TTC/Infertility/No one knows

jlreising1 · April 2016

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year now. We are starting to get into the whole infertility process. We have told no one that we are trying. We are starting to have to schedule many appointments. My husband and I both work for my in-laws. We would love to go through this whole process ending in a surprise pregnancy for all our friends and family. With all the time we need off work for appointments (at the same time) we don't know how to do this without having to tell my in-laws. Does anyone have any advice?

Tulips29 · April 2016

That's a tough situation. Does your clinic have early morning or after work hours? I've been to 2 clinics and they both start seeing patients at 7 am, which works for me since I go there and then to work without anyone knowing. At the end of the day, if that doesn't work, you may have to tell your in-laws. I am sure they will understand and be happy with a pregnancy in the end, regardless how you get there.

kjones202 · April 2016

I am in a similar situation. We have been going through it for so long, though, that our parents are both in the know (though not on a day-to-day or minute-by-minute - they just have a general sense of what is going on). As @tulips29 said, if your clinic has early hours, that is ideal. I try to get their first appointment and then I don't have to miss any work and don't have to tell anyone other than my husband.

All of that said, you might find some comfort from your in-laws. I was hesitant to tell anyone at first but we've been pleasantly surprised at the support we've received - so not pushy or nosy at all. Good luck with everything!

MMD1986 · April 2016

I didn't want to tell anyone, but after the appointments started piling up I told my bosses. They have been awesome about it, because they both successfully used the same fertility doctor. If you can make it to appointments without missing much work, that's great. You'll just have to see how your facility works. Ours, everyone needs bloodwork and ultrasounds (one machine in the office) shows up between 7:30 and 9. So if you aren't one of the first one's there you definitely have to stay for awhile, making it hard for me not to miss work. Plus last cycle I had to go in 4 days in a row, I just didn't want anyone to think something was really wrong. I'm fairly open about the whole process with people though.

Tulips29 · April 2016

@jlreising1 the initial consultation is usually during times doctors don't have monitoring hours. For example, my initial consultation was at 6:15 pm, but my clinic has morning monitoring hours from 7 until 8:30 am. Those hours are for ultrasounds and bloodwork while you're going through your treatment cycle (whichever one you may be doing.) I hope your clinic has a similar schedule so you won't have to miss work.

Monica54321 · April 2016

I've told all of my close friends and family. At first I didn't want anyone to know because I was holding out hope for a pintrest-worthy surprise announcement when the time came. However, I've realized that holding a healthy baby in my arms is the goal... everything else is just not that important. Knowing that I've got a whole crew of people supporting me and sending good thoughts my way makes me feel less alone on this crazy ride.

jlreising1 · April 2016

Thanks so much for the advice. I actually just scheduled our initial consultation with the fertility doctor. I'm not really sure what their hours are but they seem to have a pretty tight schedule. I called multiple times to check for availability on a few days and had to settle with what they had which lead me here. I don't really know what to expect but I'm assuming we will have many more appointments. We've already had some other appointments and testing with my OB-GYN without having to tell anyone. I know everyone will be supportive of us if we tell them what is going on. I'm just afraid at this point that having to answer questions and talk about it with them will break me down. I think it may make the process harder. I'm really just torn at this point. Sometimes I think it would make things easier if I could talk to me family and friends about it. Other times (when I start me period and am very sensitive), I think the opposite. I appreciate everyone's responses and I wish you all luck. While I would love to say none of us have fertility issues, it is comforting to know that I'm not alone.

jlreising1 · April 2016

@Monica54321 Yes, I have thought up many elaborate announcement strategies! And yes, you are right, while everything leading up to it (announcement, gender reveal, shower) is all very exciting, in the end, having a healthy baby is all that matters.

wifeinraleigh28 · April 2016

This is something we have definitely struggled with. My husband works for his family business and he didn't want everyone knowing, as there are people in his family that just can't keep their mouths shut. In the end, he decided to just tell his dad, which has helped with the appointment issue since his dad can keep a secret and can also excuse his absences very easily. Just make sure you are careful with who you decide to tell and that you feel comfortable with that person knowing. I personally haven't told anyone at work. So far it hasn't been an issue because I create my own schedule and I'm mostly there in the afternoons and evenings. I know I will need to be out of the office for egg retrieval in the near future, so I may need to give my boss a head's up.

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