childbirth

Katrandall8183 · April 2016

I am pregnant with my 4th and was discussing my previous births with a few girlfriends over dinner the other night. I was saying how i am starting to feel anxious about the birth as even though they get shorter, each time it is still excruciating when not one but two of them stated that they didn't think it was that bad?? and one of them said they just felt little twinges??? WTF i have always considered myself to have quite a strong pain threshold but now i am starting to second guess myself??? What do you girls think? Do we experience different things or just have different thresholds?

PugsandKisses · April 2016

Pain is different and personal. Plus it depends on your anatomy, babies anatomy, babies general size and their position in uterus/birth canal. Do not compare your labors to others. As you said 2 of yours were excruciating, which means 1 was not.

There are different options to help you, of you so desire.

DominiqueU · April 2016

Little twinges?

TM14 · April 2016

Going to throw it out there that childbirth has been compared to being set on fire. But woman have been doing it for forever. Birth is different for everyone, as is recovery. At this point I think we're all a bit anxious, first child or not.

PinkLady2015 · April 2016

first rule of giving birth is don't talk about giving birth... lol just kidding... there are 1000 different variables that go into a woman's experience giving birth...not to ask the obvious question but were they medicated vs. unmedicated? I wouldn't even give it another thought... also, alot of people just as a coping mechanism in general tend to minimize past pain so they have experienced quite a bit but with time going back look back and say ehh, wasn't so bad soooo who knows...
so yes to your both your questions.... yes we experiencing birth differently and yes we all have different thresholds for pain.

noelietrex · April 2016

I've been wondering too- do we feel different things or have different thresholds? I think its both honestly. From descriptions of back labor vs. not knowing they were in labor until transition hit- sounds like different things were happening entirely. Then like PP's said we have different anatomys and different babies- bigger, smaller, longer, shorter, more/less muscle mass, more/less flexible joints, etc etc Just totally different bodies all around of both Moms and babies. I don't think it makes any sense to compare- we're comparing apples to oranges to pineapples to durian fruit! Your experience is your own and your feelings are 100% valid. Don't let comparisons make you doubt yourself or second guess- respect your process! It's totally unique and it's what brought your babies into the world!

DominiqueU · April 2016

Yeah yeah, we get that everyone has different experiences, but still... How do I sign up for that easy one? Is there a list I need to get on or something?

Who am I kidding? With my luck, my whole body will tear right apart. I'll be rocking the vaganus in no time.

MDmomma1217 · April 2016

Umm, I would say that contractions feel a little more intense than "little twinges" lol. I went without pain meds with my first, while my two close friends both had epidurals. We all had different labors and we all mentally and physically responded to labor in different ways.

I can say that although these kids will be 6.5 years apart, I am having a lot more anxiety about labor/delivery than with my first. I feel like everything with DD in labor went pretty well and a lot more of the "what if's" are in my mind this time around. I would hope that things go similar in labor to how everything went the first time, but I'm trying to mentally prepare myself that it could be completely different.

born2run911 · April 2016

@DominiqueU not going to lie, I loled a little at vaganus.

The beauty of childbirth is that somehow we are able to forget and actually agree to do it over again. Ask me the day after I had DD, and she would be an only child. But here we are 2 years later and I'm about to do it again. No 2 births are the same and as PPs have said there are a lot of variables/meds that make it more/less tolerable than others.

oneliloaktree13 · April 2016

I hope it's just like that one time I had kidney stones and had to wait in the ER for 3 hours because I went to the shitty hospital. If I can handle that I assume being torn a new one, no biggie.

elenabrent · April 2016

All the birth videos I've watched end with the absolute bliss of a mom meeting her baby. I think that will be worth any sort of pain.

Shelby00519 · April 2016

Wait. You mean giving birth isn't all rainbows and unicorns? Is it too late to change my mind?

Weville · April 2016

I've been working on a teleporter to get the baby out. Here's hoping I don't end up with a Brundlefly

tigerlilly1983 · April 2016

Everything PP's have said, plus, I think just as every pregnancy is different, birth is different. Some pregnant women aren't up at 3am every night like clockwork starving like me right now, and conversely, I haven't had much nausea, whereas a friend of mine was sick her entire pregnancy. As a FTM I am definitely very anxious about the birth, but find it helpful to remind myself that women do this all the time, everyday, and choose to do it again, and again in some cases. Helps to remind me that whatever pain I'll experience, it will be temporary, and afterwards we will get to meet our baby.

