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May 2016 Moms
Myzticsunshine
member
Ughhh comparing pregnancies *rant*
Myzticsunshine
member
i absolutely hate it when my MIL acts like I'm being a big baby about my pregnancy. It was one thing when she was *yelling* at me not to pick up my toddler (which can be difficult to avoid when they fall asleep etc), but now anytime I say *anything* about how my back or uterus feels she just *has* to chime in about how she never had those problems and works fifty hour weeks blah blah blah. I've been getting crazy dizzy at work and walking sucks after about ten minutes, so I'd been trying to sit down as often as possible so that I can make my five hour shifts a little less irritating. Well my boss has never been pregnant, and is basically begging me to leave because she doesn't like that I sit down. She even wrote in a note to all of us girls that if we feel the need to sit down so often "maybe we aren't cut out for the job" 
. I was venting about her lack of empathy to DH, and his moms first response was to make these snide ass statements about how well she worked through and handled her pregnancies. I get so sick of her one-upping me all the time. It's bad enough she's already hijacked my older son, and taken away half my opportunities to really be a mom to him.
Gah anyway I'm done. That is all.
. I was venting about her lack of empathy to DH, and his moms first response was to make these snide ass statements about how well she worked through and handled her pregnancies. I get so sick of her one-upping me all the time. It's bad enough she's already hijacked my older son, and taken away half my opportunities to really be a mom to him. Gah anyway I'm done. That is all.
~~** I Love My Boys 
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Re: Ughhh comparing pregnancies *rant*
You do not have to be treated that way.
Time for serious boundaries,
both physically and mentally.
Your children don't need to see their mother being treated that way, it isn't healthy. And eventually she will start treating them the same too when they have their own opinions.
I am not so sure she remembers every single thing from her magically easy peasy pregnancy decades ago. But I am sure she needs to stop being so horrible.
There is a forum called dealing with the in laws. If you look it up it might be of interest to you and your family.
As for you're boss, I think that is a violation of your rights or something! She is very insensitive and maybe you need to talk to HR. How dare she say " if you can't handle your job" when you're towards the end of your pregnancy!
As someone who dealt with a difficult MIL in the past I can tell you this... you need to stand up for yourself and if it means cutting ties with her, unfortunately that may be in the future. I know she is family and your DH's mother but she needs to realize she cannot talk to you that way or treat you like that. First step would be you sitting down with her and setting boundaries. Explaining to her that you don't appreciate her remarks and they are uncalled for. Your DH should also step up to the plate and help put her in place. If this doesn't work... then you may need to start distancing yourself from her until she is able to change this negative behavior.
As for your boss... she sounds like a total twatwaffle and I can't imagine working for someone like that. Can you afford to have your doctor write you off work now and start leave early? is it worth maybe looking for another job? Depending on her remarks towards you, you could complain to HR if the remarks are in reference to you being pregnant. It's a form of discrimination.
people forget that every pregnancy is different and taxes different women in different ways. Maybe your MIL is a unicorn who had a perfect pregnancy, but was breastfeeding easy? How about being a mom? Was that always a breeze? It irritates me that women don't support each other in our transformation to moms because SOME aspect of it is going to be really hard and we need each other.
your MIL is not a woman supporter is what I'm saying. Madeline Albright says there's a special place in hell for her.
as for your boss, this is tricky. Technically you haven't said you can't complete the tasks of your job, and she has to treat you like an average employee, even though you're understandably exhausted. You could do a few things:
1. Do some research in your state- is pregnancy qualified as a protected class that is allowed accommodations?
2. Can your OB/Midwife write you a note requiring modified duty/more breaks?
3. Can you take your maternity leave a little early (this was what I did. You can't really have modified duty as a teacher and my boss mentioned I was sitting more than other teachers).
Ive been standing my ground for a while now. But it's just so difficult living with your MIL. DH thinks I'm just being ungrateful, but I don't ask for her help, he does. And I, personally, don't want to depend on it. Especially when she thinks it's ok to do things like say my son is OCD all the time like she's a professional who knows what she's talking about and it's funny.
i hate to sound like a whiner. It was just particularly getting to me.
i definitely have to check in on the boss thing too.
Thanks for the replies though. It's nice to have some support on this. Those two make me feel like I'm crazy or something because it bothers me. I just hope that's not too true, haha.
im sorry for your MIL situation. Remember that you are a mother too and deserve the respect as one. Instead of trying to win a losing battle with her take the opposite approach.
respond as if you take heed of her words but learn to strengthen yourself as your defense. The more you fight, the stronger the resistance, and as you are living there you have no where to retreat. But as being a mother goes, you know what is best for YOUR children, don't let any one take that from you. No one is perfect, least of all your MIL coz if she was she would be more supportive and less judgemental. Do your best as a mother..... Then no one can tell u jack S#*t.!!!!!
just focus on your upcoming arrival, and the joy to follow.x.x.x