Telling an older child the news

LucyGoose8710 · March 2016

Looking at today's check in, it seems like several of us were looking for ways to tell a big sibling about the baby on the way. Any BTDT moms have good advice? Any time I ask DS if he wants a little brother or sister he emphatically says no. Or even better, the other day I asked if Mommy should have a baby and he said "no, MY mommy". We clearly have some work to do and I'd love to hear what has worked (or not!) for other families on the board!

DiFazette · March 2016

DS (almost 3) has been asking for a baby for about a year. He LOVES babies and tries to comfort them, which is the cutest freaking thing ever. We're going to tell him at his birthday party in April which will be how we reveal to immediate family. He probably won't get it until my belly starts to grow, though.

H4aPartyof5 · April 2016

Sorry, no helpful advice really. Our first had just turned a year old when we found out we were pregnant with number 2. I don't think he really understood what was happening at any point during the pregnancy.

We did try to get him ready by getting him a big brother book and my parents made sure whenever the baby got a present he did to, Otherwise, the only things we did were to talk up the baby and get him a small gift (activity/coloring books) for when the baby was born. In our case, it's hard to say if any of it was actually useful or effective. DS1 was virtually nonverbal until 2.5, and he pretty much ignored DS2 completely for about 6 months. For us, that made for a pretty easy transition, LOL.

Zygodactyl · April 2016

I would stop asking him in hypotheticals and just tell him gently. Involve him in fun ways leading up to the big day, and let the kiddo spend one-on-one time with Dad both before and after.

I was 9 when my mom got pregnant with my sister. They took me out to dinner after one of my mom's appointments, told me, and showed me an ultrasound image. The tech had annotated it "Hi, big sister!" It was cute, but I always wanted a sibling. Once they knew it was a girl, my dad took me out to buy presents for the baby shower, and helped me pick out an outfit and a stuffed toy. My grandmother taught me to embroider and let me embroider a few baby things. Basically, there was a lot of one-on-one time focused on both me AND my baby sister, and much of it was provided by people other than my mom. When the baby came, I felt involved and slightly more prepared for not spending as much time with Mom as I used to. I was still horribly upset at my mom not being just MY mom anymore, but I got to hold the baby and help with her, which let me spend more time with Mom than sulking would have.

And seriously, one-on-one time with my dad really, really helped. Before my sister was born, I was sad that our annual day trip would be canceled (due date was right around that time), but when she was a few weeks, my dad took me and it is honestly the best memory I have of my dad. It really wasn't anything special or out of the ordinary, but we had SO much fun. My memories of my sister's first months are basically that: Parts of it sucked, but mostly, it was fun.

Gizmo1231 · April 2016

We told our 11 year old as soon as we found out. She gets it though and is already a great big sis to DS who is 19 months. DS doesn't get it and probably won't until baby gets here. When we told SD about when we were pregnant with DS we took her out to dinner and gave her a framed picture of the U/S pic. Then she would change it out as we got new photos and now has a photo of her and DS in it.

ShalomAtHome · April 2016

I would maybe start saying things like "When you have your baby brother or sister *insert something exciting here*!"

No more asking, just kind of take for granted that it's an exciting time for him. Kids easily pick up on the emotions of others so if you start to act like he should be excited, maybe he will start to feel it too.

DiFazette · April 2016

ShalomAtHome said:

I would maybe start saying things like "When you have your baby brother or sister *insert something exciting here*!"

No more asking, just kind of take for granted that it's an exciting time for him. Kids easily pick up on the emotions of others so if you start to act like he should be excited, maybe he will start to feel it too.

I agree with all of this. With DS (almost 3) he's excited about anything we make exciting. If we make a big deal out of him helping grocery shop as our 'special helper' because he's a big boy he's excited about that. Couldn't agree more that it's all in the delivery.

a2003tiger · April 2016

I just keep reminding mine that there's a baby in mummy's tummy, usually when they've jumped on top of me, lol! My daughter (the baby) says no baby! My son says he'll take the baby. So we're 50/50! I think once I have a visible bump and we know the sex, it will be easier for them to relate.

LoveBugBites · April 2016

Ramona is 4 and she has been asking for a baby since she learned how to talk. Her friend just got a baby sister a couple months ago, so she has some realistic expectations, which I think really helps. She is really excited and talks about it every day. Dh taught her to give me foot massages yesterday

pregnantgingerx3 · April 2016

I'm planning on making a "big brother kit" to give my three year old when he comes to visit his baby sibling at the hospital. He knows where the baby is (in mommys tummy) but when asked if he wants a brother or sister he says puppy or no baby at all! I'm sure he'll understand more once there's a bump.

cantalopes24 · April 2016

When I was pregnant with my second we just told my son he was going to have a little brother or sister. He was 4 and didn't really get it or care but was super excited when she was born. This time around my kids are 9 and 4.5 and I told them. We had two losses so they know we were trying to have another baby since they knew about my other pregnancies. They are more concerned about making sure Christmas won't be affected than the actual baby lol.

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