Mama gone MAD... Rant

kinnonam · March 2016

So as a first time mom I knew I would be in for a slew of criticism. It pains me that the majority has come from family members. I love the "oh your feeding him again?" or "you have that wrap thing, you know he's never going to want you to put him down." Driving me INSANE! Please don't tell me how much to feed my baby, how often to feed him, don't tell me when and how often to pick him up or put him down. WHEW!

ashton2190 · March 2016

This is what I'm afraid of when I move back to the Midwest near family. It's been kind of nice having it just be me and DH so we can figure it out together without people interjecting when we still don't really know what we're doing

shupertj09 · March 2016

You can't hold your baby too much IMO. As a STM with a four year old independent little girl, the time they want to be held is so limited...soak it in now.

I don't know how I would survive without wearing my son (it's the easiest way to meet both my kid's needs) and your baby would be spitting up or gaining insane amounts of weight if you were over feeding. The ONLY person I would listen to about the feeding thing is you pediatrician.

I try to be gracious and patient with advice but I have zero tolerance for criticism. For me it's all about delivery and whether or not it feels like it's coming from a place of helpfulness and love or if it's something else.

If you shut the negativity done one time and they realize it's not appreciated, it will stop. Good luck

BabySeaTurtles · March 2016

In my experience, the criticism never stops no matter what the age of our LOs. DS has had a major problem with listening to directions the first time he's told (he's 3.5) so DH and I have been on him for it. We went to my parent's house for Easter and he was told not to touch the water in the pool by my dad and he did it anyway. I didn't witness this but my dad told me about it when they came inside to explain why the sleeves of his nice shirt were wet. I scolded DS and reminded him to put on his listening ears. That was it! My mom piped in with "I'm sure glad I didn't grow up with all that strictness." I just ignored her but it made me pretty mad.

willkc · March 2016

For some reason having a child makes everyone think they are experts...I'm always willing to listen to and take advice, but it's so hard when people are pushing opinions on you. I've just learned to take all of the advice with a grain of salt, and then do what I want to do. Maybe I will totally ruin my child and they will all be right, but I have to figure that out on my own.

mrscammack · April 2016

My MIL is notorious for this. She barely sees the baby so it really irks me when she comes over and spends 1 hour with my daughter and says things like "oh she's so fussy all the time, why aren't you doing *insert advice here*". Meanwhile DD actually has a really great temperament but because she happened to arrive during a fussy period she assumes she's always upset. I just ignore her for the most part but I guess unsolicited (and often bad) advice is just part of being a new parent.

=caenis= · April 2016

Luckily there are no super pushy friends or relatives to push us over the edge. Some of their opinions differ from ours, but whatever. Everybody's gotta do things the way that will keep them sane, and it certainly isn't the same for all of us. If I had someone harping on at me, I'd lash out!

mommaz1 · April 2016

@mrscammack - my MIL is the exact same. She was here for a few days and my son did not enjoy her in the least and cried or fussed every time she held him. She kept saying"oh he's so hard, I don't know how you can deal with this, etc." I didn't give her the light of day with that and just said, "yeah he never cries for us" and took him away to eat. She also PUSHED me out of the way when I was going to get him to feed him and yelled "no, you sit and eat, he can wait and I'll hold him" #throatpunch

FriendlySoutherner · April 2016

This! I'm so glad its just DH and I. I feed my baby on demand, we pick him up and hold him when we want too and I wear him whenever I want too, especially when away from home. All of those "Advisers" who disagree, can kick rocks down the street!

kinnonam · April 2016

thanks ladies I knew I wouldn't be alone lol

smn14 · April 2016

I've had FIL making snarky comments all afternoon about how 'LO will spend her life eating with her head under blanket'...eh, I don't really want to flash my boob at you all day and feel happier covered up thanks! My body, my decision thanks!

