Sex Drive?

ANZ116 · March 2016

Sorry if this is TMI, but I am wondering if anyone else is experiencing a decreased sex drive? My DH and I haven't had sex since we found out we are pregnant. I am sick in the morning (and nauseous like 80% of the time anyway), I feel giant at night (and exhausted for that matter), and deal with the mild cramping pretty regularly. I just don't have it in me to do it. I feel bad like I'm not being a good wife. He's amazing and understanding but I am wondering what all of you have done or if you're experiencing this at all. xoxoxo

BmcD2016 · March 2016

Definite decrease. Last night I was so tired we couldn't finish our weekly show we watch. Just know that it's very possible for it to increase in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters! So there's that to look forward to

ShallowSeas · March 2016

Absolutely, especially in the very beginning. H and I didn't have sex for 3 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. When we finally did it was uncomfortable because of the bloating. We've had sex a few more times since and it was much better. The last time actually felt like 'normal' pre-pregnancy sex. I've known I was pregnant for just over a month and I think H and I have had sex maybe 4 times. Before pregnancy it was 3-4 times a week. Between the fatigue and nausea it's hard to make time for sex.

NatashaSprout · March 2016

We both work 24 hour shifts so we aren't home a lot together but we make up for it 2-3 times a day when we are off work together. We both have a really high sex drive.

m6agua · March 2016

I've never had a really high sex drive but we have only had sex twice since our BFP. Both times were super uncomfortable for me. I hope it gets better.

whaat · March 2016

Definite decrease, although every night I have very vivid sex dreams. I just don't have the energy for it during waking hours.

hellopartyof5 · March 2016

No sex in this house. I feel like crap.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

My sex drive is completely gone. With previous pregnancies, this happened too during the first trimester, particularly because if I had sex I would get horrific cramps. I have an 'irritable' uterus as my care providers have called it. My husband has no desire to see me in pain, so he doesn't even ask, which I appreciate. He understands that I'm not feeling up to it and that I'll approach him when I am.

It's worth remembering, there is absolutely no reason to feel bad if you aren't feeling up to having sex. It doesn't make you a bad wife at all. You are undergoing a process that modifies every single system in your body - some permanently! - and that takes a lot out of you. A good partner needs to be understanding because, quite honestly, how fair would it be to expect you to feel even worse to please him? I don't think good husbands would want their wives to do that, so don't put that pressure on yourself.

AandDM2014 · March 2016

We too are a decrease (well, at least I am, I'm sure DH would do it 3x a day if I was up for it). We were not allowed to have sex due to having an FET (part of IVF for those who don't know) and weren't supposed to have sex for almost 5 weeks (we did do it thrice though, but it scared me every time). Since being given the okay we've only done it... twice I think. Maybe three times. It was just so uncomfortable for me, and not at all pleasant. Hopefully I'll start to enjoy it more again soon. Pre-pregnancy we usually did it 5-6x a week, depending on DHs work schedule.

ficbot · March 2016

I feel okay but husband doesn't want to. He says he feels weird doing it with the baby 'watching' and I need to be in 'optimal' shape right now so we'd better not. I explained to him it doesn't really work that way :-) I think he needs a few days to just have a little think and get out of his own head on this and then he'll be okay.

ShallowSeas · March 2016

@ficbot my H was freaked out by the thought of having sex while I'm pregnant. The first time we did it, he said to me afterwards, "It was kind of weird knowing there's a baby in there..." but he quickly got over it

LikeICantEven · March 2016

We haven't since BFP. We talk about it openly though, he is so incredibly understanding that I just can't get in that head space right now. My nausea is so much worse this time around, it's an all day thing. I think it's super important to keep this dialogue open with your partner and not pretend like it's not happening.

Like @KilgraveMadeMeDoIt said so aptly, per usual

- you are doing majorly important and energy sapping work in your body right now. It's going to get better, it's going to get easier but for right now it's okay that you can't get in that frame of mind.

