FTM struggling with balance

love-mom-life · April 2016

anyone else finding it hard to balance your new life? I'm a FTM to my beautiful Emma Noelle and I have always dreamed of being a SAHM. However, lately I've been feeling overwhelmed and am struggling to find out how to balance my day. DD is 3 months Friday and I know it takes a while for babies to get into a routine, but I need to know what you moms are doing to establish a routine. I am so tired that people say to sleep when she does, but then nothing gets done. I try and eat healthy but I can't cook like I used to and I feel guilty when I go out to get something. I want to really get a "normal" day like routine down, but I'm EBF and that may be part of it. But in so upset that my condo is always messy, husband is gone for 2 weeks. So it's just a lot. And the fact that she sleeps pretty bad at night is not helping my mental health! Any help or suggestions would be appreciated. I know there have been a couple posts similar, but have to put this out ther. It's more about how you find a balance between babies and still getting sleep and housework done!

ATolentino89 · April 2016

So I am guessing you haven't found your rhythm with baby?

On on the days I am home with baby we wake up around 7 for the day and start off with playtime and stimulation after he eats (bf here too) he usually goes back down for a nap around 9 and this is my golden nap when I do dishes and shower and start laundry. Once he's back up we play and chat. Sometimes he lets me put away laundry. For his afternoon nap I wear him and vacuume and while he sleeps I pick up the house.

I would suggest crock pot meals.

Mizuiro007 · April 2016

Pick your battles. It helps to accept that you have a lot more on your plate and some thing you did before (housework) may have to slide for a while as you figure the mom stuff out. Ask for help. Your hubby is gone but if you have friends or relatives that live close ask them. It doesn't have to be anything hard for them. Maybe ask someone to sit and play with the baby so you can do a load of laundry or get a nap. Maybe your husband can help you get a bit of deeper cleaning done when he is home.

You can bathe with the baby. I take DD in the bathroom with me with a bouncy seat, wash her, lean over the side of the tub to quickly diaper and her towel dry her then let her sit in the bouncy seat while I take my bath. She seems to enjoy this time as much as I do.

With DS I would make meals ahead and kept them in Tupperware type bowls in the fridge. Pasta, soups, caserole, left overs from dinner. Then I only had to cook every few days and the rest of the time just take a couple minutes to reheat and have a little "picnic" on the floor. I found it preferable to limiting my meals to naps and feeling I had to chose between food and sleep.

Do stuff for yourself. Whether it's watching TV or going for a walk or whatever you feel will help.

Knottie65841689 · April 2016

We wake around 8 then feed and nap till 1030-11. She then stays in the shower mat while I shower

I talk to her and get dressed. Throw some laundry in the machine and feed again. I will then get some lunch and hang out with her feeding on and off. She naps I fold laundry and talk to her. I place her in a playmat and vacuum around her. Today we went to Sams and I wore her. I dont expect my life to be as before. I just have to learn to manage my time. I have started getting a lot of frozen fishes and chicken that pop on the oven, instant rice, salad bags. Just gotta do what you gotta do

preggoandglowing · April 2016

Just wanted to say you are not alone. I go back to work next month and I have no idea how I'm going to do it all because I'm struggling to find a balance now. Most days I only manage to pick up the house, brush my teeth & wash my face. On a good day I also either do a load of laundry or a load of dishes. BF takes a big chunk out of my day plus I have to eat, change diapers, and get DD bathed/dressed. I also make sure to read to DD and do music time & tummy time with her every day. Putting her down for her nap also takes a while. I try to cook but it's basically come down to either making dinner or exercising. I choose cooking most days and still never manage to have dinner ready when DH gets home because it's usually DD's feeding time.

Some things that have helped me: I shower at night when DH gets baby ready for bed. I sleep in yoga outfit so I don't have to get dressed in the morning. I do my cleaning on weekends when DH is here and he helps me. I've had to cut down on the time it takes me to do everything: cleaning in half the time, makeup in 5-10 minutes, fast shower, fast laundry folding, etc. Basically I always feel rushed except when I feed or spend quality time with DD. That is my time to relax and enjoy her.

Edit: Posted too soon

sharonholck28 · April 2016

I'm lucky to be living at my parents house as well as having a good sleeper, but normally we wake up around 5 cause that's when hubby gets ready for work. I feed her then get her back down and we get up again at 830. Depending on her mood we will either go straight to feeding or I will take her downstairs and my dad will play with her while I brush teeth and such. Occasionally wash bottles if I didn't wash the ones soaking the night before. If dad isn't home I may let her play in her crib and if she cries it is ok since really only gone 5 mins or so.

we feed usually around 9,10,11:30,12:30, 2:30, 4:30, 5:30, 7,8 then down for sleep for the night.

