NBR: Job Advice Needed - Update

MissAmeliaPond · April 2016

Good morning ladies! Sorry for this gigantic AW post, but I am in need of advice from working moms who might have better insight or similar experience that can help me with the situation I'm in with my new job. I posted about this in the PGAL check in thread, but I figured I'd get a wider audience posting an AW thread.

This is going to be a novel, so thanks in advance if you make it through!

First a little background: My old company announced in October 2015 that we'd be shuttering by the end of Q1 or Q2 2016. I probably would have stayed at that job forever, so it was a shock to us all. Naturally everyone started freaking out and looking for new jobs. I looked a bit, but actually ended up being recruited.

I was recruited in December, had interviews in January, and started my new job on 2/29. I started working mid-cycle, and I got my BFP two weeks into the new job. I wasn't expecting that cycle to be successful, to be honest, because it was my second cycle after having had a CP over New Year's, and it took us 4 cycles to get pregnant with the CP. I considered not trying in February because of the new job, but being able to start our family is #1 on my list right now, so I couldn't justify not trying. I knew it would be hard if I got pregnant right away, but like I said, I wasn't expecting it.

Anyway, since starting this job, I realized there was a huge disconnect between what I thought this job was going to be, and what they expect from a new hire. They all basically expected to get a body in the seat, show them where materials are located on their drives, give them an email address and let them loose. I'm sorry, I've never worked for this company before, I don't know how anything is done here, and I need training!! They don't seem to understand how to train a new hire, and it's ridiculous. I really feel like I need to quit. I've talked to multiple people about training, including my manager, and I don't feel like I'm getting through to anyone. I really regret taking this job. I learned that the girl I replaced basically "wasn't working" and "no one knew what she was doing when she was there", but she also didn't ask for help when she didn't know how to do something - I see why everything went wrong with her: she didn't get any training. But clearly no one else at the company has learned anything from that experience.

Now that I'm 7+ weeks pregnant, I feel like I can't go out and find a different job, so if I quit I'm just stuck with nothing. I guess I could do some temping work, but that probably wouldn't be a very steady income.

I don't know what I'm going to say to my manager when I go back in tomorrow (taking a sick day today). I am so stressed out and not happy at this job because of their insane expectations, and the fact that I don't feel like anyone has listened to me. Additionally, I'm worried about this pregnancy. I had brown spotting over the weekend, got light headed and sick while just walking (not very fast) on the treadmill at the gym, and I'm pregnant after loss, so I'm extremely paranoid. Obviously my number one priority right now is having a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby, and I'm worried that the constant stress of the job is going to be more harmful in the long run. We don't NEED my income to survive, but we won't be able to save much money if we rely solely on DH's income.

Again, I apologize for the novel, but I would really appreciate advice if anyone has any for me. I just don't know what to do.

aquasocks · April 2016

I posted in the PGAL thread but I think if your manager isn't taking your concerns seriously then that's a huge red flag. Who doesn't train their employees?? Or at least answer your questions? I would look for something new, and in the mean time maybe you can shadow someone? Trust your instincts, if you think it's causing you too much stress, then move on. Good luck girl!!

TwandaFTG · April 2016

I didn't have this issue but when I was out on maternity leave last time my friend/co-worker got laid off. She landed a new job but she got pregnant like the 1st week she started. Her new employers were super understanding and told her they were cool.

Also, my office once hired a woman and then after her first month she announced she was 4+ months along. Our office dealt with it and she kept her job here until her family relocated.

It happened more often than you realize. While not ideal you can totally get jobs while pregnant.

shevaCC · April 2016

Hugs, that sounds really stressful! I'm so sorry you're worried.

First, it sounds like you're doing all the right things at your current job. Asking for direction/support and continuing to follow up with your boss and coworkers to learn what you need. Even if there's no training in place and while it's not ideal, you might be able to piece together what you need to do from conversations with them. If you can stand it, I would keep doing what you're doing and try to stick it out for at least few more months and reevaluate then. They recruited you so they want you and have confidence that you can do the job!

Meanwhile, there's no reason under the sun that you can't interview when you're 7 weeks pregnant. No one else knows and it's completely illegal for them to ask the state of your uterus at the interview. It's business and you need to look out for your best interests, as do they. If the new position is a bad fit, then I would strongly consider starting to interview now before you're visibly pregnant. They're not allowed to discriminate against pregnant women but it still happens.