Nerdchild · April 2016

Am I naive to think that since my mom gave birth to my sister unmedicated with no issues that I can handle it (if everything is routine and baby isn't in distress)? My mom only had pain management and an epidural with me because she actively labored 5 days in hospital and had been prepped for a c-section before attempting vaginal birth one last time (resulting in my stubborn ass). I'm not strictly no-meds or pro-meds, but I'd like to think I could at least attempt without an epidural.

oneliloaktree13 · April 2016

@Nerdchild I'm pretty much on your level with all of that.

Nerdchild · April 2016

@oneliloaktree13 I assumed that it would be an easy decision and that my doctor would order me an epidural when he saw fit, until he told me his practice relies on the mother to dictate her own needs. I really just want to look him dead in the face and say 'tell me what to do to get this baby out, I didn't go to med school'.

Edit: grammar

lolomommy1 · April 2016

@nerdchild I had an epidural with one of my kids, and then with my second didn't have any pain medication whatsoever. For me, its less of "can I handle it" and more of "do I want to handle it?" that went into play at the hospital.
Ive always thought I would be one to go without the epidural, and I do really well managing the contractions and dealing with the pain while in labor. The hardest part for me was when I finally got to the hospital, I practically had the nurses waving the epidural in front of my face, sort of pushing me into it, and when you are in labor and tired, your will power to say no goes out the door. I started questioning why I even wanted to do it naturally in the first place. With my first I just gave in. In the end, the epidural didn't give me much relief and only worked on half of my body and definitely slowed my progress with labor, so it had its downsides for me, too.

With my second everything happened so fast, I was preparing for a natural birth and by the time I got to the hospital it was too late to even get one, so the decision was already made for me, which ended up better. It was VERY intense, but definitely do-able. I was surprised at how intense labor was during the last phase, but like other people have said, everyone is different. My build is on the small side and I had a large baby and she came out fast. It all just depends on the person, the way labor plays out and many other factors that give you your own personal experience.

mamafox14 · April 2016

@lolomommy1 having the nurses push an epidural on me when I'm in distress is one of my biggest concerns regarding labor. I know I would prefer not to go that route and I've made it clear to my midwife and my support people. If I decide I want some kind of pain management, I want it to be because I asked for it, not because while I'm in the middle of a particularly painful contraction someone is pressuring me.

lolomommy1 · April 2016

@stellaluna14 Well it sounds like you have done good so far with being on the same track with your midwife and support people. You really need an advocate there to let the nurses know upfront. I didnt have that and I didnt stress it with my husband beforehand, so he was always with the "whatever you want" kind of attitude, which didnt help either. With having two past experiences now, I know how (strangely) adamant the nurses are about giving an epidural, and I have my husband prepared to speak up for me to hopefully avoid that part altogether, because it really messes with your head!

Shelby00519 · April 2016

I'm naive when it comes to labor. Everyone is always asking me "So are you getting nervous at all?" And honestly I'm not in the slightest and my plan is a natural hospital water birth. I told my doula I was excited for labor. I'm more nervous for AFTER birth then anything. Maybe I will be nervous later on, idk. I should also add I'm a huge baby when it comes to pain so I really don't know why i'm so calm about it.

ESchreinerWrites · April 2016

I'm an STM and had an epidural with my first. I am a HUGE fan of the epidural. To each his own, man, but I wouldn't get my teeth drilled without novocaine and I'm not having this bundle of love come out without medical aid -- if I have a choice.

I hadn't decided one way or another with my first -- just figured I would see how it went. It was manageable until after my water broke, then s!$t got real. I can totally appreciate the people who want to experience the process unmedicated, I am just NOT one of those people. My goal, at the end of the day, is to get to baby-in-my-arms stage with as little pain as possible.

