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December 2015 Moms
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Bottle Feeding & Bonding

eliseandbabyeliseandbaby member
in December 2015 Moms
Ok, I posted this on the formula feeding page a while ago and got no responses, so I thought I would try here.

A few weeks ago a women who is a friend of my husbands family noticed I was giving my daughter a bottle (she is exclusively formula fed after a lot of difficulty breastfeeding) said

"oh, if she drinks formula from a bottle she won't bond with you. Now anybody can feed her so she won't depend on you. Make sure you bond with her in other ways as much as you can!"

I was taken aback because I found her comment rude, but also found that it got to me. My baby doesn't depend on me for food, so will she bond with me as much as if she were breast fed? 

I tried googling it but got mixed reviews, I guess I'm just wondering: has anyone here had their baby on formula and still was able to bond with baby/be baby's # 1?

Sorry if this is convoluted... I'm tired, forgive me :/ 
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Re: Bottle Feeding & Bonding

  • laurabwalkerlaurabwalker member
    You're the mom, your baby knows that regardless and it will not affect bonding!
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  • kdoak2015kdoak2015 member
    Baby was inside you for 9 months give or take, baby knows your voice, HB, face etc. It was you and baby for however long until you went back to work. I think this is a silly comment from the women. Your baby will always know who mommy is no matter what.
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  • ramfam2507ramfam2507 member
    That is absolutely ridiculous. I didn't bf DD, she's five now, and our bond is amazing. Don't let others stupid comments get you down. You'll have a bond with your baby, you're the mom!
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  • laurabwalkerlaurabwalker member
    I know tons of formula fed people and people who have kids they fed formula to and not one is not completely bonded to their mom. People are ignorant. 
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  • laurabwalkerlaurabwalker member
    Ps try not to google. 
    Im trying to give up this habit it's really led to me having massive anxiety about everything.
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  • ammnam14ammnam14 member
    DD is FF. We have an incredible bond. She depends on me for everything because I'm her mother! Don't let ignorant comments get to you and maybe lay off the googling a bit. :) I'm sure your LO adores you and you're a fantastic mother!
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  • breezypipbreezypip member
    edited April 2016
    It's so ridiculous, but so easy for us moms to worry... About anything. In the beginning when I was really struggling to BF and thought about stopping I would worry about this too. Would my baby still love me as much? Would she be upset? But then I would think about how I was bottle fed formula after 6 weeks when my mom returned to work, and no one could replace her in my eyes. I had no idea I was bottle fed until I asked. And I'm very very close with my Dad and he certainly couldn't BF me. I think the push to get women to BF is great, but it can also be so extreme that you end up feeling like your worth as a mother is tied up in your breast milk. I know it's BS and yet I still fall into the trap of worrying about from time to time. Your baby will love you because you're her mother and not because of how/what you feed her.
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  • oregonmommy-2oregonmommy-2 member
    This is ridiculous!! Babies don't only bond with us only through feeding.. And I don't know about your LO but mine stares at whoever is feeding him. So if I'm Breast feeding he stares at me.. And when my husband bottle feeds him he stares at him.. I don't think it has anything to do with breast feeding. I feel our baby has a strong bond with both my husband and I. 
    People come out and say the strangest things to people with babies.. If you feel a connection with your LO who cares what the Internet or any freaks with their ideas say. 
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  • Peanut1128Peanut1128 member
    What a shitty thing to say to someone. I really hate how rude some people are without even thinking about it. A client the other day asked me when I see my baby since he is at daycare with this horrified look on her face. I was so taken aback.
    I am sure your baby knows and loves and feels very bonded to you, they lived inside you for months. One thing you should do a lot of whether you bottle feed or breast feed is akin to skin contact, babies benefit from our touch in many ways. 
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  • redfallonredfallon member
    eliseandbaby said:
    Ok, I posted this on the formula feeding page a while ago and got no responses, so I thought I would try here.

    A few weeks ago a women who is a friend of my husbands family noticed I was giving my daughter a bottle (she is exclusively formula fed after a lot of difficulty breastfeeding) said

    "oh, if she drinks formula from a bottle she won't bond with you. Now anybody can feed her so she won't depend on you. Make sure you bond with her in other ways as much as you can!"