Miss Lilac · April 2016

mommaz1 said:

@mrscammack - my MIL is the exact same. She was here for a few days and my son did not enjoy her in the least and cried or fussed every time she held him. She kept saying"oh he's so hard, I don't know how you can deal with this, etc." I didn't give her the light of day with that and just said, "yeah he never cries for us" and took him away to eat. She also PUSHED me out of the way when I was going to get him to feed him and yelled "no, you sit and eat, he can wait and I'll hold him" #throatpunch

This was my MIL too! LO did not enjoy her at all. I almost wish he had because she'd go to pick him up anyways and that would work him up and then it was just this vicious cycle of me calming him down. He also hates his swing. Which I told her. Very clearly. So I go to make myself lunch one day after I'd finally gotten him all settled down on his blanket (Thanks for coming to help out! *eyeroll*) and then she goes and puts him in the swing so she can "take a cute picture." You know what's not cute? A 3 week old screaming in a swing. That's my #throatpunch.

mrsc12414 · April 2016

Ugh yes ladies I so can relate !! My mother in law has six kids how the hell does she act like such an idiot with our baby! She's so anti me breast feeding.. It's so annoying anytime she's fussy or spits up or anything it's because "my milk is bad" wtf really lady! My Husband I guess made w comment dd was fussy the other night .. She's eight weeks and going through a growth spurt eating non stop yes she's fussy .. She's trying to convince me that o need to give her water to settle her belly .. Hm no thanks . And her response is always all six of my babies are fine blah blah blah I am so over her

kinnonam · April 2016

@mrsc12414 ohhhh breastfeeding is my MIL fav topic of conversation. She has 4 kids only breastfed the first one for 2 months to "get her figure back." So when ever I'm feeding she has all sorts of wonderful information. Once LO was being fussy at the boob her answer was for me to just give him formula because clearly he does not like it! #throatpunch lol

mrsc12414 · April 2016

@kinnonam that 100% sounds like my mil too lol they could be related so annoying . What happened to showing a new mom some support sheesh

robinj716 · April 2016

mrsc12414 said:

Ugh yes ladies I so can relate !! My mother in law has six kids how the hell does she act like such an idiot with our baby! She's so anti me breast feeding.. It's so annoying anytime she's fussy or spits up or anything it's because "my milk is bad" wtf really lady! My Husband I guess made w comment dd was fussy the other night .. She's eight weeks and going through a growth spurt eating non stop yes she's fussy .. She's trying to convince me that o need to give her water to settle her belly .. Hm no thanks . And her response is always all six of my babies are fine blah blah blah I am so over her

Ugh my MIL keeps insisting on water too and I keep telling her no, he can't have it yet. I seriously just want to say "Stop.asking.about.effing.water!"

mamacastro · April 2016

Part of the MIL club here. She hates that we use cloth diapers I think because she just doesn't want to be bothered if she changes our kids so there is constantly snarky remarks about it when we are at her house. The other day we were over there and DD was cluster feeding so I kept feeding on demand and my MIL made the comment that "my milk isn't adequate enough to fill her hunger so just give her formula already" ugh just shut up already

mrscammack · April 2016

@mrsc12414 omg what is it with MIL's and water? Every time DD gets hiccups, which is a lot, she wants to give her water and when she asks I always say no and explain to her she can't have water yet. She asks every single time though! Like how can she possibly be that forgetful (personally I think she's being passive aggressive but good luck convincing DH of that). DD also Hates when MIL is holding her she holds her in the most uncomfortable positions and bounces her around, it's painful to watch.

mwmiller4 · April 2016

@mamacastro um...cloth diapers are ADORABLE! We use disposables (because we're lazy) but they're so stinking cute! Since she's not the one doing the laundry, she shouldn't have an opinion! And don't get me started on the formula... I'm really sorry! That all sounds super frustrating!

My MIL also asked about water but she hasn't pushed it. When was this a thing and why did they used to do it?!

I have to say, my MIL has been pretty good about most things. She does consider swaddling a mild form of torture, but since DD sleeps at least 3+ hours (and usually 4-6 when swaddled) and goes back to sleep after middle of the night feedings, I think her opinion is changing. However, she makes jokes about putting DD in their literally 30+ year old car seat and that drives me nuts. It's so unsafe--I get that they survived childhood and so did we and the odds of being in a serious crash are low--but I feel like it's one of those "when you know better, do better" things and that should be the end of it. Plus, they live 5 hours away and the only way the baby can get to their house is in our car/car seat so there's no need for them to be even thinking about driving her anytime soon. I'm also getting comments about more grandkids already. DD is 7 weeks, we had a miscarriage directly before her, my dad died when I was 36 weeks pregnant and I nearly hemorrhaged after delivery because of placenta accreta (which is likely to happen again and need surgery). How about we just enjoy this sweet baby and give us at least a year to adjust to the fact that life is radically different than it was 3 months ago? Because I have no idea how those of you with toddlers and newborns are coping as I already feeling like I'm drowning at some point every day. Those of you on baby 2+ are my heroes and you're majorly under appreciated.

ashton2190 · April 2016

My fears have come true. We're visiting my in-laws on our way to check out houses and I'm so sick of the input. No, she's not cold. My baby runs warm and that's why she's in a romper. Seriously, no, she's not cold. I know it's 45 degrees outside but she's not outside. She's fine. DEAR GOD WOMAN IF YOU SAY HER FEET ARE COLD ONE MORE TIME I WILL CHOKE YOU WITH HER BABY SOCKS. no, she's not hungry again, she's overwhelmed by all of the new people in her face. No, she's not a fussy baby. The poor thing spent the night in her car seat on a 11 hour car ride and now she's got a bunch of people passing her around in an unfamiliar place. She's probably confused as hell, especially when you don't give her back to her mommy when she's upset.

mwmiller4 · April 2016

@ashton2190 I'm pretty sure that's the only thing baby socks are good for, so choke away!

I'm so sorry things are awful during your visit! It sucks--I hope you get her back soon because I'm sure she's stressed out! I know that babies this age act like sacks of potatoes that occasionally smile, but they are tiny humans and humans like things that are familiar and predictable (like their mommies--even when we get old). It's amazing how people treat babies like they are tiny dolls. I hope the rest of your visit goes better (or that it ends mercifully soon)!

blueberrymomma · April 2016

@ashton2190 my DD gets overwhelmed and upset when people get in her face as soon as she enters a house. It took my mil 2years to finally grasp the concept of letting DD come to her. I also get lectures about socks. I'm sorry my kids feet are super narrow and by the end of the day I just give up on putting them back on.

On EBF my mil is completely oblivious. She always asks "didn't you bring on bottle?" Umm...no. Then I'd have to pump and this is way easier. You'd think she'd learn since this is my second kid. On the other hand my FIL is super supportive of BFing

My mil rant today is I was "uninvited" to the family vacation to Nashville next month. According to her there's nothing for kids to do there and I wouldn't want to travel with two young kids. Mind you she has never spoken to me personally about this. She just said this to DH and his siblings like she and I had this conversation. My real thought is she wants to go drink at bars every night and not have to worry about the kids.
Now I probably wouldn't go because that's the first week of swim practice but I would of appreciated someone talking to me instead of assuming my opinion. Is that so wrong?
Also she keeps telling me I don't spend enough mommy time with DD now that DS is here. I believe she just wants DS to herself

mamacastro · April 2016

@baya5 yes the socks! DD's feet are so tiny we have not yet found any socks that will stay on so I do what I can and make the best of it but MIL is always saying "her feet are cold don't you have any socks for her?" Um yes and we already told you 3 times today the socks won't stay on

mrscammack · April 2016

mamacastro said:

@baya5 yes the socks! DD's feet are so tiny we have not yet found any socks that will stay on so I do what I can and make the best of it but MIL is always saying "her feet are cold don't you have any socks for her?" Um yes and we already told you 3 times today the socks won't stay on

I totally have the opposite problem baby's feet are so huge that her socks are constantly falling off from being too small and she barely fits into the feet of her sleepers anymore!

smn14 · April 2016

I used sock ons, they are awesome for keeping baby socks on

MaybeMab · April 2016

I hear that now as a second time mom.

I wear my son and if I could I would still wear my daughter BUT I sold my toddler Tula and I regret it.

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