Telling TTC relatives

Kermie53 · April 2016

We're planning on telling my husband's family this weekend when we see them for a wedding. I'll be just 10 weeks (this is #2 for us). My husband's brother and his wife have been TTC for 2 years and are starting infertility treatments. Does anyone have any words of advice on how to tell them?

aquasocks · April 2016

You might need to go back 5 or 6 pages, but there is a post titled "sensitivity while announcing" that has some tips.

In short: Tell them privately before your announcement if possible. Over the phone is fine. Don't have any expectations for how they will respond. Keep it short and then let them off the hook to process it how they need to. It's really kind of you to be considerate of their feelings!

muybueno · April 2016

aquasocks said:

You might need to go back 5 or 6 pages, but there is a post titled "sensitivity while announcing" that has some tips.

In short: Tell them privately before your announcement if possible. Over the phone is fine. Don't have any expectations for how they will respond. Keep it short and then let them off the hook to process it how they need to. It's really kind of you to be considerate of their feelings!

This. We discussed it at length.

Other highlights: Whatever you do, don't tell them as part of a group announcement. Your SIL will probably cry and she doesn't want to do that in front of other people. If you do it in person, don't be offended by their reaction because it may not be positive. Best over the phone, text, or email. Try not to do a lot of gushing talk about it while they are around.

GL!

chloe97 · April 2016

The best advice that I've gotten about this subject is to tell people who could be upset by your news via email and before you tell other people. This gives them a chance to not cry in front of you and to collect themselves before they see you. I'd also recognize that they may be upset by any family celebrations, so I would try to tell the rest of your family separately. Also be thoughtful about how much you engage in joyful conversations about pregnancy around them. If someone brings it up around them, give a quick answer and change the subject.

It's also very possibly your brother and SIL are in a good place right now and will be okay with the news and theattention you are receiving, but definitely feel it out with them. After suffering a loss in November, I've had so many people around me announce pregnancies and most of the announcements left me pretty devastated. IF and loss are really tough to navigate emotionally. You just never know how you are going to feel. I think it's great that your thinking about them!

ETA I was in exile for a few days and also missed the previous posts. All of what PP said.

whaat · April 2016

Text! I think it's best bc it allows them to process it privately before replying. They will be happy for you, and they want to show you a happy reaction, but might need to cry a little first. That's fine, and let them do it privately, as others have said. And definitely feel it out. They might be ok, and if they are, don't treat them like they are more upset than they actually are. (This happened to me in a different situation, not ttc, but it was annoying). Good luck!

Kermie53 · April 2016

Thank you! That's all really helpful. I'll look up the previous post others mentioned too. We didn't have infertility, but my first pregnancy ended in a loss and it was so hard to hear about others getting pregnant for awhile. Don't want to cause them any pain

jarethinafrock · April 2016

My sister has been trying for 9 years

and I have felt so guilty announcing to her. I texted her the day before we announced to my family and I think the head's up gave her a chance to process things and be happy.

monkey41 · April 2016

If you are close, do it over the phone. I had to do this with my sister and she said she would have been very upset if I had emailed or texted her. Just keep it short and only tell them as much info as they ask for when they are ready to hear it.

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