No sex- How do you feel?

rissarox7 · April 2016

Okay, so some of us are really ready and rearing to go, but when you get to your partner, they are "meh"....

Am I the only one who feels a little disheartened by this?
I've always had the crazy drive, and now it's a million times worse. I just want to feel connected, passion, and that love. But he isn't into it anymore.

As I have gained a little weight, so has he. I'm trying to figure out every reason for his limited libido, because when I ask, I either get mad from rejection after rejection- or he's asleep already, or I ask too late in the evening.

Any one else who can help with my sanity that's going through the same thing?

cmiska · April 2016

I wouldn't push it because u don't want to make it worse but what's worse than not having sex at all? Nothing except maybe not having sex and having your partner angry with you for being pushy about it.

Yes, it sucks not having sex, but I don't think you should take it personally. There are a billion reasons why your partner may not be feeling it that have nothing to do with how much he loves you. Good luck and I hope you get some soon

edit: I don't know if you meant "meh" as in lack of enthusiasm or you aren't having sex at all... If it's just the enthusiasm, be thankful its happening at all!

hey_clever_girl · April 2016

I'm the opposite... Low sex drive, zero sex drive with pregnancy. I am Team "Do You Have Tacos? No? Go Away. Oh, You Have Tacos? Gimme. Now Go Away."

I'm sorry you're frustrated, though. I can't say I relate, but I'm sure it's not fun.

yellowrose314 · April 2016

runningisrad said:

I'm the opposite... Low sex drive, zero sex drive with pregnancy. I am Team "Do You Have Tacos? No? Go Away. Oh, You Have Tacos? Gimme. Now Go Away."

I'm sorry you're frustrated, though. I can't say I relate, but I'm sure it's not fun.

Mmm... Tacos.... Guess where I'm headed now?

RedMar · April 2016

One of my friends is going through the same thing and she was told by her OB that her husband was testosterone deficient.

Personally, I have had zero drive since becoming pregnant. DH has been pretty patient with me thank goodness. I hate that sex has turned into a once in awhile type thing though

kcl219 · April 2016

I have zero sex drive during pregnancy, it's the last thing I want to do so I can't relate in that sense. But during my last pregnancy my husband was ready to go up until I started showing, then he got weirded out. The idea of a baby right there sort of killed his libido, so it can work both ways. We went a few months without sex last time and probably will again this time. I would bring it up nicely but not push the issue too much. Guys can get turned off by pregnancy but in my experience it has nothing to do with lack of love.

Flowr4246 · April 2016

I was put on pelvic rest at 6w due to a SCH. Fortunately, though I've had times where I've wanted some action, both my H and I are so busy/tired that neither of us has really gotten frustrated by it.

AnnaS930 · April 2016

Also on the other side of it, and if my husband was constantly trying to initiate/find out why my drive is down it would make me even less interested. If the feeling's not there on either side, don't force it. Take care of yourself. Have a conversation with him if he seems open to it, but don't push him if he doesn't have an obvious reason, I couldn't tell you right now WHY my drive is down, I'm just not feeling it. So we don't. It is what it is.

ajn092 · April 2016

I think you should have a conversation with your husband about it the way you would want him to discuss it with you if the situation were reversed. You can’t approach him in an accusatory manner coming from a place of hurt or feelings of rejection even though that’s what you’re experiencing. It won’t get you anywhere. If you get mad at him because of rejection after rejection it’s only going to make him feel defensive and very unsexy!

Make it a point to ask him earlier in the evening (before he goes to sleep) and bring it up in a very casual way. Maybe something along the lines of “…now that I’m in my 2nd trimester these hormones have kicked into overdrive and I’m in the mood a lot more! I’ve noticed that we’re not having sex as often…Is there anything I can do to help?”

Depending on his answer you guys can find a solution. He gets weird about the growing baby in the middle? Flip it over! He’s too tired at the end of the day? Morning quickies! If it’s a simple case of different sexual appetites then don’t be afraid to help yourself. It might be worth mentioning to him that in the 3rd trimester sex can be a lot harder to work around plus you’ll be exhausted. And remind him about the 6 week no sex pp rule and with a new baby, even if you’re cleared after 6 weeks, you both may be too exhausted for a while.

ruemcclanahan · April 2016

I feel the same way!! We used to have sex at least 2x a day, and now its maybe once every other day if I'm lucky..
(I know that's still more than some people but for us its barely anything)
I am really worried that its just going to get worse after the baby comes. Ugh.
We have been together for over 4 years and this is the only time we have ever slowed down so I know it has to do with me being pregnant.

