaking any social rules.
So I am about 10 weeks, just came from the dr today to diagnose a skin problem. She tells me it is vsculitis. When I also tell her about feeling depressed she tells me that my case might be "too much" for the midwife who comes highly recommended and I might need an ob. This was an unplanned pregnancy that I tried to abort and then couldn't bring myself to follow through. Husband is in the picture but not thrilled either. He is unemployed and while I could make more I am not making much now so I have been supplementing for his lost income working 2 other part time jobs. I am tired and the dr told me today I need more rest. So I tell DH about it and does he offer to take care of anything else? No, even though he is the one with much more free time. He is currently out with friends cooling off. He does try to be there for me but with him not working and me working a lot my expectations of him are high. We both have history of depression and anxiety. We have not been getting along well. My childhood wasn't the best which is the main reason I never wanted kids - I don't want to pass along that crap to anyone. But here we are. I am overwhelmed and very depressed now that we have told our families. Also just tired of working so much and wishing he would handle the domestic stuff better without any reminders or overseeing from me, that things would just get done so I could relax. He is not a bad man but I am exhausted and he is a bit self absorbed in his own problems.
I am just not feeling all bubbly about being a mom in these circumstances and do not feel like I can talk to about it with anyone. I have lost pleasure in everything, have no energy or motivation, I am eating more than I need to to grow a baby. I have a therapist who is good but you only see them so often. I would like to try a supplement to help my brain chemistry but so much is considered unsafe. I am just tired and hoping to hear I am not alone and there are others who struggled like this who managed to find some peace by the end.
So I am about 10 weeks, just came from the dr today to diagnose a skin problem. She tells me it is vsculitis. When I also tell her about feeling depressed she tells me that my case might be "too much" for the midwife who comes highly recommended and I might need an ob. This was an unplanned pregnancy that I tried to abort and then couldn't bring myself to follow through. Husband is in the picture but not thrilled either. He is unemployed and while I could make more I am not making much now so I have been supplementing for his lost income working 2 other part time jobs. I am tired and the dr told me today I need more rest. So I tell DH about it and does he offer to take care of anything else? No, even though he is the one with much more free time. He is currently out with friends cooling off. He does try to be there for me but with him not working and me working a lot my expectations of him are high. We both have history of depression and anxiety. We have not been getting along well. My childhood wasn't the best which is the main reason I never wanted kids - I don't want to pass along that crap to anyone. But here we are. I am overwhelmed and very depressed now that we have told our families. Also just tired of working so much and wishing he would handle the domestic stuff better without any reminders or overseeing from me, that things would just get done so I could relax. He is not a bad man but I am exhausted and he is a bit self absorbed in his own problems.
I am just not feeling all bubbly about being a mom in these circumstances and do not feel like I can talk to about it with anyone. I have lost pleasure in everything, have no energy or motivation, I am eating more than I need to to grow a baby. I have a therapist who is good but you only see them so often. I would like to try a supplement to help my brain chemistry but so much is considered unsafe. I am just tired and hoping to hear I am not alone and there are others who struggled like this who managed to find some peace by the end.
Re: Stressed, depressed, minimal support system
Do tell your husband how you're feeling. Discuss all your options. There's nothing wrong with any decision you choose to make, but you do have choices.
First off.. You are one brave momma! I am a sidewalk counselor at our local abortion clinic. Sad place! So many Mommas are being escorted in by friends, family members, or significant others against their will. They feel hopeless with no other options. Financially they cannot afford a baby. So they believe the best thing to do, is give the baby up in an abortion. YOU DIDN'T GIVE UP HOPE!!!!
I am am proud of you Little Momma! You're Brave!
Husbands are silly aren't they? They think pregnancy is a walk in the park or something... Haha. It is true you need more rest. Every new momma needs rest. Thankfully when the 2nd trimester rolls around, you will have more energy. Maybe talk with hubby, and ask to have a little more time off of work. FOR NOW. At least until you start feeling better. Your employers should understand as well. Sleep on your lunch break, and snack while you work is my tip
As for depression, oh Momma do I hear you. I came from a pretty abusive background. No one ever home, when they were it was painfully traumatic. Sometimes I still feel all alone. I say, go for the midwife anyway. Go around the Dr. and straight to the midwife. Explain to her how you're feeling, I bet you'll find she will be more supportive of you than even the Dr!!! She'll also understand your emotional state. My midwife acts like the mom I never had. I even have her personal cell and can text her anytime with anything. So, give the midwife a shot!!! Having people who support you is better than any drug. Sometimes you need a hug, and an I love you, you've got this!
By by the way, I will also be that person for you! You can private message me if you're interested, and I'll give you my personal number. You can call or text anytime!
Also, in what state do you live?
Keep the strength you had to hold on to your little precious. God is giving you a gift that will so greatly help you in your journey to recovery. Babies are healing!!
Love be to you sweet Momma!
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
Have you considered adoption? You don't have to terminate the pregnancy and you could give the child a better life - one with people who really, really want a child. Just a thought... If you really want to have this baby and make it work, I highly suggest talking to your DH and having him get a job, even if it's just entry-level for now, so that you don't have to work as much. I also agree with PPs about seeking couples counseling and talking to an OB about treatment for your depression, though no medication will fix all of your problems.
I hope things get better for you and your family.
It sounds to me that your situation has a lot to do with it, though. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist at least once in a while, but it sounds to me like you could really use at least a few appointments with a marriage counselor, or at least with your partner also receiving therapy.
I am sorry about your past. You don't want to repeat it and put your kid through the same thing and that is a great sign. You are wanting to be a good parent and there's no reason that your baby has to go through the same things that you did.
In the end if you choose not to keep this baby one way or another, this doesn't make you a bad person. Those choices are there for a reason- not even going to touch this sidewalk counseling business. You may surprise yourself, though, and find yourself to be a very capable and enthusiastic parent.
Please do be careful and take care of yourself because antepartum/postpartum depression are very real and very serious. It's good that you're weighing this situation carefully and it sounds like you have a lot of maturity and introspection.
BFP #2 3/21 EDD 11/28/16