Perspective needed SAHM
michelejs
member
Hi Ladies – I’m a FTM and would really appreciate some outside perspective on my family’s situation and this possible decision to quit my job to be a SAHM…I know every family is different and I have seen similar posts to this, so I apologize if it's been brought up before.
My DH and I are in our late twenties/early thirties and we both have good jobs. I have also been going to school and I am about to finish my BS in programming. While I was on maternity leave, I accepted a promotion with my company and I have been working in this position for two months. The promotion was to the IS department at my company (I was formerly working in the pharmacy as a technician and have been in pharmacy for years) and came with a substantial raise. Although it is not my dream job, the department is great and my boss is very flexible and accommodating – allowing me ample time for pumping breaks and taking time off when needed for my son.
My son will be 5 months on Saturday and my mother currently takes care of him during the week (7:30-5:30, M-Th). Although she is great with him, we argue a lot about his care and what she chooses to do with him all day. Don’t get me wrong, my mother and I are very close and she loves my son like her own but we have always butted heads. It can be VERY stressful for me but that’s a whole other story in itself. She has also started requesting several hundred dollars more per month to take care of him (she retired at 55 and won’t receive SS for 2 more years) and her reasoning is that watching him is preventing her from getting a part-time job (which I know she would never do anyway) to hold her and my father over until she qualifies for SS. This situation is what prompted my DH and I to discuss me being a SAHM again. She is wanting to be paid the equivalent of what daycare would cost and although we can easily afford it, I don’t see the point in paying her to take care of my son when she can’t flexible on a few things that I’d like her to do/not do with him, causing us to fight or for me to just bite my tongue. Also I should note, daycares/in home care would not be an option for us. Too many issues in our area.
DH and I have discussed on many occasions me quitting my job to be a SAHM (he would prefer me to be a SAHM as long as possible) but receiving the promotion and the large raise kept curving our decision. I would love the opportunity to stay with my son and have the time to take care of my family but I’ve ALWAYS worked and never pictured myself a SAHM. Financially, things would be very tight and we would have to sell DH’s car – but we are okay with that.
So I guess what I’d like to get perspective on is whether any of you Mom’s decided to postpone your careers after returning to work to care for you LOs? How has the transition been and are you still happy with your decision? Everyone I’ve talked to is all for this decision and I know it is ultimately my decision and what would make me and my family happy but I can’t keep from going back and forth on it in my head. Going to part time would not be an option with my current position either.
Thanks for reading all of that! – I was trying to keep it down to cliff notes. 
Re: Perspective needed SAHM
I decided to be a SAHM instead and haven't looked back once ... I love everything about being home with my daughter all day and I love being able to do what I feel she needs throughout the day. More importantly I feel like I have been able to give my husband my best as well.
yes it was a huge financial cut for us but God has been so faithful and being home with my daughter has brought me more joy than money ever could.
Good luck with your decision, I'm happy for you that you have the option to decide what you want. It's really a blessing that many women would kill to have!
good luck with your choice! I can see why it's a tough one.
PPers suggestion of living on one paycheck is a great idea. It will also help boost your savings account for a better safety net if you do stop working.
Is working part time in another field an option? Or working from home? Can you ask your boss to change your work schedule to include weekends? That way your DH can be home with LO on weekends and you will be home with LO two days during the week.
I find it odd that your mother expects you to bankroll her retirement for two years until she starts receiving social security. If you aren't comfortable with the way she is taking care of your son, then the situation needs to change, for your stress level if nothing else.
As far as your mum is concerned she can either be "Grandma" and raise baby the way she wants to cause she's doing it as a favor or she can be "Nanny" and earn a paycheck by following your instructions. She doesn't get to have it both ways. Obviously since this is your mom, it's easy said than done to tell her such a thing though, so you are definitely in awkward position with that one.
As PP said, you can always get another job (you sound more than qualified for some great careers) but you can't get back these precious early months/years with your baby. The strife you have with your mom seems like the nail in the coffin in your decision to stay home. I say go for it! It's a fantastic way to spend your days and coupon clipping isn't too terrible!
If your mom wants paid daycare level payment, consider sending your lo to daycare. I know you can put daycare on your taxes in the US. That would solve if you want to keep working and would solve your mom's problem.
That being said, I have a friend who quit his job to be a stay at home dad. His lo is just younger than ours. We both agree that this was a good decision for our families.