Thscary · April 2016

We have been going through a bit of the same but it's really more of a timing thing than anything else. With pregnancy, I am so tired when I get home from work at 8:30 pm and want nothing but sleep, this is when he is ready to go and when I am ready to go in the morning he is getting started with the work day. It's frustrating for both of us, and it takes some work to find the time to connect. I'd try not to see it as a sign of rejection right away, and think of other factors that may be coming into play.

yellowrose314 · April 2016

Sexless here too, but not because either of us don't want to. I'm on pelvic rest until at least 20 weeks for the next ultrasound because of placenta previa. DH has always had a high sex drive, and we've had multiple fights about it because he feels that if we don't have sex everyday there's something wrong, and he feels "deprived". My sex drive dropped off for about a year before we conceived; I was super busy with school and after a 10 hour day of lectures the last thing I want to do is hop into bed to do anything other than sleep. But now our sex drive is synced up and we're not allowed to do anything about it. It's incredibly frustrating. I agree with other pp's to not get in his face too much about it; my husband would constantly try and talk me into it or get insecure about why I didn't want to, and it just made me not want to even more. We eventually got to a better place about it, marriage counselling was involved which helped a ton for us.

BernieRae · April 2016

@rissarox7 - I can't really relate, but I know my husband can. Hope some of the above suggestions help and that you can feel connected again. I know for me, since I'm not into it right now I see any sort of affection by my DH as initiating sex which makes me tense up. We've talked about just having no pressure cuddle time, but we're still working on that. I think maybe the understanding that "under no circumstance will this lead to sex" might actually get me relaxed enough to feel ready.

@AnnaS930 - I hear ya. Feeling guilty about not feeling it makes me want it even less. The weekly bump updates keep telling me my drive has probably come back, but I'm still waiting....and so is DH

camichael84 · April 2016

Knottie66818473 said:

I feel the same way!! We used to have sex at least 2x a day, and now its maybe once every other day if I'm lucky..
(I know that's still more than some people but for us its barely anything)
I am really worried that its just going to get worse after the baby comes. Ugh.
We have been together for over 4 years and this is the only time we have ever slowed down so I know it has to do with me being pregnant.

It's going to get worse after the baby comes. At least for a while. The good news is you'll be so tired and busy with the baby you won't care that it slows down. Pre-children we were at 4-6 times a week. Now, since our daughter was born, we are at 2-3 times a week. I wouldn't have been happy with that when it was just the two of us, but neither of us have any complaints about the frequency now. Maybe it'll go back when the kids are older? I don't know. But I like to think it will.

marikkita12 · April 2016

At first my sex drive was gone and it has slowly come back. Since BFP on nye, we have had sex twice. At first I wasn't interested but now it's really him. He says that pregnancy freaks him out a little (plus I made the mistake of telling just how many fluids are leaking out of my body and that has turned him off a little bit)

hey_clever_girl · April 2016

@BernieRae OMG that is me, 100%. I have a hard time believing that any affection my husband shows isn't just an attempt for more. Sometimes I feel like the only thing he's interested in is my body and sex, and that's a huge turnoff for me. It just makes me shut down entirely.

ruemcclanahan · April 2016

camichael84 said:

Knottie66818473 said:

I feel the same way!! We used to have sex at least 2x a day, and now its maybe once every other day if I'm lucky..
(I know that's still more than some people but for us its barely anything)
I am really worried that its just going to get worse after the baby comes. Ugh.
We have been together for over 4 years and this is the only time we have ever slowed down so I know it has to do with me being pregnant.

It's going to get worse after the baby comes. At least for a while. The good news is you'll be so tired and busy with the baby you won't care that it slows down. Pre-children we were at 4-6 times a week. Now, since our daughter was born, we are at 2-3 times a week. I wouldn't have been happy with that when it was just the two of us, but neither of us have any complaints about the frequency now. Maybe it'll go back when the kids are older? I don't know. But I like to think it will.

As long as we are happy then I guess I have nothing to worry about really.
This pregnancy is giving me all the irrational fears, I have been overthinking so much.

SarahDarah333 · April 2016

Mine wasn't into it at first, and I got upset every single time. Then my doc said no sex during the first tri, so we had no choice. Once we hit the second trimester a few weeks ago he was all about it... for one hour. Since then nada. He's been sick for the last week, so I'll give him that, but I've been wanting it lately. He better get his ass better ASAP! It's normal to have a lull- it's a huge life change and he may just be overthinking things.

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