I feel total guilt, my husband has been so tremendously supportive, I could wax poetic about how supportive he has been and how much he deserves some lovin's, but there is a time and a place and I'm not there yet.

grannysmith912 · March 2016

My brain and body are totally at odds in this respect... All day I think I want sex, and the more days that pass without it, the more I want it, but by the time I get off work in the afternoon, my body is begging for sleep (whether because of fatigue or nausea). As a result, we've only done it a handful of times since the BFP. A lot of times we try to do it in the morning, after I've gotten up for a little snack (of course) to keep my stomach calm. I haven't experienced any discomfort (aside from tender boobs) the times we have, and a couple times I think it has even reduced my symptoms later in the day. Anyways, I am looking forward to second semester, when my body will be more amenable to sex. I've really enjoyed being able to do it without having to think about making sure we do everything right to facilitate conception; it's nice just to focus on loving one another.

Britt428 · March 2016

Definitely feeling the decrease too! With the bloat, nausea and not to mention I'm extremely exhausted by the end of the day, I just do not feel like it. We haven't had sex since we got our BFP. I feel bad but I just really don't feel like it.

MrsDho11 · March 2016

I don't think it's so much a decrease in drive itself as a complete inability to imagine any way it would happen without me throwing up everywhere.

ANZ116 said:

I feel bad like I'm not being a good wife. He's amazing and understanding but I am wondering what all of you have done or if you're experiencing this at all. xoxoxo

This makes me really sad though, and I hope you don't really and truly feel this way consistently. Ability to perform sexually or not doesn't make you a good or bad wife. There are lots of things a wife can, and presumably does, contribute to a marriage other than sex.

whaat · March 2016

@grannysmith912 yeah it's an energy issue more than anything. If he were to initiate, it would be great, and I could get into it. I just can't initiate and have foreplay take forever. I will literally fall asleep. The problem is, he doesn't want to make me do anything I don't want to do, etc. (because he's perfect

) but sometimes I want a little of that, you know?

aquasocks · March 2016

We would totally be having sex if not for:
1) Nausea
2) Gas to rival a dumpster full of manure*
3) Progesterone vaginal suppositories
4) Cockblocking toddler

*Autocorrect changed "manure" to "Kanye" which is also fitting.

whaat · March 2016

lol @aquasocks I definitely have that gas but I just make him deal. I am on my way home and just texted him an eggplant emoji so he knows. I don't have time or energy to seduce anyone, but I need that eggplant emoji at least weekly or I feel like shit. I have always had a much higher sex drive than he has, so he's not as affected by this as I am.

thatlauragirl · March 2016

My sex drive is in the negative digits right now. I really don't have much drive to do anything besides sleep right now but I know things will rebound in the second tri.

grannysmith912 · March 2016

@whaat Yes!! I'm right there with you. And also like you, I have the (generally) stronger sex drive in our marriage, so he's doing fine without it, and I have no energy to "flirt" my way into it; hence, unless I just straight out ask, we don't do it. It's still fun, of course, but I do miss the spontaneity.

NatashaSprout · March 2016

@aquasocks I love the cock blocking toddler

edit...apparently cock isn't autocorrect friendly

shevaCC · April 2016

aquasocks said:

We would totally be having sex if not for:
1) Nausea
2) Gas to rival a dumpster full of manure*
3) Progesterone vaginal suppositories
4) Cockblocking toddler

*Autocorrect changed "manure" to "Kanye" which is also fitting.

I have one of those toddlers too! Downsides of cosleeping...

Replace 3 with tired and we have the same list.

Thewizardofrhythm · April 2016

NatashaSprout said:

We both work 24 hour shifts so we aren't home a lot together but we make up for it 2-3 times a day when we are off work together. We both have a really high sex drive.

Waaaaa?!!?

aquasocks · April 2016

whaat said:

lol @aquasocks I definitely have that gas but I just make him deal. I am on my way home and just texted him an eggplant emoji so he knows. I don't have time or energy to seduce anyone, but I need that eggplant emoji at least weekly or I feel like shit. I have always had a much higher sex drive than he has, so he's not as affected by this as I am.