ESchreinerWrites · April 2016

My favorite story from the birth of my son involves my epidural. My water had broken (at the hospital, because they were going to induce but he decided he was ready to just come on out). I quickly went from "IDK, maybe I will get an epidural" to "Holy mother of marshmallows, GIVE ME ONE!" I was holding on to the railing on my bed and just trying to breathe through it all (I dilated from 2 to 10 in 90 minutes, so the contractions were hard and fast -- and, thank the lord, productive). I kept asking my husband when the epidural man would get there (because I had forgotten the word anesthesiologist). After several times, he went out to the nurses station to ask them for an update. One of the nurses casually says to him "Oh, it's Dr. So and so, he tends to dawdle a bit getting here." He looked at her incredulously and was like, "Um, let's not tell my wife that part." And he didn't -- until baby was born a short 3 hours later (90 minutes of pushing because the lover bug was sunny-side-up).

I also remember offering to name my baby John, because that was the anesthesiologist's name. He was flattered, but declined.

jlmartinez517 · April 2016

In regards to pain management, what is an alternative to an epidural? (i.e. medication or otherwise)

Most of my friends who have had babies recently all went the epidural route, and while I'm not ruling it out if I come to the point of absolutely needing it, I'd like to hear what others have chosen to help their pain.

mamafox14 · April 2016

@jlmartinez517 my hospital offers nitrous as an alternative because it's as needed and the mom controls it, it also wears off quickly so if you don't like how it makes you feel you just put it down. I'm shooting for no pain interventions but if I change my mind in the heat of the moment, I want the nitrous first before I go down the epidural road.

And just to add/clarify: I know a lot of people who loved their epidural and would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm not into it, but it's a personal choice and everyone should get to make it for themselves, no matter what. Do what makes you comfortable!

jlmartinez517 · April 2016

Thank you @stellaluna14 I'll have to ask my OB about whether or not the hospital I'm delivering at offers nitrous!

jen11797 · April 2016

@Nerdchild it's not naive to want to try unmedicated childbirth first. I definitely think people have differing levels of pain tolerance, so by all means, give t a try if you want to. I also think it's good to know and be open to your options. With my son, I knew I wanted an epidural before I ever went into labor, but I progressed VERY quickly, especially for a first childbirth. I was already 6.5 cm dilated by the time I arrived at the hospital, so I got to feel a lot of the pain before the epidural ever got to me. I've never been so grateful for medication in my entire life, but some women love going med-free for the entire experience. Different women, different stories.

jomama1618 · April 2016

@jlmartinez517 I believe our hospital does nitrous as well, but there are a few other options. (I know I've talked about this before, but I think it was in a PGAL check in, so I'll share here as well) Because of health issues I have, an epidural is considered dangerous for me. So when we began discussing alternatives (medication wise) his suggestion was using a tiny needle to inject what I can only assume is novacaine related, around my girl bits to help with the ring of fire without being actually medicated. (They have numbing cream as well) But we could have something along the lines of a pain med (nubane,demerol etc) as back up if I wanted/needed (or if he decided i needed it. They are afraid of pain triggering a seizure during labor) So there may be many options available to you, that most of us wouldn't realize. Definitely ask about it.

megstervt · April 2016

I'm hoping to avoid an epidural. I had a spinal tap in college which was miserable so I'm wary of needles near my back.
I ordered the hypnobirthing book to do some self-study, but am definitely going to talk with my doc about non-epidural pain management. I didn't realize there were other options. Thanks @joberkiser!

PinkLady2015 · April 2016

Like anything there are always pros and cons to everything related to L&D and it really comes down to what is right for you and discussing options with your doctor is necessary... It's also important to know potential side effects for each option and again decide what is best for you.

From what I've read anything used locally may numb your lady bits (which could be useful if you're Med-free and need stitches) but you'll still feel all of your contractions. Meds like Demerol and other opiates can pass through the placenta so baby may come out also feeling the effects of those types of meds... And in some cases cause respitory distress in mom and baby.

This is a subject that is incredibly personal and could potentially cause some controversy. I point out the above because I 100% believe in being your own advocate and educating yourself fully about a topic. Discussing with your medical provider is vital because what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. Knowledge is power and it's best to be fully aware of the pros and cons of each to make the best possible decision for you and baby whatever that may be...

jenkeale · April 2016

@megstervt When are you going to start the hypnobirthing? I bought hypnobabies and I was planning on starting this week (27 weeks). DH and I read the introduction and it sounded kind of cultish to us. I'm interested to hear your thoughts.