One question...are you planning on working once baby is here? If your plans are to SAH, then I might look for a temp job/let them know that I'm pregnant. If you plan to be a working mom I wouldn't tell them at all since you'll be returning after your leave.

shevaCC · April 2016

And my personal anecdote -- at my previous employer, my position got eliminated while I was on maternity leave with DS. I had to find a new role so that I'd have a job to come back to so I interviewed while I was ~8 weeks post partum, planning to come back at 20 weeks. It worked out and I loved that job. I would still be working there if not for a hellish 4 hour daily commute. So -- people get hired at all stages of life.

TrulyBlessed22 · April 2016

I'm sorry you're going through this. it sounds like you've taken good initial first steps. By any chance have you addressed your concerns with HR? This is something I would recommend if you have a true interest in staying there.

If not, I think considering looking for new employment isn't a bad thing and legally they can't discriminate against you but sadly many employers would frown upon it, depending on the nature of your role, size of company, number of people that can do your job and things along those lines.

If you don't "need" the income what about getting a no stress type of job or temp job where you wouldn't feel bad "leaving" once you go on maternity leave? This would help bring in some income and take the pressure of feeling bad off you. Then you could revisit what you want to do after the baby is born.

MissAmeliaPond · April 2016

@aquasocks thank you again! I am just not sure if I should talk to my manager again and tell her I'm stressed out, or just go ahead and call it quits. I already told her that I'm pregnant when I was like 5+3, and she was really sweet about it and gave me a hug! She has 3 adult children, and she told me that she took a new job herself when she was newly pregnant with her second, so she's been pretty empathetic about the pregnancy itself.

@TwandaFTG I told my manager the week after I got my positive test, so she's known for a couple of weeks now. I asked her to keep it a secret for a while because I had a loss previously, but I wanted her to know in case I have another, and that all the doctor's appointments I'll be going to are actually appointments.

@shevaCC Thank you for your thoughtful response. I've been waiting to decide whether I want to work after baby comes or not. If I really loved this job, I was planning on coming back. They offer 4 months mat leave, but it's unpaid. We have state disability here, which is only 90 days, so I think one month would be unpaid, unless the company's long term DI plan could pick up when the state short term runs out. Ugh, this has never happened to me at a new job before - I just feel like I'm flailing and can't be what they think I should be immediately. This "bad fit" situation was just so unexpected.

@TrulyBlessed22 Our HR department is in another office about 500 miles away, so I haven't talked to them. I don't really know anyone in HR either so I haven't even considered reaching out there. Honestly it's in their best interest to keep me around. It took them 4+ months to fill the position, and I feel like they should want to make it work with me, rather than start the hunt all over again. I know hiring employers can't ask about your ute status, but I feel like if they were suspicious or asked about children they would find a reason not to take me. I'm definitely thinking strongly about trying to find a low stress temporary situation!

muybueno · April 2016

shevaCC said:

Hugs, that sounds really stressful! I'm so sorry you're worried.

First, it sounds like you're doing all the right things at your current job. Asking for direction/support and continuing to follow up with your boss and coworkers to learn what you need. Even if there's no training in place and while it's not ideal, you might be able to piece together what you need to do from conversations with them. If you can stand it, I would keep doing what you're doing and try to stick it out for at least few more months and reevaluate then. They recruited you so they want you and have confidence that you can do the job!

Meanwhile, there's no reason under the sun that you can't interview when you're 7 weeks pregnant. No one else knows and it's completely illegal for them to ask the state of your uterus at the interview. It's business and you need to look out for your best interests, as do they. If the new position is a bad fit, then I would strongly consider starting to interview now before you're visibly pregnant. They're not allowed to discriminate against pregnant women but it still happens.

One question...are you planning on working once baby is here? If your plans are to SAH, then I might look for a temp job/let them know that I'm pregnant. If you plan to be a working mom I wouldn't tell them at all since you'll be returning after your leave.

All of this.

shadykady · April 2016

I was at a job I did not enjoy when I found I was pregnant with my daughter. I was hired at 4 months pregnant. I told my boss at 5 months. I went on maternity leave at 8.5 months and was out for 4 months. I returned in August 2016, and I'm currently 7w3d. No one at work knows and won't until I'm further along. Point is, jobs surprise you. Either you bring the concerns to a higher up, and you'll be surprised with a positive turn around, or you look for a job pregnant. You'll figure it out. Follow your gut.

honeybeewebb2424 · April 2016

I unfortunately really don't have too much else to add other than what PP have already added and to share my experience. In the end I think you will know whats best for you (and now baby too!)