Am I missing something? What does the eggplant mean? Does it mean you want sex or that you ate eggplants and they made you gassy? Sorry, I'm not down with the emoji slang!

Elev429 · April 2016

I guess I never knew there WAS an eggplant emoji

edited... damn fingers

tjljsc · April 2016

The bloat is making me feel seriously unsexy right now and I'm also on vaginal progesterone. Epically unsexy. We've only had sex once since our IUI in early March. I've got the higher sex drive so he doesn't seem as upset by the decrease as I am. After dealing with infertility and sex becoming so structured, I was really looking forward to the return of a "normal" sex life but I guess we just need a little longer to get there.

Allisong124 · April 2016

Mine is really down too, through I NEVER regret it when it happens. My SO usually starts it and I'm usually hesitate, but I know it will be great so I go along with it.

mamahazey · April 2016

Usually it's that I don't want to put in the effort more than anything

mrsjlang · April 2016

I've bee way down since we started IVF end of January. And then with vaginal progesterone still going until next week, wasn't exactly on the priority list.

But the other morning I woke up from a super vivid dream and it was go time. Hubby was a bit surprised, but didn't take long to convince him. Definitely a little terrified of poking the baby, but I think that will pass.

I definitely don't feel sexy though. I'm all bloaty and stuff. But hubby loves the bobs currently, so I guess its a tradeoff?

mpunger · April 2016

You are preaching to the choir on this one! My sex drive has been so low I can't even stand to be touched by DH at all. He is a super cuddly guy but I find myself sleeping at the edge of the bed to avoid him trying to cuddle me.

AandDM2014 · April 2016

@mpunger That is too funny! If my DH had his way he would cuddle me all night long, meaning I wouldn't get any sleep. The other night I actually had to physically push him away because he was getting to close to me, lol!

rencontrezmoi · April 2016

My sex drive is nonexistent since getting KU. We've had sex twice since my BFP, but I spotted afterwards both times, which totally freaks me out. So we're going to hold off for awhile, which doesn't bother me one bit. I'm so nauseous anyway. DH has been sweet and seem understanding, but I know he's suffering, LOL.

Jmccabe12210 · April 2016

My sex drive has plummeted with this pregnancy which is weird because early in my first pregnancy I was always ready to go. But I feel like my husband is just a better person if he's getting laid so I force myself and once we get started I'm completely fine. It's just getting that motivation that is hard.

chloe97 · April 2016

We've had sex once since this baby was conceived. We tried today but these damn progesterone suppositories make me feel like I have a yeast infection. Does anyone have any tips? I'm supposed to take 2 times a day night and morning. Should I take a shower before DTD and rinse that stuff out?

AandDM2014 · April 2016

@chloe97 When I was using them we would always try to time it so that we did it about 30-90 minutes before I put the bedtime one in (I put them in every 12 hours, so usually 10 am and pm). That way we'd be far from the morning one, but not so close to the evening one that I felt like it would come out because of my v being slippery.

whaat · April 2016

aquasocks said:

whaat said:

lol @aquasocks I definitely have that gas but I just make him deal. I am on my way home and just texted him an eggplant emoji so he knows. I don't have time or energy to seduce anyone, but I need that eggplant emoji at least weekly or I feel like shit. I have always had a much higher sex drive than he has, so he's not as affected by this as I am.

Am I missing something? What does the eggplant mean? Does it mean you want sex or that you ate eggplants and they made you gassy? Sorry, I'm not down with the emoji slang!

The eggplant is a dick. It's the standard dick emoji (although the screw and bolt works well too as a shorthand for any penetrative sex). There used to be an eggplant emoji hashtag on Instagram that was filled with hot shirtless guys but then Instagram made it so that it is no longer searchable.

Also: the peach is a butt.

Want a personalized experience?

Sex Drive?

Re: Sex Drive?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards