Am I being irrational?

bb2019730 · April 2016

Hubs went out for a bday tonight and came back drunk at 2am with his best friend. His best friend brought a girl. I was woken up out of deep sleep and I freaked out telling him the girl and his friend need to leave. Am I being a b****h? I don't think so. I don't even know this girl. It's one thing to go out and have fun but I feel like he should put his foot down when his friend wants to come over at 2am. Maybe I'm in the wrong?

catherinekate · April 2016

I would lose my shit if my husband pulled a stunt like that. Why the hell is your husband letting his friend treat your place like a hook up pad? It's one thing to bring the friend over (who I'm assuming you already know) to sober up, but it's disrespectful to come home trashed, wake you up and bring strangers into the house.

The litmus test I would use is: is this behaviour that would be okay when you have a baby/kids? If not, it needs to stop now.

Hugs--sorry you had to deal with that and I hope he comes to his sense and apologizes in the morning.

bb2019730 · April 2016

Thanks for your response. I feel so crappy now. It doesn't bother me that he went out to have a good time for his buddy's 40th bday, but he should have put his foot down when they said they wanted to come over after. Some random girl who was loud and obnoxious and his best friend who I know very well. He left them in the living room and crawled into bed and I was like ohhhhh hell no! Get out of the bed and get them out of here! He apologized even though he's still drunk and he finally called them an uber. Thank god they left. I felt like an evil witch, but I was in a deep sleep. I feel so uncool right now, but he's going to feel so uncool in a few hours when he wakes up and realizes that was a dumb move.

wbwells · April 2016

I don't think you're being irrational I just think he genuinely might not realize why that's a huge no no. I would explain as calmly as possible how a friend crashing periodically is fine but no random people. Even if it's a friend of a friend that you aren't comfortable. Hopefully he'll see your side of it and understand.

ShawnaG123 · April 2016

Oh girl, I would have flipped my shit. It is one thing if his drunk friend wanted to crash on the couch, but a loud skank too? No no.
I don't think you were irrational at all. In fact, kudos to you for having him be the one to get them out of your house... I feel like I would have went out there swearing at these drunk people and and kicked them out before their car got there LOL but maybe I am still grumpy-tired...

I second @catherinekate! "Would this be alright if we had a baby?" I am sure your husband was just being nice in his state of inebriation by allowing them over. He certainly was not doing this to piss you off. He didn't think it would be a problem, but it three months time it certainly will be. Once he sobers up over some coffee later this morning just have that talk with him. It doesn't need to be a fight, but it does need to be a discussion. Children are going to change many, many areas of our lives!

Sending you lots of hugs!

RNMegan0711 · April 2016

Totally agree with both previously posters and you. Hopefully you guys can rationally talk about it this morning.

mar101483 · April 2016

Nope, not irrational at all. I would have flipped the **** out, even if I wasn't pregnant.

samsonator · April 2016

I don't think you're being irrational at all. I am totally not cool with strangers staying in my house, let alone a drunk chick who (it sounds) was there to hook up. Not on my couch! Plus, you don't know this chick or her morals. Who knows if she'll try to steal something. Maybe I think the worse of people, but my house is my safe zone and I don't like that being messed with! Also, on another note, it would piss me off even more if it happened while I was pregnant and trying to sleep. That's just disrespectful! Your husband probably just wasn't thinking, but hopefully in the future he'll know this type of thing is a serious no-no. If I had kids in the house and my husband did this, God help him, haha.

mrsp2213 · April 2016

No way, you are totally justified in your actions. I would've reacted the same way.

Starlight32 · April 2016

Totally not irrational!!

bstephens1515 · April 2016

I don't think your feelings are wrong here at all. I would have acted the same then felt kinda bad later (mainly because I just do that slot right now haha get upset then feel emotional and bad). But I get where you're coming from 100%. Not cool, my husband keeps planning all these beer trips every spare day we have off together so I find myself sitting in a car for hours just to drive to pick up some different rare beer from somewhere so he can build a stock pile before baby comes and to trade with other guys. Normally I'd be cool with it and totally down for everything but I really just want to spend spare time doing anything we can to get ready for the baby

so PROPS for you for saying something because I myself have yet to.

alysemci · April 2016

It wouldn't have bothered me before kids (first 5 years of our marriage and I was 19-24) but now that I'm 26 with babies it would.

DeePaddy24 · April 2016

Image: https://media3.giphy.com/media/Ga6P43loQ0kE/200.gif

I would have reacted the same way! Definitely not irrational!

crdo · April 2016

Not irrational at all--totally appropriate response. That nonsense would not fly with me either. Pretty sure you're not running a frat house. GTFO!

purplefan1 · April 2016

I hope you woke him up at 6am with a "honey do" list

TheHauntedHauswife · April 2016

Definitely appropriate response. I usually try to be as understanding as possible when DH wants to go out late and I don't or cant. Also if we ever have friends over me heading up to bed earlier than he does or wants to. But i pretty much limit it to him waking me up once, and the second time i'm woken up they need to leave. That being said, if he came home with absolutely anyone i would flip, because i have a very very hard time sleeping alone and it would feel insanely intrusive to me to finally have my husband (security blanket) come home and then have someone else in my house. Also while we have 3 bathrooms, we really only have one main one that said person would really be accessing and i would involve them walking up the stairs which would surely wake me up yet again. So no, this is a big fat no. This wouldn't be okay in our house without a baby, it definitely wouldnt be when the baby arrives!

bb2019730 · April 2016

Thank you ladies! He's still sleeping (it's 8:30am). But I think ill start vacuuming? Feels like the perfect time! All jokes aside, once he wakes up I'll have a talk with him. I know he meant well. He's always the nice guy and his friends always seem to push their way in. Not cool. I'm definitely setting some ground rules with strangers in the house. I felt so weird in my own home last night. Definitely not happening again. He's lucky I didn't go out there and cause a bigger scene. Ugh...Men!

nightwitch · April 2016

bstephens1515 said:

I don't think your feelings are wrong here at all. I would have acted the same then felt kinda bad later (mainly because I just do that slot right now haha get upset then feel emotional and bad). But I get where you're coming from 100%. Not cool, my husband keeps planning all these beer trips every spare day we have off together so I find myself sitting in a car for hours just to drive to pick up some different rare beer from somewhere so he can build a stock pile before baby comes and to trade with other guys. Normally I'd be cool with it and totally down for everything but I really just want to spend spare time doing anything we can to get ready for the baby so PROPS for you for saying something because I myself have yet to.

Married to a beer nerd, I can relate! We've already had a few talks about how our kid free lifestyle is going to change one he's here. We were accustomed to sharing craft beer until 4am with our 20-something friends (we're in our 40s) and we had a convo recently about how those hang outs are going to have to be shortened / reduced. He says to me, "Oh no problem, you can just go to bed while I stay up with our guests."

And he was serious. Ha ha buddy, I'm not getting stuck with child rearing duties with a hangover while you are passed out drunk still because you stayed up partying with people who are young enough to be our adult children until 5am.

bb2019730 · April 2016

Exactly! Some men just don't seem to get it! Ugh.

lm45678 · April 2016

alysemciver said:

It wouldn't have bothered me before kids (first 5 years of our marriage and I was 19-24) but now that I'm 26 with babies it would.

Same- when we were younger, dating and living in the city, NBD. Now that we are married- if you woke me and the dogs up and brought a random girl to my house? Aw hell no.

bb2019730 · April 2016

Yep! Woke up the dog too. Our 3 month old puppy. So annoyed. I have him outside right now picking up all the dog sh*t. Haha. Next up is cleaning the entire kitchen, then laundry room. Ah revenge.

alysemci · April 2016

mani2016 said:

Yep! Woke up the dog too. Our 3 month old puppy. So annoyed. I have him outside right now picking up all the dog sh*t. Haha. Next up is cleaning the entire kitchen, then laundry room. Ah revenge.

That would have driven me the most insane, we have 3 big, loud dogs and if they started going off in the middle of the night, especially if they woke my toddler I would have lost it. Do your thing boo but if you bring it in to my house and cause chaos be prepared for the consequences

zanaerob1 · April 2016

Not irrational at all. I would completely lose my sh@$t if my husband brought people home and then left them partying in our living room while he went to bed. I even get annoyed at my husband bringing a friend home after a big night out like that, cause if hubby's been drinking he has to sleep in the spare room because of INTENSE snoring, which only leaves the couch for said guest.

Which is fine except then in the morning I'm awake at 7am and can't go downstairs for hours because there's a sleeping hungover man on our couch in our small living space. Which ruins my weekend morning relaxing with my coffee and watching crappy TV.

Not ok. If you want to go out and get hammered until 2am that's fine. But don't bring it back to our house when I've opted to have a quiet night and early morning. That's what Uber is for.

BakerBird525 · April 2016

Agree with PP, you are definitely not being irrational! This sounds like something my husband would do - being the nice guy. He would not think it was an issue - which is the problem! I'm hoping he would know this would really not fly once the baby is here. Sometimes, men just don't think! I would be pissed if my husband brought home people I didn't know - with or without a baby. Hope your talk with him went well.

bb2019730 · April 2016

Talk with him went well after he sobered up. He totally understood and felt really bad. He said it won't happen again. Damn right, it won't happen again!

heathersaysso · April 2016

Yea, no. My husband is a musician so we've always had a couch open for people to crash on, but that went out the window when a rando stole my engagement ring a couple of years ago. No, we never got it back. Since then he will occasionally call HOURS ahead to ask if someone can stay, if he ever brought strangers into my house in the middle of the night he'd get to spend the next day enduring the Wrath of the Irish. It's like the Luck of the Irish but angrier and more vindictive. You did the right thing and by this stage in your marriage and pregnancy he should know better.

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