PinkLady2015 · April 2016

jenkeale said:

@megstervt When are you going to start the hypnobirthing? I bought hypnobabies and I was planning on starting this week (27 weeks). DH and I read the introduction and it sounded kind of cultish to us. I'm interested to hear your thoughts.

I bought the book and am debating plunking down the $180 for the course you can do at home... I liked reading the book and learning some of the techniques but also just wonder if I'll be all "yay just breathe" until the first contraction and then start screaming for the Epi...

jlmartinez517 · April 2016

If only I could drink a bottle of wine right before all this nonsense begins...i'd be all kinds of relaxed and happy to pop this kid out!

PinkLady2015 · April 2016

jlmartinez517 said:

If only I could drink a bottle of wine right before all this nonsense begins...i'd be all kinds of relaxed and happy to pop this kid out!

Yas! Sign me up for that

jenkeale · April 2016

@PinkLady2015 If you do decide to buy it, Google search coupons for it. I got 20% off when I bought the kit. I thought I'd be like that, but I got through delivery with DD unmedicated and I thought it went well. I wanted to get into hypnobabies this time because I think the techniques I learned helped, but I still could have been more disciplined.

megstervt · April 2016

@jenkeale I ordered it on Amazon yesterday. I don't have Prime (I know, I know!) so it will be a week or so before it gets here I think. Actually one of the comments on Amazon did mention it being cultish LOL!
@pinklady2015 I agree totally. I'm hoping to go med (mainly epidural) free, but ultimately my and baby's health trump all so I won't be crying about my failed birth plan if I end up getting one for any reason (comfort, health, etc etc).

elenabrent · April 2016

I am 1/3 of the way into the hypnobirthing book. It's definitely got a tone that rubs me the wrong way, but I've reminding myself what kind of birth culture Marie Mongan is coming from. If it helps me get through the birth without screaming expletives at my husband and midwife, I'll try it!

blissylissy86 · April 2016

jlmartinez517 said:

If only I could drink a bottle of wine right before all this nonsense begins...i'd be all kinds of relaxed and happy to pop this kid out!

When one of my friends was in labor, she went to L&D too early. The Dr. told her to go home and have some wine to help relax/help her sleep.

jlmartinez517 · April 2016

Sign me up for that Doctor @blissylissy86 haha

PinkLady2015 · April 2016

@jenkeale awesome I'll keep an eye out for that!!

DobbysSock · April 2016

.Nerdchild said:

Am I naive to think that since my mom gave birth to my sister unmedicated with no issues that I can handle it (if everything is routine and baby isn't in distress)? My mom only had pain management and an epidural with me because she actively labored 5 days in hospital and had been prepped for a c-section before attempting vaginal birth one last time (resulting in my stubborn ass). I'm not strictly no-meds or pro-meds, but I'd like to think I could at least attempt without an epidural.

@Nerdchild I'm really sorry, but... a little naive. Don't lose your hope though and definitely try for the birth you want, but your mom's experience likely has very little bearing on how yours will be. My mom had easy pregnancies, 4 vaginal births with no epidurals, 4 easy recoveries with little to no tearing (she did get an episiotomy with my older sister but refused one with the rest of us), and 4 babies that breastfed easily. I had a difficult pregnancy, 2 weeks overdue induction, back labour, ALL the meds, a baby with a big head that got stuck in my (apparently) too small pelvis (you'd never know looking at me - I have curvy hips), a c-section, baby with resp issues, and some supply issues with breastfeeding. I remember my mom said "I don't understand why your baby got stuck, my pelvis was big enough for my babies, I don't know why yours wasn't" ummm... maybe because I'm not your 100% identical DNA copy, Mom? My pelvis isn't necessarily the same size and shape as yours...

ETA: to clarify - it's not naive at ALL to believe that YOU can handle labour unmedicated, and to prepare for that. My reference to naivety is solely on focusing on your mom's labour experience as a sign that your labour will likely go that way. Just in case it read that way! I definitely think preparing for an unmedicated birth and practicing coping strategies is a great plan and not naive at all

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