Kids at the birth

ivassaq · April 2016

We are open to having our three year old at our birth (if the timing and circumstances are right). is anyone else considering this and if so: what resources have you found to help your LO prepare? We have watched lots of birth videos but I'm looking for books or other things to help guide our discussions about it.

marikkita12 · April 2016

Are you aiming for a home birth or a hospital one? One of the births I helped with was at a hospital and when mom started pushing, the kid's aunt had to take him to the waiting room. If it's at home then I would suggest having an adult dedicated to your toddler. Make it someone that she knows and trusts and feels comfortable with without you or your husband around

ivassaq · April 2016

It will be at a birth center and they are cool with her there. My brother will be her handler.

homebird · April 2016

I'm wondering about this. I've kept my six year old pretty involved in the pregnancy so far (at her request). She looks at my app every week, we watch videos about fetal development, she comes to some of my appointments, etc. I think she would be interested in being at the birth, but my only hesitation is ... will it scare her? She saw me in the early/mid stages of labor last time, so she's seen me grunt/moan/yell through contractions, but she was only three at the time I'm not sure she had any clue what was going on. Now I feel like she's much more aware and I don't want her to be afraid.

I'll be stalking this thread for replies, haha.

ivassaq · April 2016

That's been on my mind too. One thing I have been doing is watching birth videos where the mom is vocalizing a lot. My girl always asks why the mom is making noises and I just explain that pushing out a baby is hard work. Just like when she is pushing or picking up something heavy that she will make grunting noises because she's working hard. That seems to help.

i also try to find videos where kids are present which she really likes.

Tippy05 · April 2016

Sounds like I'm the odd man out here, but we will not be having our kids at the birth. They're still young (3 and 5) but even if they were older, I just don't feel like that's something they need to be a part of. They will be one of the first ones to see baby after he/she is here, but they absolutely will not be in the room during delivery.

csukkha · April 2016

My sister was about 12 and video taped my mom delivering my little brother. She was so fascinated by the whole experience. It completely changed her career trajectory she is now a Nurse-Midwifery/Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner (NM/WHNP).

Cassandraspregnacy2 · April 2016

The way to tell is to put on a birthing video for your children.
Since we are doing Hypnobirthing I put on a HB birthing video on.
My almost 5 YO LO has had so many medical challenges in the duration of her life that she is used to test, surgeries, pain.
From this, she says she wants to be a dr and help other kids.
So I thought maybe she could handle childbirth.

I explained everything to her.
The beginning stages before transition in the video were okay.
But she didn't want to watch Anymore . It freaked her out.

She he told me she would be with my parents and come in after the baby is born.

I figure, it's a very mature experience.
I don't want her to not want to have a baby because she saw me giving birth before her little mind could completely wrap around birthing surges and the blood while giving birthing.
plus seeing mommy in pain is hard on a little kid.

Shes still excited about the baby coming though

But I'm kinda glad she doesn't want to be there because I can completely focus.

hey_clever_girl · April 2016

Tippy05 said:

Sounds like I'm the odd man out here, but we will not be having our kids at the birth. They're still young (3 and 5) but even if they were older, I just don't feel like that's something they need to be a part of. They will be one of the first ones to see baby after he/she is here, but they absolutely will not be in the room during delivery.

Same. We've got in-laws on older daughter (6) duty. She will be the first one to meet the baby, but while I'm laboring, it's just going to be me, my husband, and necessary medical folks. I feel like having her there would stress me out because I'd be worried about her.

KimmySchmidt · April 2016

My child will be 2, and too young to be present IMO. But even if she were a year or two older, I would not want her to watch me writhing in pain or seeing the blood and gore of a delivery. I think we can look at it as adults and see something beautiful, but for a child it could too easily become nightmare fodder.

It may be a natural occurrence, but that doesn't mean it's appropriate for kids of all ages.

crispy11 · April 2016

I can see how it would be fun, but my girls won't be there. My first is super sweet and not quite grounded in the real world yet. She calls blood "pain" and when she recently saw a picture of her little sis as a newborn she was alarmed and asked why there was "pain."

marajay6 · April 2016

It's your decision and you know what your child can handle, but I don't think it is a good idea. My husband had a hard enough time watching me in pain and seeing all the blood during delivery. It seems like it would be absolutely terrifying to a 3 year old.