I am happy you posted this because I am in a similar boat. My job was so ridiculously bad and stressful mostly due to poor management, that I have been talking about leaving for a long time. I actually left last summer to another job and found out I was pregnant just a week or two later. Unfortunately that manager came off as very sexist, and literally said "great now shes fucking pregnant and were gonna have to deal with maternity leave" when I had to announce. (I returned to a meeting after needing to run out to the bathroom) I stayed there all of 3 months, until I miscarried and the manager expected me to go into work the day after it had started, and said some not so professional things. Yeah, needless to say I left there without notice. I ended up back at the other job. When I went out for surgery I dealt with a lot of their drama and harassment as well, then found out I was pregnant again told them things got worse, and I ended up quitting. I decided that enough is enough, I deserve better, and it is unhealthy to put myself through something that stresses me out so badly and drains me emotionally, pregnant or not!

Thankfully, we can JUST get by with my husbands salary, but just barely. I have been looking, but now Im afraid of interviewing because I don't know whether or not I should let them know I am pregnant or not. And further more I don't know if I should just find part time for now, or even a temp position until November. Sorry if this is thread hijacking!

elsie2014 · April 2016

MissAmeliaPond said:

Good morning ladies! Sorry for this gigantic AW post, but I am in need of advice from working moms who might have better insight or similar experience that can help me with the situation I'm in with my new job. I posted about this in the PGAL check in thread, but I figured I'd get a wider audience posting an AW thread.

This is going to be a novel, so thanks in advance if you make it through!

First a little background: My old company announced in October 2015 that we'd be shuttering by the end of Q1 or Q2 2016. I probably would have stayed at that job forever, so it was a shock to us all. Naturally everyone started freaking out and looking for new jobs. I looked a bit, but actually ended up being recruited.

I was recruited in December, had interviews in January, and started my new job on 2/29. I started working mid-cycle, and I got my BFP two weeks into the new job. I wasn't expecting that cycle to be successful, to be honest, because it was my second cycle after having had a CP over New Year's, and it took us 4 cycles to get pregnant with the CP. I considered not trying in February because of the new job, but being able to start our family is #1 on my list right now, so I couldn't justify not trying. I knew it would be hard if I got pregnant right away, but like I said, I wasn't expecting it.

Anyway, since starting this job, I realized there was a huge disconnect between what I thought this job was going to be, and what they expect from a new hire. They all basically expected to get a body in the seat, show them where materials are located on their drives, give them an email address and let them loose. I'm sorry, I've never worked for this company before, I don't know how anything is done here, and I need training!! They don't seem to understand how to train a new hire, and it's ridiculous. I really feel like I need to quit. I've talked to multiple people about training, including my manager, and I don't feel like I'm getting through to anyone. I really regret taking this job. I learned that the girl I replaced basically "wasn't working" and "no one knew what she was doing when she was there", but she also didn't ask for help when she didn't know how to do something - I see why everything went wrong with her: she didn't get any training. But clearly no one else at the company has learned anything from that experience.

Now that I'm 7+ weeks pregnant, I feel like I can't go out and find a different job, so if I quit I'm just stuck with nothing. I guess I could do some temping work, but that probably wouldn't be a very steady income.

I don't know what I'm going to say to my manager when I go back in tomorrow (taking a sick day today). I am so stressed out and not happy at this job because of their insane expectations, and the fact that I don't feel like anyone has listened to me. Additionally, I'm worried about this pregnancy. I had brown spotting over the weekend, got light headed and sick while just walking (not very fast) on the treadmill at the gym, and I'm pregnant after loss, so I'm extremely paranoid. Obviously my number one priority right now is having a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby, and I'm worried that the constant stress of the job is going to be more harmful in the long run. We don't NEED my income to survive, but we won't be able to save much money if we rely solely on DH's income.

Again, I apologize for the novel, but I would really appreciate advice if anyone has any for me. I just don't know what to do.

I was actually in a remarkably similar situation during my first pregnancy. I was miserable the ENTIRE pregnancy and ended up not coming back after birth. And I can honestly say I regret continuing to work there...it was so much stress, and it left a sad shadow over my memories of my pregnancy. Except we really did need the money at the time, so I didn't have the option to quit. I did interview for some jobs around 20 weeks, and they didn't realize I was pregnant and I was offered the job, but it didn't pay enough.