Some feedings get skipped. She sometimes takes a nap around 11. Her longest nap is usually at 2:30-4/5.

Main between feedings we play on the bed or in her play gym, we do tummy time, we go for walks around the house. 745 is when we start our bedtime routine of bath, massage, swaddle, nurse to sleep.

After shes down I'll sometimes wash bottles, take a shower. Or if there's anything else chore wise I need to do. Nap times during the day I may clean the bathroom once a week. I sadly usually don't really get to eat anything more than yogurt or fruit until around 1/2. I'll admit I probably don't feed myself as good as I should. On days i make dinner I'll lay her blanket down with some toys in the dining room and talk to her while I cook. If she gets upset I'll either let my neice sit and play with her or she will fuss until I can handle her.

If you need a rest definitely have someone come by and help. Even someone helping by playing is a huge relief! I know Riley to me feels a little high maintenance as she needs eye contact and people near her I swear all the time. I'd at least try relax and nap if you can during the day during her naps. Chores in the house can wait.

blended10 · April 2016

I struggled with this, too. As a ftm especially & even now. Although feeding on demand is really the healthiest way of feeding it's hard bc there's no "schedule" and sometimes it's a meal & others a snack or drink. Something that helped me was to write down what I did all day for a few days. Then I could figure out a sort of pattern & (at the very least) see I wasn't doing nothing. This is all a great lesson in patience, getting to know your child's non-verbal cues and lowering your standards (I say sort of tongue in cheek but, for real). It gets worse with 2 bc everything just takes a wicked long time. After my daughter was born & I was alone with the kids I thought "let's make cookies!" Took me 2 hours. 2 freaking hours to do something that should've taken like 30 minutes max.
Pp have given you great ideas - just want you to know you're not alone. Try to figure out your child's hunger/nap schedule & go from there. It'll get easier. And go make some sahm friends with kids similar in age - that's more important than any cleaning. Libraries, clubs, parks...go on walks in your neighborhood. Good luck!!

ammnam14 · April 2016

It took me a while to find my rhythm. I don't follow a routine, I just go with the flow and try to follow DDs schedule. Whenever she wakes up I'll feed her and she'll take about a two hour nap. During that time I'll Watch the news, drink my coffee, and just have me time. I try to figure out what we're going to have for dinner that night and do a little prepping (crock pot meals are your friend). My house is definitely not spotless, but it's acceptable. I try to pick one room a day and clean it. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. Oh well. Do you have a carrier? I highly recommend one. The carrier was the only reason I was able to brush my teeth yesterday lol. Being a SAHM is rough, there are so many mommy clubs and organizations I can't recommend them enough. Try to get out of the house at least once a day. I hope I helped a bit, I feel like I'm just rambling. Don't be too worried, I'm sure you're doing a great job!

elbou · April 2016

It's early days yet. Pick your battles like Mizuiro007 said, and don't stress yourself out about it too much. I struggle with this as well, and I'm on my 4th kid! It's just part of the new baby experience, and will get easier with time. I also agree with lowering your standards (at least temporarily) and finding some mommy friends, and getting out of the house. The more you are out of the house, the less time you have to make a mess of it!

laurabwalker · April 2016

Some days it's a real struggle, other days I feel pretty good about it. I think having too many expectations right now is difficult. I am just trying to get out of the house once a day. I usually shower during a nap but sometimes I put her in the bouncy chair in the bathroom and shower if she's having a bad nap day. I put her on her play mat and get breakfast and eat it while she plays. I usually try to take her for a walk if possible but sometimes it's not. Sometimes I make plans and meet a friend for an hour with her, but usually only once or twice a week. I Do tummy time usually once she wakes from a nap or every two hours for about 5 mins, because she hates it. When my husband gets home I hand her over and get him to entertain her. Then I will do some cleaning, or go to the store whatever I feel like. I just nurse her first when She wakes from any sleep, then again a small feed before sleep.

MomofEv+1 · April 2016

I think that as a mom there is a point you have to accept a new normal. That doesn't mean you let your standards of cleanliness and healthy eating go, but coming up with short cuts and planning ahead really help... and maybe letting them slip a little at least for a while. Everything is harder when you are tired but it will come eventually. More hours in the day would be nice too!

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