AnnaS930 · April 2016

My kiddo will be 21 months when this one is born, so he certainly won't be there as I can't prepare him/feel confident that he's going to be ok with what is going to be seen - also, he would be opening and slamming all the drawers, grabbing sharp objects and probably trying to crawl up into the bed with me at the most inconvenient of all times. He will be with family at home (we live 5 minutes from the hospital) and will come meet baby sibling soon after (depending on time of day of delivery).

618mom22boys · April 2016

I'm having a c/s so obviously my kids won't be there. Although if I was having a vaginal birth I might consider it with my 7 y/o, 8 at time of birth. But I wouldnt have him anywhere near my vagina. He is always asking if he can be there for the birth of his sister. I keep telling him "no only daddy is allowed with me" He's kind of bummed out about that. My 5 y/o no way though! He is always asking if it is going to hurt and telling me to be brave. They have both also seen c/s videos though so they know what is going to happen. And they were curious to see how they were born.

SuperFudge00 · April 2016

MH, who was 9 and 11 at the time, was a part of the delivery of his two sisters. He's still scarred.

DS will only be 1.5 years d when this LO is born. I have zero thoughts on him being at the birth, but I'll be having a RCS and I'm concerned with not seeing him during my hospital stay.

Shiva14 · April 2016

DS accidentally being at the birth is one of my biggest fears for this labor. My doctor has already offered to induce me at 39 weeks due to my previous labor being precipitous (1 hour 45 min start to finish) but I really want to avoid that. Depending on how babysitting pans out and where my husband is when I go into labor I'm worried DS will end up witnessing the birth if the grandparents can't come get him fast enough, or if this labor (God forbid) ends up being even faster. The hospital is 45 minutes away in no traffic. He will barely be 2 so I'm hoping he'll forget the whole thing and not remember if it happens.

jensou · April 2016

I hadn't even considered it til this thread popped up... My daughters will be 16 and 17 when our new LO arrives. I'll have to ask them if they're interested. I get the feeling they won't be. i wouldn't have a problem with them being there. But thinking back to being that old, I don't think I'd want to see my mother deliver. Maybe just staying at the head of the bed?

alimz · April 2016

My 14 yr old daughter will be with me

Cassandraspregnacy2 · April 2016

I was 15 when my older sister started popping out babies.
Ive been there with her for every birth except the last because it was a c sections.
She's had six kids.

Its been a wonderful experience for me to be there with her and her husband.

I gave her scalp massages and foot massages.
Held the pail while she through up (while in transition)
And took photos for her when the babies where born.

I wouldnt trade those memories for anything.

I feel like (depending) on if the child is male or female, the maturity, and over 12 maybe for most.

My brother made sure to be in the waiting room. He would've never stepped foot in the delivery room.

KimmySchmidt · April 2016

jensou said:

I hadn't even considered it til this thread popped up... My daughters will be 16 and 17 when our new LO arrives. I'll have to ask them if they're interested. I get the feeling they won't be. i wouldn't have a problem with them being there. But thinking back to being that old, I don't think I'd want to see my mother deliver. Maybe just staying at the head of the bed?

Talk about sex-Ed. I think at 16/17 watching a live birth at that age would have sent me to the doctor to see about getting my vagina sewn up because no thank you. Best birth control ever?

jensou · April 2016

LOL @KimmySchmidt Hopefully this whole experience will make them want to hold off for at least a decade!

faeriem · April 2016

My brother and I were at the births of both my sisters(homebirths) I was 8 and 10 and he was 6 and 7. We weren't traumatized and it was a big part of why I had a homebirth with my first and will again.

SaraJuul · April 2016

My husband wanted our 4yo, he will be 5 when baby comes, to be there. He thought it would be neat for him. I disagree. Our 19mo would definitely be a bad idea...he would be all over the place and DH would have to watch him...but I've seen our 4 yo freak out if he sees me or DH seem scared...I really believe him seeing me in pain like that would freak him out.

Plus who knows what time of day it will be. I don't think it would work for us, and I don't know if I want my sweet boy to see that.

mrsl0429 · April 2016

@jensou A little different, but I agree with @Cassandraspregnacy2 - I saw my stepmom give birth to my half sister when I was about 15. It was absolutely a great experience for me (her birth was short and not too gory). It definitely made me think twice while I was in HS about getting myself into that situation (@KimmySchmidt, yes best birth control ever), but also helped me see what an amazing thing giving birth is. IMO if you talk to them about it, they want to be there, and you are comfortable, do it.

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