    I was taken aback because I found her comment rude, but also found that it got to me. My baby doesn't depend on me for food, so will she bond with me as much as if she were breast fed? 

    I tried googling it but got mixed reviews, I guess I'm just wondering: has anyone here had their baby on formula and still was able to bond with baby/be baby's # 1?

    Sorry if this is convoluted... I'm tired, forgive me :/ 
    Agree with PP - this is one of the most ridiculous statements I've ever seen. With this woman's ideas fathers, adoptive mothers, mothers who've had mastectomies, anyone who cannot (or does not want to) breast feed is not going to bond with their babies. Stupid, is what that is. 

    Jamie


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  • sharonholck28sharonholck28 member
    That is horrible to have that said to you. I may breastfeed but I don't feel like I bond any less than if I didn't. In fact honestly I've had a lot of trouble feeling bonded to her. I knew she bonded to me but not the other way. It took my getting into a car accident to really make that bond. The mother baby bond is the strongest cause you carried them. They know your voice better than anyone. I don't feel like feeding is the primary bonding at all. It's the time spent and love given to them that matters. 

    That saying it takes a village to raise a child is true. It's not only a mom who feeds but other women in a society would feed others children as well. You are doing what you got to do. Don't let that person get under your skin!
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  • candace4erichcandace4erich member
    I call shenanigans!! My girls are bottle fed breast milk, and honestly, my mom feeds them most of the time during the day because I'm working even though I'm home. But they still know who mommy is!! I'm still the only person whose voice they turn to when I talk. :) Don't worry and remember you are a great mom!
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  • MomofEv+1MomofEv+1 member
    That's absurd. A mother's bond has nothing to do with how she feeds her baby. It's all about how she feels, acts, and loves. What a jerk that woman is.

    Agreed about Google, it can provide anecdotes and opinion but what you will glean from it probably won't make you feel better.

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  • eliseandbabyeliseandbaby member
    Thank you guys so much for these responses. I was worried I would get some "breast is best" comments.

    its funny, I knew her remark was stupid, but when it comes to being a mom I get so insecure and so worried I'm going to mess something up! 
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  • sharonholck28sharonholck28 member
    You are doing great! Everyone makes mistakes but it's all a process and you are doing amazing! 
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  • ColoradoHikerColoradoHiker member
    I EP Rhys, and that has never stopped me from feeling connected to him. Ever.  What a ridiculous statement.
    DS1: Born 11.18.15
    DS2: EDD- 09.08.17

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  • mhwoodmhwood member
    I wouldn't say I'm my daughter's "#1" as they all have an amazing and special bond with both my husband and myself...that comment is so wrong. 
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  • amye02amye02 member
    I hate how it's everyone's business how and what we feed our babies. I questioned this myself before going exclusively ff and someone on here said "fed is best". Jackson is in daycare and gets a bottle but when he hears my voice, even on speaker he looks for me. You're the mommy, your baby knows that and there is no replacement for the mommy.  
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  • TaylovesbradTaylovesbrad member
    I feel very bonded to my son and Hve exclusively bottle fed. He can look right in my eyes when I feed him.that lady should suck it. Way to make someone feel worse when they've tried hard already. I was in the same boat tried to BF and it didn't work. That would have made me crumble in tears a couple months ago but I now feel great about my choice. 
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  • groovylocksgroovylocks member
    My sister had my niece quite young. She had to return to classes shortly after giving birth. She found breastfeeding too painful. She had flat nipples and niece wouldn't latch etc. So she began to formula feed. Combine this with my sister being a student and spending days away from my niece.

    I don't know of many mothers and daughers who are as close as my sister and her daughter. My niece is brilliant (honestly, kid is a genius), she's kind, she's beautiful and healthy and so closely bonded to my sister, it's almost spiritual. She has zero behavioural issues. She rebells but against the SYSTEM, alongside my sister, not against my sister. They are both mother and daughter, and best friends. 

    I have never seen a better parent-child dynamic. 

    I'm not saying this because she's my sister. I'm jealous of her and how amazingly she's done. We have historically been major rivals.  It's hard to admit it. But the girl is a brilliant mother. She is Olive's godmother for very obvious reasons. 

    Screw boobs. FED is sufficent. LOVED is best. 
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