If you really want to save money, I would think it's worth it to get some interviews and see if there's something better out there for you.

MissAmeliaPond · April 2016

@honeybeewebb2424 Thank you for sharing your story. I can't believe what a twat your previous manager was. And not hijacking at all! If other people are in similar situations they should definitely chime in. Have you thought about temping? Staffing companies can actually be really helpful. I used one to find my second job (a permanent position) right after college, and they really hooked me up. Perhaps you could do some temp work until October/November and then use the same company to find a permanent position when you're ready to go back to work? This is something I've been considering for myself, honestly.

yosemite2018 · April 2016

My boss's daughter got a new job when she was about 5 months pregnant, and then got 6 months paid maternity leave. There are jobs out there like this with amazing people who want the best for you. I think you should talk to your manager again, and if it doesn't change then leave and find something new. Your health and the baby's health are so much more important.

honeybeewebb2424 · April 2016

MissAmeliaPond said:

@honeybeewebb2424 Thank you for sharing your story. I can't believe what a twat your previous manager was. And not hijacking at all! If other people are in similar situations they should definitely chime in. Have you thought about temping? Staffing companies can actually be really helpful. I used one to find my second job (a permanent position) right after college, and they really hooked me up. Perhaps you could do some temp work until October/November and then use the same company to find a permanent position when you're ready to go back to work? This is something I've been considering for myself, honestly.

It really was just a terrible situation! When I left I sent a very professional email and made sure to cc in the ceo of the corporation. I actually got a phone call from him the next day asking for the details and if I would consider coming back because I was an asset! I found out from a coworker that afterwards they sent in a monitor to watch over him.

Ive never done a temp position but it really does seem like something that might work best for now! I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom, or even work part time so Im hoping we will find a way to make it work! My husband recently started a new job in his field and he is actually a bit over qualified for the position he is in, and he has been told by a few people in the company that his chances of promotion over the next 6 months is very high so Fx for that!

I really hope that everything works out for you with whatever you decide to do about this job. Its nice that she is understanding of your pregnancy. I would say to give it another shot at voicing your concerns, but if nothing comes of it don't allow yourself to get stuck in the never ending loop!

dorkiness · April 2016

@MissAmeliaPond , my timing is almost exactly the same as yours. Started my new job, and got my BFP two weeks later. We have been TTC for 2+ years and had a recent loss. I haven't let my work know yet and probably won't until after the first tri. I am a little worried because election season is the busiest time of my job, and my due date is a couple weeks later. -- My advice would be to talk with your manager again given that she seems supportive. If it doesn't work out after that, you could always start job hunting. Sorry that you're in a rough spot!

MissAmeliaPond · April 2016

So I know this is kind of a zombie thread by now, but I wanted to give an update on my situation.

I resigned from my job this past Thursday. My manager didn't want to accept it, and neither did another client manager on my team. They tried to come up with a plan to change my job and still keep me around. My manager pitched the idea to the division head, and he basically said, "you know, it sounds like she made up her mind and we should accept her resignation."

So, on Friday they accepted my resignation, and my last day will be next week Friday. I sat down and had a chat with the head of the division and told him about my prior loss and that I'm pregnant again, and the pregnancy hasn't been going easily for me, and the job has also been really stressful, which makes me stress more about the pregnancy. He told me they had a history of loss in their family (his two kids are about my age), they have close friends who've also had to deal with loss, and he totally understood and told me he thought I was making the right decision for my family right now. He also said everyone at the company really likes me, and they think very highly of me, and basically offered me temp/contract work "when I get bored in a couple of months". My current plan was to take a few weeks off (more like 6 weeks) and look into temping until I reach about 7.5 months anyway, so I was very pleased to hear this. He also said "the door definitely isn't closing" and maybe I could come back to a different position (in which I could feel more successful) after baby comes! He gave me a hug at the end of our meeting.

I'm really pleased with how everything went down, and am happy that the relationship is still open with this company. I'll definitely be reaching out to them after Memorial day to see if they have temp/project work for me before I contact any staffing companies.

Thanks again for all your advice on this! I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can just focus on keeping myself and baby healthy for now.

g8rmama_16 · April 2016

That sounds like it turned out to be the best case scenario! Now you are in control
of how your future employment will look and be able to do what feels right for you. I am so happy for you that it turned out so positively!